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We only embrace relativism when objective truth is a threat to us. And there is no objective truth more threatening to us than the truth of the holiness of God.

R.C. Sproul

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Today was the saddest I’ve been in a long time.  Almost wanted to cry, but I couldn’t.  I love my parents, but they’re the only people in the world that can make me feel alone, empty, powerless, and this drained. 

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Kobe Bryant's premature death saddens me, not really because the world lost a basketball legend and sports idol, although that is true, but because it is a much needed reminder that someone who has everything, someone on top of the world, crowned king by some is a mere vessel that can be snuffed out any second. Kobe is currently amidst the GOAT discussion, but in actuality, there are many old school players who were far superior that came before his time. They have been gone a while and do not enter the discussion as often. Likewise, Kobe's name will be forgotten. The people mourning and talking about the fragility of life probably will not take this situation to realize the gospel, that only through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ can our names last forever and death cease to be a tragedy.

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Each new year brings us closer to Christ’s coming.  Onward.

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Amidst all the spicy news of big names leaving the faith, such as Josh Harris, author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Marty Sampson of Hillsong Church, it is a sobering reminder that not everyone experiences solid faith like I do.  People struggle with things that I know nothing about, and cases like this have me feeling a mix of sadness, expectedness, and nothingness. Especially with these two cases, I wasn’t surprised one bit, and it was almost as if I told you so.  This is what happens when you elevate something past its intended position and make an idol of it.  This is the result when you consistently live in an environment that teaches poor theology.  One of the most common things stated in Sampson’s tweet about genuinely losing his Christian faith is “No one talks about it”.  How remarkably untrue.  People talk about it all the time, everywhere.  You need only step outside and look for it.  But I don’t say this with contempt.  We are all inclined to walk away from God and reject him.  It is by his grace and his grace alone that I do not. I know God is present even when He does not feel close.  I know that God is good even though things seem to be going awry.  I know that God is powerful, even when I feel like everything is out of control and not going my way.  But these are real people who don’t see that and need the grace of God. I really hope that this is a temporary state in a grander picture.  I want them to realize the grace of God has been there all along.  But if not, their criticism and fate are well-deserved.  I resonate with John Cooper’s article (fuego btw, link included) on the topic.  He is on point about the way “Christians” treat their faith.  “I’m amazed that so many Christians want the benefits of the kingdom of God, but with the caveat that they themselves will be the King.”  “Just because you don’t get the answer you want doesn’t mean that we are unwilling to wrestle with it. We wrestle with scripture until we are transformed by the renewing of our minds.” But my criticism for current culture’s version of Christianity, which normally would be contempt, is how I feel about these cases.  I want to understand them more, connect with them more, hopefully show them the glorious and wonders of God that they’ve been blind to see.  They’re real people with real struggles that I kind of but don’t understand.  I want to know what’s going on and be a voice of simple truth, not brutal truth.  Maybe not “you suck”, but “come on, you can do better”.

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家

I seldom, if ever, miss anything.  But I would describe the similar feeling as knowing there is a void that was once filled. This was the case when I moved out two weeks ago.  For the remainder of that weekend, and the few days while cleaning up the apartment, I experienced post move-out depression.  It’s humorous because I never asked to be in Virginia.  It wasn’t on my radar of places to go after graduation.  But the doors were closed in the places I chose, and it was open here so I stepped through. Fast forward 4 years and now I’ve bought a house.  I am indescribably grateful for that, but the last two years in 4400 were filled with great memories that I will cherish.  Many of my years growing up, I felt lost without a home to the point that I didn’t actually call it my home.  If I was asked where I was going for holiday, I’d reply that I was going back to my house.  Home is a place, an idea that I’ve struggled my life to find.  I really think my last apartment was home.  While I’m slowly adjusting to my new home, a place that will likely claim that title for a long time, I realize this: this is not my home. C.S. Lewis is credited with saying “If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.”  In a similar sense, I’ve had a longing, a desire that wasn’t fully fulfilled, and a search that is somewhat ongoing because my satisfaction is only temporary.  4400 was what I called my home, but eventually, my desire to bring back the memories there will fade away.  Once this new place becomes what I call my home, I will treasure the memories I make here, but still look for more satisfaction.  But I will not find it.  And that is because 4400, 2818, 5000 Forbes, Livingston are not my home.  Heaven is my home.   I was made for a better place than this, one that will provide me ultimate satisfaction and will have me longer no more.  I am only here for the meantime and I will enjoy that and do good things here.  But make no mistake, the joy of 4400, of anywhere I go will not fill the void I felt when I moved out.  Not in the long run.  Only God can and one day, I can enjoy is presence and share his home forever.  

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"You're such an adult now."  "You're buying a house. You're in seminary.  You make well-over six figures.  You do ministry.  You have it all together."  These are the things I hear often - they are the things that [probably] most college-educated believers low-key crave to have at this stage in life.  By most measurements of the world, I am successful and by most outward measurements of the faith, I am too.  I can easily keep it this way, in fact, I can reasonably become even more successful.  I am, the guy who has it all together.  Or so it would seem.  What people don't see is that I have been privileged all my life and owe all of it to the hard work and sacrifice of others.  They don't see that in class, I barely complete my work up to par quality on time despite my GPA and that I'm wildly confused over my theology on so many things, even the denomination of my school*.  They don't know that for most jobs I've held, I've been vastly under-qualified, egregiously overpaid, and extraordinarily lucky.  They don't see me skip all the times I could/should have showed up to share the love of God through my volunteering.  They don't see that half the days, I skip my quiet time with the Lord and I can't focus my mind on prayer for more than 3 minutes at a time.  They don't know that I still fall painfully into my old sins, such as lust and laziness.  They don't see the loudspeakers around my head blaring conflicting messages from a world of flesh, money, and luxury and a world of faith, obedience, and humble servitude, and that the choice of which ones to listen to is surprisingly (or maybe not so much) hard to make and that the noise is borderline crippling.   One of my favorite classic books is The Great Gatsby, because the idea of “smoke and mirrors”, the allure and fleeting nature of success are all documented vividly in the story.  I used to think I was above all that, that I'd be a bastion of asceticism, resistant to the world, a humble, quiet servant, the antithesis of the mold of the modern man, and a shining representation of what purposeful life looked like.  But that has been whittling away and each day grows a bit heavier in fighting that battle.  But I truly want to be a faithful follower of God's will.  Honestly, that could indeed entail having a high paying job, experiencing what God has created on earth, owning a large house if it means spending them to the point it hurts.  Or it could easily be me justifying my selfishness.  Maybe I am idolizing the life and work of a servant of Christ, rather than following Christ himself.  I would love to recognize what God wants me to do.  But I know that is the wrong question.  Faith and obedience trump discernment, but for now, I feel like I'm wandering through the dark, getting somewhere, making progress, but not sure where or if it's even the right place. There are too many unknowns in the immediate future: where and what the house will be, which church will be my next one, how will my theology will be shaped by continued study, reading, and observing the current cultural climate, how much I enjoy my new job, if I can perform or if I realize I don't want to go the "easy" government route, what my ministries and hobbies will be going forward, and much more.  As of now, I am weary and broken, and perhaps that's exactly what I need to restore  closeness with God.  But know that "having it all together" isn't everything.  Conversely, it means very little.  You can have everything, but really have nothing, apart from God.  I am bearing my cross (I hope), running my race, and slowly learning what exactly that cliche adage means.  

Peace be still Say the word and I will Set my feet upon the sea Till I'm dancing in the deep Peace be still You are here so it is well Even when my eyes can't see I will trust the voice that speaks

*Seriously, I might be a Reformed Baptist. I don't agree with several core parts of Presbyterianism.

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Why is Jesus saying "I AM" so important? Because you're not!

Paul Washer

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We rob men of a greater vision of God because we do not give them a lower vision of themselves.

Paul Washer

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I realized that I was immortal till my Master’s work with me was done.

John Paton

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Sometimes I pay more attention to what's right in front of me instead of who God is.

Francis Kim

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Corner of Fairfax & Glebe

Gave Marlo a pair of socks today.  Just a note, socks and underwear are a great gift for the homeless, especially in the winter.  Pads for women.

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dat Hillsong worship haircut doe...

yuck

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When we say that some of the Christian emperors are blest, we do not mean they are happy because they reigned many years; or because, when they died in peace, their sons reigned in their steads; or because they conquered the enemies of the republic; or because they were warned in time to put down the rebellions of seditious citizens. Such rewards and consolations in this troubled life have been rightly bestowed even on those who have worshiped pagan gods and who did not belong, like Christians, to the Kingdom of God. The reason for this is God's mercy.  He does not want those who believe in Him to look upon such favors as God's highest gifts.

Augustine (City of God, Book V Ch. 24)

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When all the boasting is over, what is any man but another man?  And, even though a crooked world came to admit that men should be honored only according to merit, even human honor would be of no great value. It is smoke that weighs nothing. Yet, in this matter, too, let us turn to our profit the goodness of God, our Lord.  Let us reflect what good things they despised, what suffering they sustained, what passions they subdued for human glory - the sole reward such marvelous virtues merited.  Let it help us to suppress our pride when we think of the difference between their city and ours and to reflect how little we can claim to have done if, to gain our City, we do a little good or endure certain ills, when they have done and suffered so much for the sake of the earthly city which is already theirs. Our city is as different  from theirs as heaven from earth, as everlasting life from passing pleasure, as solid glory from empty praise, as the company of angels from the companionship of mortals, as the Light of Him who made the sun and moon is brighter than the light of the sun and moon.

Augustine (City of God, Book V Ch. 17)

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How perverse have the minds of supposed believers become? How deeply ingrained in the hearts and minds of those who profess to affirm scripture and go by the teachings recorded therein is Satan with his deceptive ways.  How long O Lord will you wait before coming back and restoring that which is true, unperverted by emotivism and antinomianism?

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Mosque visit

July 20, 2018

The American Fazl Mosque is the nation’s capital’s oldest mosque, run by the Ahmadiyya community. Service started with a prompt 1:00 call to prayer, in which the participating members were alternating between standing, kneeling, and prostrate poses on slightly angled mats (towards The Kaaba) while one man began reciting the Quran over a microphone. The mood was quiet and serious, but the passion of some prayers was apparent, especially in the prostrate moments. The men and women were kept separate, with women upstairs in their current location, though downstairs in other Ahmadi mosque locations. Having come directly from their work offices, many of the men were dressed in business casual supplemented by prayer caps, while others wore more traditional apparel. The prayers, I’m told, are personal in nature, consisting primarily of adoration and supplication to Allah. This lasted for roughly 15 minutes until the imam came up and gave welcome greetings. He gave several announcements, many of which were recapitulations of a major conference held by the Ahmadiyya community a week prior. The imam quoted the current Khalifa (of the Ahmadiyya Muslim Community) and reminded everyone to continuing practicing and stay faithful to the true Islam. He gave a brief sermon on general principles to live by and practice, and used an illustration of a man who dreamed of a snake to remind him not to hold back his wholehearted giving to Allah. The service concluded with more prayer, but rather than quiet personal prayer, it was more communal and consisted of several “call and responses”. The responses were set phrases that the practitioners already knew. A few men elected to stay behind and engage in more personal prayer. The whole service took roughly an hour.

The service was, in many ways, very similar to a Christian Sunday service in a Presbyterian church. Aside from the obvious differences of language, culture, and content of sermon, the key differences seem to be the lack of explicit musical service (replaced somewhat by the melodic nature of Quran recitation), length of sermon and service (due to Muslim public acts of worship occurring throughout the day and week, rather than being centralized primarily on one day), and absence of heavy theology and communion. The community was incredibly warm and welcoming, and after talking with some members, I found out some of their priorities include community engagement and debunking myths on Islam. They have a lot of social initiatives such as blood drives and activities for youth. It should be noted that the Ahmadiyya Muslim Community is more liberal and progressive leaning on the spectrum of Islam, especially compared to what is considered traditional Islam. More fundamental leaning Muslims often regard them as kafirs, infidels. Going in to the Fazl Mosque, I had no strong pre-conceived notions about what jummah would be like. One of the members is a good former work friend, whom I’ve spent hours talking about Christianity and Islam with before. Knowing some of the beliefs and practices beforehand helped facilitate the ease of experience. Perhaps the only surprise incurred was how “normal” the experience seemed; one would expect to feel very foreign in such a different context than they are used to. I can attribute this “familiarity” to having been given knowledge of what to expect as well as the Ahmadi being more integrated into Western culture than what traditional Islam would be. Though there is not quite such a thing as an “average Muslim”, what I appreciated the most from the experience is seeing the devotion of the average Muslim. Seeing the earnestness would help combat much of society’s pre- conceived notions on Islam. There are even aspects of Muslim worship that could be learned from. The purity of the original Arabic which Muslims hold so highly is commendable, evidenced by their use of it ranging from simple quotes during the service to recitation in almost a musical manner. It would be consistent that if Muslims believe that the words of Allah are beautiful, they would use it frequently and present it in a way that was pure and beautiful to them. I believe that Christian worship could benefit to include more use of the original languages, Hebrew, Greek, or Aramaic. Given my time at jummah, I believe there is room for mutual learning, growth, and co-community engagement between the Muslim and Christian communities and am optimistic about future opportunities to attend their events or collaborate with them. From this experience, I hope that Christians and Muslims can find common ground to stand on and serve together.