btwconnor-blog

[btwconnor-blog]

"pizza hut sounds great. just so long as you don’t judge me for how much i eat, pizza makes me go wild.”

“okay so we’ve got a slight problem — turns out i forgot to book the table and they’re all fully booked. i know you really wanted to eat here but what about pizza hut instead?” 

[btwconnor-blog]

“My dad once told my ex boyfriend that if he ever touched me, he would cut his hands off with a chainsaw.”

“Today my dad gave me a shirt of him saying ‘remember, this is my dad.’. If he thinks I’m gonna wear it, he’s insane.” 

[btwconnor-blog]

“Here, c’mon, shotgun.”

“This is m’fucking theme song!”

[btwconnor-blog]

“I'm not going to college. Fancy pizza?”

“Everyone’s getting into their favourite colleges and here I’m thinking ‘what the fuck am I going to eat tonight’.”

[btwconnor-blog]

“Own it, bitch!”

“–Bitch better have my money! Pay me what you owe me!”

[btwconnor-blog]

Nice moves, princess.

♪ It’s not even my birthday But he want to lick the icing off I know you want it in the worst way Can’t wait to blow my candles out ♪

[btwconnor-blog]

Text | con

Jas: i just laughed

Jas: and holy fuck it hurt

Connor: im sorry that im so funny

Connor: it's a curse, really

[btwconnor-blog]

Text | con

Jas: holy shit

Jas: I think I may love you

Connor: I love you too

Connor: in the totally platonic way because I'm not into vaginas

[btwconnor-blog]

Text | con

Jas: please?

Jas: I haven't had any food in a while:(

Connor: I'll bring you an extra large stuffed crust pizza

Connor: with doughballs and french fries on the side

[btwconnor-blog]

“I think there is a lesson to be learnt here. Sometimes it’s better to risk getting arrested.”

“Y’know what, it was a good idea at the time. Looking back on it, I was hella drunk and probably should not have done that.”

[btwconnor-blog]

“...I’m not sure if I should laugh or feel sympathetic because you wandered around like an idiot in the middle of the night. Actually, I’mma laugh.”

“Last night, some asshole at this party decided to yell ‘COPS ARE OUTSIDE!’. Well, me, not knowing it was a prank, decided that I should walk outside and walk around because, hey, I’m not going to be caught by the cops. Not tonight. So, I start walking around and thinking of a way to explain why I’ve been waling around at midnight in a town I have no clue where anything is at. So I find my friend’s truck and I tell myself, ‘JT. Remember this truck. If you see this truck, you’ve found your way back.’ So I walk around mumbling to myself, so that the cops think I’m insane, right? Well I wander back to the truck and everyone’s like ‘JT, you asshole, we thought we lost you.’ Well, maybe if someone didn’t decide to prank us all I wouldn’t have been lost. Jeez. And that’s the story of how I got lost but I wasn’t really lost.”

[btwconnor-blog]

Text | con

Jas: okay sooo I broke my collarbone

Jas: and i cant get out of bed without crying

Connor: then stay in bed

Connor: do you want me to bring you anything?

[btwconnor-blog]

Text | open

Jas: hey dude

Jas: sorry to bother you but i need help and im desperate

Connor: what can i help you with, princess?

[btwconnor-blog]

“No, my cousins. Wish he was though, he’s a big fat cutie.”

“Yours?”

[btwconnor-blog]

“I am. Fortunately, I only borrowed him for a couple of hours.”

“You are aware that stealing a baby is illegal, right?”

[btwconnor-blog]

“Okay, if you want me to listen to you you’re going to have to stop flashing your abs because it’s very distracting and we’re not at the point in our friendship where popping a boner is appropriate.”

“I mean, what the hell does he expect out of me? I’ve never gotten an A on an essay in his damn class. My gradebook is giant column of B+’s. I don’t think he even grades them, he just thinks, ‘oh, I bet this is good but he probably has some grammar errors’ but let me tell you, I spell check my papers three times and I swear to God—-”

[btwconnor-blog]

“You’re going to be so big when you’re grown up, James-- in the cool Iron Man way, not the fat way.”