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buckys3rdnip · 21 days ago

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im sobbing this was so beautiful oh my god ive been shOT-

mission partners [one-shot]

bucky barnes x avengers!reader

summary: you have no idea why bucky has a deep rooted hatred for you. you two are paired up for a mission, and you find yourself facing the demons of your past while having to deal with bucky's mood swings.

warnings: smut, 18+, mdni, no use of y/n, enemies to lovers kinda, misunderstandings (?), reader is lowk very depressed here, mentions of trauma, depictions of violence, mentions of sa (not in detail), kidnapping, mentions of torture, consume media at your own risk

word count: 14.9k

a/n: im ngl idk what this is i just woke up the other day and kept writing this. i hope this keeps you guys happy while i try to figure out how i want neighborly advice to progress </3 -- also there's a lot of story building in here bc i like giving reader a backstory whoops.

masterlist

The wind was knocked out of your lungs before you could register the pain radiating through your body. You groan, shifting over to your side to force yourself up.

“On your feet,” he grunts from above you.

If this were any other moment, any other scene, the sight of the man before you– hovering above you– would have your heart beating fast for a different reason. A man made of both metal and flesh, strong, rough around the edges. He’s calculating, hard, and smells faintly of cedarwood and gunpowder most of the time. On rare occasions, you catch the scent of fresh linen and cotton.

Right now though, your heart is thumping against your rib cage angrily. This is the fifth time he’s had you on your back within the hour, and he’s not pinning you down in the way that you would secretly hope for. Not that you would ever admit or voice your delusions to anyone else. Just your own little secret to fester in the back of your mind when you think no one’s watching.

You bite back the curse bubbling in your throat, and slam your fist into the mat. You find yourself upright once more, ignoring the sudden rush of blood going through your head— the dizziness.

“You keep falling for the same damn thing,” Bucky clicks his tongue, bringing his hands up, ready to strike again.

“Not my fault you come at me like you’re trying to kill me,” you say with a frown, barely having the time to duck your head as his fist comes at your head quickly. You can't help but feel the shock that rushes through your body in that moment— he would’ve knocked you out with that swing.

“Everyone on the field will be trying to kill you,” he reminds you with a shake of his head. You know he's right, and it pisses you off. “What’s the point of training if you’re not prepared for the real thing?”

You dodge once more, but his wingspan is too large. He grabs onto your hair– the low ponytail that you had it in– and you let out a yelp of pain as you grab at his wrist, trying to claw his hand away.

“Your hair is too long,” he says, frowning. “You either need to cut it or figure something else out otherwise shit like this is going to keep happening to you. It’s always fucking down. Doesn’t it bother you, getting in your way like this?”

You don’t answer him. You don’t want to answer him– you don’t believe that he deserves to know the truth. You grit your teeth, and shift on your feet— one swift movement to slam your heel into the side of his head.

It doesn’t connect. He easily deflects, grabbing your ankle, and throwing you down. This time, a groan of pain escapes your throat. Bucky lets out a sigh above your head, and doesn’t even look at you, but you can feel the energy radiating off of him without looking at his face. Disappointment.

“I’m calling it for today,” he says. You open your eyes, finding him already walking away, leaving you on the mat.

You stay there for a few moments, trying to catch your breath with your eyes shut. Slowly but surely, the rise and fall of your chest evens out, and the room is no longer spinning. You open your eyes to stare at the fluorescent gym lights overhead, glaring.

What the fuck was his problem?

You’d joined the team as a healer. You weren’t necessarily first on the field— you spent most of your time hanging back and waiting for everyone else to come back to the jet. If anything, he needed to be training with Steve to get better at making sure no one would be able to get to you.

You were decent with guns, knew your way around regular hand to hand combat, and stealth wasn’t that big of an issue for you. You had more than enough qualifications to land you in your current position, and the backstory to match. You were brought into the team after spending most of your life under the radar, but you should’ve known you couldn’t have hidden for too long.

You fit in well with the rest of the team. They didn’t ask questions about your origins, and you never shared.

Steve and Sam had originally been mentoring you before Bucky took you under his deranged wing. At first, it was all business. Eventually, both men would start talking to you more outside of the gym and the shooting ranges. Sam started including you on his jokes whenever he picked on Steve.

The girls opened up to you faster, Natasha and Wanda including you on girl nights almost immediately. They mentioned something abiout needing more women on the team, and being more than happy to welcome you with open arms.

Where Natasha went, Clint went, which meant the sharp shooter had also taken a liking to you and often gave you various snacks whenever he came back from whatever mission he returned from. He reminded you of a dad, if you were being honest.

You had spent some time with Bruce in the lab. At first, it started with him examining your blood to understand what about your biological structure made you be able to heal, but then it progressed into a kind of bond. You found that your healing had a calming side effect that managed to keep the big guy away during tough days.

Tony's banter made you misunderstand him at first. He opened up right away with strange nicknames like magic hands. He once called you doctor once. Natasha had to explain that it meant he had taken a liking to you- he only joked and poked fun at those he thought were worth his time.

Thor sung your praises all the way to Asgard. Apparently, healers were rare and very precious back on his planet. He stated they were often targeted first as they were seen as the biggest threat to any war. Every time you were on a mission with him, you found yourself feeling ten times safer than usual.

It was only Bucky. Bucky fucking hated you, and you had no idea why. You didn’t even necessarily hate the man. In fact, you held a great deal of respect for him. His fighting styles, his command that he held in a room… All of it was something that you held with awe. You would never tell him that though. With how often he puts you down, your pride would never allow you to compliment him. You were certain that he would only scoff at you and dismiss you without another thought.

If you were really being truthful, you harbored the 'smallest' of crushes on him. You enjoyed watching him from afar. When he shut the fuck up and stopped arguing with you, he was handsome. When he didn’t pick apart every single aspect of your skillset, you thought he was smart. Your eyes would follow him more often than you would like to admit. Your heart would jump when you found out that he had gotten hurt on a mission, and relax to find out it was nothing major.

Your feelings betrayed your mind– which made all of his comments hurt tenfold. You didn’t know if he had any respect for you as a member of the team. If he found out you were on a mission, he would argue it. Say he didn’t need you there, that you were a liability to deal with if things ever went sideways.

It’s what led to these private training moments. Steve was fed up with his best friend’s anger, and proposed these borderline workplace abuse sessions.

“If it bothers you so much, you train her then,” Steve had said. Your eyes damn near bulged out of your skull.

“Cap?” you said cautiously.

“Just indulge him,” he said with a sigh. “If it gets him to stop complaining, then it’s better for you, too.”

You quietly hoped there was some part of Bucky that did hold a bit of respect for you. That the reason he even bothered with these training sessions was for your own good. You’d watched him long enough to know that he wouldn’t do anything he thought wasn’t worth his time. Yet, here you were, nursing your own injuries that you couldn’t heal on your own— well, that wasn’t the truth. You could. But there was always a price that came with that.

“He did a number on you,” Natasha says with a grin, coming into view. You sigh, and watch as she sticks her hand out for you to take. You take her hand with a grunt, allowing her to yank you up to your feet. Every muscle in your body protests at the sudden movement.

“It’s like he’s trying to kill me before anyone else can,” you murmur, rolling your shoulders experimentally. Nothing is dislodged or broken, thankfully.

“I mean, he does have a point,” Natasha shrugs, patting your back. You two went over to the benches, and she handed you a bottle of ice cold water. “If our enemies find out that we have a healer on our team, they’re gonna start surpassing the rest of us to get to you.”

You can’t help the sigh that escapes your lips as you take the water. You stare at it, knowing she’s right– knowing that Bucky’s right. “Doesn’t mean that he gotta act like that,” you murmur stubbornly.

“Maybe he doesn’t have to come at you like you have years of training under your belt, but it comes from a good place.”

You give her a look, and she smiles in return. “A good place?” you repeat, your voice dry.

“You don’t see him dragging Tony’s ass in here to do hand to hand,” Natasha said, tilting her head with a raised eyebrow.

“Stark has a metal suit with rockets,” you respond. “There’s no reason for him to need to do hand to hand.”

“What if the tech fails? Then what? Can’t rely on gadgets all the time. Just like you can’t rely on us to be your shield all the time,” she hums. “He’s only looking out for you, even if he’s doing it in the wrong way.”

“You know so much about him, huh?” you ask, eyeing her strangely.

“I’m observant,” she corrects, shaking her head. “Which means I also see the way he looks for you in every single room when he thinks no one is watching.”

“Yeah, probably to take out his anger on me,” you grunt, ignoring what she’s trying to hint at.

“And,” Natasha continues, “I see the way you stare at him.”

“With hatred and anger? I know the feeling all too well.”

“More like you don’t know whether or not you want to kiss him or fuck him.” She’s grinning now, and you can feel a heat begin to crawl up your neck and face.

You hate assassins, you decide at that moment. You hate them and how easy they can read people. You hate Natasha, and you hate Bucky. You clear your throat, intent on distancing yourself from the situation at hand. However, you don’t correct her. You don’t deny her statement either.

“I’m off to shower. We have a meeting soon– something about another mission?” You stand, taking a deep gulp of the water before you grab your bag.

Natasha sighs, “It’s always another mission.”

“I’m not going on a mission with her.”

You drop your chin to your chest, closing your eyes tight. You can feel the headache coming on and pulsing from behind your eyes. Your body still aches from the training session this morning– and the training sessions that you’d had together every day for the past two and a half weeks. It has been hell on Earth, and Bucky still refuses. The constant rejection is starting to wear you down.

“Barnes, the mission calls for the two of you. I need you to watch her front, and she’ll watch your six,” Fury says, eyes narrowing at the super soldier. He’s fed up. Everyone in this room is fed up. “In the event that you are injured–”

“Unlikely,” Bucky cut him off, dismissing the thought like it could never happen to him. Which, truthfully– it rarely has. Out of everyone on the team, you’d only seen him severely injured a couple of times. Other times were the normal scrapes and bruises that were sustained in battle; but he never even came over to you for those like the rest of the team did.

“If you get injured,” Fury sighs, correcting himself just to placate him, “she will be there to help you.”

“I don’t need deadweight with me. It’ll only slow me down,” Bucky argues, crossing his arms over his chest.

Your jaw clenches at the words, and you suck in a deep breath. Deadweight? You’ve been on more than a handful of missions yourself at this point. You’ve gained the respect of the other Avengers and worked alongside them easily. Your solo missions may never be a straight battle, but you have other strengths.

“Gonna keep talking about me like I’m not even here?” you demand, finally lifting your head to look at him.

“Sorry, sweetheart,” he says, the nickname coming out of his lips almost mockingly. You could feel your blood begin to boil under your skin at the patronizing tone. The anger that you’d been feeling the past couple weeks is coming to the surface, bubbling and rolling over. You’re about to burst.

“What’s your fucking problem?” you start, standing up.

“Alright, that’s enough,” Steve cut in, slamming his hands on the table. Steve’s giving you a look, telling you with his eyes to back down. Reluctantly, you sit back in your seat. “Buck, she’s going on that mission with you. Bottom line– obviously you two are paired together because she needs to be there.”

Fury nodded slowly, clasping his hands behind his back. He cleared his throat, grabbing your attention once more.

“You’re going undercover.”

“Undercover,” you repeat, eyebrows furrowing.

“Yes, which is why you need to be his partner.” Fury says before he looks at Bucky, and sighs. “She’s familiar with the area and the situation– she’s been there before, and she has the information necessary in order to make this operation go smoothly. You two will be infiltrating a charity gala that's being used to front a human trafficking scheme for enhanced individuals, and she needs a dance partner.”

“Why the hell can’t it be Steve?” Bucky grunts, frowning deeply.

“Because Steve can’t dance, now can he?” Fury snaps. “I suggest you brush up on your forties’ charm, Barnes. You need to be one hell of a convincing partner if you want to fool the other guests."

The room goes silent. There's no room for fighting, not with the tone your boss just gave you. With the lack of argument, he nods.

"This meeting is over, no objections. I’ll have the mission details be sent to your rooms by the end of the day, and you two will report to leave in the morning. You are all dismissed.”

Chairs are scraped against the carpet as everyone shifts. You listen as footsteps start shuffling out of the room, but you stay planted in your seat. Dread is building up in your gut, and you might throw up if you move too fast. It’s overshadowing the ache in your muscles, the pain and anger you felt just moments ago.

Wanda stops beside you, eyebrows furrowed.

“Hey… you okay?” she whispered, a hand touching your shoulder.

No. You’re not okay. You know this gala. You know why you’re going there– and what’s waiting for you. The argument, the blow up you had with Bucky in front of everyone is no longer important to you right now. You have to suck it up, and go back into where it all began for you. You let out a shaky breath, then give Wanda your most convincing smile.

“I’m okay,” you tell her, standing. “Head just hurts from all the yelling.”

You force your feet to move, to walk. You have to pack.

You do your best to hide your anxiety on the jet as you sit opposite from Bucky. The aircraft is being operated by F.R.I.D.A.Y., and you were already informed that it would be back at the rendezvous point to pick you two up in one week's time. If you missed the loading time, you two would be shit outta luck and need to get back to base on your own, or at least contact back to let everyone know that you needed more time for the operation.

“Romanoff said you often did espionage. Why do you look so nervous?” Bucky questions, making you look up. You blink at him, pausing. He doesn’t look indifferent. In fact, he looks curious.

“Why do you care?” you ask before you can stop yourself. You watch as his face immediately turns sour at your response, and he looks away. Uncharacteristically, there’s no response. He doesn’t say anything to piss you off. Instead, there’s only silence. You wonder if Steve made him promise to be nice to you during this trip.

This would be the first mission you go on with Bucky by yourself. Usually, there would be another person here with you to act as a buffer– to shield you from him. He usually stayed in his own head during missions, but if interaction was necessary, he would avoid talking to you. You laced your fingers together and squeezed your hands tight. This would be a long week.

You’re dropped off to the safehouse soon, and Bucky mutters something about checking the perimeter while you check the indoors. Firearm in hand, you go inside to inspect. Just as the report said, it’s a fully furnished home.

It’s an unsuspecting cabin in the outskirts of a suburban town, and you two would need to drive into the city to get into the gala. It’s small, with just a living room, one bedroom, a bathroom, and a kitchen. Just the bare necessities. Everything else you two could possibly need is yourselves.

After deeming the inside secure, you check the amenities. Running water, working electricity. Someone back at the base must have updated the safehouse recently– a lot of the furniture was new. Either that, or this place was recently built and only made to look old and rundown from the outside. You find even the pantry and fridge has enough food for the week.

“Tomorrow night is the gala’s first night,” you say as you hear Bucky enter through the door, closing the door of the fridge. “Our outfits should already be in the closet.”

“Perimeter secure,” he reports, ignoring your own comments.

“I assumed, otherwise I would’ve heard fighting out there.” You cross your arms over your chest, staring at him with raised eyebrows. Bucky lets out a deep sigh of annoyance in response.

“You take the bed.”

“We can switch off every night,” you propose. Now, he looks surprised. “We’re here for a week, and that couch looks small. I’m sure you won’t complain, but I don’t necessarily think dancing will be easy if you’re stiff from poor sleep for a week.”

Bucky lets out a breath, then nods once. “Fine.”

You turn towards the hall, ready to turn in for the night, when you stop. “Barnes.”

“What?” he asks, slight annoyance coming through.

“I know you hate me, but I really need you to hide it when we’re in front of everyone tomorrow,” you say, looking over his shoulder. He pauses, and you continue, “I can’t do my job and let you do your job if you mess me up. Just follow my lead.”

His lack of response is the only answer you get from him, pushing you into the soft mattress in the bedroom.

Bucky tosses the keys to the luxury vehicle to the valet driver as another staff member opens your door, and offers you a hand. You smile graciously– practiced, perfect. This is second nature. Nothing that you learned during your time with the Avengers. This was already instilled in your bones way before you were ever recruited.

When Bucky rounds the car and comes to your side, you slip your arm through his, and feel as his body tenses slightly. You smile and lean closer into him as you two walk up the stairs.

“Act like you tolerate me or we’re both going to get gunned down before we even pass the doors,” you whisper into his ear, still smiling.

“There are no guns aimed at us,” he whispers back. You resist the urge to roll your eyes. Did he even read the mission report? There were enhanced individuals all around, all being forced to work for the handler– and you had no idea who the enhanced were.

“Not yet,” you remind him, and he takes a deep breath, but ultimately relaxes beside you. He even rests his opposite hand on yours, leading you through the threshold and into the lion's den.

The gala is exactly as you remember it.

The dazzling chandeliers that hang overhead, lighting up the ballroom to ensure no one could hide in the shadows. The bustle of servants and staff members whose eyes are constantly watching you to ensure that every movement gets reported to upper management. The live band, playing at a volume just loud enough to ensure the screams from the tortured below are not heard by unsuspecting guests that have no idea that this is not a charity ball at all. The whispers and gossip of the elite members of the gala, all those who know why they are really here and are buzzing with excitement for the auction to begin on the last day of the party.

All of it makes you want to throw up just the same.

You two find a space on the side of the floor– not too out of the way that makes you both look suspicious, but not directly in the middle of all the action. Today is about scouting. Finding information. If you two could get an invitation to the auction, then you could forgo the next three nights of the gala, and only show up for the last night.

You’re sipping slowly on a flute of champagne as you let your eyes wash over the crowd.

“The servants are most likely enhanced,” Bucky whispers, leaning down from behind you. The action startles you briefly– the proximity. It makes your heart beat just a tiny bit faster, and you’re glad he’s behind you and unable to see your face. His chest is touching your back, his lips so close to you that you can feel his breath fanning against your neck as he whispers. “Their movements are too sharp, too calculated. They’re looking around as if they’re waiting for something.”

“They’re not,” you whisper back, getting a hold of yourself. You lean into him a little more as you notice someone glance over at the two of you. Bucky stiffens for just a second before relaxing, a hand coming to rest on your hip. He was adapting quickly to the part you two were supposed to be playing.

“What makes you say that?” he murmurs.

“The enhanced would be branded. Numbers on the back of their necks. Like merchandise to scan and check out when they’re bought.” It’s hard to conceal the bitterness that comes through your voice.

“How do you know that?” he asks, the hand on your hip squeezing you a bit tighter.

You freeze in place. You swallow down the remainder of the champagne and turn in his arms to smile at him. “Didn’t you read the report?” you ask, tilting your head. You watch as his eyebrows furrow, and his lips part to respond, but he never gets the chance.

The host comes out– he comes out– and calls for everyone’s attention at the front of the room. Everyone turns to look, the music quieting down but never stopping. Just played above a hush. He has no microphone, there are no speakers, but somehow his voice is amplified and can be heard by everyone in the ballroom.

“Thank you for coming tonight. I am your host, William Talbot,” the host grins, holding his arms out wide. Applause erupts from everywhere, you and Bucky joining in. “I am delighted to have you all here this week. All your donations are being put to a good cause; research towards children and young adults' infectious diseases and developmental studies. I beseech you to enjoy yourselves this week as we continue to celebrate each and every single one of you. We would not be able to save as many lives as we do at our lab if not for each of the guests in this room!”

Cheers and whistles join in on the applause as Talbot takes a deep bow, crossing one hand over his chest as he does. After he rises, he turns, disappearing back into the hallway that he came out from, the music one again increasing in volume. People start mingling around the two of you, and there are some that begin to float onto the dance floor with their partners.

“Piece of shit,” Bucky mutters, making you snort. “That’s our guy, isn’t it?”

You nod, and take a deep breath. “I didn’t expect to see him on the first night, though. We need him or his assistants– someone to get an invitation from.”

The plan had already been set– the two of you had finalized it in the car. After spending some time together in the beginning of the night to establish that you were a couple, you would end up breaking off naturally to find other people to mingle with to feel out the crowd. Find out who was close to Talbot, see who had the connection to get you into the auction.

Worst case scenario, the two of you would attend all nights of the gala trying to get the invitation and have to do this same song and dance. If, on the off chance, you didn’t get an invitation, you two would stake out the place and find the auction. It would be a lot messier, but it needed to happen.

So, you started. Bucky disappeared into the crowd and you hung out on the outskirts of the dance floor. You knew you looked lonely, nursing another flute of champagne with no one to talk to– it would give someone the perfect opportunity to approach you. These people always wanted to bite the bait, and it was only a matter of time until someone did.

“All alone tonight?” a voice came from your side. You turned, and paused. You knew this man– and you knew he had no idea who you were.

“My partner saw someone familiar and ended up heading off,” you say with a smile, “I’m just waiting.”

He let out a small scoff, shaking his head. Then, he offered you a hand. “Benjamin Talbot. You dance?”

“Talbot? That was your father up there?” you ask, placing your drink down on the table behind you. You take his hand, your smile widening despite the bile burning in your stomach.

“My old man is a little embarrassing at times. I try not to be associated, but unfortunately I am his flesh and blood,” he answers with a grin. Benjamin leads you to the floor, then stands directly in front of you. His hands fall to your waist as yours go to his shoulders. You feel that tingle under your skin– the power threatening to take over, to do what it did to save you all those years ago.

You push it away.

“You must be proud,” you laugh, shaking your head as he starts to lead you in a dance. “Your family is doing very revolutionary things.”

“What can I say?” he hums, standing a bit taller now. Boastful– and you realize this is a good angle.

“Can I assume that you’ll be taking over once your father decides to rest?” you hum. “You must be studying under him, if not already his right hand man.”

“The time may be sooner than later,” he says, his grin only growing larger. “We have a lot of amazing things planned. You’ll be blown away once you see it all.”

“Really?” you ask, tilting your head. “Like what?”

His lips part briefly, and there’s a look in his eyes. You know you’ve got him.

“Have you been invited to the fifth night of the gala yet?” he asks.

“There’s a fifth night?” you ask, feigning innocence.

He grins at you, nodding. “We’ll show off our best merchandise there– it’s much less a gala night and more of a business night. If you’re interested, I can get you and your partner an invite.”

You brighten at the words, and nod excitedly. “I would love that! It’s always a pleasure to see what the Talbots have in store!”

“Wonderful,” he chuckles, nodding. The music comes to an end, and he lets go of you. You quickly let go of him as well, watching as he pulls out two business cards from his pockets. “Address is on the back– don’t lose this. This is your ticket.”

“Honestly, you’re amazing, Benjamin. Really,” you smile at him. He pauses, then pulls out a pen from his breast pocket, scribbling something on it. Then, he hands it to you, leaning close.

“My number,” he whispers into your ear as he presses the card into your hand. “In case you and your partner don’t work out.”

A shiver runs down your spine– one of disgust. You mask it quickly, turning to him with a smirk before giving him a wink. He chuckles darkly before walking off. You wait until he’s far enough away before you turn to look for Bucky. The second you move, there’s a grip on your arm that makes you jump.

“We’re leaving,” he grunts.

“What? Bucky–!” you exclaim, shocked.

He’s all but dragging you towards the exit, and you’re barely able to stop yourself from tripping over your heels and dress. Bucky doesn’t stop even when you get to the exit, his grip on you strong enough to bruise. The valet is quick, your car pulling up in record time– and you’re thrown into the damn car, the door slammed shut behind you.

“Barnes, what the fuck?!” you scream at him once he gets in.

He doesn’t answer, and hits the gas, the two of you taking off. Bucky keeps his eyes on the road, and you see his knuckles turning white on the steering wheel. You pause for a second. His jaw is clenched tight, there’s a vein popping in his neck.

“Bucky?” you ask slowly. “What happened? Who did you talk to?”

There’s no response again. He only takes a slow, controlled, deep inhale. You swallow before you settle in your seat, turning to face the road. Despite the anger he’s feeling, he’s not driving like a maniac. You’re not even sure why he’s angry right now.

Once you reach the cabin, you move to get your stuff out of the bedroom. It’s his turn to sleep on the bed tonight, after all. He must need it, after whatever he’s been through tonight. When you come out into the living room, Bucky’s just standing in the middle of it. His frame is taking up the space, and he’s staring at the wall like he wants to punch it down.

“What happened back there?” you try again, frowning. “I got us the invitations, so we don’t need to go back until auction night. We’re fine to lay low or scout out the area prior to the auction–”

“Show me the back of your neck,” Bucky cuts you off, turning to look at you. Your breath catches in your throat.

“What?” you whisper.

“Your neck. Show me the back of it,” he repeats, taking a few steps closer. You instinctively take a few steps back.

“Why the hell do you need to see my neck?” you ask, trying to will your voice to be even. It takes everything in you to not cover the area with your hand.

“I read the report. There was no information about numbers on the enhanced,” he said. You were backed into a wall. Nowhere to run. “Show me your neck.”

“What does this have to do with anything–”

“I need to know if you’re too damn close to this mission to think rationally. If you’re compromised, I’m sending you home,” he cut you off again. “Show me your fucking neck.”

Your mouth falls open. “Are you serious?” you whisper.

Bucky doesn’t respond. He continues to stare at you with those same steely eyes. You know he’s serious. His body is rigid, and he’s one second away from spinning you around and pinning you to the wall to move your hair out of the way to check your neck himself. You can only feel bitterness begin to build.

“You go on every single H.Y.D.R.A. related mission,” you say with a swallow, shaking your head. “How are you not too closely related to that?”

“That’s different,” he dismisses.

“No, it’s not.”

“Yes, it is.”

“How?!” you exclaim, placing your hands on his chest to push him back, reclaiming some space for yourself. To your surprise, he gives in. “It’s exactly the same!”

Once again, Bucky chooses to not answer you. Whether it’s because he doesn’t have a good enough reason to tell you why it’s different, or if it’s because he has decided that you’re not worthy of knowing why he does what he does– you don’t care. You just want to get away from him. The night has been tiring enough, and you barely were out and about.

You know he won’t let you go too far without confirming his suspicions.

With a shaking hand, you turn, pulling your hair to the side.

“Are you fucking happy? There’s nothing,” you spit, staring into the wall.

You can feel his eyes burning holes into the back of your neck– your skin. Even in the low light, you know that he’s searching for something that isn’t there. Numbers that were already gone, numbers that you removed yourself.

The touch of cold metal brushing against your skin makes your breath hitch and your body straighten. Goosebumps rise where his fingers touch, and you swallow thickly. The grip on your hair tightens. You’re trembling slightly.

“There’s a scar,” he whispers. There’s a thread of concern in his voice. “From what?”

You take a deep breath and tear yourself away from his touch. You push your hair back into place, covering your neck once more and turn to face him.

“I was sent here for a reason,” you say, trying to keep your voice even. “You have your orders, I have mine. Stay out of my way, soldier.”

You shove past him, going into the bathroom. The door slams behind you with a resounding thud.

The next couple days are filled with silence. Neither of you are talking to each other, much less speaking to one another. What he does during the day doesn’t concern you, but you assume he’s trailing your targets and checking out the auction site. Meanwhile, you’ve been running scans on the auction perimeter to see if everything is set up the same way it was before. If it was, then you know exactly where the ‘merchandise’ will be located.

Bucky needs to take in Talbot– that is his mission. Yours is to evacuate and get the enhanced out of there– as many as you can, safely, without having the kill switch in their necks get activated.

You can still feel the phantom ache in your own neck, from when you ripped out the small bomb before stealing the life out of your buyer to heal yourself before you bled out.

The location may be different, the country may have changed, but nothing has really been stopped. After you escaped all those years ago, they just went into hiding. You thought they’d put an end to the program after realizing that it was possible for their enhanced to rebel against their systems.

Bucky might be right, as much as you hate to admit it. You may be way too close to this operation. It’s personal. They took everything from you. The years of pain and suffering that you endured under their scalpels and bright lights and teams of scientists meant nothing– Benjamin Talbot didn’t even recognize you all these years later. How could he? You were no longer malnourished, covered in scars and bruises, and struggling to survive.

You let out a shaky breath, and buried your face in your hands. You were trembling. It was only two more days until the auction. The invitation cards were on the coffee table, staring at you with malice. You wanted to burn the place down.

A clink of ceramic covered the cards, making you pause. You looked up, seeing Bucky placing a bowl down in front of you while holding one for himself.

“Soup,” he says, nodding towards it. Your eyes narrow at the liquid.

“Did you poison it?”

“What good would it do for me for my partner to be dead, sweetheart?” he says with a sigh as he takes a seat on the opposite end of the couch. You watched as he ate from his bowl first, gulping down the contents of what looked like chicken noodle soup– then he stopped. He reached over to swap it with the bowl he had given you, and started eating from that one as well to prove that both bowls were safe.

“Thank you,” you mutter, beginning to eat as well.

“You haven’t eaten since yesterday. You need to keep your energy up for whatever’s going to happen in a couple days.”

“I know,” you say with a deep sigh. The soup is warm, flavorful. “Was this from one of the cans?”

“Hell no,” he scoffs, offended. “I had to go into the city and get this. Whatever they stock this place with is just for war rations in the middle of winter.”

“What, and you’re unable to stomach that?”

“I have learned to enjoy the better things in life, doll.” Bucky gives you a shrug that’s almost nonchalant.

“Thought you still struggled with all of that. Enjoying things.”

“I did,” he says slowly. His next words are softer, quiet. A hint of vulnerability attached to them. “I still do.”

The three words hang between the two of you in a heavy silence. It takes a few moments before the sound of a spoon hitting the edge of ceramic fills your ears again as you two attempt to eat more of the soup, pretending that his confession didn’t just break something inside of you.

“I don’t hate you,” he finally says, breaking the silence. It makes you pause.

“What?”

“You said it on the first night. And I can feel it in the way that you look at me. I… I don’t hate you,” he confesses.

“Are you sure?” you ask dryly, staring into the soup. There’s a slight layer of oil on top of the water. “You didn’t want me on this mission, and you already tried sending me back home on a single suspicion. Not to mention, you make it abundantly clear that you think I’m too damn weak for this job.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see him wince. Bucky lets out a deep sigh, and reaches to place his bowl on the coffee table to free his hands, and runs them through his hair before he speaks again.

“I look at you and I see me.”

“What are you talking about?” Your eyebrows furrow, and you look at him. He’s serious.

“You’re angry. Unsure. You have no idea where to put your energy to, and you’re just going through the motions of everything around you. You didn’t even join this team because you wanted to. You joined because you were tired of running from everyone and everything and this was the first opportunity that gave you a chance to go straight,” Bucky said, your jaw clenching in response.

“You don’t know a damn thing,” you whisper, hands tightening around your bowl.

You hate it. You hate him. You hate how he's able to read you so easily, and he's never even had a full conversation with you before. Were you this predictable? Was it this noticeable?

“I see you during every single mission we’re put on together,” he continues, sitting up straight. “You look like how I used to be. You don’t care if you die today, tomorrow, or the next day. You’re going through the motions–”

“Barnes. I suggest you stop talking.”

“This is the first mission that I have ever seen you be so worked up for,” he says, shaking his head. “When I went off into the gala, I slipped into one of the backrooms. I found files of the enhanced. I had enough time to go through some of them, and there were the successful cases at the very top. I read one of them- fully read one. About an A0-92.”

Your blood ran cold. You felt your heart stop in your chest. The world must’ve stopped spinning around you at this exact moment.

“There was a picture in the file… It was a kid,” he whispers, then swallows thickly before meeting your eyes. “You were a kid.”

You stood quickly, dropping the bowl of soup in your hands. The liquid was hot, burning at your skin, and the ceramic shattered on impact as it hit the ground. Your knee hit the coffee table, his own bowl of soup sloshing around with the jostle. You needed to get out here. Fresh air. The walls were closing in on you– your neck was hurting, throbbing. You could almost feel the white hot pain of the bomb beginning to detonate just moments before you took a knife to claw it out of your own body. You could feel the brand being burned into your skin again. A0-92.

You ran out of the cabin, and into the dark woods that surrounded it. Everywhere you went, it felt like you were trapped. The bite of the cold air reminded you of the cold cells, the steel tables you used to be strapped on as you were injected and cut open multiple times. The sounds of the wind sounded like the soft begs of the other children pleading you not to bleed their life away from them to heal your own wounds– but it was kill or be killed.

You ignored the pain in your feet, every scrape and stab of rock and branch that the woods gave you. None of it hurt compared to the ghosts that haunted your every waking moment. Everything that you tried to shoot down– everything that you tried to ignore and pretend that didn’t exist. Because he was right.

You were tired of running away. You wanted to go straight, do something that mattered to other people. If it meant that you were weak, by deciding to not go into the fray– by not hurting other people again, then so be it. You would heal others, offering them the endless life force that you had cultivated over your years of torture for the auction house. One day, in the distant future, it would run out. The supply you took from others would be depleted, and your task would be done. Your debt would be paid.

When your lungs couldn’t handle your sprint, and your legs gave up, you finally stopped. You didn’t notice the hot tears that were streaming down your face until you realized your vision was blurry. You leaned against a tree, covering your mouth with a hand as you slowly slid down to your knees, trying to suppress the sob.

A twig snapped from behind you– a clear indicator that he had been behind you the entire time. Bucky was letting you know he was there. You knew that he could have appeared without a single sound if he didn’t want you to know of his presence.

Slowly, you’re lifted off the ground. You don’t find the energy to fight back as he holds you against his chest, and begins the walk back towards the cabin. He doesn’t say a single word, and neither do you. The only noise between the two of you is the sound of his steady heartbeat under your ear as you listen, while trying to calm the raging storm inside of you.

Once inside, he brings you to the bedroom. The living room is still a mess from your outburst. He sits you down on the edge of the bed, disappears into the bathroom, and returns with a first aid kit in hand. He kneels down at your feet, making your heart stutter as he takes a foot in his hand.

“Wait– I can do that,” you whisper, reaching out to stop him.

“It’s my fault for approaching the situation like that.” Bucky shakes his head, gently pushing your hands away, and back onto your lap. “You wouldn’t have ran out and burnt yourself if I didn’t pry. Just sit still.”

You watch as he begins to quietly remove the debris off of your bare feet. His touch is careful, afraid of making the wounds worse. You don’t tell him that this is nothing compared to what you’ve felt before, and part of you wants to make a joke that he must know what that feels like. The look on his face makes you think twice.

He looks pained. Upset– not at you, but at himself.

“I don’t hate you,” he says again, then murmurs an apology when you flinch at the sting of the antiseptic.

“I’m starting to realize that,” you whisper back.

“I don’t… know how to comfort people,” he says slowly, clenching his jaw briefly before relaxing it. “I pulled you out of the gala after I saw the file– I took it back with me. It’s in my stuff. I didn’t want them to have anything on you.”

You bit the inside of your cheek. You could cry more, if you didn’t already dehydrate your entire body of tears. You only gave him a wordless nod.

“I was afraid someone there might recognize you,” he continues. “So I needed you out of there.”

“It’s been years. I’m not a kid anymore. I don’t look like that, you know,” you tell him, and he shakes his head.

“I recognized your photo at first glance,” he argues. “You were smaller, maybe a little starved, but you look exactly the same.”

“Natasha says you spend a lot of time staring at me. Probably why you could recognize me,” you say with a soft laugh. His hands still, just for a moment, before he continues– moving on to spread ointment on your feet.

“Romanoff said that, huh?” he grunts, shaking his head.

“Do you? Look at me a lot?”

“I do,” he answers, looking up to meet your eyes. You stare back. “Like I said– I don’t hate you.”

“You have a funny way of showing that you don’t hate me,” you whisper, eyebrows furrowing at him. At the insinuation.

He lets out a breath, and smiles slightly. “That’s my bad.”

You shake your head, and don’t fight the faint smile that comes onto your face as well. You continue to watch him as he moves carefully. It’s almost strange. Such a large man made of both flesh and metal, treating you as if you were the most delicate thing in the universe. His touch is barely a whisper against your skin, almost as if he is afraid pressure would make it all worse. Yet, he’s methodical. You suspect it has to do with his own experience from way before everything happened to him, when he was just a soldier fighting in a war for his country. Basic medical training for the field.

“The soup didn’t burn you too bad,” he murmurs as he finishes up wrapping your feet. “Your skin is a bit angry right now, but it’s just irritated. It’ll go away. Should use a wet cloth to soothe though.”

“I’ll do that,” you say with a nod.

Bucky’s no longer touching you, beginning to pack up the med kit and clean up the soiled materials that he used to fix you up. You find yourself missing the warmth that he previously had you wrapped in. Right now, he looks different from all the other times you have seen him. Is it the confession? The sudden heart to heart? You’re coming to realize the man in front of you isn’t so bad after all.

“I cut the numbers off of me,” you tell him. He pauses in his clean up, looking up at you once more. “There’s a small bomb in each enhanced’s neck. It’s what makes us unable to fight back. It’s why we’re stuck down there, in the auction, and why we get sold off. We rebel, our heads get blown off. Some of the kids down there decided that dying was better than being a slave.”

“Jesus, sweetheart,” he whispers, and your hands clenched into fists– just to give yourself a reminder that you’re real. To ground yourself back to reality. “You cut it out of yourself– of your neck?”

You let out a shaky breath, and swallowed. “Girls get sold for higher prices… and I wasn’t bought just for the enhancements. One day, my buyer messed up. Fell asleep in front of me, and had their weapons at the bedside table. I cut it out of my neck. With my last bits of remaining strength before I died, I took his life to heal myself. I was a kid. Couldn’t see or feel how deep the implant was. Then, free– I killed a lot of people fighting to get out of that mansion.”

Bucky stared at you, mouth agape. You blinked down at your hands, letting them relax. You examined the crescent shaped indents you left behind on the palms. You took one more breath before meeting his eyes, and forcing a smile on your face.

“I might be too close to this mission, but I need to see this auction burned to the ground,” you whisper.

“I’ll hand you the match, then,” he answers, placing a hand on top of yours. He gently squeezes. The comfort that rushes through your body is almost immediate.

The next two days are filled with planning. The kids are underground, and from the scans that Bucky was able to acquire, he counts there are about fifty kids. Less than what you thought, but it still makes your heart ache all the same. Only fifty made it to this point– there were countless others that were still in the lab, or died on those tables.

You would attend the auction, and have F.R.I.D.A.Y. scan each and every single guest to be sent back to base. When the time was right, each of them would be arrested and incarcerated. No one would be left without punishment here.

The children would be rescued by you and other agents on standby outside the perimeter, waiting for your instructions to go in. They wouldn’t move unless they got the green light. No one wants to risk the bombs going off.

“Would you tell anyone if I killed Talbot?” you asked him the night before the auction.

Since that night in the forest, the tension between the two of you had basically disappeared. Coupled with the fact that you two were speaking to each other, and eating every meal together– you were comfortable. It was scary how comfortable you got with him.

You’d be lying if you said these two days weren’t filled with a strange tension. You were acutely aware of him. You always were, but this was different. You saw the way his eyes watched you, the way they scanned over your body slowly when you walked out of the bathroom after a shower. When you would look at him, and catch him staring– he wouldn’t look away.

You noticed how his voice was softer now. More gentle. He wasn’t speaking down at you, but rather approaching you at a different angle. You’d be lying if you said that it wasn’t doing something to you. After him speaking to you in such an authoritative voice for so long, the quiet hush of his words brought a comfort to you that you didn’t know you would be able to feel with him. Then again– you were always at ease whenever you knew he was around.

There were multiple times in the last couple days where the two of you brushed against each other. Whether or not it was a mistake or on purpose, it left goosebumps on your skin wherever he touched.

Bucky took a long drink of his beer– one that you learned didn’t even do anything to him. He told you that he simply drank for the taste and nostalgia. The serum pumping through his veins made his metabolism burn through the alcohol.

“No,” he answered.

“You don’t think it makes me a bad person?” you press, tilting your head. Bucky snorts, shaking his head.

“If you’re a bad person, doll, then what am I?” he asks, rolling his eyes. You can only smile, then take your own drink of beer.

“Sweetheart. Doll. What else will you call me?” you ask, raising your eyebrow at him.

“Hate it?” he shoots right back, glancing at you.

“Not as much as you supposedly hate me,” you tease. He groans.

“Enough of that.” Bucky sighs deeply.

“You would say those nicknames with such malice, too,” you continue. “Really thought you were patronizing me or something.”

“My Ma’ would kill me if she ever heard I was talking to a lady like that,” he grunts, frowning.

“You’re a mama’s boy?” you ask, surprised.

“No,” he says, looking at you. “I had a little sister. I had to be a good example of what a gentleman was like. So, I treated women with respect and care– that way my sister had a nice foundation to use when she grew up and went out into the world to find herself a husband one day.”

You made a face. “I don’t think you respect me by calling me weak.”

“Okay,” Bucky says, rolling his eyes as he admits defeat. “I had an awful way of trying to get you out of the line of fire. You’re a walking 51-50 waiting to happen.”

“I don’t think you should be the one talking right now,” you point out, fighting the smile that was threatening to grow on your face.

“Well. Takes crazy to know crazy.” Bucky shrugs without a care. There’s a smile playing on his lips as well. “I’m surprised they don’t have you in some sort of mandated therapy.”

“Unlike you, I didn’t commit war crimes against the entire world, so,” you remind him. You watch as he contemplates your words, then nods in agreement. “Therapy may be helpful though.”

“Nah,” he denies immediately. “Don’t do it. Well– maybe my therapist just sucked.”

“Ever thought about getting an emotional support animal instead?” you suggest. “You’re good at taking care of people, so maybe having a little kitten around would be more healing than trying to talk out your feelings with a stranger.”

“Me? Taking care of people? You’re really good at jokes, you know that?”

“I mean, I can count all the civil conversations we’ve had on one hand, but after we’ve cleared our misunderstanding, I think you’re a pretty decent person. Besides that, you’re not the only one that can observe the other.”

Bucky let out a small laugh, and smiled down at his bottle. “I noticed. Except, you were always killing me in your head when you looked at me. I guess I can’t blame you.”

The air between the two of you was nice. Comfortable. Both of you were sitting on the couch together. On the coffee table were the plans and maps of the auction house, a reminder of what was the beginning of the end of this madness. Beside it were remnants of the Chinese food that Bucky had picked up in the city, once again proclaiming that the safehouse food was too shitty to consume. You quickly realized that he was lying to you. Bucky just wanted to feed you good food.

“Don’t get hurt tomorrow,” Bucky says, making you look back at him. He’s already looking at you. There’s something soft in his eyes when he says the words, almost pleading.

“You can get hurt tomorrow,” you tell him, trying to lighten the mood once more. “I’ll put you back to normal if you do.”

Bucky shakes his head. “I need you to steel your emotions tomorrow. There’s a chance we might not be able to save them all.”

“... I know,” you whisper, and nod once at him.

“Don’t go trying to die in there either,” he warns. “I’ll yank you out of there before you can detonate with any fucking bomb.”

You crack a smile. “How romantic. Is this how you used to flirt with girls in the forties? Were you raised on the belief that boys who were mean to girls had a crush on them?”

“You’re not as dense as I thought,” he grunts.

“You’re not denying it, you know?" You raise an eyebrow at him then clarify, "That you hold a candle for me in your heart.”

“I’m not a liar, doll.”

“I get a free pass to throw you on the mat when we get back home. To make up for all the times you had me on my back,” you say, and down the rest of your beer. It’s a flimsy attempt to try and distract yourself from the butterflies in your stomach. “Let’s call it the start of your courtship.”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “Just because I have the smallest crush on you doesn’t mean I’ll go easy on you. I push you hard for your own safety.”

“Fine. I’ll just go back to avoiding and ignoring you when we get back,” you huff, turning away from him again. You can see him tense out of the corner of your eye.

“One time,” he finally relents. “Just once.”

You grin and look at him. “Only a small crush?” you ask, tilting your head. Bucky stares at you for a few moments before clearing his throat and looking away. You swear there’s a slight tint of pink on his cheeks that you know cannot be blamed on the alcohol.

“Shut the hell up.”

“Can’t admit how much you like me, Barnes?” you ask, humming. “Should I text Nat and ask her how often you stare at me when I’m in the room?”

“Yeah?” Bucky sits up straighter. “I don’t recall you denying her question when she asked you whether you’re trying to decide if you wanna make out with me or fuck me.”

The grin is wiped off your face and transferred onto his. He looks smug now, enjoying your reaction.

“I hate assassins,” you whisper in disbelief. “You were listening? I thought you fucking left!”

“You were having an abnormally loud conversation,” he says with a shrug. “And if I’m not mistaken– you’ve also been quite mean to me. Seems that I’m not the only one with a crush. I might be the only one between the two of us to admit it, though.”

You could only stare at him, feeling your face warm. You could say it was the alcohol– something that he couldn’t do. Your pride was getting in the way again. There was something in his voice that irritated you to no end.

“I never not said it,” you mutter, crossing your arms over your chest. “I’m not a liar either, Sergeant.”

“Sergeant, huh?” he asks, raising his eyebrows at you teasingly.

You roll your eyes at him. “Shut the hell up, Barnes. I really could just go back to pretending you don’t exist. Maybe I’ll pick fights with you again. For fun this time, since I know how you feel.”

“Yeah? And how do I feel?”

“You like me. Romantically. Maybe you wanna kiss me as much as I do,” you challenged.

“Oh, sweetheart, I wanna do more than just kiss you,” he chuckled, shaking his head.

“Then why don’t you?” you ask, tilting your head. It’s his turn to pause, to stare at you. You know you’re daring him– pushing him now. And you’re waiting with bated breath to see if he pulls through.

Part of you wonders if he actually does like you, or if you've been somehow misinterpreting his words this entire time. That was always the possibility. After all, it was only last week that you were cursing out the man into hell.

After a few more beats pass between you two without any movement, you let out a small huff and stand. You grab your plate and your empty bottle, heading towards the kitchen.

“Knew you were full of shit, Barnes,” you say, throwing the tease over your shoulder as you go to clean up your mess.

You often forget how quiet Bucky is when he wants to be. You barely got the plate in the sink before he’s behind you— both hands on either side of your body, caging you in against the sink as he presses his chest to your back. You can feel the warmth of his body radiating against yours, the thump of his heartbeat. Then, his lips are near your ear.

“Would you let me?”

His voice is barely above a whisper. If he wasn’t so close, you wouldn’t have heard him. You wouldn’t have been able to pick up on the husk of the words, the slight desperation behind it. You can only swallow before you nod once. A metal hand slides over your waist, pulling you even closer to his body.

“Gotta hear you say it,” he murmurs, dropping his forehead to your shoulder.

“Yes.”

A moment passes between you before his lips press against the side of your neck. You let out a sigh at the feel. It’s exactly like when he tended to your wounds– a ghost of a touch, barely brushing against your skin. Almost as if he’s afraid to hold you closer.

“Is this okay?” he whispers, and you nod again, leaning into him. Bucky hums, and then he shifts a little. He moves your hair out of the way, and presses a soft kiss to the scar on the back of your neck. You tense slightly at the feeling, and he feels it. Immediately, he rubs circles into your waist with his fingers, trying to comfort you. You let out a shaky breath, and allow him a few more kisses at the sensitive spot before turning in his arms.

“All you’re gonna do is kiss my neck?” you ask quietly, resting your arms on his shoulders.

“If that’s all you want,” he replies, and you know he means it. He won't go any further if you tell him not to. You shake your head.

“No. Want more,” you tell him, and his grip on you tightens just slightly. He’s hesitating, and you can feel it. You decide to move forward, to close the remaining distance between the two of you.

His lips are soft, just as you thought they would be. They feel even better against your own. You give him one soft kiss, just to test the waters, but he comes back for another one. Bucky fully crowds your space, his flesh hand cupping your face as he tilts your head upwards to him, to make it easier for him to deepen the kiss.

You sigh against him, relaxing in his embrace. He’s warm. This is the same warmth you felt in the forest, the same warmth he gave you when he wrapped your wounds. You were certain he would continue to wrap you in this warmth if you gave him the chance.

Bucky’s tongue swipes against your bottom lip, just slightly, quietly asking for entry. You grant it, and meet his tongue with your own. He lets out a soft groan against your mouth, and the feel and sound of him sends shockwaves through your body. You want more of him– you want him closer to you.

He seems to feel the same, both hands reaching to pull you upwards, easily taking you into his arms. Your legs rest on either side of him now, and your ankles lock behind his back to help hold yourself in place as he begins to move out of the kitchen and towards the bedroom.

All the while, he never stops kissing you. Your lips, your jaw, your neck, and your collarbone. By the end of the night, you’re certain that there will no longer be a part of your body that Bucky has not claimed as his.

You’re gently laid down onto your back with such care it almost makes you want to cry. He hovers above you, a hand stopping just below the hem of your shirt. He’s touching your skin directly, but not moving any further. He’s pressing himself onto you, and you can feel his growing length against your thigh. You need more of him. You push on his chest, freeing yourself momentarily.

“Shit– I’m sorry–” he quickly scrambles to say, but you cut him off with the swift removal of your shirt.

“Your turn,” you tell him, tugging on his t-shirt. His eyes trail over you, the exposed skin you graced him with, and he wets his lips before nodding wordlessly.

“Yes, ma’am,” he finally speaks when he finds his words. You smile– Bucky’s a soldier through and through.

After discarding his shirt somewhere behind him, he descends upon you once more. His hands are touching you again, this time without anything stopping him. The metal has already warmed up from its constant tracing of your body, from kneading your breast while his mouth takes hold of the opposite. You let out a needy whine, hands threading through his hair as you close your eyes.

He nips at your skin, making you jump briefly before looking back down at him.

“Eyes on me, sweetheart,” he whispers to you. His eyes seem darker– pupils blown out and swallowing the steely blue eyes that you adore. The pure need all over his face makes you shudder, and your heart jumps in your chest again as you nod at him.

You feel him before you see him. His hand trailing down to the waistband of your shorts, then dipping down and beneath the fabric.

“Bucky,” you sigh as his fingers come into contact with your core. He’s ghosting again; simply spreading your slick over your folds to get a feel of your arousal. He lets out a soft moan, and swallows thickly.

“All this for me? I’m flattered,” he tells you with a small smirk.

“Bucky,” you say again, with more desperation.

“I could probably slide right in without even doing anything to prepare you,” he continues, trailing kisses up your chest. “You want that? You want me to stretch you and fill you with my cock?”

Despite his words, he presses a single digit into your entrance. You let out a gasp, your hips bucking to meet his hand. Bucky coos in your ear, the heel of his palm pressing against that sensitive bundle of nerves to stimulate it just a little as you grind against his hand.

“Don’t tease me,” you whine, though relishing in the way he nips at the space just below your ear.

“Need you to tell me you want me, doll,” he hums.

“Your hand is in my shorts, and you still need me to say it?” you ask, dumbfounded.

“What’s with the sudden attitude?” Bucky clicks his tongue in disapproval, and a second finger joins in, making you moan. He hums, satisfied with your reaction. “I like you better when you’re like this.”

“Oh, fuck you,” you breathe, eyes fluttering shut as his fingers find a slow, lazy pace to thrust in and out of you.

“That’s the plan. Did you forget–” Bucky pulls out his fingers until only the tips are left inside, before slamming them hard inside of you. You can’t help the moan that escapes your lips, and you grab onto his arms for support. "-to keep your eyes on me?”

You comply because what else are you supposed to do? He has you under him, at his mercy, and you simply need more of him. Bucky can see it on your face, the way you’ll fall apart for him. He’s craving it.

“Good girl,” he whispers, humming with approval now.

“You’re so fucking annoying,” you tell him, though your body is betraying your words. Bucky only smiles in response, and catches your lips with his own. His fingers leave you moments later, and you find yourself regretting your comment. You’re about to pull away, and take it back when he starts sliding both your shorts and underwear down your legs in one fluid motion.

You didn’t even realize he had taken off his sweatpants earlier.

“Not so annoying now, huh, sweetheart?” he chuckles against your lips.

“Can you shut the fuck up and fuck me?” you whine, wrapping your arms around his neck.

Bucky pulls away from you. You’re breathless, confused, and looking at him. He has his hands planted on either side of your head, and he’s staring at you. His face is suddenly serious. It makes your heart stutter with anxiety.

“This can’t be a one time thing,” he whispers, his jaw clenching. “If you don’t feel the same about me– I can’t do this.”

“Wouldn’t even let you touch me like this if I didn’t feel the same way,” you tell him, reaching to touch his face. Bucky lets out a breath, one of relief, as he leans into your touch. His eyes close as his head drops just slightly, like the weight of the world had just been lifted off of his shoulders. “You still need to let me throw you on the mat. Want you on your back.”

“You can have me on my back anytime you want, doll. Right now, you’re staying on yours,” he replies, and comes back down to you.

He’s warm. Extremely warm. His skin is on fire, but you’re not sure if that’s heat that’s radiating off of him or if it’s you. Either way, you feel like you’re about to explode when he finally presses into you. Bucky’s forehead presses against yours, mouth agape as he slowly stretches through your walls.

“Tight,” he grunts, hands on your hips tightening, “so fuckin’ hot and wet– God, doll. You tryna kill me here?”

“Maybe,” you manage to answer him. You’re struggling as much as he is. The stretch is delicious. He’s just as long as he is girthy, and he really didn’t do much to prepare you earlier– but it makes it all the more pleasurable.

He takes a few moments to breathe when he finally bottoms out, pelvis pressed right against yours before he sets the pace. It’s slow, calculated. He’s savoring every inch of you, not wanting to miss a single moment. It’s driving you insane in the best way possible. You can feel every vein in every thrust, every twitch and every jump of his cock as you clench around him.

Bucky never stops praising you throughout.

“So pretty,” he says, eyes roaming all over your body as one hand lets go of your hip to begin to thumb at your clit. You gasp at the feeling– the contrast of tight, quick, small circles being rubbed against the slow and controlled movements of his hips. “So good for me.”

“Shit, Bucky,” you moan, fingernails digging into his shoulders. He groans at the feeling, eyes closing briefly before he opens them and looks between you two– looks at the connecting point where one of you starts and the other ends.

There’s nothing rough or hard about the moment. He doesn’t take you like a wild animal– he’s cradling you in his arms and holding you tight, letting you feel exactly what you do to him. You feel warm under his gaze.

It’s only a matter of time before your release catches up to you, and threatens to shove you over the edge. Bucky can feel it– the fluttering of your walls and the way your body is beginning to tense under his.

“There you go, doll,” he urges, panting. There’s a sheen of sweat on his body as he swallows, taking in the full sight of you. “Let go. Wanna see you fall apart under me.”

You can’t deny him what he asks you so nicely for.

Moments after, Bucky follows you right off the same cliff. You feel his thrusts grow sloppier, hear his breaths go ragged, and then the warmth of his orgasm filling you completely full.

He’s kissing you throughout the whole thing, continuing to sing your praises as he rides out his high before he pulls you into his arms with his cock softening inside you. You almost whimper at the feeling of him leaving you.

Bucky’s hand is in your hair, massaging your scalp and the base of your skull as he holds you to his chest. You sigh into him, closing your eyes as you let his warmth once again wrap around you and keep you safe.

“I like you,” you finally confess to him, your voice just barely above a whisper. Bucky lets out a laugh, the rumble of his chest comforting you as you listen.

“I figured,” he chuckles. “I like you, too.”

“Mhm. I know,” you say with a grin. Bucky shakes his head, but you’re certain that there’s a smile on his face.

“Rest up, sweetheart. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”

Your ears are ringing, and the world is spinning around you. You can’t see properly. Everything seems blurred for some reason. There’s two, maybe four of everything around you. In the distance, you can hear the sound of crackling and fire, and someone screaming out your name. You blink slowly, or at least you think you are. Time is moving at an unnatural speed.

All at once, everything comes crashing back to you, just as you are brought back to your feet, hands on your arms. Bucky is in front of you, a gash on his head with blood rushing down the side of his temple. Worry is painted all over his features, and you’re unsure why. He’s saying things to you, but you can’t understand him. You can’t hear him over the ringing. From the shape of his lips, it looks like he’s saying your name.

Bucky gets increasingly frustrated, but you do have to admit he still looks handsome even like this. There’s dirt and soot on him, along with sweat on his brow from how he must have been fighting his way down to you, down to the cells.

Fighting?

You gasp sharply as reality hits you once more, steadying yourself in his grasp.

“You back with me, doll?” he asks, his voice gruff.

“Yeah, yeah,” you nod quickly, and immediately regret the movement. You close your eyes tight, trying to will away the dizzy spell that comes over you.

“Fuck happened here?” Bucky whispers, looking around. “Where are the enhanced–”

Bucky cuts himself off, and looks back at you. Your jaw is clenched as you stare down at your feet. Your breath is ragged. You’re trembling in his arms. You’re injured in several areas, but you’re alive. That’s more than you can say for the fifty children that you came down here for.

“Where’s Talbot?” you ask, trying to keep your voice steady.

“Apprehended,” Bucky answers. “He… mentioned another kill switch. I ran down here to try to warn you, but I heard the explosion...”

You laugh dryly, nodding. Just moments ago, the kids were crying to you. You were telling them you had the release on their necks– that they were free. They were safe now. One of them asked about the one in their hearts. Your blood ran cold, and you froze. You didn’t even have time to turn around and search. The first child exploded in front of your eyes, and the rest followed like a chain reaction.

“There was another one. In their chest. They put another fucking one.”

“It’s not your fault, doll,” he whispers, and you shake your head. You don’t want to hear it right now. You can’t do this.

“We need to get out of here,” you say, changing the topic. “We’re several feet underground and that explosion definitely fucked up the infastructure. We’ll be buried if we don’t leave soon.”

Bucky doesn’t waste a second before scooping you in his arms, and sprinting to where he came from. You don’t fight him this time, either. Your body is protesting from just his movements alone as he carries you. There has to be a broken rib or two in your body, along with another fracture somewhere in your leg. You were too close to the explosion. Whether you like it or not, your enhancements wouldn’t let you die so easily.

The lights above ground let you know the operation was a success, all things considered. The mastermind was taken in. Now, they would be able to go through his personal assets and find out where his labs were and put an end to everything. Maybe they would be able to free those children.

You don’t think you would ever be free of the faces of the kids that you saw down there.

You’re carried into the jet, and you vaguely hear Bucky say that your part of the mission is over with. The two of you would be heading home now– you both sustained injuries that require immediate attention. It’s only then that you snap out of your own head.

You look at him– really look at him. There’s more than just the blood on his head. There’s a bruise and cut on his cheek. His tactical gear is ripped and cut open in some places. There’s dark spots on his body that could or could not be his own blood. You see the slight limp in his walk when he finally sets you down in a seat.

The two of you are in the air before you know it, a heavy silence between the two of you. Bucky’s across from you. His eyes are closed shut, head leaning back against the wall of the jet. You know what he’s thinking of, too.

Then, you shift. You ignore the sharp pain in your body screaming at you, and you sit down next to him. He opens his eyes to look at you, questioning. Then, he sees it. The soft golden glow from under your palms, and the change of colors in your irises.

“No, sweetheart,” he says, shaking his head as he tries to lower your hands. “Save your energy. Your injuries are a hell of a lot worse than mine.”

“Let me help someone tonight,” you whisper– no, you beg him. Bucky’s lips part, and he lets out a shaky breath before he relaxes in his seat. He doesn’t make a move to argue with you again.

You let your hands hover over his temples first, concentrating your powers on the gash on his head while also reaching for the rest of his body. You can see it. The broken rib, the fractured wrist, the sprained ankle. There’s multiple, deep cuts on his body from when he must’ve gone against several armed guards, and maybe a few older enhanced humans.

Slowly but surely, each pathway to the injury closes off. You can see the stiffness in his body disappear, the crease in his forehead begin to smooth out as you take his pain away. You reverse the damage that had been done to him, and you save one person tonight.

When he opens his eyes, you watch as his face softens. He reaches for you now, hands cupping your face. His thumbs brush right under your eyes, wiping away tears that you didn’t know had fallen.

Just like that, you crumble and fall apart in his arms. He holds you tight on the way home, careful of the injuries that he isn’t sure you have, but keeps his hold strong to ground you all the same. He’s the only one listening as you wail in the jet, and no words pass between the two of you.

When you arrived at the base, there was already a gurney and team of medical staff waiting for your landing. Bucky carried you out of the jet, and laid you there, barking out orders to hurry up and get you examined.

You spent a week in the medical ward. Dr. Cho was flown out from Seoul to take care of you, and get you back into shape as soon as possible.

“It’s not what you can do, but it’s the next best thing,” she told you with a gentle smile.

In that same week, you denied all visitors to your room. You wanted to be alone. You got alerts from F.R.I.D.A.Y. that each of the team members had tried visiting at least once, but you didn’t allow access. Even to Bucky– who came by every single day. Sometimes, he came multiple times a day. It was only Fury who came in, the only person that you couldn’t just turn away without proper reason.

“The labs have been found,” he informed you as you stared at the pristine white sheets you were under. “Another hundred kids were taken in, all under the age of twelve. All of them are alive, as they haven’t had the final stage of the experiments done to them yet. They’re in recovery in a safe location to rehabilitate.”

“And their parents?” you asked him, your voice small.

“We’re working on locating all of them,” Fury said. “Along with all the parents of the deceased.”

You nodded slowly, biting the inside of your cheek. “I want to quit.”

“Rejected,” he denied immediately. Your head snapped up to him, and he’s staring at you with a raised eyebrow. “Those kids need someone that understands what they have been through to teach them how to live. How to survive the shit they’ve been through.”

You pause, the words weighing in your mind. “I killed them, Fury,” you whispered, desperation in your voice. You feel like crying again. “I– I don’t even know how to survive the shit that I’ve been through!”

“Give it some thought. If you really want to quit, come talk to me after you’re discharged,” he told you, then turned to leave.

You’re discharged within another week. In that same week, Tony bypasses the order you gave to F.R.I.D.A.Y. and storms into your room with a gown in hand. He’s throwing another party– one to celebrate you and Bucky’s successful mission and to gather donations for the rehabilitation center for the children.

You really tried to skip out of it, tell him that you weren’t interested in a party after everything that you’d been through. You even asked him if he read the mission report.

“I did,” he said with a nod. “And all I can say is that I’ve fucked up, too. I have blood on my hands that I’ll never be able to wash away. You, me– all of us on this team. We’re all the same.”

“Tony, please,” you begged. “I can’t just go to a party after that.”

“Then, don’t think of it as a party for your honor,” Tony said, and hung the dress up across from your hospital bed. “Think of it as a distraction. One night to get away from the demons in your head, to enjoy yourself. You deserve a break, too.”

You couldn’t fight against him on that. Not when you realize that he was just trying to cheer you up in the only way that he knew how to.

The party is the first time you see the rest of the team since your departure for the mission. Once again, no one asks questions. No one pries. You’re certain they all read the mission report, and they know why you requested for the time to be alone while you healed.

The girls greeted you with a smile, Natasha immediately mixing you a drink of something fruity that was strong, but not strong enough to make you dull the ache in your chest as you watched the world continue to spin around you without you moving in it.

“Barnes has been distracted these past two weeks,” Natasha says, bumping your hip with her as you stand at the bar in between her and Wanda. “He jumps at the mention of your name.”

“Just worried,” you say with a sigh.

“Sure, but he never was like that before. Did something happen while you two were out on the field?” Wanda grins at you.

You want to smile at them. You really do. You want to indulge in the girl talk. You want to feel the embarrassment and shyness as you confess that you do have feelings for Bucky and that you both had acted upon those feelings, but you just can’t.

It was nothing against Bucky, or anything that he did. You don’t feel worthy of those feelings for him. The last two weeks of silence, of being in your own head– you realize that the words he used to spit at you with fire may have been more true than you wanted to admit.

You were a liability. You were too close to the mission. You were emotional and reckless– you didn’t double, triple check the situation. You wanted to be a hero, to save lives. At the end of it, you didn’t even walk out of there on your own two feet.

You didn’t even succeed in your own mission– to save the hostages. He succeeded in his– to apprehend Talbot. He was right, at the end of the day. You knew he was. Even if he had already reassured you, whispered to you in your ear that he didn’t mean it like that, you were starting to believe there was someone out there that did.

How could you face him now?

You excuse yourself, murmuring something about fresh air. You ignore the way both of the girls share a look with each other, and let your feet carry you out the door to the rooftop.

You sat out on the terrace, watching the skyline. The compound was far away from the city, but you were still able to see the twinkling lights in the distance.

Here, you thought about everything. Your place. Your thoughts were taking a dangerous turn. You no longer felt worthy of this team. Of having these powers that could help people when nothing you did aided. You didn’t feel worthy of the feelings that Bucky had for you– the respect and care and worry that he secretly held all this time.

“Been waiting everyday at the gym for you to throw me, you know?”

Just his voice alone was enough to melt away the self loathing that you threw yourself into. You looked over your shoulder, seeing him walk towards you, a hand in his pocket, a whiskey glass in the other.

“Been drafting up my resignation letter,” you respond softly. “Don’t think we need to continue training anymore.”

Bucky comes up beside you, placing his glass beside yours on the ledge. He lets out a breath as he leans against the stone, and looks at you.

“I’m really not good at comforting people, doll. Can you help me out here?” he asks. He’s trying to make the tone light. Trying to cheer you up.

You give him a tight smile, and shake your head. “I couldn’t save them.”

“If you’re going to blame anyone, blame me. My earpiece– it broke. Got knocked out. I couldn’t reach you fast enough. If I was more careful–”

“I should’ve done more research,” you cut him off. Bucky looks helpless at your words. “It was my mission. Not yours… And it will haunt me forever.”

Bucky lets out a deep breath through his nose, then wets his lips. Thinking. Then, he reaches for your hand, tugging on it. He’s pulling you away– bringing you somewhere else.

“What are you doing?” you ask. Your voice sounds tired. It doesn’t sound like you.

“I can’t make the nightmares go away,” he whispers, looking down briefly as he continues to lead you away from the edge of the terrace. “I can’t make it all stop hurting, but I was sent on that mission with you as your dance partner. We didn’t even dance. You're gonna let me fail at the mission given to me, sweetheart?”

You can’t help the laugh that exits your lips as he brings you to the middle of the rooftop. He smiles at the sound, and stops before you. He guides your hands onto his shoulders, then comfortably rests his on your waist.

“Just for right now, you and I can forget all the bad stuff,” he says.

“Is that really okay?” you ask him, lifting your eyes to meet his. He shrugs a little, and smiles more.

“They’re playing our song right now, doll. Can’t be sad when we’re together,” he tells you, and leads you in a dance.

The music from inside is loud enough to carry outdoors, to where the two of you are. At this moment, you let Bucky take the lead. He holds you against him as you sway together, breaking away only for a moment so he can take your hand and spin you around like a princess in a movie. The action makes you giggle just a little bit, and you miss the soft look in his eyes as he watches you.

You don’t know how much time has passed like this– with him. All you know is your head is against his chest, fitting perfectly in the crook of his neck. He’s humming along to the song as he leans his own head against yours. You can feel his heart beating, and distinctly realize yours is beating in the same time.

“Stay here. Stay with me,” he finally speaks, breaking the silence between the two of you.

You’re quiet for a few moments. The pain won’t go away in one night. Bucky isn’t claiming that he can make it disappear, either… but being in his arms dulls the ache in a way that you know that you can’t do by yourself.

“Will you complain if I go on a mission with you again?”

Bucky lets out a small laugh before lifting his head, pulling back to look at your face. A hand comes to cup your face. “How long will you be holding that against me?”

“Depends on how long you think we have together,” you respond, leaning into his touch.

“Forever, then,” he confirms, smiling down at you before the familiar feel of his lips press against yours.

taglist: @duacruel @natsomens **let me know if you would like to be added to a general bucky taglist for whenever i post a fic for him :)**

#serasficrec

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buckys3rdnip · 24 days ago

Text

PEAK PEAK PEAK

distant - nsfw beefy bucky

this one feels kind of different than my normal fics, but I like the concept too much to kill it.

~~~

Bucky Barnes was nothing if not a threat.

okay, no, he wasn't a threat, yet for some reason your body responded to him as though he was.

the first time you met him, you thought it was a gut instinct telling you to be wary, that you couldn't trust him.

you knew his story. you didn't think it inherently gave you any reason to distrust him; you truly believed that everyone was more than their past.

at least, you hoped that was true, if only for your own sake.

when you met him, the fluttering in your stomach and the needling sensation in the palms of your hands set off alarm bells in your head. historically, that kind of reaction had always been an indication that there was something wrong; something to be cautious of, something to protect yourself from.

you kept your composure, making sure to stay calm and not let on that your body was screaming at you something's wrong here.

there wasn’t much you could do given that you were now going to be teammates. you elected to simply keep your distance from him as best you could.

~~~

given how huge the tower was, you assumed that you would be safe from having to interact with Bucky Barnes. he didn't live on your floor, and there were quite a few gyms and a million kitchens in the building. you'd only have to work with him in the field, and when that happened, you would be at your best and would be prepared to protect yourself.

there was no logical reason that you'd have to protect yourself from him, but that ache in your chest, that pit in your throat... all the signs pointed to be cautious. that’s what you thought they meant, at least.

regardless, you figured that you would be safe from him in the tower, so you wouldn't have to be on guard all the time. there was no way you'd see him.

apparently, you were dead fucking wrong.

his room must have been somewhere above yours, because every time you made to get in the elevator, he was always already in it.

when the doors opened, he'd look up as though startled by the fact that the elevator had stopped. he'd see you standing there and would flash you that soft smile of his. it was small and muted on his, honestly, quite attractive face.

he looked like a kicked puppy with his tail between his legs, trying to put on a brave face.

being trapped in the confined space with him only worsened the anxious feelings that came with being near him. you tensed your shoulders, stood up straight, and refused to turn your back to him.

you told yourself he wasn't a threat.

but you'd learned the hard way to always trust your gut, because what else could your body possibly be telling you this way?

you quit riding the elevator in favor of taking the 15 flights of stairs.

~~~

these people were quite a social bunch, you found.

you learned that it was commonplace to use only the kitchen on the fourth floor, and the gym and training areas on the seventh. and, being the newbie, you couldn't afford to lose too much face time around these people. you would be pleasant, be social, and you'd get in and out of the common spaces as quickly as possible without throwing up any red flags.

you hoped no one noticed the way you would quietly excuse yourself whenever Bucky Barnes entered the room.

it was easy to excuse yourself from just about anywhere, except the gym. it's harder to just up and leave in the middle of a workout.

so you tried to keep it together, focusing on your music and keeping your eyes ahead of you as you ran on the treadmill. you could sense whenever he came into the gym, that sixth sense you'd developed to alert you when enemies were near.

he's not your fucking enemy, you tried to reason with yourself.

then why did your brain think he was? what was your subconscious mind trying to tell you, exactly?

in the moments you managed to get a glimpse of him out of the corner of your eye, you noticed how he always seemed lost. that sad puppy dog demeanor of his never seemed to fade.

you refused to let yourself look at the hefty weights he would pick up. you're sure a single one was as heavy as a car, given his super strength and those huge muscles...

you felt another pang in your stomach at the thought. you attributed it to the fact that if you were to have to protect yourself, your own strength was no match for his.

one day, you'd been trying to beat your PR on the bench press when suddenly, your sixth sense went off. he was nearby. fuck.

you tried to ignore him and focused on finishing your set, but out of your peripheral vision, you saw him walk past you. you faltered, your arms shaking, and you struggled to push the bar back up.

shit, shit, shit, rang through your head.

and then, a hand made of metal entered your vision from above, and lifted the bar enough to set it back on the rack.

wow. he’s really fucking strong. that’s kind of…

you quickly sat up, pulling an earbud out of your ear to face him.

"uh, thank you," you stuttered out, looking him up and down cautiously. you'd never really spent any time talking to him except for when you first met him, and even then, you were too nerve-wracked to have a proper conversation with him.

"no worries," he responded. "do you need a spot?"

"oh, no," you laughed, standing from the bench. "I'm done."

you quickly grabbed your phone and water and began to bolt. "thanks again," you called out to him awkwardly as you walked out the door.

this was becoming a problem.

~~~

the next time you were preparing for a mission, Steve had brought you the file about a week ahead of time. "you and Bucky will be going solo on this one, sound good?" he asked you.

you didn't hesitate. "yes, sounds good!" you said cheerily.

you and Bucky Barnes had worked together before, but it had never been just the two of you. but you weren't about to tell Steve you didn't want to work with him; you couldn't have Steve thinking anything was wrong. you were still new and had to work to prove yourself as a capable member of this team.

you spent the rest of the week hyping yourself up, telling yourself it would be fine. you just... wouldn't be able to sleep while you were there. you'd have to stay up to stay on guard at all times.

you'd be fine.

except, day of, you were sitting in the Quinjet waiting for Bucky Barnes to board so you could head out.

it wasn't him.

~~~

after he'd spoken to you, Steve had approached Bucky about the mission, handing him the file detailing the objectives and informing him that it was you he'd be working with.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea, Steve," Bucky told him. "I don't think she likes me very much."

"she seemed fine, enthusiastic even, when I told her you'd be working together," Steve assured him. "she likes you just fine, Buck."

"just... I think it would be better if someone else went instead of me."

Steve considered pressing the issue, but chose not to. he knew Bucky wasn't quite back to himself, if he would ever be after the trauma he'd endured, and so he couldn't force him.

as Bucky watched Steve board the Quinjet in his place a week later, he wondered what he did to make you hate him so much.

probably nothing. he was an easy person to dislike.

it was difficult enough to stomach the fact that you didn’t like him the way he liked you.

the fact that you didn’t even like him as a friend…

the thought only made his heart sink deeper.

~~~

Steve didn't bring up the change beyond telling you that Bucky had dropped out for personal reasons. part of you was relieved to not have to deal with that miserable, gut-wrenching feeling all weekend.

the other part of you was concerned. had you offended him?

of course you had. he wasn't stupid. he probably knew that you were social with everyone except him, and he probably took it personally.

was that why he always looked so sad? because of you?

the night you got back from your mission, you sat with Natasha in one of the common rooms to debrief. it had been a fairly quick job with few hiccups, and you were grateful for the opportunity to work with the one and only Captain America.

you still couldn't help but question why Bucky Barnes hadn't come.

you changed the subject slowly. "thank you again for bringing me in, after... after Dreykov went down." you began. "I never thought I could actually do anything meaningful, especially not accompany someone like Captain America on a mission like this."

you didn't really hear what she said next. you were too focused on the question that had been swirling in your head all weekend.

"he had told me that Barnes was supposed to go with me this weekend," you prompted her, wondering if she knew anything. she was so closely involved in the planning, and such a good friend of Steve, surely he would keep her in the loop.

"he actually didn't tell me why. I figured he just wanted to oversee how you operated in the field," is what she told you.

yeah. yeah, that made sense.

"hopefully I impressed him," you laugh.

she gives you a look. "you did, don't worry."

oh, good. you were finally proving yourself.

and yet, you still couldn't think about that. you wanted to know what the deal was with Bucky Barnes.

~~~

you decide to quit going out of your way to avoid him. if you're finally being accepted into this team, you can't afford to give Steve any reason to not trust or like you.

more than that, you feel bad for potentially being the reason he dropped out last weekend.

you can still keep up your walls without being off-putting, you think.

the next time you see him in the elevator a few days later, he gives you the same sad, broken smile.

you force yourself to speak. "missed you this weekend," you drop casually, even though your heart is pounding.

his head snaps up to look at you, completely taken aback by the fact that you're actually speaking to him. he looks at you for a second, utterly shocked, before he finally finds the words.

"yeah, I had some stuff going on."

you know that's a fib. he doesn't really have much going on for himself, you don't think. you just nod your head and let it go.

when he gets out on a floor above your destination, you tell him, "see you later."

he turns and gives you that smile, a little more hopeful looking this time, along with a small wave of his flesh hand.

it's cute, you think.

what?

~~~

the next time he walks into the gym, you feel all the classic signs bubbling up in your body, telling you: run. fight. hide. anything.

you know better by now. he may have been a murderer once upon a time, but this version of him wouldn't hurt a fly without a complex reason why.

you tell yourself to speak to him. maybe that'll force your body to recalibrate, to settle itself whenever you're around him.

you hop off the treadmill and step up to where he's filling his water.

"spot me?"

his eyes look wide, clearly still surprised when you speak to him. "yes, absolutely."

his excitement is beyond your understanding, but god, it makes you smile.

wait.

your heart drops to your stomach.

no.

your heart pounds faster as you walk over to the bench and adjust your weights before laying back.

oh my god.

you see him standing over you, hands out in front of him near the bar.

I can't breathe.

you pick up the bar and begin your set, trying to tell yourself this is insane.

you're lucky you asked for a spot when your arms falter the second you realize,

I like him.

~~~

"woah, you okay?" he laughs when he grabs the bar before it can fall on you, dropping it back on the rack.

"yeah, fuck, sorry," you say, sitting up and getting to your feet.

you'd always heard that having a crush on someone was kind of like this: miserable, anxiety-inducing, and nothing short of terrifying.

you wouldn't know. when would you, of all people, have the chance to get into a relationship with someone? when would you have the chance to spend more time with a guy than just your one-nighters?

you knew lust. you could place it, knew what it felt like.

but love...

no. no! you don't even know him, what the hell?

"I'm fine," you say, stumbling over your own feet as you stand, and he jumps to catch you before you fall.

"sit back down, you're clearly not okay," he says, and he finally doesn't sound like a sad puppy. he sounds normal.

he sits you down and hands you his water.

"you don't have to sit here," you try to tell him after a few minutes of silence.

he just shrugs. "not worried about it."

the nerves begin to settle. the sheer panic of talking to him hasn't gone away, but the feeling is different, morphing into something tolerable. you want to run away more than anything, but at the same time, you don't.

you actually want to sit and talk to him.

and, shit, you owe him an explanation, you think.

"I probably didn't eat enough today. thank you for helping me," you say to him.

"happy to," he smiles at you.

no more sad puppy dog look.

you don't ever want to see the sad puppy dog look on his face ever again, only this.

~~~

it's no longer petrifying, just annoying, you think. that sixth sense feeling that arises whenever he's near no longer holds any meaning to you. it's not like you're going to do anything about it, and it's not like he would ever see you in the same light.

so you'd really like it if all went away, especially given how much more often you think about him now.

you smile back at him when he sees you in the elevator.

does he think my smile is ugly?

you don't walk out of the kitchen the minute he appears.

did he notice me when he came in?

he continues to spot you when you're in the gym.

do I look fat in these clothes?

this is stupid. you're a trained assassin, same as him, with a history of kills that an army would be jealous of. you're stronger than this, above these stupid feelings of caring what the hell a man thinks of you.

you don't fucking need this.

but you can't go back to the way things were before. you can't stand to see that terribly sad look on his face.

his gorgeous face.

you're better than this, more powerful than the feelings and thoughts that accompany his presence. you just need to train yourself to stop feeling like this.

mind over matter, right?

~~~

he doesn't exactly know why you suddenly decided to start talking to him. he's still operating under the assumption that you hate him with every fiber of your being.

even so, he soaks up every moment you have together. from the moment he met you, he was intrigued. such a strong woman with a past somewhat similar to his, and yet you were still so sweet to everyone around you. he hadn't been attracted to a woman in over seventy years, and even now, he didn't think that it was a good idea for him to be interested in anyone.

but you had seemed to make the decision for him, avoiding him like the plague. so he didn't ask you out like he wanted to.

worse yet, he heard the way your heart pounded whenever you were around him. he could feel the way every muscle in your body tensed up and knew your blood was rushing too fast through your veins.

it had to be because you hated him, or you were afraid of him.

he would rather it be that you hated him, but...

it was probably a mixture of both.

even now, your bodily reactions never changed, still pointing to the fact that you most likely did hate him and were still scared of him. and yet, you were going out of your way to speak to him.

he couldn't understand it. but every word you spoke to him made him feel infinitesimally better, like he even stood a chance, maybe.

hopefully.

~~~

by some miracle, your routines were already so in sync, that you began to end up in the same spaces, at the same times, all the time.

you drank coffee together. you went to the gym together.

and...

you began to stare at him. staring at his face when he was talking to someone else in the common area. staring at the rest of him in the gym when he wasn't looking.

and right now, you're really staring. you shouldn't be, but you're still doing it.

he is built like a god. not only that, but his muscles are real, not just for show.

what happens when he lifts heavier weights? do they make the metal arm bigger to match his real arm?

you ignore the way you suddenly feel warm between your legs as you watch him.

~~~

it takes him a minute to process the change in the air.

he turns to face you, and he catches you suddenly tearing your gaze away as though you've been caught staring.

you have been caught staring, he realizes.

and then-

he realizes what's different. he can smell it.

you're wet.

it's his turn to drop the weights this time, dumbbells accidentally slipping out of his fingers and falling onto the floor.

shit.

"are you okay?" you call out to him from across the room, standing on the sides of the treadmill to turn your attention towards him.

he's an idiot, he thinks.

but suddenly, it all makes sense. the way he thought you hated him, were afraid of him, because of how you reacted whenever he came near, it wasn't that. it was the exact opposite.

you liked him.

"yeah, fine," he tells you as he picks up the weights.

a plan begins to formulate in his head.

~~~

the next morning, Bucky walks into the kitchen while you're making coffee.

he knows the truth now, and he intends to pull it from you.

"morning," he says as he grabs his own mug from the cabinet, setting it on the counter next to the coffee maker. he steps away, and you turn to face him and begin to speak up while the coffee brews.

"so-" you freeze.

he deliberately makes a big show of stretching out, flexing his arms in the process. his henley shirt rides up a bit as he does, revealing a sliver of his tummy in the process, and you can see...

dear god, I can see his V-line.

"what's that?" he asks you, sarcastic. you don't even catch the mocking tone in his voice.

"what?" you question, drawing your eyes back to his face. every thought in your head disappeared the second you saw that.

"you started to say something," he says to you, hiding a smirk.

"oh, nothing," you say, quickly pouring your coffee. "see you at the gym later!" you call out to him as you run away quickly.

in your haste, you failed to add cream and sugar to your coffee. goddamnit.

~~~

for the next few days, you notice the way he wears a fitted wife-beater instead of his usual baggy t-shirt in the gym.

you really wanted to flat-out ignore the feelings you were harboring for him, but at this point, you're just doing everything in your power to not jump him whenever you see him.

strange how quickly your brain turned on you, you think, from being weary to being horny.

he's begun to show up every morning to make coffee alongside you at your usual time. you think he's just being friendly, opening up to you now that you've quit acting like such a bitch toward him. you're glad he finally sees you as an acquaintance, maybe even a friend.

you're going to ruin it all, aren't you?

but by god, he is not fucking helping.

~~~

the minute he peels off his shirt in the middle of the gym is a deliberate, calculated decision.

there's never anyone else there at your regularly scheduled gym time, lucky for him. also lucky for him, you have a tendency to stare.

he waits for the perfect moment to torment you, making sure to work up a sweat first.

and then, the second you step off the treadmill and turn to him-

he reaches for the hem of his tank, and you about choke as you watch him peel the fabric away from his beautiful body.

he can almost hear your thighs clench. go time.

after the treadmill is time for him to spot you. that's how it always goes.

"you ready?" he asks, tossing his shirt over his shoulder and pretending to ignore the way you gawk at him.

you just gulp and force yourself to nod, laying down on the bench and lifting the bar.

you manage a few reps before you hear him say,

"you know I know, right?"

you falter, but by pure luck, you keep your composure.

"what are you talking about?" you feign.

"I know everything. I can smell you."

at that point, he does have to save you from the bar falling on your face.

"what the fuck, Bucky?" you ask. "what the hell does that mean?"

he smirks and watch as you sit yourself up on the bench.

"it means I know how wet you get whenever we're in the gym together, when you think I don't notice you staring."

you're going to throw yourself off a bridge.

you sit up and begin to blubber. "I'm really, sorry, Bucky. I never meant for you to, like, find out," you say.

your mouth has gone dry, and your heart is in your stomach. you'd finally made an actual friend, no matter how much of a hard time you had with it at first, and he knew the whole time?

was he just screwing with you? was this all some sick joke?

"I was going to ask you out, you know," he admits. "but you wouldn't talk to me."

he... what?

"I'm sorry," you say, unsure where this is going. you've never been in this situation. what are you supposed to say?

“but now, you’ve decided you want to talk to me, so that begs the question… do you want me to? what would you say if I did, baby?”

your breath hitches.

you watch him step around the machine and fall to his fucking knees in front of you. bold for a man who used to walk with his tail between his legs.

“hmm, sweetheart?” he coos, and you’re done for.

“I’d say yes, Bucky,” you whisper to him, your eyes going glassy as you look at him in front of you. is this a hallucination?

his resulting bright smile turns into a smirk right before your eyes as though he’s just remembered he’s at your feet.

"you want me to help? I mean, I am the reason you've made a mess of yourself," he whispers, and fuck, you might come on the spot. it takes you longer than it should to accept the fact that this might actually be happening, that behind that shy exterior was a man capable of making every thought in your brain melt away.

"yes, Bucky, please," you say, tangling your hands in his hair immediately, finally looking him in the eyes. they're beautiful, sky blue irises piercing your gaze as though staring right into your soul.

"yeah? you been thinking about this?" he whispers as he reaches for your gym shorts, pulling them past your hips and letting them pool at your feet. his hands come to your lower back, pulling you to sit on the edge of the bench as he leans in for better access.

"I, I didn't..." you trail off, too busy watching him, considering what he told you about asking you out.

"you didn't what?" he asks, leaning to press the lower half of his face against the fabric of your underwear, soaked through already. he stares up at you, patiently waiting for your response.

"I didn't think this would happen," you admit, trying to refrain from yanking his face closer to you. "never meant for you to find out," you repeat.

"I'm glad I did," he whispers, his breath ghosting over you.

and by god, you're not ready for it when he licks his tongue up your slit, over the wet spot on your panties. you let out a horribly loud moan into the silence of the room, and try to cover your mouth with one hand.

"is it that good?" he taunts. "not even touching your skin, baby," he continues, pressing his tongue even deeper into your cunt, still covered by the thin fabric.

this other side of him, this unhinged side of him, is making you more needy and desperate than you've ever felt before.

the words fall out of your mouth before you can filter yourself, laughing, "I didn't think you had this in you," you admit.

"yeah, baby?" he says, pressing his thumb against your clit and delicately rubbing the fabric to build the friction against you.

"you were so shy," you whisper back, trying to keep control of your breathing.

"not anymore," he hisses, and then he plants his mouth on you for real this time. it's torturous the way he eats you over your panties, still able to feel the pressure and heat through the fabric, but it's not enough.

"Bucky, please, stop teasing me," you beg of him, desperate for him to give you more, something real.

"but you're whining so pretty like this, baby..." he mocks, nuzzling his nose over your clit. "like seeing you all needy, like this. don't you love it?" he taunts.

"yeah," you whimper shamelessly all while trying to yank his mouth back to press against you.

"yeah. you like letting me control your pleasure like this, don't you, babygirl?" he asks.

that’s it. you can't wait a second longer.

"fuck me, Bucky, now," you cry out into the room, trying to bring your hands to his shoulders to yank him off the floor. he's equally as impatient as you are, taking the lead as he surges up to press his lips to yours.

you finally feel like your mind is clear for the first time in forever when you feel his mouth press against yours. you savor it for a moment, just enough to realize that he likes you, too.

and then you're dragging him to the floor with you, laying on the hard surface and spreading your legs to fit him between them, exactly where he belongs.

"now, now," you beg. he's so close to you, and he feels better against you than you ever could have imagined. you let yourself go, sinking your teeth into the muscle of his neck, hopefully deep enough to leave a mark.

"fuck, I can't say no to you, pretty girl," he responds, hastily shoving his own shorts out of the way before ripping your soaked underwear to finally feel your soft skin against him.

just like the rest of his muscular body, his dick is prettier than any you've ever seen. this is going to hurt, you realize.

it'll be the best you've ever felt in your life.

"I promise, baby, I'll take you to dinner. take you to a show, I'll treat you to anything you want, just need to feel you so bad right now," you hear him say next to your ear.

"please, Bucky," you whine. you watch him get into position...

and then you feel it: the blinding feeling of him stretching you out on the rough floor of a communal gym.

he goes slow, slower than you could've anticipated, giving you time to relax around him before pressing another inch in.

"taking my cock so good, baby," he coos. "feel that? feel me inside you?" he asks as he presses his metal hand to your lower abdomen.

you can't even form a coherent word, a vile noise escaping from your throat in acknowledgement. it's so good.

"it's never felt this good before," you admit to him. "never actually cared about the guy on top of me."

he hears the attempt at humor in your voice, the way you're trying to mask the vulnerability you're feeling.

"want to be the only one who ever gets to be on top of you like this, baby," he whispers to you as he begins to pull back, slowly fucking back into you with his hand still pushing against your stomach. "you like the sound of that?"

"yeah, yes, Bucky. only you. I'm yours," you admit to him.

the last thought in your head is how all your body's warning signs are finally gone before he begins railing you into oblivion.

~~~

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