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Forgive me

For my lack of engagement. So much has happened since the move! To summarize:

I dropped OG a couple months after moving to NYC. He invited me on another Europe trip but I had just started my new job and had a rapidly evolving social calendar. I asked him to give me time to consider it. After a bit of pestering from him (which i found annoying); a week later, I had run through my calendar and plans and told him I could come. But without responding to that he made a comment about how my instagram was back to public and “jokingly” said he was preoccupied with it.

After my ex stalked me, I made all my social media private and changed my handles. OG used to like to check up on me on IG (and especially since he was taking quite a few photos for my platform) so I gave him my new handle just so he could see I was happy and safe.

Well. That day he thought it would be funny to joke about was also the very first day in over a year my IG was public and I immediately got creeped out. Between the pestering and that, I was getting the feeling he was becoming overly involved.

So I flat out told him I think he’s taking our relationship too seriously and we need some space. He proceeded to halfway BEG me to discuss the situation on the phone with him the next day.

I told him the fact that this was even a conversation is even more alarming and that I didn’t think it was a good idea to see each other anymore, particularly since he has a family.

At one point, he said “I’m sorry I got impatient, I just felt like since I helped you move to NYC and bought you flights, hotels, outfits, etc to make it happen, you’d be more willing to go out of your way for me.” I fucking lost it and shut the conversation down, telling him I owed him nothing and our relationship was getting inappropriate for the constraints it resided in.

He still texts me on holidays, birthdays, etc, but I haven’t responded. Because he irritated me past a point of understanding, but also because I’ve been so busy.

So I never got a chance to have a final chat with Racecar, so I stopped asking him for money. But I had to return to my prior city for a wedding in winter and decided to shoot him a text and let him know I’d be in town. Before we even got together, he sent me $2k on PayPal and a text letting me know he gave me an allowance.

I met him at the hotel I was staying at (he got a separate room) and we spent a few hours together. I missed him, he’s lovely in bed and likes cuddling and chatting as much as fucking. So, I told him all about my big girl job in the city and how I took a chance. He told me he was proud. I worked in that it’s super expensive to live in the city and I quit sugaring.

So long story short, I send a couple sexy pictures a month, I get an extra $2k around rent time each month.

I’ll continue with what my adventures in NYC have been like shortly... hope you dolls are doing great and staying safe.

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I saw French during lunch today. His traveling schedule is packed for the next week and a half so we decided to squeeze a quick meet in. He asked me where I wanted to meet, and I said I wouldn’t be offended if we straight up met in a hotel room.

He booked a room around the corner from my office in a very expensive hotel. He was wearing dark blue jeans and a black polo. I’m lucky I have such a sexy SD. I constantly stroke his ego and make him feel like he’s doing me a favor by having sex with me. I’m confidant he will upkeep our arrangement for some time, so I like to make him feel special.

We had pretty uneventful sex similar to the last two times, but that’s what he seems to enjoy. He wants it to be slow and passionate and I’m fine with that. He lasted like 30 minutes, then we cuddled and talked for another 15. He brought me a sandwich and San Pellegrino to take back to the office since he knew I was missing lunch to meet with him, which was super cute.

I’m in charge of planning a bachelorette party for my friend from back home, and she wanted to have it in NYC. Hotels in the city are obviously expensive and we’ll need two rooms at least. I asked OG if he would pay for one of the rooms (~$900) and he booked it for me without batting an eyelash. Hopefully he comes to the city soon so I can rightfully make it equal.

I’m oddly still seeing my vanilla. We just get along amazingly and have sex like rabbits. It also helps that he has amazing taste and takes me to some of the coolest places in the city. I went over to his family’s home to go in the pool (they live just outside Manhattan) and holy shit. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more opulent home. Crystal chandeliers and marble everywhere, a 20-something seat dining table.

He pays for everything when we’re together without complaint. And I’m not a cheap date. He has a good job, but he’s only my age and clearly doesn’t worry about money so I’m assuming he has a crazy trust fund. His birthday is coming up so I bought him a $150 bottle of his favorite scotch even though he said not to get him anything. My birthday is in a month so it couldn’t hurt to pay it forward in hopes of a nice gift 😊

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Hey!! So in one of your recent posts you briefly mentioned your sd is short, and mine is too. On the first date I wore heels and I was so much taller than him. So now I always wear flats when I'm with him. But heels give me my confidence! What's your thoughts? Do you accommodate your look to fit certain sd's?

Hey girl! I was actually talking about a vanilla who is short 😂 not an SD. I've always had tall SDs, so I never wear flats no matter the occasion. I'm the same way though, I feel amazing in heels. Do what makes you feel sexiest!I was embarrassed of my height when I was younger and would try and slouch and make myself appear smaller. I met this guy at a dance club when I was 17 who made a comment on my height and said it was very attractive. He was older (mid-late 20s), so I naively asked if I look like a freak with the added height (I was wearing platform pumps because I went out with an older girlfriend). He told me any man who thinks that is a pussy and to never take my heels off. He took me out to dinner the next week and was all around a wealth of advice. That stuck with me ever since. If you can rock heels like a badass, definitely do it. In general, SDs like to show us off and want peoples' heads to turn. If he's uncomfortable with the difference, he can be an adult and let you know. In general, the more comfortable you are, the more you will shine. And in terms of the vanilla... this is the first time I've ever had a fling with someone shorter than me and I'm slowly getting over it. But he could give a shit. I still wear heels out with him (even in casual settings) because that's who I am and he takes me to really nice places. Any confident guy will know what he brings to the table and not care.

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I went on a date last night with French at a Michelin starred Japanese restaurant in the East Village. He wanted to meet a little earlier than last time which stressed me out. It was only at 7 but I’ve been working late while I get used to my new job and I obviously had to run home, shower and get ready for my sugar date which takes a lot of prep. I rushed out of work at 530 (I live a 10 minute walk from my work) and started to prepare.

I exfoliated my whole body with a Bliss scrub, shaved everything, washed my hair and then rubbed a body oil all over me followed by a thick lotion. I realized in the midst of getting ready that my nails were chipped even though I just got them done two days ago. They were also bright red which I felt was a little gaudy for a sugar date. I had about 15 minutes left before I needed to leave and had to decide between styling my hair all the way or doing my nails and toes. Recently one of my guy friends told me he judges the amount of care a girl puts into herself based on her nails, so I had to sacrifice my usual rich girl curls.

I wore a sage colored Helmut Lang wrap dress, nude Chanel ankle strap heels, a watch and a black Chanel wallet on a chain. I spritzed myself with La Vie Est Belle and ran out he door. By the time I got down my flight of stairs I considered taking a car, even though it’s just as fast to take the subway. I checked and a car would be $20 and I was already late so I said fuck it and started walking.

The subway was so sweaty and packed in and by the time I arrived, I could feel a little sweat on the back of my neck. Thank god he got stuck in traffic and was a few minutes late so I could cool off and look fresh. He arrived wearing a light gray suit which is totally my weakness. We started with frozen sake since it was so hot out and started catching up on the last week and a half. He asked me how I was liking the city so far and how my job was coming along.

He ordered two omakase’s for us, which is a five course tasting menu at the chef’s discretion which was a delight for me because I love trying new things. He’s extraordinarily intelligent and we have really amazing conversations. However, I do have a tendency to get into more serious topics over the course of a date. I know in general you’re supposed to take politics, religion, race, etc off the table on sugar dates. But I can’t help myself when I have a great sparing partner. We literally talked about alternate universes and energy balances at one point.

So even though the general advice is to remain mysterious, there are SDs out there who value your opinion as well. I had three glasses of Chardonnay with dinner and we finally left for the hotel. He booked a room at the Standard in the East Village and we settled in quickly. I went down on him for a while and again, our sex is nothing special in my opinion. He’s got a huge dick which sucks, but he basically just likes rocking back and forth slowly either missionary or with me on top, so it’s pretty easy.

We finished up and cuddled up for a bit. He eventually said it was time for him to head back home and we got dressed. I really wanted to stay for a bit by myself because we had a corner room with a really pretty view, but I felt it would seem a lot more natural if we both left together. He grabbed me a cab on the way out.

I never made a mention of money during our date. But when I finally took my phone out (I don’t look at my phone on sugar dates) I had a Venmo notification for another $1500. I usually have pretty good intuition and if I can avoid asking for money, I always do. It makes the guys feel a lot better I think. If he didn’t send me something after the date, I may have asked. Or I might have written it off as someone who isn’t that generous.

At any rate, it was clearly a productive evening. HOWEVER I saw the vanilla guy I had sex with (let’s call him D) again the day before my sugar date. He took me to Pier 45 to watch the sunset and then we went to a wine bar and split a bottle of red. Despite being short, he’s hot. He wore Prada loafers, vacations in St Martin and drives a $80k Audi. So he obviously likes the nicer things. We went back to his place in Gramercy after the wine and proceeded to get intimate.

It was just as crazy as the first time. We had sex in his bed, then stepped out on his balcony for some air and had sex there. Then went back in the living room to relax on the couch and fucked there even though he has a roommate.

I have fake grass on my roof, and his knees got torn up from having sex on it the last time. The cut opened up and there was blood like ALL over the bed on really nice white linens. We both kind of laughed at ourselves because we’re a little animalistic in the heat of things.

I made a mention that his dick was nice in my last post. It’s thick and perfectly long and curves slightly up toward him. But after 3 rounds, I was so sore the next day. Then after French, I’m done with penises for a few days 😂

D rented a big house in Montauk for the weekend after July 4th and invited me to come. One of his friends is hosting a party for a famous DJ the night we would leave so he said we should go to that, then drive to Montauk after when traffic isn’t bad. Somehow I got really lucky with my move to the city!

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Thank you so much! This helped a lot because I had know idea of the few stores you've listed. I've grown up rather poor for myself and still in the same situation a bit. However I'm in college and working, so I feel more better about my family situation. I'm only 18, but I've considered being a SB for a while. Maybe in a year or two. I still have a lot to research. Thank you so much ❤❤❤

Of course babe! You don't have to have a ton of money to dress well. It's important to wear things that make you feel like a million dollars and not something that will be uncomfortable because it'll show. Confidence is key 😊 I'm glad to hear you're doing your research. Being a SB can be such an amazing experience, but you really need to have your wits about you otherwise bad things can happen. If you ever have any questions, my door is always open!

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Hi there! I hope you're having a nice day. I wanted to ask a question on where you shop if you don't mind? What are some of your favorite stores? ❤❤

Thanks doll! I’m all over the map and have really particular style so I’m picky. I try not to spend crazy amounts on clothes and have a mix of high/low. I really love All Saints for their silk dresses and have about 8-10. Since moving to NYC I’ve been hitting up Beacon’s Closet and found a couple of super sexy Helmut Lang dresses as well as a pair of Chanel heels for like $100.

A lot of my stuff is second hand, I was poor growing up so I rarely got new clothes. I don’t mind now that I’ve gotten older and still practice it. The only things I buy new are niche items I know I’ll love such as a Realisation Par dress or One Teaspoon denim shorts.

I have a lot of basics from Brandy Melville as well as Forever 21. I like light waist coats over a black tank dress and heels for date night because it looks expensive and put together. I wear a lot of Free People dresses I’ve accumulated over time on sale during the day because they’re flowing and flattering.

Occasionally I’ll buy a fun top from Zara to throw into the mix. I only own two pairs of jeans lol. One is a pair of grey All Saints with the knees frayed and the other is a jet black pair from Madewell because they carry extra long sizes and my legs are long. I had a couple pairs of leggings but am not into athleisure really.

I dress pretty simply with a lot of black and pay more attention to how things make my body look than what’s trendy. I wear really simple nude or black heels and occasionally a pair of black leather loafers.

I have a Louis Vuitton Neverfull and a classic black Chanel wallet on a chain. I wear a gold necklace and four rings every day that I've gotten at fairs, then a pair of half carat diamond studs, so I don't buy accessories really.

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So I never got a chance to let Racecar know I was leaving. He was so difficult to get a response out of before I left that I figured I'd just let the whole thing go since I have so much going on. Usually he pays me on the 20th, and typically he needs a reminder because he's so busy. But midwalk with my dog this morning I heard the PayPal notification go off which really surprised me. I've been running up my credit card experiencing all I can in NYC and have been a little worried to check my accounts, so it's definitely wonderful. French let me know after our date that he'd be out of town all last week on business so I had a break from sugar. I'm going to touch base with him tomorrow and try and set up a date. I've already made a bunch of friends and have been going out practically every night. I said a while back that one of the best things sugar has helped me with is being okay with a man paying for me, and thank god I learned that lesson before moving to the city. Every guy I've met has more money than they know what to do with. I met this guy during the day time through a friend and he invited me to have drinks at a friend's rooftop overlooking the Hudson. The apartment was absolutely amazing and they had a whole terrace to themselves. We had bottle on top of bottle of rosé and spicy margaritas. My roommate wanted to meet up and go to go dancing. I invited the guy who brought me to the roof and he tagged along. Maybe an hour in, I started getting weird vibes that he was trying to take me home. I did the meanest thing I've done in a long time and ditched him. He texted me the next day making sure nothing bad happened to me, and I straight up apologized for being an asshole. He asked if he could take me to dinner to make up for making me uncomfortable. He's lived in the city for a while and has good taste, so I obliged. We went to Indochine and had a $350 dinner, to which he refused to let me pay. His favorite bar was in the area so he asked if I wanted a post dinner cocktail. We went to the Wren and had another drink, then to Acme (which is his favorite) for another. Then my drunk habits kicked in and we ended up going to Catch and ending up at 1Oak at 3am... on a Tuesday. He wouldn't let me buy a single round of drinks even though I tried multiple times, so I would say he probably spent another $200 on drinks. I had so much fun with him, but it was strictly platonic. He's very handsome (Russian) well spoken and intelligent... but he's shorter than me. I'm 5'-10" without heels and he's probably 5'-8" which is kind of a deal breaker for me. But by the weekend he asked if I wanted to meet up with some of his friends for a drink. I didn't have plans yet, so I threw on a dress and met him halfway in between our apartments at the Nomad. His friends are awesome, so I knew it would be a fun night. After a glass of wine, he got us an uber to Public. It just opened last week and is one of the most beautiful hotels/bars I've ever been to. We got in line, but three groups of girls in front of us got denied at the door. We were two couples so I figured there was no chance we'd get into the rooftop bar. But his friends are very well dressed, and so was he and I and somehow we got up. I had three glasses of Möet before we switched venues. We went to the Blond next, where we got in without a problem and were given a reserved table. We had a cocktail there then went to Le Bain at the Standard for a drink and to dance for a bit. Last, we went to 1Oak again. The minimum for entrance was $300 for a table and the guys shrugged their shoulders and paid for it, which was insane to me. We had so much fun and finally called it a night around 330. He got an uber to take me home and when we pulled up, I asked if he wanted to come meet my dog because we talked about her for a while that night. I'm pretty drunk at this point, so we went upstairs and popped a couple beers to hang out. Something possessed me to go for it, and we started getting hot and heavy. We had some of the most wild sex of my life. My apartment has a window that opens onto the rooftop with a couple couches on it and we eventually made our way out there. For being short, he was strong and we got into some of the craziest positions. His dick was amazing... like up there with top three in my life. Thick and long, but not so big that I was in pain the whole time. The sun started coming up and some people on neighboring buildings started hooting and hollering at us, so we went back inside. We had sex for probably two and a half hours and then passed out. He works in luxury real estate and had a showing first thing in the morning, so we slept for like an hour and a half and then he had to go do a showing. I woke up and my room was trashed. I rifled through drawers to find lube, we had sex just about everywhere. I accidentally lost my phone behind the bed, and I'm still sore two days later. He said his knees are scraped up from the roof and I have like ten bruises. But this has been the biggest lesson to give unlikely guys a shot. I haven't stopped thinking about our sex since and obviously enjoy the kickbacks from a secure guy. Sorry to be a bore with vanilla sex, but I like to keep a balance, especially when sugaring is going slow.

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This past week I had my date with my new POT at Dirty French. I realized on my way to my date I forgot a lot about what the guy was like and started to get a little nervous about how things would go. We both arrived at the exact same time, walking up the street opposite of each other. He looked good, wearing a navy blazer, light dress shirt, dark jeans and thick rim glasses. We quickly settled in and caught up on things. He said he was a little surprised to hear from me and that I strictly followed the timeline I told him it would be for me to move to the city. It was nice that he shared that because it shows he took notice that I'm reliable. He also said that he went back on the site to look for me to refresh his memory and couldn't find my profile. That made me feel better that he was also feeling forgetful. And it made me look really good because I completely deleted all of my sugar accounts after we met so I could start over in the city. So I basically didn't look like a total ho to him since it appears that I'm no longer searching. So we enjoyed a lengthy dinner. I had a glass of brut champagne to start and then he ordered a bottle of red to share with dinner. We got mussels, tuna tartar and for our mains I had scallops and he had lamb. We also got haricots and fries to share. The dinner was amazing and our conversation was going so well. He's deeply intelligent and spars with me over science, religion, etc so the evening went by without a single awkward silence. After we ate and he paid (it was a $450 dinner without tip) our waitress suggested we relax in the lounge for a bit since we were still very engaged talking. She reserved a table for us next to the fireplace and we both sat on the same couch. I ordered a Manhattan and he finally breached the topic of sugar. He told me about his experiences in the past (he had a few lengthy and positive SRs) which was obviously a delight for me to hear. He's also married, which I usually prefer because they're less needy and more discreet about sleeping together. He asked me what I wanted from a financial standpoint. I told him $3500 would be perfect and would make it so I can be exclusive and not look for income elsewhere. He said that's more than he paid in the past, but not in a complaining way just more matter of fact. I startled rambling on about the reasons why I need that much but he cut me short and said he honestly doesn't care how I spend it, which is good because he's obviously not cheap. So we have another drink and continue on with regular conversation. He lives in NJ and commutes to the city for work so he had a hotel room for that evening in Times Square. After paying the check, he asked if we'd like to move to the hotel. Fuck yes I did. He's in his forties but I think he's hot. He's in great shape, dresses well and he's African and darker skinned people age so gracefully in my opinion. Once we got into privacy he asked me to give him my Venmo or PayPal. When I initially told him my number, I also included that I understood that's a large chunk of money to be going out each month and splitting it in two might be best for both of us. So I gave him my Venmo and he sent me $1500. I wore a super sexy white dress with laceup details since I was dressed so dowdy on our first date. I couldn't wear panties or a bra with it, so I straddled him on the bed and pulled my dress overhead in one quick motion. Whenever I first sleep with a POT/SD I'm a little over the top so I feel secured that I made a great impression, because after all the sexual side of things is most important to him. So we played for a bit, and despite having a huge dick, he was pretty gentle and easy. Afterwards we laid and talked a bit more then got dressed. He grabbed me a cab and gave me a kiss goodbye. I sent him a follow up text the next day thanking for his company and for the amazing meal. He said he really enjoyed the evening and that's we'd get together again soon. I think I can say he's my new SD and from here on out, I'll call him French in honor of our first dinner.

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