c2b-e

[c2b-e]

Nothing worse than starting from zero

[c2b-e]

can’t Wait to get a full length mirror to bully myself pretty 😒

[c2b-e]

Ok I’m getting sick and tired of

Eating past full

Making shit excuses for scars and everyone believing it

Looking like I’m a fucking whale after drinking water

Having mood swings so terrible I can’t even with myself

Feeling so unproductive

Falling out of touch with the thousands of hobbies I use to and still love

School stressors IN SUMMERTIME

Eating things I don’t want or even crave at the moment

Basing my wants and needs around other people

Living, but I can’t cut myself loose too short. I loath myself that much (pun intended)

And last but not least living the life I want to live even if I don’t know what it is yet :)

Right now i just want this present moment to fade amongst all the other nights I’ve lived through

I want to experience, feel, and fall in love with something anything

Im 16, about to start driving school in less than a week while summer school is wrapping up, haven’t met much people though I’m fairly liked

But that’s not enough anymore I want to drive off to some concert alone and meet people like movies and have adventures with them

In my city there’s not much of a scene going on so it’s important to be versatile and open. Things like shitty art museums, graffiti art hunting, trying out different coffee shops miles away, going thrifting or to a first Friday

Those are the types of things that with the right people, would create vivid memories to last

So I’ll talk to him until we trust each other enough to just go fucking nowhere or until he finally decided to get rid of me and he becomes a faint but vivid memory

[c2b-e]

I fucking hate myself lol like there’s not a single decent quality that I posses I just want to cry all the time and I can never do something right I FUCKING HATE MYSELF I FUCKING HAYE MYSELF I FUCKING HATE MYSELFFFFF

[c2b-e]

I know I shouldn’t but I don’t want to stop

I want to starve until water doesn’t work anymore

If not then let me purge the smallest meals I can get without tipping anyone off

Let me excercise hours without fear of someone noticing how exhausted I am while doing it

Let me express myself in form of horrible long scars instead of restricting myself to little ones

Let me stay awake for days because I don’t deserve to sleep

Let me drown myself with work until I uncontrollably cry of frustration

Let me know you never gave me so much as a thought

Tell me you were just bored and thought of ignoring me but didn’t out of pity

Let me know the compliments and support you claimed to have was a lie to look nice in front of others

Tell me how ungrateful and undeserving I am of the very air I breathe

Tell me how much I deserve to fail because I don’t make an effort not to

Tell me I’m full of shit and death is just I less failure to pay for

Tell me how off putting I am

Tell me how I don’t talk enough

I don’t pay attention to atract attention

I plan everything in my head to look special

I never clean my room

I never finish a project

I can’t play piano

I wasted your money on stupid guitar lessons and ceramics classes

I’m always ready to drink myself stupid

Tell me what you think of me

[c2b-e]

My right hand is chubbier than my left and sometimes it really pisses me off

[c2b-e]

Haven’t had proper sleep all week and I’m forgetting what I had to eat today so I can’t calculate and I’m annoyed anxious and mostly mad at myself for not tracking it in the first place

I was gonna say something else but I forgot🗿

[c2b-e]

Is it weird that I constantly have to force myself to maintain a happy mood

Like if I’m gonna hang out with friends I need to watch funny stuff and listen to happy music and tell myself I should ignore the bad things for the sole purpose of not being a drag when I meet my friends

And it would be for the little stuff too, like if I know my sister is taking an exam or wants to watch a movie with me, I’ll like jump or do something to make me feel active

Probably sounds psycho but it’s like my way of telling myself to cut the bullshit🗿

[c2b-e]

I use to cut really often; why couldn’t I just kill myself, has the fat gone to my head? why was I so pathetic?

Then I would torture myself by living; lunches with family? do you really not see how fat you are, you could practically leak fat and grease if someone so much as side hugged you. You better walk home tomorrow in that 90 degree weather, you can sweat out the pig in you

Now I do both🙃

[c2b-e]

I have a cousin who has pretty bad anxiety, she never tells me about how it’s affecting her but she does randomly open up and tell me when she’s feeling it like right before the lunch bell (because of the anticipation of the bell going off) or just straight up randomly that even she doesn’t know why it’s happening,

Can someone tell me how I can be there for her, I try reassuring her and twisting her negative word into a more positive outlook but I feel like I’m not doing enough.

Me and her are really close so whenever her anxiety comes up I don’t want to just ignore it but I also don’t want to do something wrong and give her an even harder time...

[c2b-e]

So far I’ve ate half a yogurt (40) and i don’t feel empty yet??? It’s been an hour

I can hear how dumb I sound but it’s really bothering me that when I drink water I can’t feel it going down into an empty stumach😞

[c2b-e]

*eyes snap open at 3:52am* nobody likes me

[c2b-e]

The conFliCted-Ness i feel when I do my make up and im feeling it but then feel the fat in my skin ndmdkkdjkdnjxjj🙄🙄🙄

[c2b-e]

Hey, every since I’ve been going in person, I’ve seen so many girls being confident about thier body and I’m not going to lie I’ve been more confident too. Today I ate and I didn’t get the urge to purge up until now bc I’m talking about it but I’m not bc I have guests. This just shows that what you surround yourself with influences how you think and do,

I hope today can be a good day for you

I hope you can surround yourself with so many good things

I hope we can all make it.

[c2b-e]

Don’t scroll past this.

Reblog to let your followers know that they should never start cutting.

I know this website makes it seem like that shit is normal but trust me, it’s not. And once you start, you’ll never really start and it will haunt you for life.

It never gets easier, it never stops hurting, it isn’t (and will never be) “cool” or “the only way out”

Please don’t start. If you already are cutting, tell sometime and get help, it’s not as scary as it seems and you will be better off by it.

If even one person reads this… Please. You matter.

Don’t start.

[c2b-e]

Cried

made a list about everything that’s been going wrong

Now I’m going to try to fast till until tomorrow

[c2b-e]

D-3

Breakfast: fast

Lunch: strawberry pecan salad and some pasta (580)

Snacks: (130