campbellparker

[campbellparker]

"Sounds nice." Cam commented quietly with a light smile. Her childhood had been chaotic. From the age of 8, Cam hadn't been able to go out of the house without an entourage following behind her. She'd never had friends, all the kids her age too worried about doing normal kid things, while she was stick sitting in offices while her father had meetings or standing on a stage in front of flashing cameras as her father made speeches after speeches. But when behind door, it'd been the most normal thing ever. Her parents tucked her down together. They watched movies, built forts, even scalded her like normal parents would do. While it hadn't been the most normal childhood, it was hers and she treasured it, just like she treasured the memories of her father. 

Shaking her head, Cam continued to watch the woman in the chair as she settled back against it, far too interested in watching Erica than going to sleep.

"No, no, I don't mind. Go ahead."

Awakening: Cam & Erica

Erica felt her body relaxing as she sat by Cam. As if it could rest now that she was awake. “It was normal.” She yawned. “Dad’s a physician. Was. He retired a few years ago. Mom is a chemistry professor. Grew up hearing about how surgery is the elite class of medicine, so being the first child, I went for it. Normal childhood, I guess. Single family house in the suburbs of Boston where it’s almost affordable to live. Played in the front yard with my two brothers. One dog. One cat. Normal.” She yawned again. The sandman seemed to be missing it’s target. 

"Do you mind if I rest my eyes here for a minute?" She folded her arms and leaned on the back of her chair. "The on call room is so far." 

[campbellparker]

"Ahh..." Cam mused, wanting very much to know what had happened, but know it wasn't her place to ask. If Erica wanted her to know, she would tell her.

Deciding that that was enough prying for one night, Cam choose a different subject. "What was your childhood like?"

[campbellparker]

If her eyes weren’t closed, Cam would have rolled her eyes heavily. Dr. Torres wasn’t that good looking. Erica could have done much better. Still could.

Wife?

Her eyes snapping open, Cam turned her head and stared incredulously at the blonde heart surgeon. “You were-” No, that sounded for too much like she was getting her hopes up. “-are married?” She tried again, her blue eyes search Erica’s own steely blue gaze.

[campbellparker]

Nodding slowly, Cam frowned, "Ahh, Dr. Torres? She was your first?" Clearing her throat, Cam turned away, the images of Torres and Erica together flooding her mind.

"And this time? Why'd you come back?"

Awakening: Cam & Erica

Erica blinked. “Ok. Didn’t expect that.” She cracked her tired neck and leaned on her chair. 

"I first came here as a favor to Richard who needed a cardio department head. I thought I was doing fine until when took a tumble down the rankings and he questioned my teaching methods. Long story short: I had a personal crisis and finally accepted that I was gay, but the woman I was involved with at the time decided to defend an idiot against me. I couldn’t take it any more and left her in the parking lot and transferred back to Hopkins."

[campbellparker]

Shrugging, Cam lolled her head to the side and stared at Erica beneath hooded eyelashes. The blonde surgeon really was marvelous, beautiful in her own way and she was here, sitting with Cam. The realization that the woman was here for her filled her with warmth, but then again, it could be the drugs playing with her temperature.

"Tell me-tell me about your first stint here. You mentioned awhile back that this was the second time you'd worked here. So why did you leave the first time."

Awakening: Cam & Erica

Erica sank back in her chair. Cam looked like the drugs were kicking in, and Hahn knew sleep would take her in a moment. 

"What would you like to know?"

The room felt warm and welcoming, and Erica wished the sweet feeling could stay for years.  

[campbellparker]

Yawning, Cam smiled tiredly. Erica had missed her. At least in some way the woman felt something towards Cam, even if they weren't similar. Even as she lay there, high on painkillers and completely exhausted, Cam knew how she felt, she knew it was wrong, but she couldn't find it in her to care. Not now, maybe not ever.

"Will you tell me something about you?"

[campbellparker]

Humming lowly, Cam pulled back exhaustion grazing her sickly features. Resting back against the bed, the blinds closed her eyes and blindly reached for the surgeons hands, needing the contact, the comfort. Needing Erica.

"I'd like to think so, but another part of me knows he'd be very disappointed. Family meant a lot to my father. Work came second. Always. He preached it to me every day, 'don't let it consume you' he'd tell me."

Tracing small tight circles on the back of Erica's hand, Cam sat quietly for a moment, just taking in everything. Taking in the last few months, days and now, today. Today it seemed like a whole new beginning. She's nearly died, more than once. She had a new set of lungs and a new heart. She also had, Erica. A friend, though now, the word friend seemed to fall short on how she felt and saw Erica. The blonde surgeon wasn't just a friend, she was much, much more.

"I missed you."

[campbellparker]

Chuckling quietly, Cam nuzzled her face against Erica's shoulder, not entirely sure why or what she was doing.

"No, when I dying or or asleep I guess." Sighing slightly, Cam shuddered, "I think, I think they were memories or dream, I don't know, but I saw him."

[campbellparker]

"M'fine." Wrapping her arms around Erica's waist, Cam pressed her face into the woman's neck,  a small sob escaping her. It was nice to finally be able to breath without any fear. That was the last time, the last time she'd be on that table.

Taking a few moments to let the tears subdue and to calm down, Cam rested her chin on Erica's shoulder and stared at the closed door, "I saw my father."

Awakening: Cam & Erica

Pain. 

Erica saw the tears in Cam’s eyes and immediately thought of the woman’s pain. “It’s going to hurt for a while, but you missed the worst of it being out. I can get you a bigger dose of pain meds if you wish.” 

"Would you come closer so I can hug you?"

Erica paused at the strange request. “I can, but don’t hug me too hard or it’ll damage the stitches.” She instead leaned over and embraced the woman’s neck.

[campbellparker]

Yours was the first I noticed. Swallowing down the raising lump in her throat, Cam squeezed her eyes shut to stop the flow of tears that were sure to fall if she opened them.

"Would you ahh..." Pulling on Erica's arm weakly, Cam opened her eyes and laughed sheepishly, "Would you come closer so I can hug you?"

Awakening: Cam & Erica

Hahn’s thumb stoked the woman’s hand instinctively when the grip tightened. 

"Of course all hearts are warm during surgery, but…" She looked down. "Yours was the first one I noticed." 

[campbellparker]

Blushing heavily at Erica's words, Cam managed to crack a exhausted smile before closing her eyes, her grip tightening around Erica's hand.

"Warm. My heart felt warm. Don't all hearts feel warm?"

Awakening: Cam & Erica

She pulled the large plastic mug away from the woman and placed it back on the hospital tray. 

She shook her head. “I wouldn’t be comfortable with any one else’s hands in you,” she tease. “And since you asked before your heart was very warm. Very sick, but very warm.” 

[campbellparker]

Shaking her head in response, knowing her stomach wouldn't be able to handle much water, Cam let her head drop back against the bed, a tired sigh escaping her.

"Thank you," She husked, "For-for the water and op-operating on me when I had asked if of you.."

Awakening: Cam & Erica

Without nodding or replying, Erica leaned over and grabbed the water. She placed the straw between the chapped lips as the woman weakly took a few sips. She had to wipe her damp cheeks at the sight. 

There was something about seeing Cam awake that anchored her. All of a sudden she felt as if she could sleep peacefully as if realizing how weary she had been. It would be a long recovery, but Cam was alive and now awake! 

"More?" 

[campbellparker]

Coded once. Did that mean she had died on the table, or she was close to? Was that why everything was so vivid? So real?

Her fingers twitching slightly around Erica's hand in a makeshift squeeze of her own, Cam let a small smile escape her at the blonde's proximity. Well the memories and dreams had been pleasant, this was even more so. She'd missed the woman, even if it only seemed like she'd blinked.

Swallowing harshly around the dryness in her throat and mouth, the attorney nodded, "I am awake now." Spying the cup of water on the tray next to her bed, Cam nodded jerkily at it, "Could you...please?"

Awakening: Cam & Erica

"A few complications here and there, but you had the best working on you."  Erica grinned as she sat beside her. "Coded once and gave us a scare, but you came back." 

Erica took Cam’s hand without realizing it. She had done it out of habit when the woman slept, and she didn’t think of it when the woman was awake. 

"Your vitals are solid." Filled with relief, she beamed as happiness took her. "All that was left was for you to wake up." 

[campbellparker]

"Back to the land of living." Campbell wheezed out her reply, her nasal cannula twitching at the slight smile forming on her lips.

Beckoning the surgeon in with a slight nod, Cam sighed in pain. "How-how did it go?"

[campbellparker]

She'd woken about twenty minutes ago and as soon as she'd opened her eyes, Cam was immediately bombarded with nurses and doctors. It took Campbell ten seconds to figure out where she was and what has happened.

Surgery.

It had all been a dream, memories possibly, she really didn't know, but she suddenly wondered whether this being awake and alive was better than seeing her father again.

Blinking a few times as the room slowly cleared, leaving one nurse to check on her vitals, Cam turned away from the silent nurse just as a head full of blonde entered her peripheral vision.

"Eri-rica."

Erica had finally fallen asleep when the page came. When she first read the lit screen, she wondered if she were still asleep. She wiped the sleep from her eyes and dashed to the bathroom to brush her teeth and get her contacts in. Throwing on the nearest clothes she could find, she ran to the car...

[campbellparker]

Beyond

"Daddy, Daddy!" Cam cried, running from tree to tree on legs that never had a chance to be chubby with her hyperactivity. "Look how many I have!" She held up her basket, beaming.

"Wow, Campbell!" her father exclaimed, easily lifting her into his arms as he glanced into the pink wicker basket. "You found all the Easter eggs all by yourself. That’s my smart girl."

Cam giggled as he lifted her even higher over his head. She loved riding on his shoulders, able to see above anyone she knew, taller than Mummy even. She was lucky her daddy was the strongest man ever and could carry her with no problem.

Cam waved excitedly at her mother as they grew near. “Mummy, look at my eggs! And Daddy didn’t help me at all!”

"That’s wonderful, sweetheart," her mother replied with a fond smile as Cam was carefully lowered to the ground. "Are you cold? Your cheeks are red."

"No, Mummy." She shook her head emphatically, pigtails bouncing, knowing that cold meant going indoors. "Can I open an egg and eat the candy? Just one." She held out two plastic eggs in slightly dirty hands. "You and Daddy can have one, too," she added generously.

"I don’t think one piece of candy will hurt," Daddy said, taking the seat next to Mummy as he opened a few of the eggs. Cam climbed onto his lap and took the chocolate eagerly, holding her hand out for another despite her promise of ‘just one.’ She was immediately rewarded.

Her mother tried to look stern, though an indulgent smile threatened to show. “You spoil her, Jack.”

"It’s what fathers are for, Hilary," he replied, ruffling Cam’s hair as she grinned, chocolate already smeared on her face. "I can’t help myself. I’ve the most beautiful wife and the most perfect daughter, all to myself. I’m the luckiest man in the world."

[campbellparker]

Beyond

The walls are closing in on her. Here, today, in this moment. She’s drowning in a sea of black, suffocated in darkness, doesn’t know how to find a way out. The water she’s sipping slides down her throat, cools the deep ache in her chest, releases some of the pressure.

Her smile is tight-lipped and strained as she forces her mouth upwards at the people who pass her by with pitying eyes, sad smiles, and heavy hands on her shoulders. She supposes it’s supposed to be comforting.

She fingers her grandmother’s pearls as she scans the small crowd for the only person she can tolerate right now. She sighs, coming up empty, and falls back onto the bottom step of the staircase, glass forgotten. Here she can hide, sink into the wall, slip off the ugly, matronly shoes that adorn her feet because she’s too tired to hobble around in even the lowest of heels.

She leans her head against the wall, her hairclip scraping against the paint. She winces, reaches back to release her long locks from their restraint, sighing as her curls tumble down her shoulders. Much better.

She wraps her arms around herself, her fingernails scratching the soft black fabric of her dress. She bought it especially for the occasion, dropped almost 100 dollars on it even though she knows she’ll never wear it again.

But her father still deserves the best, doesn’t he?

She swallows the lump in her throat, blinking back the tears that threaten to fall down her face. She can do this later when she’s alone in her room, wrapped under her favorite blanket as the loneliness seeps into her bones, cloaking her in a tight embrace when all she wants is to feel her father’s fingers, light and smooth at her forehead as he brushes her hair from her face.

She presses a palm to her forehead, as if she can tamp the grief down with the touch of her hand. Her breath catches in her throat and it’s too much; she needs to get out of here.

She needs to flee. Breathe.

When she lifts her head, she’s there, palm outstretched in front of her face, eyes tight with sadness. She sucks in a mouthful of air, slips her hand into hers gratefully.

"Let’s get the hell out of here, Campbell," she rasps.

She nods wordlessly; nothing sounds better. She shoves her feet back into her flats and grabs her father’s navy sweater that still hangs on the hook by the door, slipping her arms into it easily.

And then they’re out the door without so much as a word to anyone else, focused only on each other and their moment of respite.