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Spell Jar: Fuck You; Not Today Bitch
Today, I present you with the “Fuck You; Not Today, Bitch” spell jar. It was supposed to be a standard protection charm, but once I sniff-checked some of my ingredients, I decided to get nasty with it. This jar is a gift for a friend of mine who’s going through some hard shit.
Here is the most important takeaway from this spell: it is not meant to be a containment trap. It is meant for the diversion, capture, and neutralization of negative energy. If the jar is broken, unsealed, or otherwise compromised, it only ceases to work; It does not release a huge store of negative energies back into the world (or back onto the bearer or caster). At the end of it’s cycle, there is no need to elaborately cleanse or ritually dispose of the contents (but you can if you want to).
This also means it has little to no maintenance required, so it’s a good charm to gift to someone who has little experience with magic or spellcraft.
+How It Works+
Negative energies seek out the bearer: weaker energies are warded off by the armored scale, and the more powerful ones are lured by the shininess of it. These predatory energies then see the fluff of white wool, and believe it is an easier target than the bearer; because of the lavender, it cannot detect what lies in wait beneath the cork. The energy enters the jar.
Upon entering, it is distracted and disoriented by the tiger’s eye bead, driving it away from the lid and down past the pins. Once it bypasses the heads of the pins, it cannot reach the lid of the jar again. It is cut, divided, and weakened by the jagged topaz inside. The herbs act as purifiers, but also poke, burn, and disinfect the energy trapped in the jar. The process repeats itself, powered by the presence of the oak, and the energy—already weakened—becomes mildly intoxicated.
Finally, after being exhausted and cleansed, and too sluggish and weak to fight, the energy becomes inert. It is then filtered out through the salt layer, rendering it harmless, and expelled through the bottom of the jar.
+ Materials and Composition +
1. Grounding Material: Pink Salt
You need a good grounding material for the bottom of your jar. This is going to be what cleanses, filters, and dissipates the negative energies that get trapped inside. If I was going to be pleasant about it, I’d have probably used sand and some very fine gravel, but I wasn’t being pleasant. I chose salt for three reasons: salt in the wound stings like a bitch, salting the earth means a lack of return, and I specifically chose pink salt, since the mineral impurities bring it closer to the earth element from which it comes.
2. Filtering Materials: Black Peppercorn, Cardamom Seed, Lavender, Wormwood, and Rosemary
You might notice that all of these fall under the “herbs used for protection” header, and you’d be right, but I chose them for their secondary properties.
Peppercorn and cardamom because of their hardness and bite/spice/heat; rosemary for sharpness (scent and physical; I think pine needles would serve the same purpose); wormwood for counteracting disease; lavender for fragrance and masking the presence of the other herbs.
I used five pieces of each (five for the cardinal forces, and it’s generally an inoffensive and deceptively simple number).
3. Power, Intoxication, Chastisement: Vodka-soaked French Oak
I happen to have a bag of French oak chips that we used to make a flavor tincture, using vodka. I included one of the dry, used chips, for...let’s be honest, it’s oak. The vodka essence brings a quality of intoxication, while the oak itself provides a number of benefits: naturally enhancing the power of the spell, a conduit for your standard Pagan Goddess/proxy for the caster (or as I think of it, a presence of “NOW you’re in for it”), and it also brings positive energy into the jar to act as a battery to keep the whole thing running.
4. Purification, Refraction, Cutting, Heat: Topaz
I used this in place of another type of quartz (like amethyst), because I wanted the heat of the yellow stone, and also because all of my other quartz pieces have been tumbled, and smooth/round shapes were the opposite of what I wanted here. The piece I used a rough piece of topaz that had both rocky edges, and some napped edges, which gave it both a transparent crystalline quality and a foggy coarseness, all in the same piece. This was perfect here, because I needed the crystal to cut, refract, and purify the negative energy, but I was now able to disorient it by leading it into dead ends (the foggy, coarse sides).
I accidentally cut my thumb open while putting the shard into the jar. I can’t say I’m surprised or disappointed. I managed not to bleed on anything on my work station, but for this application it seemed more than fitting. At the worst, it’s an extra level of “fuck you” infused into the topaz. I knew I had the right piece for the job after it bit me.
5. Entrapment and Protection: Sewing Pins
Five white-headed sewing pins, placed needle-down. White for protection, and to keep the energy of the pin from flowing through both ends of the steel (you definitely want this directed away from the opening). The pins themselves keep the things that get into the jar from getting out again.
These are taken from the box of applique pins that I have used many times, so they are infused with a strong, stable energy of patience, quiet determination, and the love of building something to make someone else happy.
6. Disorientation: Blue Tiger’s Eye Bead
Before sealing up the jar, I drilled a small hole in the cork stopper, just large enough for a beading pin to be pushed through. Then, using a silver beading pin, I secured a small synthetic blue tigers’ eye bead to the underside of the stopper and glued it in place on the outside of the cork.
The bead is meant to be flashy, shiny, and disorienting. The purpose for the bead isn’t for purification or other filtering purposes, so it didn’t matter if it was synthetic. I chose the color for purification, and also because it looks really pretty. Being round doesn’t hurt either, and neither does the material of the silver pin.
Instead of the bead, I’m sure you could substitute a crinkle of aluminum foil, a couple of sequins, or a shred of holographic-print cellophane. The purpose here is confusion.
I left the pin un-crimped, for assembly purposes.
+ Assemble the Jar +
I glued the cork into the jar, carefully spreading the glue on the cork itself, close to where it would meet the lip of the glass. I didn’t want a bunch of it getting into the jar and gluing salt up near the lid where it wouldn’t look as nice. This is a mundane application, just to keep the jar together.
Once the lid was in place, I melted some beeswax and poured it around the join of the cork and jar, to create a seal that would be difficult for negative energy to bypass. This is a magical application, as bees and their wax are both symbols of protection and defense against disease, bla bla bla. Crayon wax would’ve also been fine, but I already have a jar of beeswax pellets for spellcraft.
7. Decoy: White Wool
To the top of the jar, I secured a small bundle of white wool made from five separated strands of yarn. The wool, by color and content, are both purifying elements, but the softness of it suggests purity and tranquility. The wool is meant to be bait for negative energy: it’s an easy target.
8. Lure and Protection: Aluminum Scale
The final piece was the addition of an aluminum scale, of the kind used in chainmail. This scale offers some armored protection and shielding from smaller energies, but the shininess and brightness of it is meant to attract the attention of larger, more predatory negative energies.
+ Finishing +
After I put the scale on a small split ring, I used jewelry pliers to twist down the beading pin and secure them together. This not only holds the scale in place where it can bobble and move, but it also gives the jar a small loop so it can be hung from a necklace if that’s what you’re after.
Did you try this spell jar? What materials did you use? What substitutions did you make?
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PSA: YEW IS LETHALLY TOXIC. DO NOT BURN.
A message to witches/pagans/lumberjacks out there: As Christmas/Yuletide comes around I know you’re going to want to burn Yew for both its ceremonial properties and it’s slow burn, but please remember that it is a HIGHLY TOXIC tree with VERY toxic smoke. Fatalities in livestock, children, and even some adults have occurred for CENTURIES because of the handling and burning of this wood. I mean, death due to this stuff dates back to the Roman times and further! I would avoid it in the fires as much as I could.
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The Magick of Booze: A Correspondence Table
This is my own personal correspondence table for the use of alcohol in magick. It may not match your own usage of alcohol, but if you like anything you see, feel free to adopt it. Some of this is based in what the alcohol is made from, some on its history, and some of this is based in personal experience or associations. This is not about alcohol as an offering, but the usage of it as a spell component. The list is in no way exhaustive and does not include mixed drinks or brands. Just your basics.
Distilled Spirits
Absinthe: (Air) Useful in protection work. It is especially useful for safe astral travel. Using it to draw sigils for safe travels on one’s body before leaving it can keep away nasties in the meantime.
Gin: (Earth) Useful in spells promoting good health and is good as a binding ingredient for other alcohols’ properties. It can also be a good to use if the caster of the spell lives in poverty and this is pertinent to the spell in some way.
Rum: (Water) Useful in money spells or spells for gaining other material possessions. Rum can be especially useful in a spell involving an underhanded motive or intention, especially if the results leave you with more as a side effect of the spell’s main goal.
Tequila: (Fire) Tequila is all about timing. Perfect, exact timing. It can be used in spells involving punctuality, appointments, or decision making. It can be used when something has to be done just right, as well. Never use it for something involving the past or anything about the future. Tequila is always for the present, and in this moment, as they come issues.
Vodka: (Fire and Water) Good for strength and courage. Lifting yourself up by the bootstraps and carrying on with what needs to be done no matter how hard it is or how tired you are. Can be used in spells involving getting through difficult times, motivation, pushing forward, finishing projects. Shit’s gotta get done? Vodka.
Whiskey: (Water) Whiskey can be used in spells to promote change, usually when change is unwanted by someone else. It helps bypass interference and bring the change about in ways that which opposes it does not immediately notice.
Brandy: (Earth) Brandy can be used in love spells, especially those for preserving pre-existing love. It can also be used for attracting a long-lasting love as opposed to a fling.
Fermented Beverages
Beer: (Earth) Beer is used in spells involving the home, family, and the past. It can also be used in spells involving practicality vs desire.
Cider: (Earth) Cider is used in spells for harvesting what you’ve already planted. It helps ensure that the things you’re working towards are successful and your effort is not wasted. But you must put in the effort.
Wine: (Earth and Air) Wine can be used in spells for health, stress relief, and blessings. It can also be used for spells involving standing on your own and independence.
Mead: (Air) Mead can be used for spells involving inspiration, study, education, scholarly pursuits, the arts, and oratory issues. It can also be used to sweeten the temper of yourself or someone else.
Sangria: (Fire) Sangria is good for happiness spells, celebrations, and anything involving good times and fun. It is also good for spells meant to broaden horizons and promote new experiences.
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19. oh fuck there goes the smoke detector
How to witchcraft
light those
stab this
carve that
shake jar
say the thing
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Tea/Coffee Readings

How To
You need to find a cup with a wide brim that’s light in colour, find a wide saucer. Pour in lose tea leaves/coffee (you can buy loose tea leaves or rip open a tea bag) into you cup and add boiling water (Do Not add milk) Drink your tea/coffee while thinking about your question, if you dont like tea/coffee take a few sips. When you are finished drinking take the cup in your dominant hand and place your non-dominant handover the top of your cup. Turn the cup tree times in a clockwise direction. Pour any remaining water down the sink. Place the cup upside down on the saucer or a napkin and turn it clockwise three times, turn the cup over look for the leaves that have taken shapes. When you have finished your reading it is customary to turn your cup over, place your index finger on the base of your cup and make a wish
Meanings You can twist and turn the cup for new angles to find symbols in your cup, the closer the symbol is to the rim of the cup the sooner it will happen. the further down the longer it will take, tea reading can only predict up to a year. symbols at the bottom of your cup will take almost a whole year to take effect. Common Shapes
Abbey Freedom from worry Ace of Clubs A letter Ace of Diamonds A present Ace of Hearts Happiness Ace of Spades A large Building Acorn Financial Success Aircraft Sudden Journey Alligator An accident Anchor Success in business and romance Angel Good news Ankle Instability Ant success through perseverance Anvil conscientious effort Apple Business achievement Arc Ill health, accidents Arrow Bad News Axe Difficulties and troubles that will be overcome Bat False Friends Bath Disappointment Bayonet A minor accident Beans Poverty Bear A Journey Bed Inertia Bee Good news Beehive Prosperity Beetle Scandal Bell Unexpected news Bellows Setbacks Bird Good news Birdcage Obstacles, quarrels Bird’s Nest Domestic harmony Bishop Good luck coming Boat Visit from a friend Book Open Expect legal actions, future success Boomerang Envy Boot Achievement Bottle Pleasure Bouquet Love and happiness Bow Scandal, gossip Box Romantic troubles solved Bracelet Marriage Branch With Leaves A birth Bread Avoid waste Broom Small worries disappear Buckle Disappointments ahead Building A move Bull Quarrels Bush New Friends Butterfly Frivolity Baby Pregnancy, something new Ball Completion Butterfly Transition Cab Disappointment Cabbage Jealousy Cage A Proposal Camel Useful news Candle Help from others Cannon news from a solider Cap Trouble ahead- be Careful Car Good fortune Cart Success in business Castle Financial gain through marriage Cat A quarrel Cattle Prosperity Chain An engagement or wedding Chair An unexpected guest Cherries A happy love affair Chessmen Difficulties ahead Chimney Hidden risks Church Ceremony Unexpected money Cigar New friends Circle Success, a wedding Claw A hidden enemy Clock Avoid delay, think of the future Clouds Trouble ahead Clover Prosperity Coat A parting, an end of a friendship Coffin Bad news Coin Repayment of debts Collar Dependence on others for success and happiness Column Promotion Comb Deceit Comet An unexpected visitor Compass Travel, a change of job Corkscrew Curiosity causing trouble Crab An enemy Crescent A journey Cross Trouble, ill health Crown Honour, success Cup Reward for effort Curtain A secret Cymbal Insincere love China engagement Chair A guest Clock Better Health Daffodil Great Happiness Dagger Danger ahead, enemies Daisy Happiness in love Dancer Disappointment Deer A dispute or quarrel Desk Letter containing good news Devil Evil influences Dish Quarrel at home Dog good friends Donkey be patient Door Strange occurrence Dot money Dove Good fortune Dragon Unforeseen changes, trouble Drum Scandal, gossip, a new job, argument Duck money coming in Dustpan Strange news about a friend Eagle a change for the better Ear unexpected news Earrings misunderstanding Easel artistic success Egg Prosperity Eggcup Danger is passing Elephant Wisdom, strength Engine news is on its way fast Envelope good news Eye overcoming difficulties, take care Face setback Fairy joy and enchantment Fan Flirtation Feather Instability Feet An important decision Fence limitation Fern Disloyalty Fir Artistic success Fire achievement Fireplace Matters related to your home Fish Good fortune in all things, health, wealth and happiness Fist An argument Flag Danger ahead Flower Wish coming true Fly Domestic irritations Font A birth Fork A false friend, flattery Forked line Decision to be made Fountain Future success and happiness Fox A deceitful friend Frog Success through a change of home or job Fruit Prosperity Gallows Social Failure Garden roller Difficulties ahead Garland Success, great honour Gate Opportunity, future happiness Geese invitations, unexpected visitors Giraffe Think before you speak Glass Integrity Glove A challenge Goat enemies Gondola Romance, travel Gramophone Pleasure Grapes Happiness Grasshopper News from a friend Greyhound Good fortune Guitar Happiness in love Gun Trouble, quarrels Hammer Overcoming obstacles Hand Friendship Handcuffs Trouble ahead Hare News of a friend Harp Harmony in love Hat A new occupation Hawk Sudden Danger, jealousy Head New opportunities Heart Love and marriage, a trustworthy friend Heather Good fortune Hen Domestic Bliss Hill Obstacles, setback Hoe Hard work leading to success Holly An important occurrence in the winter Horn Abundance Horse Galloping Good news from a lover Horseshoe Good Luck Hourglass A decision that must be made House Security Iceberg Danger initials Usually those of people you known to you ink pot A letter insect Minor problems soon overcome Ivy leaf Reliable friend Jester Party or social Gathering jewelry A present jug Gaining in importance, good health Kangaroo Domestic Harmony Kettle Minor Illness Key New opportunities Keyhole Beware of idle curiosity King A powerful ally Kite Wishes coming true Knife Broken relationship Ladder Promotion Lamp Money Leaf Prosperity, good fortune Leopard News of a journey Letter News Lighthouse Trouble threatening Lines straight and clear Progress, journey Lines wavy Uncertainty, disappointment Line slanting Business failure Lion Influential friends Lock Obstacles in your path Loop Impulsive actions could bring trouble Man A visitor Map Travel and change Mask Deception Medal A reward Mermaid Temptation Monkey A flattering mischief-maker Monster Terror Monument Lasting happiness Moon Full A love affair Mountain Obstacles, high ambition Mouse Theft Mushroom Growth, setback Music Good fortune Nail Malice Necklace complete Admirers Necklace broken The end of a relationship Needle Admiration Net A Trap Numbers Indicate a timescale, the number of days before an event occurs Nun Quarantine Nurse Illness Nutcrackers Difficulty is passing Oak Good fortune Oar A small worry, help in difficulties Octopus danger Opera Glasses A quarrel, loss of a friend Ostrich Travel Owl Gossip Oyster Courtship, acquired riches Padlock open A surprise Padlock Closed A warning Palm Tree Success, honour, happiness in love Parachute Escape from danger Parasol A new lover Parcel A surprise Parrot A scandal, a journey Peacock Riches Pear Comfort Pentagon Intellectual Balance Pepper A troublesome secret Pig Material success Pigeon sitting An improvement in trade Pigeon Flying Important news Pillar Supportive friends Pipe Thoughts, solution to a problem, keep an open mind Pistol Danger Pitchfork Quarrels Policeman Secret enemy Pump Generosity Purse Profit Pyramid Success Question Mark Hesitancy, caution Rabbit Timidity, be brave Railway Long journey Rainbow Happiness, prosperity Rake Be organised Rat Treachery Raven Bad News Razor Quarrels, partings Reptiles Treacherous friend Rider Hasty news Ring Completion Rocks Difficulties Rose Popularity Saucepan Anxieties Saw Interfering outsider Scales A lawsuit Scepter Power, authority Scissors Domestic arguments, separation Scythe Danger Shamrock Good Luck, wish coming true Sheep Good fortune Shell Good news Ship Successful journey Shoe A change for the better Sickle Disappointment in love Signpost Draws attention to the symbol to which it points to Skeleton Loss of money, ill health Snake Hatred, an enemy Spade Hard work leads to success Spider Determined and persistent. money coming Spoon Generosity Square A symbol of protection, comfort, peace Squirrel Prosperity, after a hard time Star Good health Steeple Slight delay, bad luck Steps An improvement in life Sun Happiness, success, power Swallow Decisiveness, unexpected journeys Swan Smooth progress, contented life Sword Disappointment, quarrels Table Social gathering Teapot Committee meeting Telephone Forgetfulness causes trouble Telescope Adventure Tent Travel Thimble Domestic changes Toad Beware of flattery Torch A turn fir the better Tortoise Criticism Tower Opportunity, disappointment Tree Changes for the better Triangle Something unexpected Trunk A long journey, fateful decisions Umbrella Annoyances Unicorn A secret wedding Urn Wealth, happiness Vase A friend in need Vegetables unhappiness followed by contentment Violin Egotism Volcano Emotions out of control Vulture Loss, theft, an enemy in authority Wagon A wedding Walking Stick a visitor Wasp trouble in love Waterfall prosperity Weather Vane a difficulty, indecisiveness Whale business success Wheel good fortune Wheelbarrow a meeting with an old friend Windmill business success Window open good luck through a friend Window closed disappointment through a friend Wings messages Wishbone a wish granted Wolf Jealousy, selfishness Woman Pleasure Worms Scandal Wreath Happiness ahead Yacht Pleasure Yoke Being dominated Zebra Overseas adventure Triangles Good Karma Squares Use caution Circles great success Letters Usually refer to friends, family, and people you know Numbers indicates time, months and years
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I’m going to try this, but instead of gluing beads to the outside (I wouldn’t trust the glue to hold them all), I think I’ll string a loop of beads that can be fidgeted with, or use a small enough bottle that it can be hung from a beaded necklace or bracelet.
Old Mother Redcap's "Worry Me Not" Anti-Anxiety Charm
This charm is designed to assist those suffering from anxiety, as well as stress from day to day life. This is not a replacement for professional medical advice and is not a replacement for medication for mental health issues. Items needed: - Mini corked glass bottle (small enough to carry with you), can be obtained from Ebay and most craft stores for relatively cheap. - Superglue or adhesive that will stick to glass - Paint brush - Brightly coloured small beads - Vanilla essence Appropriate herbs such as: - Lemon balm - Lavender - St Johns Wort - Chamomile - Catnip Method: Start by removing the cork from your bottle, and placing it on a piece of newspaper or paper towel to keep your space clean. Place all of your beads into a plate or bowl. Cover the outside of the bottle with your chosen glue, spreading it around with your paintbrush to make sure you haven’t missed any spots. Immediately place the bottle into the beads, covering it until the beads are stick to the glass. Once dry, fill your bottle with the herbs. As you place each herb into the bottle, you may wish to chant something. It can even be as simple as “Lemon balm, worry me not”. Seal up you bottle tightly. Drop a small amount of vanilla essence onto the cork, so the fragrance is strong. Carry the bottle with you, and when you’re feeling a bit anxious and/or stressed, run your fingers over the beads and let the scent of the vanilla relax you.
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A Ward of Protection
This is a really simple protection spell to defend a room or a space against bad energy! All you need are some pennies, a bowl of water, salt, a feather or some incense, and a candle to represent fire. Using all the representations of the elements, bless and purify each of the pennies, visualizing an unbreakable barrier of good luck and protection. When you’re finished, place a penny, heads-up, in each of the corners of the room or at the barriers of the space you want to protect. Voila! Simple and protective.
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Photo Credits

Photo by Francisco Moreno on Unsplash

Photo by Ian Keefe on Unsplash
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