captainkirkscleavage

[captainkirkscleavage]

ok i absolutely need to know what accents u all have pls reblog and tell me or comment or whatever I must know

[captainkirkscleavage]

Reverse pineapple

small brain: steven universe is a vegetarian because he’s a pacifist 

big brain: steven universe is a vegetarian because his spit heals flesh

[captainkirkscleavage]

you are now dating your favourite character, how screwed are you?

[captainkirkscleavage]

shoutout to the people who for the longest time didn’t see a future and thought their lives would be over by now. you made it. you’re still going. i know it’s hard building a future you weren’t prepared for, but i believe in you. you’re a survivor.

[captainkirkscleavage]

Did you know that you can waste your free time by not knowing which activity to do so you do none of them

[captainkirkscleavage]

Oh this reminds me of something I've recently discovered about my reputation at work.

The team I'm on deals with a lot of "please advise"-type emails. I am not usually the one asked to deal with them as I'm better at other parts of the job and generally deep in the formatting trenches.

However.

A pattern has emerged in terms of the emails that I am asked to weigh in on.

I get tagged in only in three very specific situations:

someone is being deliberately difficult or obtuse, in the hopes that we will cave and just Do The Thing For Them because they do not want to? Deploy the Autistic Brick Wall (will keep giving same answer because That's The Answer No I Cannot Give You Another Solution) (even if there is one) (ie we could just do it but then they Wouldn't Learn) (I have endless petty patience for being a shit to people who are also being a shit)

the absolute most one-brain-celled person has a problem, they're being really nice about it but nothing anyone says is getting through to them? Deploy the Himbo Whisperer (dumbass recognises dumbass and will keep dropping the complexity until we get somewhere) (I like these ones) (sometimes I get to use memes to explain shit) (and they always apologise for being dumb and I'm like No, forehead kisses for you for Finally Getting It)

someone is clearly Scared of The Thing and is barely containing their panic at having to do it? Deploy the Buddy System (I am as threatening as a marshmallow) (these usually get done via videochat/screenshare and I am Holding Your Hand You're Doing So Well Yes Click That Button Well Done) (they are always SO apologetic for EVERYTHING) (like bestie no look you Did The Thing and I'm So Proud) (I would give you a hug if I could) (one colleague calls this "Deploying the Mommy Domme" and he is Not Wrong)

TLDR: the person receiving the email absolutely knows you're screaming, but if you're not being a dick about it then they'll probably get the Team Comfort Blanket to respond to it

I hope when I say "please advise" in an email they know I sent it screaming in utter terror and confusion

[captainkirkscleavage]

[captainkirkscleavage]

there is nothing more important than a dear friend you can be a huge fucking asshole hater with

[captainkirkscleavage]

More people need to add silliness to their life. It'll improve their life, reduce cynicism, and help them learn to smile and be happy.

It was something a therapist suggested to me over a decade ago. Doing this has helped me connect with my "inner child" and recover from some of bullshit that fucked with my childhood.

Ideas for silliness:

Finger painting. Get some child-safe paints, big cheap canvases or paper, and go wild. Don't like messiness? Lay something down to catch paint, wear an apron, and put on gloves. Wear clothes you don't mind "ruining" and wear them only for messy silliness.

Wear clothes that have childhood designs. Cartoons, barbie print, whatever. Wear them when you go out, wear them at home.

Buy and play with children's toys. Barbies, dollhouses, Netflix guns, Lego stuff, whatever. Get a dollhouse.

Eat from the children's menu.

Have a teaparty. With whom? Your toys, pets, friends, family. Do this via Zoom, Skype, or some other video/camera thing. Dress up for the event. Buy/make a teapot and teacups/mugs especially for these parties.

Watch cartoons and/or films from your childhood. Didn't see them then? Watch them now.

Make a blanket/pillowfort or set up a tent in your home. Pack it with things that comfort you. Lots of pillows? Quilts? Plushies? Go for it.

Play on a swing.

Build a sandcastle.

Y'all need to be silly, regardless of gender or lack thereof. Don't let gender dictate which of these is "appropriate," but instead simply do the thing. Are you guy and wanna play with barbies? Do it. The list is just suggestions and examples, btw. Explore beyond it!

The point is to be silly and move past the discomfort your adult mind is throwing at you. I'm 40 and love using swingsets, and fully intend to set one up in my backyard. It's gonna be built to accommodate adults, meaning weight, and seats that don't pinch hips. Most of my childhood was spent grounded and stuck at home, so I was denied a lot of things, like visiting parks and playing with other kids.

You may find yourself smiling more often, less easily embarrassed, laughing at ridiculous jokes, and wearing clothes you ENJOY rather than what society says you should be wearing.

Now go be silly!

[captainkirkscleavage]

As someone who didn't think they'd make it this far, I love finding new grey hairs. They're not even grey, they're so white it's almost silver and my god they're beautiful.

Every new one is more proof that I've done what I once thought impossible. And if I can do one thing off that list, why not try and do more things that seemed impossible to a younger me.

Why not allow myself to be the version of me that I thought I'd never deserve to be

i can't be the only one who's just straight-up ... bored with women hating themselves. my mom keeps lamenting to me how upset she is about her gray hair. my friend stares at her laugh lines every day in agony. my sister loses sleep over the horrible unbearable thought of looking fat. and every time these women i love open up to me, i can't help but think ... then stop staring at yourself? stop drowning yourself, narcissus, and just fucking live your life instead of sitting in front of a mirror obeying cosmetic corporations' lies. just stop it. this is getting ridiculous. you're too smart to be falling for this bullshit. "oh no but these men who hate women told me that if i'm ugly i'm worthless!" girl if you actually believe that then good luck. but i am getting worse at being supportive of people whose nonsense worldviews keep them trapped in pain. stop looking at yourself start fucking living i am pleading you deserve to be happy and it is stupid that you disagree

[captainkirkscleavage]

sorry if i'm gonna be quiet for a while. my country recently introduced laws that make it so that in order to use social media to the fullest (not being able to view ns/fw content and in a few cases, not even having access to dms), i HAVE to give the sites my id/face scan.

it goes into effect july 25th. it'll probably effect here too, since this place allows mature content (tho not full on ns/fw)

i'm very distressed about it bc i might end up not even being able to talk to my internet friends. i don't really have any irl ones

if i have to disappear on most socials by then, you know why.

[captainkirkscleavage]

James T Kirk has nice tits that's it that's the post

[captainkirkscleavage]

hairy chests. you agree. reblog

[captainkirkscleavage]

my mantra in favour of calling everything slop while not getting all "downfall of society" about it

[captainkirkscleavage]

reblog if it's okay for your mutuals to message you and create an actual friendship, not just interactions

[captainkirkscleavage]

new hair miss cock??👀

I’m not sure if I like it yet but!!!