cassiel

[cassiel]

Sometimes, I wonder if it’s wise to be utterly foolish about the reality of happiness.

Contentment doesn’t come in the form of material glympse. Contentment comes from the gesture of holding my hand in public places, so I would feel less alone.

Contentment comes from having the reassurance that my love is getting the same amount of devotion I deserve, because my heart is a house with rooms bigger than the people it could host. I saved you a space with the warmest color and the biggest windows, so that you can breathe; but some days you look out as if the roads were calling and I was a lonely inn with stained bed sheets and stale coffee; you thought the floors were crooked and the walls too dull, and I was no home.

I am a house with many rooms, and through the crease, my sadness looms. I hold gardens for you to roam, but what is a house, if not a home?

[cassiel]

I just want the Fairytale

Hi Tumblr, It's me again, your loyal heartbroken.

I'm 25 now, and I've been naive to think that the years spent have served me well. I can't remember the day I stopped crying. It seems like, every season, whether it rains or the sun shines in a scorch, I keep on crying.

I have failed my bigger dreams, I gave them up to other people who, the world think deserved them. The only thing I ask though, that I be given at least a little piece of happiness that life could spare me.

I no longer dream of the glitters, and the gold. My dreams are always resting in human companions. I wanted a simple life, and a partner to live through it. I didn't know what I was looking for when I met you. I was hoping I would just find someone to wed. I wasn't hoping to taste another love that would feel like a bestfriend, a family, a personal savior, all in one person. But it's so tragic how someone who sounded that way could break your heart just as bad- I guess that's what happens when you give power over yourself to somebody else. Exposed, never fully in control, doesn't matter what you have to say. I guess it was also true, if it takes a lot of love to hate someone for a certain amount we'd like to call so much, it also takes a lot of love to be in this much pain. So much power given, so much power taken.

[cassiel]

Feelings. Jesus. The truth is, for so long, I’d forgotten what those even were. I’ve been stuck in one place, in a cave, you might say. A deep, dark cave. And then, I left some Eggos out in the woods, and you came into my life and for the first time in a long time, I started to feel things again. I started to feel happy. But, lately, I guess I’ve been feeling distant from you. Like you’re pulling away from me or something. I miss playing board games every night, making triple-decker Eggo extravaganzas at sunrise, watching westerns together before we doze off. But I know you’re getting older. Growing. Changing. And I guess if I’m being really honest, that’s what scares me. I don’t want things to change. So, I think maybe that’s why I came in here, to try to maybe stop that change. To turn back the clock. To make things go back to how they were. But I know that’s naive. It’s just not how life works. It’s moving. Always moving, whether you like it or not. And, yeah, sometimes it’s painful. Sometimes it’s sad. And sometimes it’s surprising. Happy. So, you know what? Keep on growing up, kid. Don’t let me stop you. Make mistakes, learn from ‘em, and when life hurts you, because it will, remember the hurt. The hurt is good. It means you’re out of that cave. But, please, if you don’t mind, for the sake of your poor old dad, keep the door open three inches.

[cassiel]

[cassiel]

Let’s call him Winter. It was a December night, his lazy half-drunk stare under the dimming lights. By my favorite bar, a glass of kahlua and milk, my hand in his hand. He was all that, warm and overwhelming, the smell of Bourbon by the crackling fireplace.

He told me he had little to no friends; I told him I’ll be his friend.

We spoke of dreams and glimpses, and how I wanted to kiss at every beautiful places.

“Where can you find a beautiful place in Jakarta?” He asked me.

“A library. A library is beautiful. I’d want to kiss at a library.” I told him, and he laughed. His deep, heartful laugh.

By the time the night ended, I found myself drunk under his scent. He offered me his hand. Again and again, my hand was in his hand. He led me out of the pub through the sea of merry people; drunk, loud, and in love.

My hand was gripping, and so was his’. I thought that was it, the start of our story. Who would have thought it was a prologue of tragedy.

[cassiel]

Sigh.

It's the New Year and my luck is supposed to change. We'll see then. If it doesn't, I'll accept the fact that I was born to be a sad, ruined sack of potatoes.

[cassiel]

[cassiel]

[cassiel]

[cassiel]

[cassiel]

its not living (if its not with you) - the 1975 

[cassiel]

Masukan hal" yang positif di dalam kegiatan buat sibukin diri, karena dengan ada nya hal" positif yang masuk ke dalam, otomatis hal negatif itu bakal ilang sendiri tertumpuk. Semua nya ada waktu nya sendiri kok, pasti nanti ke depan nya selalu ada yang jauh lebih baik lagi di banding skrang. Thinking forward :)

Thank you anon! Bener sih ini, jadi inget demonstrasi Kangen water yang dituang ke c*ca-c*la terus junk waternya perlahan berubah putih. Tapi ini masukannya right on point, so thank you!

[cassiel]

[cassiel]

[cassiel]

[cassiel]

Hi

Do something I haven’t done before, Nothing crazy. Each heartbreak gave me a new hobby.  By asradiumsays. So tell me, which new hobby is your favorite?

[cassiel]