casuallystarving

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october calorie tracker 2021

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"I used to imagine adventures for myself, I invented a life, so that I could at least exist somehow."

- Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Notes from Underground

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this was actually really fun <3 these usually aren't for me because i'm super picky and also vegetarian but this one was!!

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how the haikyuu boys fall in love

oikawa falls in love like a tsunami’s last breath. the first time he realises he loves you, he thinks the earth beneath his feet has fractured. terrified, he recedes from your life, pulls back from your outstretched hands, withdraws from your longing gaze, hoping that his feelings will, too. instead, they surge forward with a roar, swell to monstrous heights, foaming viciously at the crest. and soon, the colossal wave collapses against the shore, unable to fight any longer. when his words finally flood out, that roar of the tsunami arrives in the end as a whisper–– “i love you.” and everything is washed anew.

iwaizumi falls in love like a tree branch under snow. his feelings accumulate crystal by crystal: a touch here, a smile there, a picture at 2 am followed by “i saw this and thought of you” and a reply of “go to sleep, idiot” seconds later. you worm your way into his heart so slowly he doesn’t notice it at first, doesn’t notice the thick layer of snow on the caving wooden limb, doesn’t notice that one more fleeting brush against his fingers will tip the scale–– until the branch finally snaps. and when he opens his eyes to a world bedazzled by snow, the only face he can see is yours.

kuroo falls in love like honey on pancakes. with him, there’s no sudden realisation, no flashbulb moment of his adoration, because he’s been happily fixed in a golden state of mind ever since the day you met. every day, his name sounds sweeter out your mouth. every day, he wakes up with sugar on his lips. it’s slow, how his love for you grows, but it’s steady. and now, as you kiss every knuckle on his hand to pull him back down to earth, he can only let out a soft, amused exhale through his nose. his half-lidded gaze focuses on your decadent features. “i’m here,” he purrs. 

kenma falls in love like eyelids after dark. very rarely do the gears in his head stop spinning; he’s lived his entire life on alert, taking in and apart details to survive. but with you… there’s no need to take in and apart the way your lips feel against his, the scent of your hair in his nose, your shallow breath against his neck. it all feels so safe. with you, he’s home–– he can finally rest. so even when light drains out from the sky, even when the world is at its worst, at the feeling of your body curling up to his, the gears in his head grind to a halt. and he lets his heart beat instead.

bokuto falls in love like a fledgeling from its nest. he knows it’s reckless––  ridiculously reckless–– to have so much faith in wings not yet fully formed, but there’s something about you that makes him want to soar. maybe it’s that you remind him of a cloudless blue sky or a valley that stretches from both ends of the earth or an ocean that glitters beneath the sun. maybe it’s that your name is a call to adventure. and at that moment, he realises that birds don’t fly when they’re ready–– they fly when they’re called to. so he steps to the edge, spreads his arms out, and leaps, your name a prayer on his lips.

akaashi falls in love like silence between friends. it comes over him naturally, instinctively, right as he thinks that he could do nothing next to you forever and still be satisfied. the feeling wraps his shoulders like a blanket and, with a twitch of his lips, he pulls it closer around himself. his eyes dart over to your figure, wondering if you know–– if you’d known this whole time. and then when you catch his gaze, when you ask “like what you see?” with a smirk on your face, he feels the fabric stretch around his shoulders as if to fit a second body. his reply comes to him like second nature, like instinct. “no, i love it.”

atsumu falls in love like skydiving from a plane. he’s meticulous, guarded, the most untrusting of fate. so he fights to gain the upper hand: he picks his parachute, his pilot, the day with the best weather–– everything is in his control. and when you come in full view, he finally thinks the dropzone is perfect. only then does he throw all caution to the wind, diving head first, eyes closed all the way down. an awesome wave of euphoria washes over him, lasting even when he realises he’s landed right in your arms, hair mussed, cheeks flushed, pupils wild with excitement. he wants to freefall into you again. so he does.

osamu falls in love like night over the city. it’s as inevitable as the cycle of the sun and moon and when it happens, he’s still the same–– yet everything is different. beside you, he feels the air change and all else fade into the background. beside you, the hum of the world turns into a steady beat, a pulse awfully similar to the one in his chest. and he flickers to life, a mosaic of light, when you touch him. he doesn’t usually look like this, you think as you draw circles on the back of his hand, trying to pinpoint what about him has changed. smiling softly, he knows that you’ll figure it out soon. or… he could say it now.

kita falls in love like a seed into the ground. he doesn’t feel it when it’s sowed, nor when it takes root beneath the soil, but he sure feels when it sprouts. its stem crawls around his legs and up his trunk, keeping him safely fixed to earth. it grows with every “good morning” and “i’ll save you a seat”, it grows when you prance over with a joke on your lips and two coffees in your hands. it grows when he sees you with your eyes closed, head tilted towards the sky like a sunflower, and realises that you are all he’s ever wanted. your head turns. your eyes meet. and as spring does with the cherry trees, he blooms.

ushijima falls in love like a comet past the sun. as he hurtles by, your radiance melts his icy exterior into the glimmering cloud in his wake. every inch of his body is on fire. he feels the power in the pull of your orbit. feels you could utterly ruin him. feels he’d be okay with it, too. but you don’t. instead, he thinks himself made of anti-gravity as you trace constellations into his skin. he sees stars collide when you kiss. and when he remembers how a comet can spend thousands of years without passing the sun in its orbit, he looks at you asleep in his arms and holds you just a little tighter to his chest.

tendou falls in love like confetti on new year’s eve. this moment has spent all year in the making. ten, from the day you pummelled into his life. nine, the time that slowed when he saw you smile. eight, when you changed each other’s names in your phones. seven, that time he dragged you out to a party. six, how you retaliated by taking him to a play. five, your shoulders touch during said play. four, his fingers wrap around yours during the finale. three, you hold hands all the way home. two, he walks you to the door. one, you stop. zero, he leans in. and the world explodes in full colour.

kageyama falls in love like a fawn upright for the first time. it’s all new–– the butterflies in his stomach, the sluggishness of his tongue in his mouth, the short-circuiting of his brain when you’re around. he stumbles and trips and topples over navigating through the tingling in his body. “are you okay?” you ask, peering into his eyes. his cheeks burn as he nods, unable to form words. he thinks he’ll be fine, though, until you place a hand on his shoulder. the touch sends another flood of electricity through his nerves. “you sure? you look like you’re about to hurl.” and he resolves that he will do something about this.

tsukishima falls in love like a chest in resignation. he didn’t believe in softer emotions–– or at least, that’s what he told himself. and he held out for so long. but then you came along with your dumb sparkly eyes and your stupid smart mouth and infuriatingly sweet smile. even with the argument still fresh on his mind, he still adores you to death. especially right now, as he struggles to breathe knowing that he might lose you. fine, he thinks, no more running. he picks up his phone and sends the message that’s been sitting in his notes. and finally, he lets out a sigh. you win. he’s never been happier to lose.

sakusa falls in love like the last leaf before winter. just as a tree holds onto its foliage for dear life, he is stubborn in refusing to fall. still, even he is powerless against nature. as autumn goes, winter arrives in your form. he thinks you are the strangest cold–– the kind that soothes instead of stings, the kind that kindles fires and bakes chocolate chip cookies, the kind that turns his cheeks red without a touch but with a smile. but he likes it. so when winter knocks at his door and asks if he’s “ready to go?” he, the last leaf on the tree, finally flutters down to the ground.

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Forget "only the real ones know". The real question is who will save you when you're drowning in tears about to kill yourself at 2 am in the morning

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Yuuri and Victor: *return engaged*

Hiroko:

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I had my first binge last night after eating good for a month. I guess it was expected but all I can say is that shit SUCKS. Don’t binge and the best reason not to is because the morning after you feel like shit. Not even just emotionally I’m talking physically. Heartburn is no fun.

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My sister: what did you eat today?

My brain: hurry and say something to make you sound normal.

Me: 👁👄👁 um.

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Getting a bowl of ice cream, bringing it to my room, and washing is down the sink in order to make my family believe I’m eating normally. My sister won’t stop questioning me about how she never sees me eat anymore. Watching the ice cream go away made me feel like the biggest asshole in the world. I’m lying to everyone and I can’t stop.

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“Your hands are still here. I have forgotten my name.”

— poeticallyordinary, let go. I want to remember.

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“Knees weakened, limbs snapped Under the weight of secrets shared. I had bitten my lips long enough To grow accustomed to the taste. Red released in one vicious downpour, Words so harsh I could hardly stand, No warning. Apologise in silence– I’m sorry my words tasted bitter. I thought the blood was my own.”

— poeticallyordinary

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Okay I saw a post about hyponatremia and hospitalization so I’m going to do a quick nutrition lesson out of safety because this can get problematic fast. This does not contain all of the problems of hyponatremia by any means, just a major one I know a lot about.

Salt

Makes you bloat right? Okay well the thing is that salt is an electrolyte and serves to manage your hydration levels. Therefore too much or too little salt can make your body retain fluid, because it needs electrolytes to maintain proper hydration no matter how much water you drink and dehydration will cause bloating. You also need salt to uhhhh not die. So your muscles contract due to a sodium potassium pump. This is why when you are in serious deficit of electrolytes your muscles start to cramp (something you have probably noticed when fasting). The problem with this is that you have one very big muscle that absolutely needs to be able to expand and contract. This is a huge reason that many people with eating disorders die. If your heart doesn’t have the chemical ability to contract it stops. This is why you need both sodium and potassium in your diet no matter how low you restrict. So I’m going to show you my secret. You can buy these pills off of amazon or at Walmart or wherever you can find them. They contain tons of necessary electrolytes and they are zero calorie and don’t make me bloat or gain weight. I promise you I take them regularly and I still have a 22 inch waist and am pretty confident that my heart won’t fail from this problem. Do not let this disorder kill you.

*if you have a higher starting weight and have been told by a doctor to reduce sodium due to high blood pressure then talk to your doctor because I am not a medical professional.

*All of this information is from college level nutrition classes, not medical training.

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[casuallystarving]

What doesn't kill you makes you a whole lot weirder at parties

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We all know it: the unreachable.

Whether it be a lost love, a dead friend or a moment passed.

Life has its way of creating unfulfilled longing. The question is not IF but WHEN.

We wonder through the years with our healthy hearts and healthy minds and then BOOM, there it is. A feeling so strong, it tears you up just thinking about it.

And suddenly, you have changed.

Your eyes grow deeper and your mouth moves slower. Your hands and fit betrayed you and act heavy.

The cold hits differently now as you breath in thin air.

They will say it’ll pass. You’ll get over it. But that is not true. Because how could it pass. It is a feeling with no direction, it can’t be resolved.

So the feeling stays and we grow numb to it. Leaving our days a little less alive.