cderiva

[cderiva]

important: if you're ever busy or low on energy and i keep sending you things, please never feel like you have to reply right away or until you're ready. i'm an extremely long-term writing partner and as long as you leave a heads up somewhere (i'll find it, dw) i make a conscious effort not to mistake silence as a sign of disinterest because i go quiet sometimes too and it never means i’ve stopped being invested. sometimes i take a while to respond too, but even when i’m quiet or not around i still enjoy being sent things or tagged in things, so i like doing the same for others. i just like to share things when they come to mind or when they remind me of our characters. but if the notifications ever feel like too much, or if this way of doing things doesn’t work for you, please just let me know. i never want to make you uncomfortable or feel overwhelmed. ok that's it. ty for reading. have a good monday everyone.

[cderiva]

i swear, i might not be the best at daily communication or back and forth chit chatting about my personal life, but i'm a super long-term roleplayer/writing partner and i adore every plot i have. even if i'm unhinged and can yap for dozens of paragraphs my my autistic brain loves the "slow and steady" approach and knowing what we can count on. i really do only have a handful of people i write with because i am all in all the time and hate feeling overwhelmed or mentally scattered. i'm a very low-energy self-conscious weirdo and i struggle with interacting with people in real life as well but i promise even if i'm not the fastest replier or i'm not around every day and even if i struggle with social interaction anyone who has exchanged two words with me can attest that i love yapping about characters and plots. i know i have things to catch up on, please know i'm still interested even if i've been quiet lately.

[cderiva]

she'll talk about how self-sufficient she was growing up and how she started babysitting her nieces and nephews when she was like 10 and laugh it off as "oh no i was just suuuuper independent as a kid". when she shares childhood memories her stories revolve more around caring for others rather than being cared for and she laughs it off as being the "little helper" of the family, but sometimes she wonders why she can't remember anyone doing those things for her. she has always been proud of how well she gets along with her family, but every time a friend talks about their own parents attending their school events or helping with homework, she feels a sudden wave of nausea.

the thing abt maria is that she was born around the same time as her brother so they always shared a birthday party and she genuinely didn't think much of it until one day someone asked her about it and she realized she can't remember a single birthday from her childhood that was just about her.

[cderiva]

WHAT TAROT CARD ARE YOU ?

THE EMPRESS: You are only independent insofar as you have others to care for. This makes you dependent in your independence. They want your knowledge, your skills, your talents, your affection. What can they give in return? “Teeth” is not an acceptable answer, nor is “keeping the shadows to the corners”, nor is “glory”, nor is “love”. There is no acceptable answer, no gift of a magnitude which can match the thing you know, which is that they are taking from you. They are stealing from you. You should stop them from doing that, darling. You only have so much to give. You are not infinite, and when they have taken their last they will remind you of that. My advice is this: give enough to keep them at bay, but be careful. Their teeth can turn on you too. There is no easier way to make an animal dangerous than by feeding it.

tagging: @ak4rin @heyhey-sensei @tsuiokuno @leventar @limitlessscion @evcrlasting @endmorte @gyofukuki @cursefire + anyone else who wants to do it tagged by: @b4nt0s ty so much for tagging this fun AND sad (gr8 combo)

[cderiva]

QUIZ: MAKING YOU THE PATRON SAINT OF SOMETHING…

patron saint of lost faith: patron saint of leaving it by the roadside. patron saint of it slipping out of your fingers. patron saint of searching and searching. patron saint of yearning for it back. patron saint of scraping your fingers down to the bone trying to hold onto it. patron saint of losing it anyway. saint of lost faith. not the saint of getting it back.

tagged by: no one

tagging: whoever wants to do it

[cderiva]

just a lil reminder bc i have new followers muawh. you can always send me messages if you want to plot/brainstorm if you prefer. either way if you want to plot and yap, call me beep me bc i'm down to clown if you are.

i had to make a new pre-established character connections call / interest check because google forms hates me. the new one is here. ty to everyone reaching out through it, my autistic brain appreciates it💙.

[cderiva]

maria standing in the middle of the club's dancefloor holding a drink, lights flickering like some god’s dying pulse, zoning out because she started thinking about being significantly younger than her siblings and having older parents and about how maybe she's selfish for not living closer to home and helping out with her parents and how all her siblings are married with kids and that her parents are in their 70s and might die soon and might not see her get married + meet her potential children.

[cderiva]

maria's brain struggling to compute or process or even acknowledge any type of trauma she has regarding her early years because in her mind it's like "i wasn't unloved, my parents didn't hit me, i always had a roof over my head and clean clothes etc etc of course i wasn't neglected, the fact that no pictures of me as a baby and that i was once left in a supermarket parking lot bc everyone forgot about me has nothing to do with anything also dw my hands always shake when i talk about this it's so weird haha"

[cderiva]

nosferatu aus WHEN

[cderiva]

There's nothing about Maria's sexuality in her bio or anything…

sorry for the delay. good/entertaining plots & vibing with writers who match my freak and clownery are my priorities. hope this helps.

[cderiva]

⋆｡‧˚ʚ💋ɞ˚‧｡⋆ 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 𝐦𝐞. 𝐧𝐨𝐰. (VERY USFT!!!!) 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 - send ‘reverse’ for the sender and receiver to swap. adjust wording as needed!

[ grind ] sender straddles receiver’s lap and starts grinding against them, slow and intentional

[ whisper ] sender leans in and whispers exactly what they want to do to receiver in excruciating detail

[ wristgrab ] in the middle of a heated moment, sender pins receiver’s wrists above their head

[ needy ] sender pulls receiver into their lap, desperate and breathless, kissing them like it’s not enough

[ tease ] sender drags their lips and tongue down the length of receiver’s stomach, but stops just before going lower

[ undone ] sender undresses receiver one piece of clothing at a time, dragging it out with loaded glances

[ taste ] sender drops to their knees and starts kissing up the inside of receiver’s thighs

[ lapfull ] sender drags receiver onto their lap in the middle of a conversation, their hands already wandering

[ control ] sender takes full control, guiding receiver’s hands, body, and every motion

[ tug ] sender grips receiver’s hair and yanks their head back to kiss them roughly

[ choke ] sender wraps a hand lightly around receiver’s throat while their lips are barely apart

[ lipbite ] sender bites down on receiver’s bottom lip while grinding against them

[ praise ] in the middle of it all, sender whispers praise between every movement "just like that," "you're doing so good," "don’t stop"

[ beg ] sender makes receiver beg for it

[ mouthy ] sender licks into receiver’s mouth mid-kiss, messy and aggressive

[ suck ] sender sucks a mark into receiver’s neck, possessive and without shame

[ edge ] sender brings receiver right to the brink, over and over, refusing to let them finish

[ wrecked ] sender has one goal: to leave receiver trembling and ruined beneath them

[ needy grind ] clothes still on, sender grinds against receiver until they’re both panting, desperate for more

[ between ] sender slips a hand between receiver’s thighs while whispering, “you’ve been wanting this, haven’t you?”

[ ride ] sender pushes receiver down and climbs on top, holding eye contact the entire time

[ spit ] sender leans over and lets spit drip into receiver’s mouth before kissing them hard

[ mess ] clothes scattered, sheets ruined, bodies tangled—sender and receiver didn’t hold back

[ slow ] sender draws everything out. every stroke, every breath, every motion unbearably slow

[ possessive ] sender fucks receiver like they’re trying to make sure no one else ever will

[ overstim ] sender keeps going even after receiver's already shaking from release

[ grip ] sender grabs receiver by the hips, holding them in place while taking full control

[ hot & heavy ] sender and receiver go at it somewhere they absolutely shouldn’t

[ control freak ] sender lets receiver think they're in charge… until they flip the roles mid-way

[ lips everywhere ] sender kisses every part of receiver’s body.

[ breathless ] sender doesn’t let up until receiver is clawing at their back, gasping for air

[ all night ] sender makes sure receiver doesn’t sleep... again, and again, and again

[ tongue ] sender slides their tongue along receiver’s skin, taking their time tasting every inch

[ dark corner ] they don’t make it home! sender drags receiver into a shadowed corner and gets to work

[ eye contact ] sender holds eye contact the entire time they’re going down on receiver

[ mirror ] sender takes receiver in front of the mirror so they can both watch

𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

❝ i want to hear every sound you make. don’t hold back. ❞

❝ get on your knees—now. ❞

❝ you’re not leaving this bed until i say so. ❞

❝ look at you. all mine and dripping for it. ❞

❝ you said 'just one more time' last time, remember? ❞

❝ keep quiet, or they’ll hear. ❞

❝ is this what you wanted? me, like this, ruining you? ❞

❝ you’re shaking—already? we’ve barely started. ❞

❝ i haven’t even touched you yet, and you're already begging. ❞

❝ be good for me and spread your legs. ❞

❝ don’t you dare finish until i tell you to. ❞

❝ you’re going to be the death of me, but i’ll die happy. ❞

❝ say it. say you need me. say it louder. ❞

❝ i could do this all night. want to test me? ❞

❝ if you want more, use your words. ❞

❝ you look so pretty when you beg. ❞

❝ you’re not shy now, are you? ❞

❝ take it. like that. good. ❞

❝ tell me where you want my mouth. ❞

❝ don’t bite your lip—moan. i want to hear it. ❞

[cderiva]

local girl obsessed with visuals has once again opened google docs and is back on her bullshit creating social media templates + phone galleries for every stage of her character's life

[cderiva]

concept: daily video calls slowly becoming the new normal. maybe one of them is traveling for work, or visiting family, or maybe they're just drowning in a busy week, but they still find time for each other in the small moments. morning calls where one of them is still in bed curled up under the sheets watching the other get ready, or where both of them prop their phones up against mirrors, sleep still in their eyes, watching each other, one brushes their teeth while the other fumbles with their hair. nights, unpacking the day or silent, watching stealing glances at the phone as one undresses and slips into pajamas and bed. having needy spicy time together, maybe it's impromptu, or maybe it's "need you", either way it turns the screen into something charged, electric, watching their lips part and remember what's like to taste them and feel them moan into your mouth, looking at their hands working and wishing it was yours instead. having quiet time together, maybe both reading, and one of them glancing at the phone and noticing the other has fallen asleep - they don't end the call though - how could they? instead, they lay down, prop the phone against a pillow, watch the other for a moment (maybe talk to them) and eventually allow themselves to be lulled to sleep by the sound of the other's soft breathing.

[cderiva]

some people have a slight obsession with the concept of threads where the characters aren't physically together, like video call or voice call threads, and think the potential of such threads is immense both for softness and angst and spice and drama. and some people also have a slight obsession with thinking about what a character's phone gallery looks like because they feel like what a character photographs and saves to their phone and screenshots can tell a lot about a character. (im people)

[cderiva]

@5ubjugate found a prompt that went smth like person a falling asleep leaning against  person b and my brain went brr. will i regret writing this in one go and not proof-reading it and might re-write it in the future. maybe! anyway, the vibes are: the intimacy of urban solitude, coffee breath and cologne faded to skin, overhead straps clicking like soft metronomes, commuters swaying in synchronized fatigue with the train's movement, the soft hum of electricity, city lights smeared like oil paint on glass, train announcer’s drone dissolving into the static of exhaustion, packed trains filled with end-of-day quiet the silence of people too tired to pretend, not quite touch not quite space, plastic seats warm from strangers, the ache of long hours settling into bone, something tender in the hush between two people not speaking.

her body sways gently with the rhythm of the train, the city outside a kaleidoscope of fleeting lights and shadows, slipping past like half-formed thoughts. the seat across from her is empty and the glass reflects her face faintly: hollow-eyed and soft at the edges, not quite herself, not quite a stranger either.

nanami sits beside her. they've done this before. this silent companionship stitched between commutes and the impersonal glow of train carriages. tonight, though, neither of them seems to have the energy to scrape together more than a few words. earlier it had been a dry comment about broken coffee machines, a remark about a new pastry shop not far from the station, and a brief exchange about double shifts. that was it. normally she doesn't mind too much having someone to talk to during her commute, but today her body is frayed around the edges, every part of her humming with the soft ache that comes after too many hours spent upright, alert, kind. her head feels heavy, an ache spreading behind her eyes.

so, truth be told, she was thankful for for the briefness of their exchange.

but she was also thankful that the silence that settled between them doesn't feel wrong or awkward.

or rather, it doesn't feel wrong or awkward to her. not that deep down she hopes it doesn't to him either.

she rescues a yawn with the back of her wrist, eyelids gritty as sand. muscles bunch in her lower back; she shifts, uncrossing, re-crossing her legs until pins and needles spark in her foot. it makes her grimace, but she doesn’t move again. the worn sudoku book perches on her knee. graphite lingers over a stubborn square, the answer obvious and unreachable at once. she exhales, tracing the neat grid that promises order even when her thoughts swim.

then a shift in weight. a quiet warmth against her shoulder.

eyebrows lift, tired surprise loosening something small inside her chest that she can't quite name.

nanami’s head has tilted in surrender, blond fringe slipping over his brow.

she blinks, caught off guard, watching him. the fluorescent carriage lights bleach the sharpness from his features. his face is slack in a way she rarely sees: the tension leached from his jaw, his mouth relaxed, breath shallow but even. a few strands of blond hair slip low across his brow, catching the dim light. she doesn’t stir.

a pause opens in her chest, something caught between surprise and something softer, unspoken.

should she wake him? he looks exhausted, and the thought of disturbing him feels wrong, almost cruel. so for a moment she just she watches him and thinks about small mercies: ten minutes of unbroken sleep, the chance to lean on someone without apology, the hush that settles when two solitary people share the similar exhaustion.

she looks back down at the puzzle in her lap and adjusts her posture minutely, carefully.

her lips tug into a smile.

[cderiva]

sorry for the silence after saying my flare up is gone. you see, my personal pain and misery is god's favored type of entertainment so naturally i slipped in my own kitchen at 6am and pulled my back.

[cderiva]

more horror themed threads WHEN