cdidazai

[cdidazai]

if i had never shot a gun and you gave me one bullet i know in my heart of hearts that i could kill her

[cdidazai]

(round table meeting) awright folks great job on 50 days without cutting yourself. hit the showers and throw up

[cdidazai]

oh.

[cdidazai]

dont think i csn do this much longer

[cdidazai]

GGGHHGGG i had to stop bc i was getting too loud FUCK i wasnt doneee mngfgffghh

[cdidazai]

to a certain degree, its like… straight up just my fault. no one was making me do that. no one made me hold his hand under the table. no one made me roll my hoodie up to show him where my cuts were bleeding through my pants. no one made me hand over my scissors. no one made me sit next to him again and again. no one made me do that. no one made me date him. no one made me sit still while he held me. no one made me defend that age gap. no one made me do it. i chose that. i ruined myself.

[cdidazai]

im like 90% sure hes got the wrong idea but idk how to correct that

[cdidazai]

gunin my mouth or whageber.

[cdidazai]

ohhh so when i have an eating disorder for like three years straight and still throw up in the shower sometimes its all cool but he engages in like a week of disordered eating and its the end of the world

[cdidazai]

i cant fucking do this anymore i cant. i cant. i cant do it. im going out to this movie and im coming home to die i cannot do this any fucking longer

[cdidazai]

i mean its not like i deserve it. or anyrhing really im just. awful. you know ? i dont deserve any good thing that comes my way

[cdidazai]

msso gross nnuggly

[cdidazai]

NO fucfukcfukcfukcfuckfuck

[cdidazai]

please please PLEASEplease please please

[cdidazai]

i literally cannot fucking do this tonight

[cdidazai]

ddont really deserve anything . ddontdeserv tto live dontdeserve tolove him dontdeserve aanything imsorry imsorryimosdry

[cdidazai]

mso useless.