cdreambur

[cdreambur]

over the course of the last few days, i've come to the decision to leave this blog. i'm not going to delete it, or anything on it, because despite how it ended, i had a wonderful time in this community and met great people during the year and a bit i was here. i'm still proud of what i contributed to this space, namely my fics, and i want to keep it all up for memory's sake.

but today, my wrist itched with the need to cut for the first time in over eight years, and for me, that was a clear sign that i need to step away for my own mental well-being, not only from wilbur but from the content creator sphere as a whole. frankly, i don't want to hear anything related to it anymore.

friends, if you want to stay in contact, feel free to message me, i'm more than alright with giving you the name of my other blog so we can continue chatting :)

i'm going to log in irregularly until the end of this week to answer messages and get some things in order. after that, i'm not going to come back for a long time. maybe forever.

thanks for an amazing time, and i'm wishing all of you nothing but the best :)

sky

[cdreambur]

this might sounds stupid, but i guess its one of the ways im trying to handle the situation.

i dont want to support W, i don't want it to affect me so badly, and i also don't want to try and make myelf more comfortable and do nothing

but at the same time, the music he and the band have made mean So Much to me. they helped me get thoughts lines up that were jumbled in my head, they made me feel heard and seen and like i wasnt alone. and the community that came with it, the creativity, the joy. it hurts that that stuff is tainted now

what would you reccomend in the area of continuing/discontinuing to listen to their music? like i said, i feel so guilty that im even asking this, but it still means so much to me, more than i wish it did

i hope everyone going through this too is doing alright, we'll be okay

There's two camps on this -- that once the music is out in the world it's the worlds. You divorce it from the artist and you do with it what you like.

The other is that the artist is tied to the music regardless and that listening to it is a tacit acceptance of the behaviors of the creator.

I think the answer is somewhere in the middle, because I don't think we should financially support the band anymore (and I say this as someone who has given them. a lot. of money), but I do agree that once a song is in the world it is no longer the artist's. People talk about death of the author with stories, but I think that applies to songwriters tenfold more than stories. Lyrics are often vague pieces of poetry and music itself doesn't have an agenda..

Some of my best friends absolutely love The Beatles. John Lennon was a pretty horrible guy. I don't think everything John Lennon touched is ruined. Same with. Well. So many musicians. A ton of 80's bands, David Bowie, Led Zeppelin, The 1979, The Beach Boys, Oasis... I could go on and on.

Personally, I don't think I can ever hear a song from MSR ever again. It already bordered far too intimate and revealing his relationship with Shelby and now, knowing what we know, I just can't do it.

The band's songs. I mean, what can we do. I heard one of their songs on the radio yesterday. I don't see myself going back to listening to them even casually, but I think as long as you aren't financially supporting them it's no different than having 100's other musicians on a playlist that have done bad things.

Give yourself a break for now though. Take a break from it and clear your head and see if, with some distance, it's even still something you want to hear. You'd be surprised how with some distance you realize that you're clinging more to memories than the songs.

And if you find that's not the case, it's songs. You download them on your phone and they're not his anymore.

[cdreambur]

the only thing i can say is to just be fucking kind and patient with others during all of this. it’s an intense subject that makes people heated for good reason but can we just not completely mercilessly rip into each other while we’re all just trying to process the same information

[cdreambur]

just wanted to let you all know that i'm putting this blog on a little hiatus for the time being. i'm still gonna log on to talk to friends, like some stuff, etc., but you're probably not going to see me post for a while.

i might return to writing one day, as, like with dream, i write about the characters and see them and their creators as two different things. my opinions on what the real people might have done don't influence how i see the characters. i just need to get to a point where i feel better about this whole situation before i can dive back in.

hope you're all doing okay and that you're as well as you can be at the moment :)

[cdreambur]

thanks for the tag @supernovaa-remnant <333

1. are you named after someone?

i actually don't know??? i think not, but i'd have to ask my mum to be sure lol

2. when was the last time you cried?

last time i teared up was when p1harmony got their first win last friday. last time i actually, like, full on sobbed, i don't remember lmao

3. do you have kids?

no. don't think i ever will.

4. what sports do you play/have you played?

i did wing chun for a while when i was a teen.

5. do you use sarcasm?

very often.

6. what is the first thing you notice about people?

not anything specific, i think. like, it completely depends on how and why and where we're meeting, and usually, whatever it is also never really influences any of my opinions i might have on that person.

7. what's your eye color?

green

8. scary movies or happy endings?

happy endings all the way. i'm not really a fan of horror movies lmao

9. any talents?

i don't think there's anything super special i can do, sorry lol

10. what are your hobbies?

writing and reading, watching shows and movies, listening to music, jigsaw puzzles, games like sudoku and mahjong, painting and other little creative activities, baking

11. do you have any pets?

yes, three cats, romeo, velvet, and jackie :D

12. how tall are you?

around 1.75m (which is somewhere between 5'7 and 5'8, i think)

13. favorite subject in school?

english and music

14. dream job?

movie director. but if we're talking about the realistic ones, i'd like to have my own bookstore one day :)

[cdreambur]

"The cameras start rolling and he just cant' stay away."

Phil discusses the latest sorry boys kiss.

[cdreambur]

real music

[cdreambur]

‘Nightlife on the Rue Venis, Paris’ by Konstantin Korovin, c. 1932.

[cdreambur]

can you believe that we have fanfiction. that we have websites dedicated to fanfiction. that there is a place that you can go and read tens, hundreds, thousands and thousands of pieces of writing that strangers have made. people who are not "writers". people who come home at the end of the day and have feelings and say, i am going to put that into words. i am going to share those words. short, long, sweet, sad, horny, funny, wonderful words. we are all just human and we all love to make and remake and share that with others. can you believe that.

[cdreambur]

does anybody know who this is

[cdreambur]

Vqizivpzqpiv my dash full of kisses I'm dying

honestly, as it should be

[cdreambur]

[cdreambur]

pics that could kill a 2020 mcyt fan

[cdreambur]

YEAHHH WOOO

also the knowing look he gives the camera afterwards is sending me

[cdreambur]

if freud were still alive he would want to study wilbur soot i think

[cdreambur]

second time writing for the wonderful @sixteenth-day-event yay!!! i chose the prompt 'running away together' and, as opposed to last time, decided to stay true to my brand this time and write a little something about c!dreambur :D

"i don't want you to blow it up."

his words make wilbur stop his pacing, instead turning to look at him.

there are deep, dark shadows under his eyes, dirt and ash on his cheeks. his hands, littered with bruises and scratches and burns, are shaking, and when dream's gaze wanders up to meet wilbur's, his heart shatters at the emptiness he finds there.

and dream doesn't know when it started to hurt, when he started to care.

not about manberg, or pogtopia, or the revolution. not even about the destruction it would bring.

he doesn't know when he started to care about wilbur.

maybe when he noticed how the life began to fade from wilbur's eyes. maybe when wilbur looked up at him through long lashes, promising him devotion.

maybe it happened even before that, back when wilbur stood opposite him, determination on his face and fire in his gaze as he declared freedom.

"what do you want then?" wilbur's voice interrupts his thoughts, and dream swallows.

because that's the question, isn't it?

he wants to stop wilbur from breaking. he wants to see him smile again. he wants wilbur to love himself the way dream does.

but he can't say any of that. can't be honest, can't be vulnerable, even if it's just the two of them in the small, moonlit clearing.

dream settles on the closest answer he has.

"i want us to leave. i want us to go somewhere-"

he stops. hesitates. unsure how to continue.

somewhere where i don't have to fight for power, where i don't have to desperately scramble to keep everything that matters to me together.

somewhere where i don't have to watch you fall and fall and fall until you shatter.

"somewhere where we can just be wil and dream." he eventually says, risking a small step forward.

wilbur doesn't flinch, doesn't back away. just looks at him with wide dark eyes, lips parted in obvious surprise.

dream's breath hitches, as, for the first time in a while, he watches emotions flicker over wilbur's face, confusion and fear and hope before it finally settles on something akin to grief.

"i- i don't- i can't abandon tommy. or- or tubbo. or fundy, or any of them."

he sounds desperate and worried, his hands still trembling when dream bridges the last distance between them and takes them into his own.

his words are quiet when he tells wilbur, "we'll figure something out."

and dream means it. he'd find a way to protect the annoyingly loud and clever boy and his too-smart-for-his-age best friend, the girl with the soft voice and heart and the fox with fur as fiery as his personality. he'd do everything he could if it meant wilbur had a chance at happiness.

that desire, that sincerity, has to show somewhere on his face, because wilbur's shoulders slump, his eyes fluttering shut before he practically collapses, only stopped from falling to the ground by dream's arm shooting out and wrapping around his waist.

his face lands pressed into dream's neck, his curls tickling dream's jaw and cheek as the tremor of his hands is mirrored by his shaky breaths.

"you promise?" he asks, soft and fragile, his lips brushing over dream's skin and sending a shiver down dream's back.

dream exhales slowly, burying his nose in brown hair.

"i do." he replies, nothing but raw honesty in his voice. he adjusts his grip a little, allowing himself to sink further into the embrace.

fuck, it's been so long since he held someone. since someone held him.

and even though the way wilbur's fingers curl over his shoulder, how they tighten on his hand, almost burns, he wouldn't change it for the world.

"okay. i'll come with you."

dream doesn't think he's ever been as relieved over a couple of words as he is in this very moment. he lets go of wilbur's hand to loop his other arm around wilbur's waist too, pulling him so close that not even a sheet of paper could fit in between their bodies.

"thank you." he whispers into brunet curls, and it feels stupid to thank wilbur for simply accepting dream's help, for allowing dream to take the two of them to a place where they don't have to break themselves more than they already did.

but dream doesn't care.

he has wilbur in his arms, and for the first time in months, he believes that there's hope for him. for both of them.

[cdreambur]

piwon first win, new sorry video, 16th event... it truly is another great day to be me lmao