cenlyra

[cenlyra]

i saw a post about someone naming a character after their enemy to torture them and realized we all live in vastly different worlds. so now i’m curious! where do you fall? as always, nuance is welcome :)

[cenlyra]

Alright, so I was extremely happy to see 1626 people vote in my recent poll about the "sexual/sensual/aesthetic/romantic" split attraction model! I received a lot of really helpful responses in the tags and replies.

I'd like to start with a quick rundown of the results. Note that I think stats are fun but I'm horrible at math, so you can always look at the poll results yourself.

37,6% of respondents were in the community for 10+ years (or ~611 people)

33,5% of respondents were in the community for 5+ years (or ~545 people)

28,8% of respondents were in the community for less than 5 years (or ~468 people)

So - shared rather evenly, with a slight lean towards oldies! (Which includes myself.)

56,2% of respondents voted that they knew the exact model I listed.

20,6% of respondents voted that they knew a slightly different version of the model I listed.

14,5% of respondents voted that they were only vaguely familiar with this model.

8,6% of respondents voted that they didn't know the model altogether.

That's 76,8% of respondents who confidently know it. The split attraction model is not dead!

So this kind of debunks my impression that less of the newer generation of a-specs know about the term; of course the poll could have biases I'm not able to identify. There was a good number of reblogs, including one from the popular blog fuckyeahasexual, which was already around over a decade ago. I don't know this blog's full audience - could it be the case that their followers are more likely to be people who know this kind of vocabulary? Who knows!

Still, the reblogs branched out, so it's not just their audience who voted! (They're the big blob on the left, the source post is on the right.)

Impressions and information I gathered from the responses:

The model is generally well received by respondents.

There was a wave of hate towards the split attraction model around a decade ago, when there was a general wave of aphobia, on tumblr. (This is information I personally did not know - my feed was just too well curated and I only learned there was hate once people started considering it a past anecdote to talk about.) It was not specified by most respondents what exactly was called out about the model at the time, but someone mentioned accusations of homophobia (???). How much this may have impacted younger a-specs' knowledge of the model is up in the air.

From my point of view, some respondents mistook or muddied different models and/or concepts: for example, implying that "demi" or "sex-repulsed/favorable" may be used instead of this model, rather than in conjunction with it. I personally view this as a misunderstanding of what these different words and concepts mean. Of course, any a-spec individual may choose to only identify with one model or label or other; but they still have specifically different use cases. Where you place yourself on the "romance" part of the split attraction model defines your romantic orientation; the model itself is not an orientation, while "demiromantic" would be one.

A couple of people (like, actually 2 unless I missed someone) responded that they do not agree with this model as to them only sexual+romantic count. I can't say I personally agree as it is my established impression that people who relate to the model should be believed when they say these other forms of attraction exist. Like "I don't get it so it's not real" is not speaking to me. Still, that's my bias; the facts of the matter are that a couple of people did share this impression!

Two people shared that they do not prefer it for themselves or view it as universally useful. (I'm sure this applies to more people, same as the point above; commenting was optional.)

This was not specifically asked, but "other options" that came up included: platonic, queerplatonic, emotional, alterous, tertiary, intellectual(personal, not heard elsewhere), spiritual(personal, not heard elsewhere), "way more"

One person pointed out that this specific model was taught to them in psych of sexuality, in an academic setting. It was also my impression that the model was academically accepted.

Some aroallo people think they're not included in "a-spec"??? This can only be a result of experienced exclusion and I'm so sorry to hear it. If someone uses "a-spec" and doesn't mean to include aroallos, they're the one who got their meanings wrong, and you don't have to go out of your way to adapt to their mistakes.

This was really interesting! I'm thankful for all the responses I received, including the ones I disagree with. Sharing these differing points of view was the point. It's always good to remind anyone that a-specs are not a monolith; we're different people with different experiences, preferences, points of view and personalities.

It's very important to note that no one should ever be forced to use a model or label they're not comfortable with or that they don't want. This does not only apply to the split attraction model. All of these words are tools, they're meant to be helpful, and if they're not: then use what is helpful to you!

So is this poll going to change anything for me?... Not really. I'm very fond of the romantic/sexual/aesthetic/sensual (order does not matter) split attraction model and it's extremely helpful to me. I think it can be helpful to a lot of people! I personally only experience aesthetic attraction; not only has learning about the model helped me understand a lot that I might have been forever confused about otherwise, but after years of having this information, I have also clearly identified for myself that it is indeed a form of attraction and that I completely agree with the model as a concept. I believe it is accurate.

I did learn that it's common for people to include "platonic" in that model! This does not make sense to me personally: to me, sensual and aesthetic attraction are inherently platonic (else they'd be "sexual" or "romantic", but this model goes out of its way to separate them from those), so there's no use in specifying it. Still, I understand that it does make sense to a lot of people. I definitely don't identify with platonic attraction as I personally describe it as rather an adjective for feelings that aren't sexual or romantic. I know for a fact that platonic attraction exists more meaningfully for a lot of a-specs.

It also makes a lot of sense to me to include "queerplatonic"! I don't believe I'll bother to introduce it to my personal identification, but it is interesting to note and I hope to be able to use this information (and other things I learned from these conversations) to interact more meaningfully with questioning a-specs, "baby" a-specs and allies.

My huge bias is: like I mentioned in my reblog of the original poll, I genuinely love this model. It makes a ton of sense to me and it's helped me a lot. I really want it to help more people. I'm also someone who does not care for microlabels! Some of the other vocabulary I just don't interact with at all because my brain identifies it as closer to "microlabelling", something that just does not work for me. The split attraction model is something large enough for me to navigate comfortably. To someone with different brain chemistry, the opposite might be true.

I think it will only be positive to continue to introduce people to this model, and to mention other options that one might identify with. I don't know how objective I can be about it; but due to my experiences of discomfort with microlabelling, it feels to me like it might make it easier for more people to "start with the shorter list and then suggest more possible options". This is completely subjective, but for example, "queerplatonic" does not register to my brain as the Uncomfortably Specific type, whereas "alterous" does. Of course, my bias is wanting to go out of my way to make people with the same experience as me feel comfortable.

[cenlyra]

Have been in ace community since 2009-ish. When I started, it was a mostly 5-category model: aesthetic, platonic, sensual, romantic, sexual, and at the time it felt to me like at least some people regarded it as a staircase—usually the earlier forms would be present in order to trigger the potential later ones, at least in allo people (but also, sensual was rarely specified, in my experience). It was almost like platonic and sensual, specifically, were being used as the low-level or “at least we can love in our own way” versions of emotional and physical types of attraction. (I hope my rambling makes sense, I’m trying to remember thought processes that I was having 10 to 15 years ago)

The term Alterous was also beginning to be used by the time I began to distance from the online ace community, I think—as a “non-platonic but non-romantic emotional attraction” or an “alternate type” of attraction. I didn’t identify with it then. But I do now.

I used to be active in the asexual "community" on here back when I came out a decade ago when I really needed that. Then, as my experiences and needs changed, I stayed on the sidelines.

More and more, I'm running into people who don't seem to use the vocabulary around attraction that I got used to and actually identify with strongly.

I'm trying to identify if this is coincidental or if this is talked about differently nowadays.

For the purpose of this poll: - please only vote if you're a-spec - there is no "allo/see results" option due to lack of space, please be patient and respectful of this, especially as this may not get many votes and I want to hear from my community. - "to be in the community" is used as an umbrella word for any amount of time you've spent as an activist, and/or meeting other a-spec individuals, and/or actively learning about the language...

*For example: the version you use/know doesn't stop at these four options, as it also includes intellectual attraction, and/or platonic attraction, and/or... etc.

I hope this roughly covers the main possibilities - I ran out of space!

This model still makes a lot of sense to me and to how I describe my experience. I have encountered people who either didn't know it at all (and yet seemed to need something akin to it!) or used it but with more options, oftentimes differing from person to person, which made me feel unsure about whether to apply them to myself.

If this poll makes sense to you - reblogs, as well as any response are appreciated!

[cenlyra]

TO ALL AROACES:

*Includes online interactions and sex work

**Amatonormative romance, conforming to typical ideals of romantic partnership

I’m an aroace guy trying to take a census of how many of us are sexually/romantically active vs not. Please reblog to increase reach!

[cenlyra]

Yes. Kate in my Tangled Threads series that I’m writing is aro lesbian and she’s one of my favorites. I adore her

Writing tip:

Every character can be made infinitely more interesting by making them an allosexual aromantic.

[cenlyra]

I have two main aspec couples in the story I’m writing. One is a sex-indifferent to favorable/romance-indifferent aroace with a romance-averse aroallo, and sex happens in this one. The second is an alloace/allo-allo relationship without sex.

Actually, there’s a very side pair of romance-averse (orchidromantic?) allo-allo with electio aroace too.

So three relationships specifically featuring aspec people.

You know what? Forget the discourse. This is no longer my hill to die on.

You wanna ship canonically aspec characters because “aro/ace people can still date/have sex”? Okay, then. LET’S DO IT.  I wanna see an aromantic character with an alloromantic love interest. I wanna see that confession of undying love and the moment when the aro character says they will never feel the same way—not romantically.

I wanna see the asexual character with their allosexual partner. I wanna see that moment when the ace characters tries sex with their partner for the first time because they want to make them happy only to realize that they are 100% sex repulsed.

I wanna see the two demiromantics who don’t even know if what they feel is romantic attraction, but they adore each other and just want to make healthy snacks together and destroy each other at Mario Kart.

I wanna see the two aces who love sensual affection and are figuring out what they define as sexual or not.

I wanna see the romance + sex neutral aroace who happily and consensually does whatever makes their partner happy…but their partner still struggles with feeling undesired. 

Oh, babe. You thought shipping an aspec character would be just like shipping an allo character? 

[cenlyra]

ok community poll bc i'm starting to feel old

* as in, you knew the term you use and you identified as such

** your discretion at determining if discourse was active during the time you started id'ing as ace, but the broadest interpretation would be tumblr's creation through the start of the pandemic. (personally I'd say it 'ended' in 2019, but I'm not sure of a year for the start)

yes the categories are uneven in year span but i'm going off of major community landmarks

[cenlyra]

fanfic writers what font do you write in

i know on ao3 it's all in verdana but when you're drafting the fic in word or docs or whatever

[cenlyra]

Elaborate in the tags, maybe even link your fic if you're able to! I like seeing what people's driving force to write fic is, because it always seems to be different depending on who you ask.

[cenlyra]

and did you have to look it up

[cenlyra]

If you notice me reblogging

a repost

stolen art

false information

etc.

please let me know, you’re not rude or annoying and I actually do give a fuck and I will correct my mistake, thank you

[cenlyra]

Too many writers are using generative 'AI' to make their book covers, so I've written a guide on how to make your own cover for free or cheap without turning to a machine.

If you can't afford to pay an artist, you CAN make your own!

I hope this is a helpful overview that covers the basics and points to some free resources.

[cenlyra]

May write something if I’m inspired.

Hello aplatonics and allies of tumblr! Here is your reminder that Aplatonic Day of Visibility is May 4th! So if you want to prepare art, writing, posts, etc, you've got about two weeks to do that! I know we're a small community, but hopefully if we start preparing now, we can draw more attention

[cenlyra]

For some people, “love” doesn’t fit. For some people, “love” is actively harmful.

Why do we have to prove our humanity all the time? Why can’t we just be human because we’re human?

am i stupid to realize only now that "love is what makes us human" could very well mean ANY type of love?? platonic love. love for your favorite pet, hobbie, music, plant, whatever. basically whatever or almost whatever you want ????

[cenlyra]

shorthands for dumbassery that i have grown to love deeply

"how dare you say we piss on the poor" in response to someone misinterpreting your post

"_ isnt gonna fuck you" for suck up behavior

"woah. should we tell everyone? should we throw a party?" for who the fuck cares

"and what if the world was made of pudding" for when would this ever matter.

"and sharks are smooth both ways" for a group of people heatedly arguing with 1 guy who is fucking with them all

".. but its about a witch in the alps finding her lost cat" for someone trying to sanitize something to the point of absurdity

[cenlyra]

If you want a way to track your words and to preserve your NaNo stats, this is the site you want. It's free and it can import all of your projects from the NaNo site, complete with daily word counts and everything.