cerealforanelephant

[cerealforanelephant]

I have always been partial to stories which feature the removal of many layers of clothing as an important plot element. One of my favorite Scandinavian folktales is about a queen who, through some magical conception mishap, gives birth to twins. The younger twin is beautiful and normal in every way, but the older twin is just. Y’know. A big horrible snake with arms.

When the younger twin grows up and wants to get married, the lindworm returns and insists that he, as the elder prince, must be married first. When a massive horrible snake with arms lays down the law like that there isn’t really any room for disagreement, but it turns out to be awfully hard to find a bride willing to marry him. The king and queen search far and wide for a woman who will take a husband who is 50 feet long, doesn’t have legs, and may or may not eat his would-be wives when they are appalled by him, but eventually they find a local shepherd’s daughter who is either coerced, a monsterfucker, or just very open-minded and agrees to marry the lindworm.

Depending on the version, the bride either seeks out the advice of a witch or comes up with the idea all by herself, and goes to the bedchamber on her wedding night dressed in many layers of dresses. Her big horrible snake with arms husband is waiting for her and bids her to disrobe, but she asks him to shed a skin as well. Her sexy Russian nesting doll cosplay has so many layers that by the time she is naked, he has shed all of his skins and is 1.) either a sexy naked human dude underneath or 2.) is this meaty blob of helpless worm meat that must be whipped and bathed in chemicals before he transforms into a sexy naked human dude. Either way, they presumably live happily ever after and the younger prince can finally get married.

I’d like to know how the elder prince adjusted to having a human body. He was born a lindworm and lived his entire life slithering around—he’s never worn pants! He’s never had to sit on a toilet! What’s he gonna do now that he’s a sexy 20-something heir to the throne? Is it a shock for him when he looks down and he’s just got one sexual organ? His butt is in the back now, he’s got to shave, he’s got to eat with a fork and a knife and chew his food instead of unhinging his jaw and swallowing it whole.... is it weird for him? Is his honeymoon spent learning to walk on two legs? Is his instinct to crawl out of bed and drag himself across the floor by his arms? Does he roll onto his back and play dead when he gets scared? Does he wrap his torso around his lunch and attempt to constrict it? Is his wife... into this?

[cerealforanelephant]

Literally didn’t know this

[cerealforanelephant]

the idea that humans are a garbage species is so obnoxious no one talks about the peaceful parts of history and prehistory because they aren’t as exciting as us killing each other but um homo sapiens have been doing awesome things all over for a long time….we survived the fucking ice age…we made it through the sinai desert….we shared the savana with big cats before we ever made a weapon, we wove baskets from literal plants and halved blades from flint to handles we made, carved harpoons from bone and fought megafauna for our loved ones, cooked food and took care of the elderly and buried our dead, painted pictures and shared stories, built homes from clay and mud and straw, made instruments so we could dance and sing…it is so easy to focus on the negative and i get it ok we are in the middle of a mass extinction event that specific humans are at fault for but listen: they don’t want you to remember it hasn’t always been like this…we were and are so much more than evil

[cerealforanelephant]

[cerealforanelephant]

http://iglovequotes.net/

[cerealforanelephant]

Clear your mind here

[cerealforanelephant]

http://iglovequotes.net/

[cerealforanelephant]

[cerealforanelephant]

“I have a list in my head of all the feelings I still want to feel before I die. And you have ticked so many things off that list.”

— Iain Thomas // I Wrote This For You

[cerealforanelephant]

“You can tell how dangerous a person is by the way they hold their anger inside themselves quietly.”

— Unknown (via hplyrikz)

[cerealforanelephant]

[cerealforanelephant]

[cerealforanelephant]

http://iglovequotes.net/

[cerealforanelephant]

[cerealforanelephant]

“Truth is you can never know where you’ll end up with someone. You meet a stranger and you might find your best friend in them. You marry someone you love and you might find a stranger down the road. None of us will ever know. But should it stop you from loving them? The pain of losing them will hurt like hell, but even in that pain you’ll find growth. Love them. Love them until you can’t anymore, love them in ways more than one, love them because you’ll never know when you can’t. You’ll never know where life will take them. In not knowing how it will end, in not knowing where you will end, is exactly why you should love them.”

— why you should love them.

[cerealforanelephant]

This is my family. I found it, all on my own. Is little, and broken, but still good. Ya. Still good.

[cerealforanelephant]