cewfreeland

[cewfreeland]

Everything is going to be okay...

Tate came out of his bedroom last night sniffling. I was too enthralled in my book to realize that he was teary - fortunately Brian did. He went over and hugged him - and Tate explained that he was just happy. That he was working (this week) and that he was going to be able to spend all day today with his significant other in Central Park to celebrate their 6 month anniversary. He cried and just released a summer of frustration and disappointment. He was grateful - that he was getting a taste of normal - and was satisfied even though it was fleeting.  

As he was preparing for today’s jaunt to Central Park last night, he announced that he was going to ride his bike to and fro given that he would be working with the kids Thursday and Friday. He said he didn’t want to be the one to get any of them sick. We had to reassure him that the subway was safe, that the times he would be traveling would have few riders, and that he was not putting the kids at camp at risk. He finally agreed, though he did not look convinced. This morning, he got ready, and then put on sweatpants and a sweatshirt over his clothes, and packed a trash bag. I realized that he was going to take the sweatpants and sweatshirt off after being on the subway and would put them back on before he returned home.  

As a mother, I worry about how this time will shape our kids - and most especially my kids. Remote school was rough, being home has been lonely. But seeing his demonstration of compassion and responsibility, I realize that he is going to be just fine. 

[cewfreeland]

Finding my place in the new world

A year ago, I was finishing up grad school, dealing with Brian’s busy travel/festival schedule, packing and doing endless amounts of laundry tied to Lillian’s weeks at Girl Scout Camp and her trip to Denver. Monitoring that Tate had enough to eat after his hard day working at Camp Half Blood. 

I had assumed 2020 would bring quarterly trips to visit my parents where I could swoop in and feel like I had made a real difference in the clutter of their apartment. I had assumed that it would mean a new job and new adventures for me professionally - putting my new MPH to work and raising my earnings back to where it was were when we moved to NY. That Brian would be finding new work that was perhaps closer to what he actually wanted to do. Tate would have his summer job interspersed with nights and weekends with friends and somehow on top of his summer schoolwork without our intervention or nagging. Lillian would be blissfully away at Girl Scout Camp and then Camp Chief Ouray, finished off with a visit to delighted and healthy grandparents. But none of that has happened.

Instead, we’re stuck in our apartment for 23 hours most every day interspersed with the daily (or twice daily) walks. I took a break -  literally and figuratively -  when I left the apartment on an unusually cool morning last week, decided to take a vacation day spontaneously, sat on the park bench in the shade and finished listening to Michelle Obama’s book about her “Becoming.” It was the last 90 minutes - where she summed up her journey from the South Side of Chicago to her looking back on her husband’s legacy as the first Black president for eight remarkable years - only to be followed by Trump. It was almost too hard to listen to her anger and bitterness at the irony of that turn of events. If she only knew then what we know now - how bad it would become... In good news, I managed to do two of my trots. I was gone so long my family worried about me - Lillian texted - Brian texted - checking in. I simply needed the three hours plus to be alone and think. No great discoveries. I just sat with my unbelievable sadness. 

I am unaccustomed to being so sad. I don’t know if it’s the lack of control I feel - getting simple things off the list like a dental cleaning becomes a chore during a pandemic - or the utter sadness of how much I have and how it still seems like it’s not enough. I should be elated at the prosperity that my family enjoys. I should turn my guilt into gratitude.  But the more I AWAKEN the more I cannot shift this guilt into gratitude. And yet, I simply sit in the sadness and the guilt and am not doing anything about it. I make silent discoveries - that the first 12 presidents of the United States (25%) owned other people. That my family has the luxury of opting for remote learning without really worrying about our kids falling behind. That my parents are so safe and so healthy - even in a pandemic - because they had nothing pushing them down with every step they took up the ladder toward the American Dream. That Brian and I will inherit a (very) small fortune from both sets of parents that will turn any stupid financial decisions into distant memories. And if we’re not complete idiots with money (which is possible) - our kids will inherit a (very) small fortune from us and they will erase their mistakes just as my parents did and we will have done.  

My worries are so selfish. Worrying about becoming the middle aged doughy woman who sat out the pandemic and didn’t DO anything remarkable with the gift of time. Worried that my depression is going to sink me and I will come out of this an altogether different person - and not in a good way. And the spiral continues - the guilt I feel that I can afford to be sad. That I can be listless and directionless. 

[cewfreeland]

Things are different

It is apparently in our human nature to adapt quickly to change. So, the fact that we went from looking strangely at the few people wearing masks around NYC in early March to now giving death stares to anyone NOT wearing a mask intellectually makes sense.  But the speed of our adoption to this change is astounding.  We’ve gone from walking too closely like normal New Yorkers to crossing the street when we approach someone on the sidewalk. I feel a constant sense of spacial awareness when I’m outside of my apartment that I usually only feel in unfamiliar and “dangerous” places. I feel frustrated when I see people without masks, but have also been the target of people who give me looks when I am out of breath and drop my mask to breathe better for a few seconds.  

I don’t know if it’s better to live in NYC where the impact of Covid-19 is so acute or to live in a place like Colorado where you can sort of forget about the impact of Covid. You can drive to the grocery store and have your groceries loaded into your car curbside. We have to stand in line at the nearest grocery store to get the food we need. We all wear masks, we can only enter 10 at a time. There is no sense to risk getting sick by taking public transportation to go somewhere else for food. In Colorado, you can drive to a remote park and walk without risk of encountering large crowds. But here, we are confronted with it in every aspect of our lives. When I go to put our trash down the chute, I wear a mask. When I go to do laundry or get the mail, I wear a mask. My only respite from our beautiful apartment and my remarkable family (of which I am tired of seeing 24/7 for the past 68 days) is to go to the park. And that is the only place of respite my neighbors have as well. So it’s crowded. And people are getting punchy. I am getting punchy. 

The thing that I don’t seem able to adapt to changing is the idea of moving.  If we are honest with ourselves, living in a city that may not recover for 5 or 10 or 15 years isn’t the smartest idea. We’re already hearing about theft on the subways, the mental illness on display in the streets. “Real estate is over!” “Live performance is over!” “Higher education is over!” “Education is over!” I want the old city. I want the adventure and the familiar. I can’t imagine moving anywhere else. It would feel like I missed out on its ascent to greatness in adversity. I don’t want to move to a suburb or a lesser city. I want to be one of the ones who ‘can make it here, you can make it anywhere.’ I don’t want to make it anywhere.

[cewfreeland]

Things are different

It is apparently in our human nature to adapt quickly to change. So, the fact that we went from looking strangely at the few people wearing masks around NYC in early March to now giving death stares to anyone NOT wearing a mask intellectually makes sense.  But the speed of our adoption to this change is astounding.  We’ve gone from walking too closely like normal New Yorkers to crossing the street when we approach someone on the sidewalk. I feel a constant sense of spacial awareness when I’m outside of my apartment that I usually only feel in unfamiliar and “dangerous” places. I feel frustrated when I see people without masks, but have also been the target of people who give me looks when I am out of breath and drop my mask to breathe better for a few seconds.  

I don’t know if it’s better to live in NYC where the impact of Covid-19 is so acute or to live in a place like Colorado where you can sort of forget about the impact of Covid. You can drive to the grocery store and have your groceries loaded into your car curbside. We have to stand in line at the nearest grocery store to get the food we need. We all wear masks, we can only enter 10 at a time. There is no sense to risk getting sick by taking public transportation to go somewhere else for food. In Colorado, you can drive to a remote park and walk without risk of encountering large crowds. But here, we are confronted with it in every aspect of our lives. When I go to put our trash down the chute, I wear a mask. When I go to do laundry or get the mail, I wear a mask. My only respite from our beautiful apartment and my remarkable family (of which I am tired of seeing 24/7 for the past 68 days) is to go to the park. And that is the only place of respite my neighbors have as well. So it’s crowded. And people are getting punchy. I am getting punchy. 

The thing that I don’t seem able to adapt to changing is the idea of moving.  If we are honest with ourselves, living in a city that may not recover for 5 or 10 or 15 years isn’t the smartest idea. We’re already hearing about theft on the subways, the mental illness on display in the streets. “Real estate is over!” “Live performance is over!” “Higher education is over!” “Education is over!” I want the old city. I want the adventure and the familiar. I can’t imagine moving anywhere else. It would feel like I missed out on its ascent to greatness in adversity. I don’t want to move to a suburb or a lesser city. I want to be one of the ones who ‘can make it here, you can make it anywhere.’ I don’t want to make it anywhere.

[cewfreeland]

Stay or go?

There is a lot of discussion about whether to stay or go. Those who have resources have already left. There was a graph in today’s NYT that showed how many people had left the city since the NY Pause: 90% or so of those in the top 1% income bracket left immediately after Di Blasio closed schools. The poorest folks are stuck in the city. Many of our friends have bunked in with their parents in New Jersey or Conneticut. They get help with childcare, the kids have more space, there is less density. 

Melissa says that traveling through East Harlem on her way to work in the Bronx actually scares her now. Melissa is very rarely scared by anything - even working inpatient during the height of the Covid-19 outbreak didn’t phase her. But 125th and 2nd Avenue does now. She says the drug deals are now in the open, the mental health crisis on the street is everywhere. She suspects NYC will deteriorate into the way it was in the 1980s. 

Since these stories have started coming out, I listen to the sounds of our neighborhood differently. I used to be totally unfazed by loud music, teenagers being a little rowdy, the graffiti in the neighborhood. Brian would say that I am succumbing to “fear juice.” Intellectually I know nothing has changed, but emotionally I feel unnerved. If the city fails, is there any reason to stay? If NY is going to be ravaged by bankruptcy, by a failed real estate market, deep cuts to education, the arts decimated - is there any reason to stay? But where would we go? My job is secure - at least till March 2021 - and likely beyond. Brian’s job is as secure as it can be given that he works for an international opera touring company. The kids have connections with their schools and friends and if there is any chance for them to go back in person in the next 2 years, I would want them to go back with the kids/to the schools they knew when this all started. And we love our neighborhood. We love our apartment. I love not having a car. I love being able to walk through the park and run into friends on every block. But it is a ton of money to stay in a failing city. And where would we go? 

The other question is whether to drive to Colorado to see my parents. My mom’s chemo isn’t knocking her white blood cells back in line. She has extreme bruising where her glasses simply touch her nose. Her Alzheimer’s won’t get better.  Brian gently asked about going there this summer before the fall/the winter. He helped me see that if we don’t go this summer, we might not go for another year. We might not see her again. But it’s also risky to travel by plane, and so we would probably drive. But that means hotels, and gas stations, and exposure. And 14 days of quarantine when we get there. And would we be able to see her? Is it smart to spend money right now on a trip when Brian could lose his job at any moment? 

[cewfreeland]

Book Club with my dad

My dad has always been the bombastic side-kick to my mom, my sister and me. Our maternal grandmother sewed beautiful dresses for our mom and used the scraps to make us matching dresses or coats - or little miniature versions of our mom’s long 70s jumpers and robes. The three of us went together - and my dad was the only one who didn’t quite fit in. But there he is in the pictures with his goofy grin not really understanding that he was an outsider.

He’s tried to find foot holds to our threesome before.  The Worster girls have always loved to shop. When we would go shopping, my mom would have us show off our purchases to our dad when we got home to make him feel included. He learned to tag along at some point when we had graduated to department doors from the little children’s clothing shop down the hill. He would sit outside the dressing rooms and we would show off our items. He got to the point where he would say “buy that one for me” if he particularly liked one thing over another. We learned to play him and put up a fuss and say we liked the other item better and we would end up getting both.  

With my mom fading away, my dad and I have struck up a more meaningful relationship than we’ve had before through books. My dad has used books to connect with me before back when I was in college and studying theater. As a child born during the depression and raised on a farm to an incredibly poor and uneducated family, he tried to reconcile his desire for me to have stability but also chase my dream of working in the theater. I think he actually read more of the theater curriculum than I did - Uta Haagen, Sandy Meisner, “What Color is your Parachute,” “Do What you Love and the Money will Follow.” He was behind me 100%. I think he was more disappointed than anyone else when I dropped out of my MFA program. 

My dad and I started sharing books a few years ago when my parents were visiting. He picked up a book I had received for Christmas but hadn’t yet read - Hillbilly Elegy. We had amazing conversations about his experience as a poor kid in Colorado and the emergence of the Trump supporters from people who grew up similarly to him. I think he attributes his different trajectory to his parent’s insistence that he attend college, driving him to the Boulder campus of the University of Colorado just a few miles west from their farm in Arvada but a world away from their lives as poor, uneducated farmers.    

After that, I sent him a book that resonated with me - Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari. Then he sent us a copy of the Muller Report. During their most recent visit, he picked up my copy of The Ghost Map, a book I had just finished. This week, he sent me a copy of The Great Influenza and got a copy for himself as well. Getting this book during this unbelievable time meant an incredible amount to me. It helped me feel that some things are normal - that we’re just exchanging books like we have been doing over the past few years. It makes me feel hopeful that I’ll see my parents again - that we will survive this pandemic, just like in 1918. 

[cewfreeland]

Generations

My parents are almost 2,000 miles away and are under strict quarantine. Moving to an 18-story retirement community with three levels of care seemed like the best thing for my mom, and for my dad. She had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s last year, and social interaction was key to keeping her “her” as long as possible. I predicted that my father would quickly become the Mayor of Park Place. And while he isn’t quite the mayor yet, during my visits from NY, I can tell that he is campaigning actively for that role. And then Covid-19 hit. 

He did take on the role of berating the young executive director into taking things very seriously very early. I applaud Brookdale for its corporate leadership, but I have no doubt that my dad’s bull in a china shop approach scared Park Place into action. When we visited the executive director’s office during my last visit in late February, a plan was already in development. But I know that my dad provided one of the explosive tirades that anyone who knows my dad has experienced and suddenly more was put into action. It started with the formal menus being replaced with disposable paper versions, hand sanitizer as anyone entered the dining room. It quickly evolved into temperatures being taken of all staff and residents, no visitors, total lock down, quarantine for 14 days upon returning from outside or the hospital. And so far, no positive cases at that facility. Colorado is not New York, but it’s not Wyoming. It is just a matter of time till Park Place is affected, and that is terrifying to me.

In addition, my mom starts chemo next week. It’s time, and the good news is that she has had this regimen before and fares well. But of course, her immunity will suffer as the medications knock her cancerous white blood cells back in line for another few months or years. 

On the flip side, our teenagers are being teenagers. They are being incredibly respectful of the quarantine. But they are expecting more from me than I can give. I won’t speak for Brian. He has been nothing short of heroic during this time. But Lillian and Tate were climbing off the walls yesterday and Brian hit his limit. I took them outside and used the chance to call my sister and talk about our parents as well as the challenges we were both facing - trying to parent, work, and stay sane. Lillian’s face said it all - that she wanted my attention. And I have none to give. I’m tapped out. I want to weep every time she gives me that look but I have no ability to cry (as usual).  I am trying not to harm them psychologically. I purchase the food items that make things seem like normal so they won’t feel deprived. But I can’t seem to muster the thing they need. Comfort, fun, love. It’s like I can go through the motions of providing for them but not the actual comfort. 

We saw a video on the CBS morning news of Shaquille O’Neal doing a dance party with his kids at home and they were all dancing on the kitchen counters. And Lillian turned to me and said, “that’s what we need more of.” I didn’t know how to respond. Brian and I are working. We’re trying to keep legitimately busy to stave off the guilt that we are still employed. That our family is not facing financial ruin at this point. We have so many friends who are holding their breath as April 1st hits. Rent is due. 

I finally did cry last night. A member of my team, Alejandro, lost his father over the weekend - not to COVID-19, but to cancer. He had been battling for 3 years and had been in and out of the ICU for the past 2-3 weeks. Since his decline coincided with COVID, the family couldn’t visit in his final days and hours. Alejandro can’t find a funeral home to accept his father, so his body remains at the hospital. He hasn’t told his children that their grandfather has died because he wants to be able to tell them where he is. They’re young and the thought that their grandfather is stored in a refrigerator and in limbo was more disturbing than knowing that he had passed. And Alejandro refuses to let him be cremated because he says his mother MUST see her husband before he is buried or cremated. He wants to be able to give his mother that closure.

[cewfreeland]

Life in the COVID-19 epicenter

We’re on day 14 of staying at home to do our part to prevent the spread of the coronavirus, COVID-19. Everything considered we are doing so well. We’re a family with two teenagers who are finding joy in spending time with each other again. Brian and I alternate between depression and gratitude. Fortunately, we never seem to be in the depression part at the same time. That comes from being so different and also knowing when the other one is starting to spiral into the dark place. The other one rallies - reaches out through the unknown and finds a spark of joy to bring the other one out of the blue fog. 

One of my closest NY friends is recovering from a diagnosed case of COVID-19. He proactively reached out to me this morning to tell me he made it through the night since I have been bugging him every day to see if he was still in his apartment or had needed to get the urgent care that we hear our neighbors needing from the sirens wailing. Another close friend in NY lost her sense of smell and taste but seems to have come out unscathed other than those two symptoms.  I keep wondering if my short bout with fever/chills/cough/fatigue/shortness of breath/diarrhea in early March was COVID-19, followed by the kids having raging headaches several days after my illness.  Brian was in DC for most of my illness so I don’t think he got it. An antibody test cannot come soon enough.

Brian and I both have a remarkable amount of guilt. I think his guilt is centered on the fact that he is still employed while so many other artists and art workers are not. He also sees his industry hemorrhaging and with no end in sight. We watched the depression inspired film Cradle Will Rock about the Workers Progress Administration and the Federal Theater Project last night. He is optimistic that something that transformative will come out of this crisis. I have faith that he can be a part of this recovery.

As for me, the bright side is that people understand what public health is now!  The downside is that I feel like I can’t help. My grad school group chat has a really stark view of what healthcare workers are facing.  One classmate has had his surgical residency all but halted and transitioned to emergency surgery. Two pregnant classmates are still caring for patients - one in pediatric ICU (where she’s not seeing many kids, thankfully) and the other a radiologist (who is volunteering in other ways to relieve the pressure on her colleagues). Another classmate also lost a sense of taste and smell and was back at work 5 days later. She is an OB/GYN and is only delivering COVID-19 positive patients out of fear that she may still be contagious. Still another classmate is a pulmonary critical care physician who has not said much for a while, no doubt because he’s working non-stop. An anesthesiologist at Emory has become a media darling and we all cheer her on when we catch an op-ed in the NYT featuring her or catch her on CNN or MSNBC. I so wish we were celebrating Michelle’s sudden rise to fame for different reasons - her victory as a candidate for the Georgia State Senate, fighting for women’s rights, achieving better healthcare for her constituents. Unfortunately, she’s telling a sadder story right now - the reality of intubating COVID-19 patients as they struggle to breathe - giving them a shot to recover. That every breath the patient makes while she’s doing her work could be exposing her to the virus, and therefore her family, as well as the other healthcare workers. 

One classmate is part of the leadership team for the emergency department for one of the big NYC/Long Island hospital systems and she has been working to set up alternative entrances for urgent cases across their 19 hospitals. A physical therapist is transitioning her entire team from out-patient settings into in-patient settings. She and her colleagues are all being exposed every single day. One day, she’s with a patient with suspected COVID-19 status but not confirmed, the next she hears what she already knew about the status. And this happens each and every day.  They sound weary and calm. The reality of what we hear on the news made even more terrifying by their accounts. They are not dramatic, they are not overstating. They don’t have the time or the energy to add to the fury.  They are simply doing their jobs and the daunting incline on the graph of predicted patients forming ahead of them is simply something for them to climb - one day and one patient at a time. 

And I am working from home - not doing anything glamorous like I might have done if my life had not taken the detour it did 2 1/2 years ago. I am conflicted about how I feel about that. Since grad school ended, I have felt aimless - working full-time has felt very “lame.” I’ve dabbled with consulting, exploring getting my PhD, starting my own business. Being “still” is hard for me. And not being part of the central communications team at this time is hard as well. I am grateful to have moved on from that life and role - I feel like my work is more meaningful now - but there is an element of wanting to be in the drama. But I also think this is a lesson for me - to become comfortable with the long game rather than filling up space with busywork and crises. 

What I am doing is managing my team who has been thrown into unfamiliar territory. We hired these smart, courageous, and caring people to talk with people all day, every day.  And now, they’re at home, having to rely on the phone to connect with our 10,000 participants in the hopes that we didn’t catch them at a bad time. The worry is that maybe someone in their home is unwell and calling about research is not exactly on their minds. Or, perhaps they’ve lost their job and are worried about paying rent on April 1st, and May 1st, and June 1st. The good news is our team is brave and smart and empathetic and they may be just the ear that person needs at that moment. And medical research is something that more people understand now. They get how important it is to contribute to the cause. I started sending out little prompts each day to encourage communication, maybe a little humor, and at least some sense of community. Ironically, I worry more during my sleep about what “prompt” to send them than other things.  On Thursday, my prompt was “share your favorite coronavirus meme.” I sent out one about the Breakfast Club but quickly realized that I was only one of a handful of Gen Xers in the chat and many had not grown up in the U.S. and didn’t appreciate the humor. Epic fail.  

There has been discussion of doing testing on the blood samples given by participants collected in December, January, February and March (until we suspended enrollments) to see if we can see a true understanding of the incidence of the virus in populations across the country. That is VERY exciting to be a part of that possibility - to understand the DENOMINATOR in a more scientific and controlled way.  Additionally, there is some talk of running antibody testing on participants going forward. We have the infrastructure to do that and it would undoubtedly help the individual and the scientific community in ways we can’t even imagine.

- - - 

Brian has brought remarkable order to our unusual new existence. He has all of us up and doing our morning things as well as adding a few new rituals that are starting to feel normal. In addition to getting dressed, making beds, eating breakfast, he also has us taking our temperatures and taking an allergy pill Having allergy symptoms while we’re all very aware that any cough or headache could be a sign of infection is not an option. His parents sent us an extra stash of Zyrtec since we couldn’t get it at our local pharmacy. Amazon is running slow - for which I have no anger about - but it does mean that we are tied to what our local shops have on hand. 

Last week, we heard this woman from the Upper West Side comment on the local news that people were acting like it’s Little House on the Prarie. “People are making soup. They’re eating leftovers.” Lillian’s response was “That is what normal people do.” But our lives are different.  I have found my gatherer urge go into hyperdrive. Maybe it’s because Lillian is so picky or maybe because having what everyone wants at the exact time they want it is a way that I am feeling a sense of control over this insane time. We were almost out of flour, and I became obsessed with getting some. Our regular mail shipment of toilet paper is running low (as in we have about 10 rolls left) and our provider is saying it will be another few weeks before they’re back in stock. I feel this chronic fear that we’re going to run out of Lillian’s macaroni and cheese, the one thing she will consistently eat, and feel this pull to out and get her more. I became obsessed with getting hotdog buns - and we don’t even eat hotdogs normally - but when I found them in stock, I bought two bags.  I understand that hoarding is a bad thing, but I cannot deny the anxiety this situation has brought out in me and manifesting in wanting too many hot dog buns.  

Probably the best personal thing that I’ve done during the past two weeks is that I’m on a quest to achieve my long-term dream of being a runner. I’ve started “Couch to 5K” too many times over the past several years to count. I just started week 2 - I did week 1 two weeks in a row - so I’m finally moving forward further than I’ve ever gone. It feels like my lungs are getting stronger and my sense of accomplishment is getting satisfied. I find great joy in being in the gorgeous Fort Tryon Park, staying away from my neighbors, knowing that I’m investing in myself and my community even if it’s one lonely step at a time.  

[cewfreeland]

Yesterday was a hard day. The dread and anticipation that had been building up over the past 72 hours become a reality. Brian and I both knew that we would be working from home as of Friday, but not knowing how to handle the kids/NYC DOE decision was not final till Sunday evening. We also lost Penny (Guinea Pig), Lillian's birthday present from almost three years ago. Her 13th birthday is going to be hard one given that Penny is gone and that she won't be able to celebrate with friends. 

Today was the first day of our new normal. Brian working from home in a make-shift office in our bedroom and me working from my little desk in the kitchen. The kids in their bedrooms. School won't begin again until next Monday. We're trying to keep calm but also make sure the kids understand that this is serious without having them freak out. As Brian says, you're not judged by your best day, but by your worst. I hope we're doing okay as parents.  Lillian went to bed with a horrific headache - maybe her first migraine.  Poor little one. She is dealing with so much and doesn't have her friends to decompress with.  I think we're all set for her birthday - I found buttermilk, so all is right.

[cewfreeland]

[cewfreeland]

2/12/14 Sending kisses from New York

Dearest Family & Friends,

We hope that you are all doing well.  We miss hearing about all of the important little details in our friend’s lives, and it’s hard to keep up with family even though we talk a few times a week. Please know that we think of you all constantly and that while things are going very well here, things would be absolutely perfect if we could simply transport all of you to New York!

We’re settling in - though it still feels surreal that we live here.  Most of the time it’s an exciting and positive realization, but then there are nights, like tonight, when I just struggle to figure out how to live in this city.  Long story short, I have been on a chase for the past 48 hours to track down a prescription at a Rite Aid on Broadway.  Too bad I didn’t write down WHICH Rite Aid on Broadway, and there are probably 20 Rite Aid’s along Broadway.  I finally figured out which one I needed to go to - but failed to note exactly where I was heading.  I ended up walking around for a good 90 minutes looking for the damn store.  Our neighborhood alternates from block to block (and I think that’s the case throughout the city); one minute you can feel very safe and the next minute you are the only one who speaks English and can feel very conspicuous carrying a laptop in your bag, a Coach purse, and realize how unwise it is to flip out your iPhone to use Google Maps to get your bearings.  I was terribly frustrated with myself, and I just wanted a goddamn car to be able to get where I was going.  I was very cold, my feet hurt, I wanted to be home with my family, and I knew that it was up to me to figure it out.  I felt so justified in my poor misfortune that once I got my prescription, I resolved to find a cab and end my misery.  But, that is easier said than done - especially in our neighborhood, at dusk, in rush hour.  So, I had to get over my pity party and finish the walk home.  It’s kind of funny in retrospect - how angry I got at everyone and everything around me - when I really should have just been focused on the fact that I hadn’t planned well.  Sometimes nothing is easy in NY.  Whether it’s finding a store or a tool you need or where to get something for your kid - there is no King Soopers or Target down the hill where you can zip in and out.  Going to Target is a half day enterprise, and you have to carry everything you buy.  I have a totally different relationship with consumption living here.  First, it’s hard to find the exact thing you’re looking for.  Second, it takes a really long time to do anything.  Third, if you order through the mail (which is the easiest and most economical thing to do), you become disgusted with the sheer volume of packaging that your items come in.  And given that we have to sort recycling into three separate categories, trash into two separate categories, and your super knows exactly how much waste you are creating, you start feeing very conscious about what you buy.

Brian has been an amazing rock for all of us and it is truly thanks to him that we are doing as well as we are.  We had signed the kids up for the after-school program at the school, called “Roads to Success,” so that they could get to know some kids and also to help out while Brian was in Denver during the first few weeks of January.  But now that he’s here full-time, he has chosen to pick the kids up directly after school.  The volume of homework is daunting, and when the kids got home around 4 and started things, there were tears and sloppy work.  My guilt around not being around is getting pretty intense because he is really pulling the weight with the kids.  Plus, I miss being with all of them.  Brian has been so busy with the theatre for the past several years, that I selfishly want to enjoy being a family of four.  While we have no plans for him to take on projects quite yet, I know this time is finite.  But we agreed as a couple that this semester would be spent getting the kids settled and that while Brian works on his two scripts, the focus for him is getting the kids settled.  The apartment is 90% done - and the 10% seems a struggle to figure out.  Our furniture is all great, and we are actually doing well with storage space, but Brian and I both have so much “office” stuff that we are struggling to figure out what to do with it.  Given that we both had our own “office” spaces at the Grant Street house (granted, mine was filled with photos, sewing stuff, and keepsakes), that is the area that we are struggling to figure out what to do with.  

We learned a few weeks ago about the Fourth Grade Assessment test that Tate will take in late April.  This is a test that will impact where he COULD go for middle school.  PS 187 is a neighborhood school, and the adjoining middle school starts in 5th grade.  So he will naturally go there next year regardless.  Many of the families we are meeting from his class are planning on sending their kids to PS 187 for middle school, but I wonder if their kids test well if they will end up pulling them for 6th grade despite what they’re saying now.  Plus, the middle school is “tracked” (or whatever that term is) - so the “A” students are together, the “C” students are together, etc.  I’m probably overstating that, but all the parents say how vital it is that your kid gets in the “A” track.  So, we want Tate to do well on the test so that he has as many options as possible.  And, while I doubt this will happen, if he doesn’t do well, there is a chance that he would have to repeat fourth grade.  NY and the Common Core Standards are very strict about making sure kids are ready to move on.  And another challenge is that these kids have been preparing for this test all year, and have a portfolio to prove their competency level should they bomb the test.  Tate has nothing in his portfolio since he started in January, so his test counts even more.  He’s actually rising to every challenge he’s presented in this new environment.  He may grumble about it for a few days, but he ends up doing what is asked.  The amount he has to write is easily double what he had to do before.  He is in an intervention group to bring him up to speed with the way they have to write (e.g. applying the knowledge around literacy and comprehension to everything he writes), so he has even more writing than his peers, and they have a lot.  His spelling is still pretty bad, but they don’t seem worried about that.  I wish we could find somewhere that he could continue with the spelling intervention that he was receiving in Denver, but so far, we’ve come up empty handed.  His biggest challenge is his desire to rush through things.  I think part of that is a maturity thing, but it’s not acceptable in his class, and we are stressing that at home, too.  We’ve finally stopped the sobbing and belaboring of the homework but now we have to work on him having pride in his work and doing the best he can every time.  We are looking into getting him test prep for the exam - as he really doesn’t have the stamina or focus to do what he’s going to have to do.  So Saturday mornings may be spent doing test prep (think SAT prep - but for 4th graders)...

Lillian is academically a mystery to Brian and me.  She is such a happy child, is making friends, connects with her teacher, and she enjoys school.  But somehow she doesn’t get that she has to apply herself.  She doesn’t seem interested at all in accomplishing what we’re asking of her, she has no interest in mastering anything, and she continues to be immune to any form of external incentive to inspire her to apply herself.  She was behind in Colorado, and we attributed that to her poor kindergarten teacher, the subsequent move to another teacher, and then the loss of her beloved PERA in her first grade class in Denver.  Plus, we moved her across the country.  So we’re just holding our breath waiting to see what will happen next.  We are meeting with her teacher again on Friday morning, and Brian and I are both anxious to see what her thoughts are.  I’m not sure if she’s in over her head and just giving up, is not in the right learning environment, is immature, has learning challenges,  etc….  She is still a delight in so many ways, but school has got to be a priority for her.  When she is focused, she is undeterred in her ability to accomplish things.  Our two children could not be more different - Tate is competitive, responds to rewards, but is also pretty lazy.   Lillian is stubborn and uninterested in doing anything that she doesn’t want to do.  i wish we had a crystal ball to know that everything will turn out all right, but right now, it’s scary to see her sort of float through school!  

My work is going well.  I was absolutely dumbfounded for a few weeks to realize how far behind Columbia is.  Having a 250 year history is impressive - but it also generates a culture that is resistant to change and very decentralized and made of many silos.  For a about 10 days, I came home every night to tell Brian the things I had discovered, and relayed my shock at how far they need to come (with regard to communications).  Finally, he pointed out that I had been hired, and that it was probably my job to address those issues.  He has a habit of telling me the hard truth exactly when and how I need to hear it, and while it was a little daunting, I realized (as usual) that he was right. Since then, I’ve been rolling up my shirt sleeves, making decisions, asking for a lot of advice and guidance, listening, building consensus, figuring out the land mines, and getting things done.  It is exhilarating work - my days fly by and I could easily work 24 hours a day and love every minute of it.  But I am trying to pace myself - given that I tend to burn bright for a bit, and then dull before I ramp back up. And this time, I’m trying to run a marathon and avoid the sprints.  My boss has been remarkably supportive - she is giving me the room to rethink how things are done in many various realms - and while she might not approve of all of my plans, I feel like she has my back and will support me as I try to make a difference.  

A couple of funny things with the kids.  There is a little boy in Lillian's class named Jon Carlo.  He is apparently in love with Lillian, and blows her kisses every time she turns around to look at him.  I’m not sure whether to find this amusing or whether to be concerned!  Brian and I are going to her Valentine’s Day party on Friday and we will be checking him out!  Second, Tate finally asked about sex.  He said that all the kids at “Roads to Success” were talking about it, and he said he felt like he needed to know.  Brian decided we should call it “Roads to Sex” and I’m secretly wondering if that influenced Brian’s desire to pull them from the program.  Regardless, we pulled out the book we’ve had on hand for several years, and gave it to Tate.  Brian couched it as a “graphic novel” to which Tate totally appreciated.  We had awesome talks about what he learned, the questions he had, etc.  It made me laugh because he was wearing his lego pajamas as we had some of the most serious conversations.  I think he’s done with the topic now for a while, and I am happy with how we handled it.  He knows that we will tell him the truth, and that nobody was going to get embarrassed about the topic.  I’m proud of how we handled that one…

Brian and I have had two official dates since his parents/my parents left town.  We found a babysitter in our building and that is working out great!  She is a senior in high school, and is eagerly awaiting where she is going to go to college.  She is very shy, which I find difficult to deal with, but the kids really like her.  Plus, we don’t have to pay for a cab home, and she’s only $12/hour!  We have her kind of booked for every other Saturday night - and we are just hoping the budget will support our dates!  Our first date was to see a show at the Wooster Group in Soho.  Wooster Group was founded almost 40 years ago, and has been a huge touchstone for Brian.  After seeing their work, I can absolutely see why.  It felt as if it were a LIDA show.  The funny thing is that I think the work he does is better.  Even though the Wooster Group is at the epicenter of experimental theatre, it felt unfocused and sloppy and not fully realized.  Regardless, Brian has found his artistic home.  The audience adored what they saw - and he will find his audience here as well.  I realize that figuring how he wants to enter the world here is a big decision, but I know this is where he needs to be.  Whether he decides to focus on the sound/projection design work to start and then expand to directing/developing pieces, or if he decides to hold out and simply do his own productions and not lead with the design work, he is going to do very well here.  It was a huge relief to see that there are people all over this city who do theatre the way Brian does theatre - but again, I think he has a strong voice to add to the conversation.  I have had pangs of guilt because my work is soooo good - and worrying that out of the four of us, I’m the only one who has truly benefitted so far.  But I think that Brian will ultimately thrive here.  And I think the kids will thrive here as well. Tate is a better student than he was 6 weeks ago.  He has more confidence in his abilities and a broader ability to apply what he’s learning.  Lillian, while she’s still a little lost in the clouds when it comes to school, is just thriving in this city.  I think about the endless opportunities she will have once we figure out how to focus her!  

We’re planning to spend time in Colorado over the summer - partly because we miss everyone and partly because Brian has two shows to rehearse and open for the fall (one at the University of Colorado Colorado Springs and the other is a LIDA show).  And also, the $700 per week per camp per kid here is just financially unthinkable.  

We love each of you deeply and wish we could give you hugs and kisses in person.  Please come visit - this is an amazing place and we’d love to share what we’ve learned so far.

Kisses,

Cath

[cewfreeland]

1/7/14 Reality

All:

Hope this email finds you happy and healthy on this cold, winter night.  Cold in NY feels like burn - not cold.   It is so cold, that every part of your skin feels as if you are suffering from a terrible sunburn. It hurts, it stings, yet it's incredibly invigorating!  The sounds in the apartment are starting to feel more familiar.  I no longer jump when I hear people walking in the apartment above (that used to mean that the kids were out of bed).  I am tuning out the trash trucks (though tonight the profanity was so intense I thought there was a fight outside).  Tate is really struggling with the sound of the boiler.  He gave a great description of the sound this morning after a particularly noisy night due to the incredibly cold temperatures - he said it sounds like bacon sizzling…all…night….long.  We are tempted to have him wear ear plugs, but tonight, I simply shut off the valve so he could go to sleep.  

This is our first real week, although we're missing the tallest member of our family.  Brian is back in Denver (since last Thursday night) in final rehearsals for a sound design contract he had already committed to at Curious Theatre Company.  With the incoming storm that hit NY last week, we changed his flight from Friday morning to Thursday night.  Though delayed by four hours, he was able to get out, and was probably one of the last flights out of JFK before it closed.  

Let me back up a tad.  We had a fabulous last week of vacation.  With Doug and Marie's return from their mini-trip to Philadelphia, Brian and I got some much-needed alone time - where we spent the majority of our date at the Harlem DMV.  It made the DMV in Five Points seem like Cherry Creek.  We were both so grateful we didn't have the kids with us.  Where we went was scary, dirty, and very dark feeling.  The wait time at the DMV was incredible - we ended up spending 3 1/2 hours waiting for me to get the paperwork completed for my New York Driver's License.  Poor Brian had to wait with me the entire time but didn't get his ID replaced; his Colorado ID had been recently renewed and was too new by NY standards so he has to go back once he can provide driving records to prove that he has driven for longer than 6 months.  Once we were finally done at the DMV, we headed down to my favorite part of Manhattan, Greenwich Village, where we had lunch and then went to The Strand, one of the most famous bookstores in the entire world.  It was just lovely.  I will always love the Tattered Cover best of all, and this made me so proud of Denver's fine history being home to such a remarkable book store.  Bri and I were like kids in a candy shop, but given that we have 5 boxes of books that won't fit on our bookshelves, we refrained - this time.  I know it will be one of our favorite destinations.  

The kids each had a play date before school started - and were able to count on having a good friend to start in their new classroom.  Lillian's new friend is Vaylyn, and her parents are totally cool and very welcoming.  Tate had a playdate with two kids from his class - the boy he did not hit it off with, but the little girl (named Charlotte - endearing to me because it's my mommy's name) and he totally hit it off.  They were best buddies from the start of the playdate, which continued well beyond the end time and he got to go scootering with her on New Year's Day.  Karen and Hope Lado, dear friends who recently left Denver to be closer to family in North Carolina, were in New York visiting her brother for New Year's, and they came up for a playdate.  Being in New York City on New Year's Eve was surreal - we were just mere miles away from the craziness of Times Square, but it felt like a million miles away.  We had to say farewell to Doug and Marie on New Year's Day.  We had promised the kids that we would see Frozen, so we went to the theatre that everyone recommended on the Upper West Side.  We were shocked by the arrangement - probably only 100 seats - but the seats are LITERALLY leather recliners that felt more like reclining beds than chairs.  They were incredibly cushy, huge, and very comfortable.  You have assigned seats, and had we gotten there on time (oops, my fault), we wouldn't have had to boot folks out of our seats!  That was a little stressful, but the usher seemed very capable (and accustomed) to having to deal with that situation.  

On Thursday, we all got up, bright and early, and walked together to the new school. We ran into several new families that we'd met on our way, and felt comforted when the kids connected with their new classroom buddies and marched into the school with no tears whatsoever.  Brian walked me to the subway, and off I zoomed to Columbia.  My first day was great - met all of the staff, started getting my footing, etc.  The weather started turning snowy and because the students weren't back from the holiday break, they closed the campus except for essential personnel (of course, communications is considered essential).  However, NY public schools closed Friday and the majority of our office worked from home, so the kids and I bunked in enjoyed our first snow day, just hours since starting back to school/work!  My parents were able to make it in on Friday afternoon, and were only delayed by about 30 minutes.  We had a great time Friday night giving them the tour, cuddling, and showing off new Christmas presents.  On Saturday, I took the lead for the first time as tour guide.  The good news is that my parents (although they've travelled all over the world) have never been to New York City.  They were so excited to be there that they didn't care when I took us too far on the A Train, had to circle back and transfer to the S Train to get to Grand Central Station (I was convinced it was on the west side)!  From there, we walked down Fifth Avenue to the American Girl Store.  Lillian got an American Girl doll from Brian and me for Christmas (Kit), and my parents had promised to get her some Kit accessories while they were in town.  The five of us (Lillian, Tate, my parents and I) all had lunch at the American Girl Cafe and then oohed and awed at all of the amazingly overpriced, but nevertheless darling, doll accessories.  I wanted to show my parents the holiday displays down Fifth Avenue since they were still up.  The streets were incredibly slushy, and the kids were tired.  I had planned to have us walk down Fifth Avenue for a few blocks and then catch a cab home.  But in weather that cold, catching a cab was nearly impossible, and when I finally did, they would not take all 5 of us.  In retrospect, I should have sent the kids and my parents on, but I didn't think that fast.  Needless to say, the kids had a total and complete meltdown and I felt terrible.  What had been a wonderful day turned out to be a rough one for the kids, but my parents were troopers.  They marched us into a totally over-priced cafe (located on the East side right by The Plaza) payed $30 for 4 cups of hot chocolate and kept great spirits while I alternated between scolding Tate for being so angry about the situation and handling Lillian's sobbing about being cold.  We finally made it home, much to everyone's relief.

We took things easy on Sunday, and I checked, double checked and triple checked our itinerary.  We left the apartment after lunch and headed on the A all the way into Brooklyn.  My very outgoing father was very good at following Tate and Lillian's advice to avoid eye contact with people on the subway, and I think when a totally crazed guy stood too close to him for about 10 stops, he finally understood why being friendly to everyone isn't wise.  We got off in Brooklyn, and I used my compass, Google Maps and HopStop apps to get us to the MTA Train Museum.  With a lot of luck, we asked for directions right at the entrance to the museum!  We met Jim Westerby (half of the famous Annette & Jim Westerby duo) at the museum.  This museum is so cool - it is inside a scrapped subway stop and gives amazing history of the entire subway system in New York.  The kids really enjoyed it, and my science-loving parents really enjoyed it.  WIth my dad's love of trains, it was a great place to go.  Jim drove us to their apartment in Brooklyn, and it was the first time I'd been in a car in almost two weeks.  It was glorious!  Annette fed us homemade spaghetti and then she and Jim drove us home.  It was lovely to be pampered (a warm meal on a cold night and a safe and quick ride home).  My parents loved getting to meet them and see how a couple of empty-nesters live in New York.  

And here we are - marching through our first full week in our new life.  I discovered that the bus picks me up directly across the street from our apartment and drops me off directly in front of my office.  I almost feel embarrassed about how easy my commute is.  Work is going very well - it's amazing that Columbia University is struggling with some very basic communications infrastructure challenges, but I have become even more confident that virtually every single one of my experiences has prepared me for this challenge.  They are so excited that I'm here, and so welcoming; it's very, very comforting.  I have been included in the top campus leadership meetings/discussions/groups, and I am so excited about what that access will mean to my ability to get things done.  

The kids'  new school is remarkable.  We were a little worried about it when we initially looked at the neighborhood, as it is ranked a "7" as compared with their school in Denver, which was ranked an "8."  We should never have been worried.  The academic rigor is a little overwhelming - for all of us.  It's all really great stuff, but there is just so much.  I'm hoping that once we get a routine down, the 90+ minutes of nightly homework will shrink, but right now, the kids are in total shock about the volume and expectations.  The math program is more demanding, the writing/reading curriculum for NY Public Schools is much more demanding, and the application of knowledge seems to be very clear, yet very much dependent on the kid applying themselves.  Lillian is doing her best to keep her head above water, and Tate has been a trooper.  He is perfectly capable of doing all of the work, it's just there is A LOT of it.  My parents being here in Brian's absence have been a lifesaver; I literally couldn't mange the homework on my own.  Both kids require 90 minutes plus of support, and with me getting home between 5:30 and 6, there isn't enough time with dinner and getting to bed before 9 (there is no way we can make our previous 8 pm bedtime) to get all of the work done.  Brian and I have been in constant contact with each other despite our opposite schedules, the time difference, etc, and we realize that it's going to take us all a few months to get adjusted.  We may need to get the kids extra help to get them up to speed with their peers before next year, but we know this will be a life-long investment for them.  The academic requirements here will change the kind of students they are forever.  We just have to make sure they don't give up and drop out before they are out of elementary school!  Another lovely surprise with the new school is that we have felt more welcomed at PS 187 than we ever did at Steele.  And that's not to say that Steele did anything wrong, but the kindness we have been shown is remarkable.  

Thank you once again for indulging me in serving as my therapy.  For the most part, I still feel like I'm living a remarkable dream.  But it's a wonderful feeling to know that your real life is more inspiring than a dream could ever be.  

Kisses,

Catherine

[cewfreeland]

12/29/13 Our first week as New Yorkers

We have been New York residents for exactly one week.  It's amazing that we've only been here a week, yet it feels like a lifetime.  It's Saturday night in New York City, and our kids can't get to sleep because the apartment upstairs is holding a small concert complete with piano, guitar, and a remarkable tenor singing.  The songs are a cross between classical arias, American standards, and jazz.  The pianist is now playing a very complicated version of the Micky Mouse theme that morphed into a rousing Italian tune. We've also heard a jazz version of Fur Elise. They typically end around 11 pm.  

Our adventure is starting to feel like our life.  It started off with us awaking in the apartment last Sunday.  The kids were happy to sleep in their own beds, wake up and watch a little TV, and familiarize themselves with the toys they had left back in November. We bundled up, caught the subway and headed to Mustang Harry's to watch the Broncos game.  We joined multiple other fans to root for our beloved Broncos.  From there, we played tourist.  We went to the Macy's on 34th Street to see Santa.  That was not going to happen.  The wait was 3 1/2 hours.  Lillian was very disappointed, but we were able to perk her back up.  We headed to Rockefeller Plaza to see the tree.  That was amazing by the sheer fact of how crowded it was.  We couldn't even get close enough to see the ice rink.  We headed back uptown and found the little neighborhood Christmas tree stand.  We have always had a rule of buying a tree that is taller than Brian.  This year, it was merely taller than Lillian!   Tate hauled the tree all 9 blocks to the apartment and Lillian helped him half of the way.  

On Monday, the four of us headed downtown and then Lillian and I went our own way and Brian and Tate went their own way.  She and I headed from the west side (Columbus Circle) to the east side to find Crate and Barrel and Pottery Barn.  It was our job to pick out and purchase our new family dishes, curtains, etc.  It was pouring rain and pretty miserable.  We were loaded down with a set of dishes for 8, drapes and a bed comforter.  How I thought we would ever manage to get back to the apartment is beyond me.  It is nearly impossible to get a cab in the rain.  Lillian wanted me to simply yell taxi.  But, yelling taxi in the pouring rain in NYC on Madison Avenue was not really an effective approach.  So, I went into the street, hailed a cab and threatened a guy who tried to steal our cab before I could lug all of our packages into the car.  It was the best $44 I have ever spent to get back to the apartment!  

Brian's parents, Marie and Doug, arrived late afternoon and it was lovely to see them.  We went to the little Mexican restaurant for dinner and then we all climbed into bed.  The apartment feels pretty manageable with 6 people here.  The only thing we have to figure out is a more comfortable guest bed!  

Christmas Eve started off perfect.  We all ventured downtown to get the traditional shrimp for Freeland's Christmas Eve meal.  Bri had scoped out the seafood place on Yelp and he nailed it.  The shrimp was probably the best I've ever had.  Brian and Marie stayed downtown and finished shopping while Doug, Tate, Lillian and I went back to the apartment.  Tate was running a slight fever so he took a nap, I made cinnamon rolls, Lillian played in her room and Doug wrapped presents.  Tate had a terrible time going to sleep and was terrified that Santa would pass us by because he wasn't asleep.  We were so happy that he still believes - at least one more year!  

Brian had to wake the kids and me up and Christmas began!  He had learned of a tradition where children leave any key outside their apartment for him to use his magic and enter the apartment.  Santa brought a scooter for Tate (a New York worthy scooter) and Lillian got an art set.  We all went a little crazy this Christmas - but it was so much fun.  Highlights for Tate included a laptop and Swap Force (from Doug and Marie), a marble run set to remind him of Room 208, a new Pokemon game, and books.  We got Lillian her first American Girl doll (Kit) and we're hoping that several of her friends will come visit with their American Girl dolls!  She also got a watch, magic kit, science kit and Doug and Marie got her a mini-iPad.  She is being VERY responsible with her "screen time."  Brian got Tate hooked up with the computer version of Minecraft and we now need to figure out how he can play with Mason back in Denver.  Our Christmas is usually marked in three distinctive times - wake up to have our family Christmas time, then a visit from my parents, then Brian's family comes over and then we go to my parent's for Christmas dinner.  While I missed being with my family, it was just lovely to not be rushed to go anywhere.  After we had opened the presents, eaten cinnamon rolls, had brunch, and gotten our showers, we took a long leisurely walk up to Fort Tryon.  It is such a haven up there and hard to believe the history and the solitude you can feel just two blocks from our house.  Brian suggested that we make the same meal that my parents make on Christmas day, and Doug treated us to a prime rib.  It was a fortune!  I have a new appreciation for my dad's meal each year!  

We played tourist again on Thursday.  We started off taking the Staten Island Fairy to see the Statue of Liberty.  We then walked through China Town and had lunch in LIttle Italy.  Tate was very impressed with the performance the street barker made to get us into his restaurant.  We went back to Rockefeller Plaza and it was much more manageable.  We got down by the ice skating rink this time and it was actually pleasant to see this holiday tradition up close.  We ended up at FAO Schwartz and Marie and Doug continued the tradition of Ruth Freeland (Brian's grandmother) by allowing them to spend $100 each on whatever they wanted.  We got hot chocolate and then headed back uptown and to bed.

Doug and Marie headed out Friday for a few days in Philadelphia and we were back to just the four of us.  The last two days have been filled with little life errands like going to get our library cards, visiting the neighborhood Y, hosting our first non-relative lunch with Dan and MaryJo McNally, etc.  It's Sunday and cloudy outside.  The weather had been pretty mild - just one day of rain and a few days of cold.  We're managing so far!  

This next week will be busy with New Year's, playdates for the kids, Doug and Marie returning later today and then going back to Denver, the kids starting school on Thursday, me starting work on Thursday, Brian heading back to Denver for a show at Curious Theatre Company on Friday, my parents arriving Friday afternoon and a date to go to the American Girl store for "tea" on Saturday.  

We miss everyone and are hopeful that the allure of New York will pull many of you here for a visit.  

Kisses,

Catherine, Brian, Tate and Lillian

[cewfreeland]

11/27/13 We're at HOME!

Hi!  Hope you are doing well!  

Another diary entry recapping the last  48 hours.  

On Monday, we woke up, packed up the hotel room, grabbed a cab and headed uptown.  Bri and the kids dropped me off at Columbia and they headed up to the apartment.  I met with Danielle, the Director of HR for P & S (Physicians and Surgeons) and filled out my paperwork, then I got to go meet the staff and see the office suite.  I felt really comfortable being there.  It's a bigger staff than I realized.  I only have 5 direct reports, but two of them manage their own staff.  I think there may be 20 in all.  I had better review the organizational chart before January…

The subway stop is just minutes away from my office.  I grabbed the subway and headed to our neighborhood.  It is just a block and half walk to our apartment.  It was just wonderful to come home and find Bri and the kids so happy and relaxed hanging out in the apartment.  The cable/phone guy came by earlier and we now have a NY phone number (but we don't own a phone, so we aren't giving out the number yet!)  Our friend Annette came by with more helpful treats and tools and we waited for the POD and movers to arrive.  They showed up at almost the exact same time!  It was amazing that out of the entire POD, only two wine glasses broke and one piece of furniture got a little scuffed.  Brian is an amazing packer, and my elves (Carl, Charlotte, Valerie and Lori) obviously did a great job getting things safely into boxes.  The movers got the POD unloaded in about 2 hours!  Hard to believe it took us about 10 days to load it up.  Our mattress got delivered and the unpacking began!  

We did great in our first night in the apartment.  We were all pooped last night.  Happy but pooped.  We all went to bed early.  Tate was asleep within about 2 minutes of laying down and Lillian took a few more minutes but slept through the night with no problem.  Bri and I crashed on our brand new mattress and were blissfully asleep until one of the joys of city living awoke us.  The trash is picked up 3 times a week, and we realized that the trash is hauled from the compactor in the basement to the front curb right below our bedroom windows.  We're either going to have get ear plugs, a noise maker, or learn to sleep through that noise!  It seems quieter here than the house in Denver.  We can hear the traffic from Lincoln sometimes, and there are always sirens.  It's pretty quiet up here.  

We all got up, tried out our new showers, and headed over to the school to register the kids.  Brian describes all NYC schools as "Sesame Street Schools."  There is not a lick of grass anywhere on the school grounds.  But once we walked inside, it was just alive with energy.  We went to the office and were confronted by who may be the grumpiest woman I have ever met.  I got my stern voice on because she was kind of dismissive about us being here.  Fortunately, the Assistant Principal rescued us; SHE was lovely!  Brian stayed behind and filled out the paperwork while the kids and I went on a tour with the Asst. Principal.  The school is filled with artwork, it's bright and charming.  The kids there seem to be really well behaved, happy, and focused.  We got our kids class assignments - Tate is with a teacher named Miss Mitchell and Lillian has Miss Benton.  Tate and I went back later in the afternoon for his new class Thanksgiving celebration.  Tate got to meet some kids and I got to mingle with the parents.  It seems like a great group of kids, and the parents ADORE the teacher.  She's new to PS 187, but she has been teaching for 13 years.  I guess she is structured and demanding but also brings a lot of fun and creativity to the classroom.  I've already started exchanging emails with a few of the moms and Tate has already been invited to join a basketball team, take a martial arts class and join them on the playground Thursday morning to burn off some energy before turkey time.  I think he feels better…I know I do.  Lillian and I will head over to her class Thanksgiving celebration tomorrow morning, and I am really looking forward to getting to meet her teacher as well.  We got a brief glance at her - she's got really pretty red curly hair - and Lillian thinks she is pretty, which means she will pay attention to her. 

Bri has been hard at work putting the IKEA items together - but I am concerned that we will never get it all done!  He has put Tate's bed together, our kitchen table and our TV table is almost done.  I have been avoiding the IKEA projects by setting up the kitchen.  It is really coming together, but it's hard not being able to hop in the car and run to Target and Bed Bath and Beyond to get the exact thing that would help make sense of a drawer, closet, etc!  I am completely overwhelmed by the whole recycling situation here.  We have a bag for glass, bag for metal, bag for paper, bag for plastic.  But then you have to break down and fold all of the cardboard, separate discarded fabric/shoes/etc.  I am so spoiled to just put everything in our recycling trash can and not think another thing about it.  We really like our Super, named Steve, but we also feel a bit like Big Brother is watching.  We don't want to tick him off by not folding the cardboard just right, etc.  He was apparently watching us leave the building tonight and saw Tate ride his scooter and came on the intercom in the lobby and told us in his stern, Serbian accent that the kids are not to ride their scooters in the building.  Brian and I are both feeling a little claustrophobic with him always lurking around, but I think we'll see less and less of "Super Steve." At least we can hope.

As for food, we got some staples, but have been enjoying testing the food options in the neighborhood.  So far, we've been to the Mexican restaurant, and had Chinese and Indian food delivered  All are pretty good!  

Sending you lots of love.  

Kisses,

Cath, Bri, Tate & Lillian

[cewfreeland]

11/24/13 Move Update #1

Hi everyone,

Hope you all are doing well and getting ready for Thanksgiving.  We are a pretty thankful family.  Everything is falling into place beautifully.  We had four young adults come tour the house right before we left on Saturday, and we're feeling optimistic that they will rent the house.  One of the young women went  to Columbia, so we bonded over that.  They reminded Brian and me of our fist roommate situation before we got married.  It kind of made our hearts ache a little with joy over a group of friends living in our house in our absence.  

It is COLD in NY.  This is the kids/my first experience with humidity/cold.  The kids were pretty whiney about it when we started this morning but they got over it by mid-day.  We kept telling them that Denver was colder (it was, according to the thermometer, but not according to the wind chill).  I got them little ninja masks at Target today, and they seemed to help considerably (I don't know what to call them - I guess they are face masks, but they look more like ninjas when they wear them to me).  

We woke up after getting into the city at about 10 pm last night.  We had to check 8 bags!  But, I guess that's what you have to do when you move a family of four across country!  It was just lovely to sleep on real mattresses.  For the past two weeks, Tate has been sleeping on an air mattress, Lillian on her crib mattress (which she pointed out was about 4 inches too short), and Brian and I have been sleeping on our 20+ year old, hand-me-down mattress placed on the floor.  We're staying at The Lucerne on the Upper West Side.  We didn't get up until about 9 am, walked to our little breakfast place (we've gone there the last 3 trips), and then grabbed a cab and headed up to the apartment.

We got up to the apartment, and everyone just loved it.  It is bigger than I remember it.  Tate picked the bigger of the two kid rooms even though Bri and I had decided that he should have the smaller room given that he has fewer toys these days than Lillian.  But Bri persuaded me that he should pick whichever one he wanted, given that a) he had a preference and b) he's the one who has been struggling most with the move.  And, Lillian loves her new room, too.  Brian loves the apartment, and he was especially excited because he can actually stand up fully in the shower!  We've never lived somewhere where he can do that!  

After we got familiar with the apartment, we took a 10 minute walk down to the mattress store, Sleepys.  We're suckers, and just thought the name was so damn cute that we had to buy our mattress there.  We got what we hope is an awesome mattress.  Then, Annette and Jim Westeby picked us up in their mini van and we headed to the Bronx Target.  Annette and Jim hung with the kids at Starbucks while Bri and I shopped.  They are awesome with kids (they have 3 grandsons who live a block away in Brooklyn).  Brian and I divided up the list.  I know this is lame, but it felt so good to go to Target and be able to get all of the things we needed so easily.  Annette and Jim dropped the kids and me off at the apartment and then Bri and Annette and Jim headed to IKEA in Brooklyn to get the few things that we couldn't order online.  While they were gone, the kids and I had a nice afternoon.  They played a bit and scrapped a bit, so it felt just like home already.  After we unloaded the IKEA things from the mini van, Annette and Jim headed out for home, and we decided to test out one of the restaurants in our neighborhood.  No surprise, we went to the Mexican restaurant.  It passed everyone's test, and I was excited that I even liked it (I am not a Mexican food lover like the rest of my family). We walked to the subway and headed back downtown.  

We're all in our jammies, cuddled into bed, and watching the Broncos game.    

Tomorrow we'll get up and pack up our things at the hotel.  I have to be at Columbia at 10 am to fill out all of the paperwork (insurance, etc.) and Bri and the kids will head up to the apartment.  We have the cable/tv/internet guy coming tomorrow, our mattress delivered, the pod delivered and unpacked by the movers.  Our online IKEA order comes on Tuesday and we'll go visit the school/get the kids registered Tuesday as well.  

More adventures to be had.  Love to everyone...

Kisses,

Cath, Bri, Tate and Lillian 

[cewfreeland]

10/31/13 We have an address!

All:

Some of you are only too aware of just how traumatic finding an apartment in New York for our family has been for Brian and me.  For those of you who have not had to talk me through a few serious anxiety attacks, I'll spare you the details.  Long story short - we went from worrying that we would never find an apartment to having two come through in one day and a third (the one we really wanted) as a strong possibility.  Plus, we were able to complete a deal using our broker, so we don't have any bad juju by not using her.  

The great news is that we just got final approval for a totally renovated 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom at 680 Fort Washington in NY, NY!  It is across the street from the kids' school (a K-8 school), and very convenient for Catherine (a 3 minute walk to the A train, a 12 minute subway ride, and a 3 minute walk to my office)!  We are right by Fort Tyron Park, the Cloisters, and an impressive view of the Washington Bridge and the Hudson River.  They have a huge medieval festival every September so while we will miss the annual Art Students League of Denver Summer Art Market in front of our house, we will still be able to enjoy a big community event!  It is a very residential-feeling neighborhood complete with restaurants, little shops, parks, etc.  We are actually thinking of taking our car, as it will be very simple to skip out-of-own for a weekend jaunt to east coast adventures, and parking is much more affordable than lower in Manhattan.  Here's some more information about the neighborhood:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hudson_Heights,_Manhattan  

Our timing is right on track with the addition of a red-eye flight for me tonight to sign the lease in-person tomorrow.  The Freeland foursome will then fly to NY on Saturday, November 23rd. Our POD arrives on November 25th and we have until the 30th to get things un-packed and settled.  We come back on the 30th, just in time for Brian's birthday on the 1st.  Provided that our house has rented by then (crossing fingers), we will be staying with family for the last 3 weeks of school.  Catherine's last day at CU is Friday, December 13th, and the kids are done with school on the 20th.  We have our one-way tickets back to New York on Saturday, December 21st!  Brian's parents will be joining us for Christmas, and Catherine's parents will come in early January. The kids start school on January 2nd, the same day Catherine starts at Columbia!  Brian will be back and forth between New York and Denver in January as he has two contracts to complete.  We will definitely be able to accommodate guests - so please plan your visits!  

We could not have done this without our New York ground team - Flavia and James (who viewed every possible apartment on our behalf), Annette Westerby (our Craig's List queen), Dan and MaryJo McNaly (our real estate therapists).  

Tate and Lillian have been remarkable troopers through this whole "adventure."  They have weathered the stress that I have been exuding with maturity and concern, and I know they will be excited to know that we found the "perfect" home for our family as we embark on this great adventure. 

Our families have also been wonderful - providing constant love, patience, kid-watching, china-packing, and free counseling services.  

And, lastly, I have to thank Brian for giving me the courage to go after my dreams, make big changes, and survive this stress.  From this point on, I know we can handle anything!  As a former New York resident told me, "if you can survive the stress of finding a place to live in New York, you can survive anything."

Kisses to all of you,

Cath & Bri

P.S. I've attached photos.  

[cewfreeland]

10/16/13 Back to Denver

Hi guys,

We're back in Denver after an exciting but exhausting 4 days in NY.  The kids were remarkable troopers even though we did "business" for the majority of our time there.  My pedometer clocked us at about 15,000 steps per day (and imagine how many steps poor Lillian took given her smaller stride)!  She wimped out for a tiny bit Saturday night, but hung in there every other day!  Tate seems to have overcome his apprehension and kept remarking that NY is just like Denver, "only bigger!"  Given that our kids are pros at navigating Denver on bikes, taking buses, walking to the library, restaurants, etc., it probably did seem pretty manageable to them.  And, seeing familiar faces made all the difference.  

We found a good apartment on 74th Street, but they viewed us as too financially risky (given that I won't be making the big salary until January, have an un-rented house, etc.).  We started off trying to make the numbers work (e.g. put 6 months rent down up front) but then realized that we really didn't want to overextend ourselves - especially in a city as expensive as New York.  Now that we've made the decision, we are relieved.  We've had some time to clear our heads and decide what is most important.  While getting a good school is one of the top priorities, it isn't the only important thing.  So, we are back to looking at Hudson Heights - the neighborhood we originally planned on! The school is a K-8 so Tate won't have to change schools for 6th grade if we don't want him to, it seems to be a lovely community, the architecture is our taste, and we've heard from numerous reliable sources that there is a wonderful community of artists who live there, so we feel like we'll fit right in.  And, it will be a 15 minute commute (walk and subway ride) for me to the medical campus.  It may mean a longer commute for Brian, but his commute will most likely be on off-hours, and his travel will not be every day, week-in and week-out like mine, and he may be in Brooklyn one week, in Boston another week, and downtown another week.  So, it seems to make the most sense for us to pick the right neighborhood for my commute.

Thanks for your tremendous support.  Being with our friends made our imminent move seem doable and exciting.

We love you all so much!

Catherine, Brian, Tate & Lillian