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I don't really post on here often anymore, but I need some way to get what I'm feeling out, and this is probably the best way I can express it right now.

This weekend was a big reality check for me. For those who don't know, Trevor Zarvian, along with two others, were killed in a car accident on Saturday. I wasn't particularly close with Trevor, but I know he was a good guy. Last month I was at his house for a party. The whole time he was walking around making conversation with people, asking how everyone was. His goofiness has always been really apparent and I know he was a fun guy to be around. There is no doubt in my mind that his absence from the world will leave a void that can not be filled.

I have many close friends that were close with Trevor. That's been the worst part of this whole situation. Trying to comfort and be there for people when I can barely comprehend what happened myself. The guy was loved. It was so apparent at the candle-lighting memorial last night--so many people came and payed their respects, and shared memories. I haven't seen some of the people that I saw last night for years, but we all had a mutual understanding that we had each others backs, no matter what. I hate seeing my friends hurt. It is the worst feeling, and just knowing that you can't do anything to fix it is the worst part. I started to put myself into other people's shoes--i.e. Trevor's best friend, Trevor's sister--and I could not even imagine the pain that they could be feeling. Because if I lost my best friend, or brother, or sister, I know I would feel like there is no way I could go on. Just thinking about it broke me down. And trying to comfort them and literally feeling their pain broke me down even more. These people do not deserve his kind of pain. They are all such good people. It's all been in the back of my mind ever since I found out, and I know I have inadvertently been acting a little different. All I want is to know why, but I know I'll get no answer. Because their really isn't one. We are not invincible. Things that we never thought would happen to us, really can happen to us. We need to prevent the possibility of these accidents happening as much as we can. I left with the comfort of knowing that although time may not necessarily heal all wounds, it can slowly start to chip away at the pain that is there, and these people will no longer think about what happened every minute of every day like they are now. They don't deserve what happened, but life will go on and they can still be successful and happy people.

So I left. And then I started thinking some more. Trevor had so many people that loved and cared for him. I know I am lucky enough to have people that love and care for me too. I don't think I can thank enough the people that are in my life. Each and every one of my friends has made such an impact on me. I love every single one of you so much. For different reasons, and some more than others, but nonetheless, I love you all. I would do anything for any of you, and I am always here for any of you in a time of need. There are some memories that I will never forget, and in the end I know that's really all we have left; memories...but I know I will have some really good ones. From my best friends, to my wolf pack, to my old friends and my new ones...thank you all so much for making an effort to be a part of my life at some point or another.

Life goes on, life goes on, life goes on. And that's it really. Everyone will face challenges and struggles, but we all just need to keep pushing forward toward happiness. Be careful with everything you do, and every decision you make, because you may not realize it, but there are people out there that care for you. If you are reading this, I am probably one of them. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, keep those that you love close to you, because you never know when the day can come where they aren't there anymore.

RIP Trevor and Johnny. Trevor, you have made such an impact down here, and now I know you're up there in heaven hanging out with Jesus and looking over all of us.

"For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's." Romans 14:8.

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7 months til I graduate and my life is completely changed.

I CAN'T WAIT.

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On a whole other note..

I'm pretty damn proud of my life right now.

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Vent sesh.

Simply put, I'm done.

The subject, is Twitter. But not just Twitter; more like the people on Twitter, the subjects talked about on Twitter, the stupidity that is Twitter.

All I see on my timeline anymore is fighting or whining or something stupid. I am SO tired of seeing it. Some people are entertained by twitter fights. I can say I am one of those people; I enjoy a good argument every once in awhile for the whole public to see. But when it's happening Every. Single. Day. With the same exact people. Are you kidding me?

And speaking of those people. GROW THE F UP. I don't know what kind of a person you think you are that makes you think that twitter is your diary or your best friend to the point that you can humiliate other people, or instigate or cause DRAMA that you clearly think EVERYONE cares about since you put it on your however-many-followers-you-haves' timelines! I am now a senior, 18 years old, less than 7 months from graduating. I don't need to be constantly pissed off by the immaturity that I see constantly, every day.

And the sad thing is, i care about these people. I really do. I would love to know how their saturday night went, or how their school day was. But do you really think i give an F about who you're fighting with today?

I have a twitter to stay updated with my friends, the people that i care about. My best friend is in Reno, and my other closest friends i don't exactly text all day long, so it's good to stay updated with what is going on in their day. But when my timeline is constantly flooded with BS, it's hard to do.

This past weekend I took a break from twitter. I decided that Twitter is the main source of any problem in my life, and that I needed a break from it so I can get a bit more positivity in my life. I literally was getting annoyed by every single tweet on my timeline. It's been four days since I logged on, four days since I last tweeted. And honestly it's been refreshing. I've had more spare time on my hands because I'm not so concerned about pressing the refresh button every other minute. I have had a stress-free, low blood-pressure'd weekend. It's been nice. And not only that, but the people that have talked to me this weekend are my closest friends. That goes to show who my real friends are and who is just my 'online friend.'

I've planned on going back to the dark side after this weekend. I'm not so sure how I feel about that now. After hearing what went down this weekend (on twitter) i'm not sure if i want to deal with it all again. If i do go back, i'm hoping that i can use it sparingly and not go back to how i was before. It is unhealthy, simply put. And i just wish other people would realize it too.

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To be wanted by someone you want.

Best feeling in the world.

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We're kinda cool sometimes I guess :)

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Marry me.

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Hit me widdit!

A - If I'm in love.

B - Who the last person I talked to on the phone was.

C - How long it's been since I've kissed.

D - If I have a preference for boys or girls.

E - How many holes I have in my ears.

F - Give me any options, like 'hot or cold?'

G - The last person I said 'I love you' to.

H - The last person I hugged.

I - The last time I felt jealous, and why.

J - How old I am.

K- What my full name is.

L - If I have siblings.

M - If I forgive betrayal.

N - If you want to know how I treat my friends.

O - If I like my school.

P - What kind of music I like.

Q - What the last party I went to was, and when the next will be.

R - For me to tell 10 of my curiosities.

S - 2 habits.

T- 5 things I love unconditionally.

U - How many texts I send daily.

V - 3 big dreams.

W - An idol.

X - If I've done something I regret very much.

Y - If I like my town and why.

Z - Ask any question you want.

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Even though I know, I don't wanna know.

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God does not need us, he wants us.

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God is Not a White Man-Gungor

The absolute most talented, creative, humble group of people I have ever met. Gungor is the real deal and represent Christianity better than any musical group I've seen. Amazing.

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Thought I had reached the end, everything broken...but you were there.

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Please be my strength, cause I don't have anymore.

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I get to meet and hang out with Gungor this weekend! So excited!

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Ask me a question or something, I need a motivation to be on Tumblr!

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I guess if anything good has come out of the past couple weeks, it's that I found out who my real friends are.

The bad part is that that's about three people..

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Stuff just kinna sucks right now

It's alright doe, only way to go is up, i suppose..