chaancebarnes

[chaancebarnes]

Queen :: A Poem

She thought being naive was cute at first like “ooh I think he like me” 

But when you’re grown and trauma-proned it’s like “damn I think he hurt me” 

And it’s too late to pull the reigns now because she was wide open like 

He had parted her Red Sea and devoured her insides 

Left her empty as those red boxes of McDonald’s French fries 

Salty af 

Because here we go again

Chasing that feeling of being wanted needed then discarded pleading 

Baby see me, too late sis he was just being greedy 

You fed him love he never tasted 

A divine being let’s face it 

But those scars, you can’t erase them 

She keeps running from her past not realizing the cyclical cycles 

Of longing these same disciples 

Who can’t see beyond their idols

Tears fall to no end like a baptism 

Spirit renewed but them feelings still chewed 

She picks up her pieces, the pain she releases but that longing never leaves 

At night they’re thick as thieves but during the day she can’t find herself at ease 

Worried that true love may never find her 

Wishing she’d been treated a little kinder 

Though she searches, she may never find her 

Until she realizes that heavenly beings don’t belong to this earth 

Therefore no man shall instill the rebirth of her own love

Her self-love 

That must be earned on her own 

And until then the Queen shall never sit on her throne 

[chaancebarnes]

LoveJournal Entry #22 :::

This must be divine timing. On this 22nd entry, I stand on the precipice of a major change in my life. Life has sped up and slowed down more times than I can count. 2 babies in, 4 years as a full-time educator, endless loving moments & memories and I feel closer to God than ever. I’m convinced that this journey has only just begun. Every year I learn that I barely know anything. Im kept humble by the infinite knowledge in the world. I’m quietly impressed and kept in awe of how great God is. He’s kept me through so much, I feel safe, secure. My faith has increased as the challenges of life only seem to sharpen me. Im so excited to see what is still to come.

[chaancebarnes]

LoveJournal Entry# 21 :: Self-Care :: How I’m Getting There

So apparently there are some steps in life you have to take before getting to the fun part of self-care. Im talking about the act of taking a long, candle-lit bath while rubbing yourself in lavender oil. My form of self-care lately has been more about knowing when (and how) to give yourself a break at all. And, conserving your mental health before you reach your breaking point. My self-care is being able to say no to all the demands that life my throw at me at any given moment. I find that lately, as a woman, I often take on more than I should, or bite off more than I can chew so to speak. I allow others to use me in the way they need to in order to be helpful or considerate. My “self-care” is putting a stop to the need to be helpful and re-prioritizing my needs and wants as first and foremost. 

[chaancebarnes]

test video:: 

meditation :: a reprise. 

by Chaance 

[chaancebarnes]

music as medication.

I write music as a form of therapy. singing and playing guitar has healing qualities for me. I would like to begin sharing the music I create to sharing my healing and artistic journey. 

meditation :: a reprise. 

this is my meditation, my reprieve

I aint got the need for medication

I've received blessings, I aint got the need for stressin’ 

and Ima play this back to back until I’ve learned my lesson. 

see I been sittin’ round answering these puzzling questions, 

like how to manifest my destiny without recession

I been sittin’ round thinkin’ bout the times that’s passed, 

I aint got the luxury of sittin’ on my ass. 

Ima continue workin’ hard until them pieces hit. 

And if I’m talkin’ bout myself I’m probably talking’ shit. 

See I been in a situation where the end means complication, 

find yourself in a dark space &

you have to be patient with yourself.

love yourself, be kind to yourself.

see the light in yourself & in the light in all else. 

This is the beginning of a transformation to my final destination. 

Mmm. 

[chaancebarnes]

Movie on 1-20-18 at 8.55 PM from Chaance Barnes on Vimeo.

[chaancebarnes]

LoveJourney Entry #20: Growing Locs & Other Things

I’m loc-ed. Locked. Locked down, sis. It’s been 5 months since I decided to embark on the journey of loc-ing my hair, going 100% natural af (lol). Coincidentally, at the time I was not only committing myself to a hairstyle; but in and around the same time, I was comm myself in so many other ways as well. It may sound cliché, but please hear me out. This past summer, August 2017 to be exact, I had been cementing many decisions in my life. I had just finished my first year back in college, After years of non-commitment and switching schools numerous times (within the 4 years I should’ve been graduating), I had finally found a home and excellent program in Music Education at Kean University. I had also settled the internal fight of how to pursue and satisfy my need for writing, creating and performing music. I was celebrating a year and some change of being married to the love of my life, and I finally started feeling like I was getting a handle on Motherhood. It’s kind of like the Universe coordinated a nice big “You’re moving in the right direction, keep going!” moment in my life. So, to say that I am “locked” into life right now is not to be taken lightly. The blessings I am putting energy into at the moment are long-term, endless fruits on my tree type of blessings. For the meantime, I’m staying in the shed, because if you stay ready, you don't have to get ready, You know what I mean?

Peace & LoveJourney,

Chaancé 

[chaancebarnes]

[chaancebarnes]

LoveJourney Entry #19: Uncertainty

Currently writing from a place of sheer uncertainty. That space where you can’t tell up from down. Where everything you set your foundation on has crumbled and you are left building yourself back up. By no means take this negatively. I am in a place where I am shedding layers upon layers of dead thoughts, habits & idiosyncratic ways. The foundation I speak of is built on fear, other people’s thoughts and insecurities. I am done with that bullshit. This new uncertainty is simply a question of where to go next? With my new state of mind, new set of goals, new focus and love for myself. I don’t know where to put my energy yet. I don’t know which ideas to feed with energy and effort. But what I do know is that I am full of greatness and I will not define my worth through accomplishments. I am amazing regardless of accolades. I am thankful for this space of uncertainty, the openness in the universe. I have no idea where I will end up but I damn sure will enjoy the ride from here on out. 

Peace & LoveJourney, 

Chaance 

[chaancebarnes]

Hi Mom! Me smack dab in the middle. #KeanUniversity #LoveJourney

[chaancebarnes]

Mommy Goes Back To School :: LoveJourney Entry #18

I am back in college. For what feels like the 10th time this lifetime. I’m a Music Major (duh), and Im back in it like forreals this time. It’s surreal. It’s crazy to be back on this classes in the morning schedule. Being back sitting at desks and taking notes, and complaining about professors. But I would be lying if I said it didn't feel freaking awesome. I take my time finishing up my bachelor’s degree as a complete back-to-school experience for me. I am re-learning how to go after what I want. I am readjusting to working in a team atmosphere ( at home, work & school). I am reconstructing my actions to the outcomes I want to have. In a nutshell, I am a student of life. I anticipate this next phase in life (I’ll be graduating in 2019) to be one of massive learning, goal-crunching, level-up stepping, moving back to spring forward type of thing. Here’s to living to learn again.  

Peace & forever #LoveJourney,

Chaancé

[chaancebarnes]

Recital Vibes :: Still As The Night, Composer: Carl Bohm (at Kean University - Wilkins Theatre)

[chaancebarnes]

I really miss my old room. I had a short moment of clarity/reflection today:: I was thinking about how God completely uprooted me a few years ago, how I had no idea where I was going. Now I am a Mother, a wife, a better daughter, better sister, much better friend. I have clarity and purpose and a plan. I grew a lot in this room. I found my first phase of inner happiness and light in this room. I deepened my love of music in this room. I mentally transcribed all of Kind Of Blue in this room. But God had a bigger plan, the clarity I found within these four walls was just the beginning. (at East Orange, New Jersey)

[chaancebarnes]

For the hell of it

Had a short conversation today with another creative mom about being a self-starter. Sometimes we look for opportunities from outer sources; I believe us creatives, innovators and makers need to become mores “self-starters”. Do your own shit. (Excuse my language...) Don’t ever wait for someone to give you the platform for your voice, writings, music, teachings. DO IT YOURSELF. And even if you don’t get paid from your own endeavors at first, still do it for the hell of it! If you have a passion, a burning desire within you. GO AFTER IT. CREATE SOMETHING. GO!

[chaancebarnes]

I married my best friend. 

[chaancebarnes]

Mommy Musician Schedule ::

7:00-7:30am - Wake up time. Baby is up and ready to eat, play & get the day started. 

7:30-8:00am - Change baby out of overnight diaper, into some play clothes & begin breakfast/kitchen duty. 

8:00-8:30am - Baby is full and ready to play. Time for a little self-care, a quick yoga flow & first shed session. (Instrument of choice: Guitar)

8:30-9:30am - Education starts at home. Dedicate one hour to teaching baby new words, colors, shapes, alphabet, numbers & more. 

9:30am-11:00am - Free time. Whatever other chores, phone calls, follow-ups, emails and other business can be done at this time. Baby has independent (sorta) play. 

11:00am-12:30pm - Nap time for baby. Possible nap or shed, reading, relaxing time for Mommy. 

12:30-1:00pm - LUNCH!

1:00-4:00pm - Activity for the day. (Ex: Park, Library, Zoo, Play date, grocery shopping, family visits, time with Dada/Hubby, etc) 

4:00-5:00pm - Day begins to wind down. Back home & quick snack for baby. Another shed/create session. Tying up loose ends for the day. 

5:00-7:00pm - Prepare and serve dinner. 

7:00pm-8:00pm - Nighttime reading session with baby. 

8:00-8:30pm - Bath time routine & baby goes down for the night. 

8:30pm-until - More shed/create/read/free time for Mommy & Daddy. 

7:00am - REPEAT. 

A schedule can change your life. Getting set into a flow, not necessarily a routine at home will give you the control & make it easier to ensure productivity throughout the day. It is NOT easy. Perseverance and persistence are the name of the game here. Not to mention constant balance and flexibility. However, as a parent, musicians can gain freedom and confidence by honing into a daily at-home schedule that your entire family can benefit from. I hope this can provide enlightenment & a bit more clarity. 

Peace, 

Chaancé