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230319 – KAI x ROVER

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Ben Barnes icons 400x600

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My dad died because his body had been absolutely destroyed due to rationing insulin for years, maybe even a decade or more. He had to choose. Insulin or rent. Insulin or food. He kept sugars low enough that he wasn't needing to go to hospital with uncontrollably high sugar levels and DKA, but nowhere near what is recommended or safe. My dad lived in the US. I moved to the UK in my twenties.

I am also diabetic. I do not pay anything for not only my diabetic medications but any of my prescription medications due to 'medical exemption'. This is because diabetes is deemed too serious a condition for people to have to worry about the price of prescriptions (Price of prescription for non-medically exempt people, I think, at max for most medications is only about £10 per item. Incidentally, if I DID pay for my prescriptions, it would be about £50 a month as I have 3 medications, testing strips and needle supplies).

And I still say, if my dad had been able to move to the UK with me, he'd still be alive today nearly ten years later. It's insane that a man who worked hard his whole life to make sure his kids had a roof over their head and food in their bellies had to ration his insulin after he was laid off from his foundry job because he couldn't afford to take the amount he needed.

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a graph based on my observations

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Drunken Moogle Starlight Feast

Tonight at 9pm UK (23rd December 2023)

Join us tonight for a Starlight Feast on us. All food and drinks provided for free.

Have have a warm relaxing time with us, some festive music and party games.

Balmung, Lavender Beds, Ward 12, Plot 33.

Plus it's a chance to show off your Starlight outfits. See you there!

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LOVE ME RIGHT EXO (2015)

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Some pictures from our Blunderful Paradise.

We certainly had fun, hope you did too.

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penis

Indeed.

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Club Night - Blunderful Paradise

We're having a party at the Drunken Moogle...

When: Saturday 9th December, 9pm UK time (4pm EST)

Where: Balmung, Lavender Beds, Ward 12, Plot 33

A Gold Saucer themed club night with specially constructed Blunderville Obstacle Course.

Enjoy drinks, music and dancing and all your favourite arcades.

Dress Theme: Gold Saucer (whatever that means)

Music: A mix of fun tunes and anxiety inducing beats.

Link to Slides (tinyurl.com/Blunder23)

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Like every day on the various dumpster-fire sites I visit regularly.

do you ever read a take so bad you can't even be mad about it you're just like... ohhhhhh they must be stupid </3 so sad for them

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i think people forget that its ok to like some bad music. everyone likes bad music. and not all shallow music is bad. yeah sure maybe this song about partying is just about partying but so what. people at parties probably want good party songs. like if your top song on spotify is one of the latest pop hits theres literally nothing wrong with that. its messed up that people get all high and mighty about listening to weevil and the heebiejeebies or whatever while shitting on some other person for liking mainstream artists.

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SKZ-TALKER] Ep.59 -felix 🤎

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i have thought a lot about censorship and what is “appropriate”. not a lot of people know this, but lolita was written to show what we allow on our bookshelves: there being no swear words in it meant it was free from censorship. a book about child molestation was allowed because it didn’t explicitly use the word “fuck”. he wrote it to show we don’t really care about protecting children, and it ended up being seen as a romance.

someone once told me - actually, many people have - that lgbt content isn’t appropriate for children. any content. not just kissing. i’m drowned in questions: “won’t the parents have to explain it?” “kids shouldn’t be thinking about sex at this age, or do you think differently?” “what will the kids think?”

at six i saw disney movies. people kiss and get married. i didn’t ask “what does that mean.” i didn’t ask “are those people going to have sex?” i didn’t ask anything, because i was six, and no six year old thinks twice about these things. nobody ever “explained” being straight to me, it was a fact, and it existed, and i was fine with that. why would being gay require a thesis, i wonder.

someone once told me that the one of the reasons people hate lgbt individuals is because they can’t see us as anything but sexual. we’re not people, so much as sinners. that they don’t see love, they see sex. just sex. it’s perversion, not a matter of the heart. only of the body.

i think i was in my early twenties before i saw someone like me. 

how old were you, though, before you saw violence? before you saw sexual assault on tv? i think something like that is only pg-13, and if it’s implied, they can get away with anything. i remember watching things and learning about blood, but knowing sex - sex was what was really wrong. sex was always rated r. sex was always kind of a bad word. i was told a lot that i wasn’t ready.

i had a dream last night that i made a site where people could ask any question they wanted about sex and get answered by a professional. it was shut down in moments because 15 year olds wanted to know if it should hurt, if “double-bagging” was a real thing, if this, if that. we shudder. don’t let the children know about that! 

but at thirteen i had seen enough violence it no longer struck me. i couldn’t say “fuck” but i knew that if you break your femur, you can bleed out internally in under half an hour. in school i wasn’t allowed to write about loving girls because what would the administration think - but i could write about wanting to kill myself and people would say how lovely, how blistering.

i have thought a lot about censorship. sometimes people on this site try it with me: don’t write this, don’t be so nasty. some of it is intrinsic. we know as people with a uterus not to complain about “that time of the month”, we know better than to talk about sexual assault (how shameful), we know that talking about a vagina is somehow scandalous. i can say “dick” and nobody questions me. some people only refer to the bottom half of me by “pussy”. they won’t wrap a mouth around “vagina” like it’s poison to them. even discussing this, that the language halts, that there’s an intrinsic desire to say “girls” instead of “women” - feels naughty, illicit. not for children.

the other day someone suggested i make my blog 18+. i said, okay, it deals a lot with depression and other problems that might be for a mature audience. oh no, they said, that’s not it, i think that’s helpful. i said, okay. so what is it then. well, you’re gay. you write about loving women. and i said, i don’t write about sex often and they said. it’s not about the sex. but wlw isn’t for a general audience. teenagers aren’t ready.

oh.

lolita is recommended for high school and up. i think about that a lot. i know girls who love it, who say it speaks to them on a deep level. it’s beautiful prose, after all. that was the whole point of the novel. something that looked like a rose but was intrinsically awful. i think about how if i was a model they’d want me to look young, thin, prepubescent. how my body would be sold and how through the mall i walk by images of barely-clothed women while mothers cannot breastfeed in public without fear of retribution. 

i think about how i can write a novel about violence and it will be pg-13 but if my characters say “fuck” twice it’s inappropriate. i said fuck three times so far in this post, which makes it only appropriate for adults. 

i think about that, and how my identity is something that people suggest lines up with a swear word. that people shouldn’t talk about it. that it’s a vulgarity. bad for children, harsh, confusing.

fuck. i love women. which one makes this only for those over eighteen.

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231006 sm_actist Instagram Update

"I just made eye contact with a handsome guy 🫢 Buil Film Awards and Marie Claire Asia Star Awards I'm going to reveal the behind-the-scenes footage 📸💛 Handsome therapy... That's a good thing It feels like the world is brightening up 👀 ✨"

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Social Path (feat. LiSA) - Felix ♡

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Lollapalooza 2023 | Docuseries - Felix ♡