chaosinbeautiful

[chaosinbeautiful]

i have been like this for so long i realised i am actually the problem, no one will ever make me happy. happiness doesnt even exist to me, its just some good days, hours in which i find comfort, otherwise im just the empty person who cant find peace and will always rely on self destruction.

[chaosinbeautiful]

i dont even know who i am, what i like, why am i so lost?

[chaosinbeautiful]

i wish someone would see all those and comfort me, but in the same time i wish no one will ever see so i wont trigger anyone

[chaosinbeautiful]

theres no point (UN)FORTUNATELY!

what's the point!!!!!!

[chaosinbeautiful]

i hate needing attention and validation to make me feel more alive, when im alone i feel so empty and unloved. i never ever had been single for more than one week straight, i was on and off with everyone. i wanna marry and stuff but i cant, as soon as i feel the slightest change in the behaviour of the person i love i feel like dy!ng and cvting off my throat. i hate my existence so much for being such a selfish and miserable human, i wish i could get over all the sh!t i do and be normal

[chaosinbeautiful]

i miss him, the way we were before all those things started to mess everything between us, i miss who he was with me. why is he so cold everytime we have a disagreement? if we love eachother that much, why would he let me slice up my hand and say nothing about it?

[chaosinbeautiful]

i hate the feeling of my arm going so numb because i was too harsh on the ve!ns, either way i never see how much blo0d and i will always go deeper and deeper.

[chaosinbeautiful]

i have realised the feeling of happiness doesnt exist.

its only distractions, for hours, days, max weeks. when youre alone, they will catch up to you, you will feel like a burden again, empty and alone.

[chaosinbeautiful]

!

[chaosinbeautiful]

alc0hol doesnt even work on me anymore, it feels like it vanishes off my body as soon as it enters.

[chaosinbeautiful]

I was clean for so long, I dont even remember when i had done it before i started again. i cant stop, i will never stop

[chaosinbeautiful]

do y'all think everyone has some kind of issue? like, why am I the only one suffering? I always think, wherever I am, if someone has the same fresh c/ts on them, or scars, like I do.