chase-evs

[chase-evs]

Nope, he'd be hot. I'm hot and you know it too. Everyone knows it, scream it from the rooftops that I'm hot.

Then the guy wouldn’t be hot, he’d be mediocre. Don’t kid yourself, Evans.

[chase-evs]

Nah, you'd miss me and my hotness. I mean you and your sister are related after all, you have to have some of the same good taste in dudes.

Oh trust me if I lost all memory of you…sigh, what a life.

[chase-evs]

No way in hell. That would not be how it works at all. It would be if you saw some hot dude and were like "He's like totally near Chase Evans' level of hotness". That would be way better.

That’d only work if something gross or bad happened. I’d be like. “Ugh, such a Chase Evans.”

[chase-evs]

That would only work if your catchphrase has my name in it.

So, I was thinking.. Since we’re gonna be on TV, I should have one of those cool catchphrases that I can say every time something funny or weird happens! You know, like how Homer Simpson says ‘d’oh!’ or how Vince Offer kept saying ‘slap chop!’ in that commercial? Maybe ‘kaboom’ or ‘wowza’ could be mine, and I could totally make it a thing. What do you guys think?

[chase-evs]

Nah, you're actually what scientists call an idiot.

Dis bitch. Trying to convince me he’s straight when I saw him at the gay bar like, a day ago.

I never forget a gay. I have what scientists call a homographic memory.

[chase-evs]

That's the best part though. I'm gonna be an idiot too. That's why people will watch the show.

If anyone hears music blaring

I need to make sure I don’t look like an idiot in front of the cameras, duh. 

[chase-evs]

Chase. Chase Evans. Did you lose your memory or some shit like that? 

Who are you?

[chase-evs]

Stop flattering yourself, dude. The only person who can be flawless all the time is Jessica and that's because I was totally trained to say that.

Ruuuude. So rude. I’m flawless all the time.

[chase-evs]

berryjessica replied to your post:r jessica's boobs awesome they look small

…Name them? Who would name boobs?

Normal people, of course. It's a thing, babe.

[chase-evs]

I don't really think you gotta change anything to look good though.

If anyone hears music blaring

Don’t worry. It’s just me trying to work on some routines. I gots to look good in front of all these cameras. 

[chase-evs]

r jessica's boobs awesome they look small

And why the hell are you looking at 'em in the first place?

Don't think about them, talk about them, or even name them. 

[chase-evs]

Hell yeah, totally. You forgot hot too, you're really hot. Like California type of hot too.

And funny, and cute, and pretty, and smart, and awesome, right? 

[chase-evs]

You do realize who you're talking to right? Nothing's obvious unless it's stated that it is.

I thought that was obvious.

[chase-evs]

Dude, you're supposed to say "I woke up flawless." I mean I know it's not true for you but c'mon now, get with the program.

I woke up covered in jellybeans.

[chase-evs]

We both happen to know that I never follow the rules but fine, you're pretty damn hot if that counts.

And cute.

No, that’s mean. You’re not supposed to say you’re cuter. Follow the boyfriend rulebook. 

[chase-evs]

No, I'm hot.

I'm not gonna do that right now, I'll tell you it later. Like later later when we're in person and shit. We all know that I'm cuter than you.

But…you’re cute when you do things for me!

Repeat after me: Jessica Berry is the cutest person ever. 

[chase-evs]

You aren't being cute all of the time when you make me do stuff for you though.

No, your job is to kiss me and tell me I’m cute.