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words matter. people matter. everything you do, everything you feel fucking matter because guess what? you matter too. because you have a soul and a beating heart and people who love you, even if they don’t always show you. you matter because i wouldn’t be writing about you if you didn’t.
giulswrites
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My hand is heavy writing this. My heart is weak. My eyes water. My legs shake. And my belief that you care about me trembles. I’m not blaming you. I’m tired of blame. And pain. All I’m asking is for a show of love, an action that shows me you still care. You hurt me. I forgive. I hurt you, and I apologize. But I don’t know if you see me begging for you to help me. To be there for me. To see me. Like I do for you.
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You’re important to me. I think if there’s anything that will last forever, it’s that. Whether we separate, stay in touch or rarely speak again, you will always be that little someone I really do care for, that I would sacrifice everything for to protect and keep safe.
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Love is your heart lying disillusioned to your thoughts due to the presence of something most unexpected. For under any other circumstance it simply does not do to defy the laws of survival. To lay the needs of another animal, of whom you have no biological responsibility for, ahead of your own requirements. Is it not most ludicrous? Should you desire to understand love remember that feeling overrides thought. We are consequence driven creatures and when pleasure is found we are most keen to come crawling back for more; with love each new fusion of chemicals brings a slightly different reaction more intricate and exciting than the last. It is the only time our drive for pleasure overpowers our drive for survival. Love is a mechanism we are yet to understand that holds an ability to shake us to the core. We do not control love, it controls us. To have the power to break another soul often leads us to destroy our own in panic. The disillusion leads to unexpected responses which can prove both wonderful and horrific. One day a person may jump in front of a car to protect their loved one, other days they may be the car. Love shall bring out the best and worst in an individual. There lies no person who can claim they have no weakness after falling in love. You cannot deny that love in its purest form is perhaps the most gut wrenching form of torture. But take the chemicals and the formulas and the explanations away and you’re left with two thirty seven year olds chasing each other around the apartment laughing until they fall legs entwined to the floor. You have two teenagers sitting in the library stealing glances at each other forgetting the book for all they desire to read is the other’s mind. You have an elderly couple with eyes that still glisten as if they were twenty three. So learn that this may never make any coherent sense and thus cannot truly be explained; how can we define love when love defines us?
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Come and fool around with me. I may have bloodshot eyes and a heavy heart, but I think I can make you smile. I think I can make you remember me for a while. Come and fool around with me. I think I can make you love me, even for just a moment.
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Some of us are made to fall apart only to fall back together in place. But in our case, together and forever could never be our happy ending.
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I took you out of my heart, today. I watched as your smile slowly faded to nothingness. Like you were never here from the beginning. Like you ceased to exist in my life since day one. It hurts so much to go on without you, but oh do I feel light.
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Do not say that you love me, if you stay by my side only to point out my every flaw like they are all that I am made of.
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You are allowed to not want me. I am allowed to leave you. Neither of us are obliged to stay with each other. Neither of us seem to get any of that.
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I do not know how to point out the pain I have in me, but that does not mean the pain is not there. Just because I remain quiet about some certain things, it does not mean I am fine with it, it does not mean it does not exist.
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I am nothing more than an abandoned house with holes in the roof. They choose to leave when I can no longer shelter them. I wish to leave with them, as I too, cannot shelter myself.
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Be delicate and kind to every soul you meet each day. Give them a small smile and a gentle nod. Because sometimes, their entire lives may depend on it.
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They did not tell you, did they? How hearts break in the quietest hour, all hidden up in a beautiful smile. Or how they laugh until they run out of breaths while a thousand needles find their way underneath their skin. They really did not tell you, did they? That you do not have to yell or cry out to the sky to be in pain, that you can still go on like nothing is wrong while crumbling down deep inside. They did not tell you at all, did they?
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What a generous thought. That you are already what you’ve always wanted to be, and all you have to do is let go of the parts that are keeping you from that. But letting go is so terribly hard. I admit I have tried everyday. All the time. I want to let go. It’s not that I’m still holding on– it’s holding on to me.
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Sometimes you meet a person and you just click–you’re comfortable with them, like you’ve known them your whole life and you don’t have to pretend to be anyone or anything.
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Don’t tell someone how they should feel or that their feelings are wrong. You don’t understand what they’re going through or what’s going through their mind. Don’t tell them to get over it because you think they should see how much better off they are without their ex. They want to see it but they can’t yet and that should be okay. Let them figure it out at their own pace. Don’t shame them for their feelings. Feelings aren’t wrong and you invalidating them by saying that they shouldn’t feel a certain way only adds to the hurt they have inside. Be there for them but don’t rush them. All they need to know is that you will stay even when the one they loved most didn’t.
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When something bothered me, I didn’t talk with anyone about it. I thought it over all by myself, came to a conclusion, and took action alone. Not that I really felt lonely. I thought that’s just the way things are. Human beings, in the final analysis, have to survive on their own.
Haruki Murakami – Sputnik Sweetheart
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