chloevivas

[chloevivas]

“You don’t deserve someone who comes back, you deserve someone who never leaves.”

— Unknown

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“If you’re brave enough to say “goodbye” life will reward you with a new “hello”.”

— Paulo Coelho

[chloevivas]

At 40, Franz Kafka (1883-1924), who never married and had no children, was walking through a park one day in Berlin when he met a girl who was crying because she had lost her favourite doll. She and Kafka searched for the doll unsuccessfully.

Kafka told her to meet him there the next day and they would come back to look for her.

The next day, when they had not yet found the doll, Kafka gave the girl a letter "written" by the doll saying "please don't cry. I took a trip to see the world. I will write to you about my adventures."

Thus began a story which continued until the end of Kafka's life.

During their meetings, Kafka read the letters of the doll carefully written with adventures and conversations that the girl found adorable.

Finally, Kafka brought back the doll (he bought one) that had returned to Berlin.

"It doesn't look like my doll at all," said the girl.

Kafka handed her another letter in which the doll wrote:

"my travels have changed me." The little girl hugged the new doll and brought the doll with her to her happy home.

A year later Kafka died.

Many years later, the now-adult girl found a letter inside the doll. In the tiny letter signed by Kafka it was written:

"Everything you love will probably be lost, but in the end, love will return in another way."

[chloevivas]

”If I ever loved you, you’re probably somewhere in my room.”

I couldn’t agree more.

I used to be someone who would dispose the stuff that were given to be by a past lover or friend. However, there were things that I’ve kept that I can’t seem to throw away. Growing up and maturing is realizing that it’s a good reminder that at some point in this lifetime I had someone who thought of me while he was buying or making the gift that he gave me. It’s also a reminder that at some point, I allowed myself to love and be loved by another person which is a blessing itself because not everyone gets to fall in love. :)

[chloevivas]

How do you process grief?

“by running from it until it finds me in the middle of a sunny street on a beautiful day.”

[chloevivas]

A test of faith

Ah yes, surgery. I thought I was going to fail this term’s clinical conference for surgery because I missed two of his classes (+quizzes worth 25pts each). Considering that there was no room for absences in his class, I wasn’t allowed to take a make up quiz for the times I missed the class. As a result, I got a really bad grade for my midterm grade. I was starting to lose faith honestly, for me it was something beyond saving. I was preparing myself for the worst aka fail and retake the entire subject. I thought about quitting and not showing up for the class since I knew that I was doomed.

But then there’s that part of me that remained hopeful. I prayed and prayed. I knew that the Lord didn’t put me in this field for me to fail. I tried my best to get higher scores for my quizzes during finals. We only had 2 quizzes for the finals so I thought that those 2 quizzes won’t be enough for me to pull my grade higher and that my last chance would be my final exam. Our entire class thought that our exam would be on a Tuesday morning, however our professor announced that we will take our final exam on Monday afternoon. That time it was already Sunday afternoon 3pm to be exact. I panicked, I didn’t want to screw up my last chance of passing the subject so I tried to study all 10 lectures in one night. I wasn’t even sure if I was even going to finish studying all of the lectures since it was too long. I was stressed out and overwhelmed, but then the Lord reminded me of this wonderful verse

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13 NKJV

Immediately I was rebuked and I was reminded that I was feeling that way because I was simply relying on my own strength. I was also reminded that He is in control of everything, even in this situation. The Spirit told me to be still. That’s why before I started to study I set aside time to read my bible first.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV

“My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor detest His correction; ‭‭For whom the Lord loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭11-12 NKJV

As I was comforted with His word, I was able to proceed and study all of the lectures for our surgery class. Even though I was rebuked, the Lord immediately comforted me with His word. The overwhelming feeling was gone, the panic and the stressful feeling was gone as well. I found peace and comfort in Him alone.

To cut the long story short, I passed and I got a high grade for my exam. I wasn’t even expecting that I would get that score but all the glory and honor belongs to God alone!

HAHAHA this professor of mine would always see me praying before I take his exams and quizzes. Surgery is hard but it’s something that I would like to pursue more in the future. Nothing is indeed impossible with the living God. He truly is faithful. I’d like to think that what I’ve experienced was a test of faith. The Lord can use every good or bad experience of ours to teach us something and to deepen our faith and relationship with Him. Call upon the name of the Lord, ask in His name and you will be surprised how He will answer and provide your needs. Seek Him with all your heart and you shall find Him.

[chloevivas]

Relate jk hahaha kidding aside, this is one of my favorite parts in the film.

LITTLE WOMEN (2019) dir. Greta Gerwig

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Another one of my personal favorites. Truly when you did love someone wholeheartedly, had pure and genuine intentions and they still managed to mess it all up, eventually it will haunt them 'til the end of time. They'll look for you everywhere and in every person that they meet and will not find you and I think that's the best consequence for anyone who never had pure intentions from the beginning. The mere idea of your existence is enough to haunt them.

"You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you."

[chloevivas]

[chloevivas]

Stay Safe Online

[chloevivas]

“You, of all people, deserve a happy ending. Despite everything that happened to you, you aren’t bitter. You aren’t cold. You’ve just retreated a little and been shy, and that’s okay.”

— Sylvain Reynard, Gabriel’s Inferno

[chloevivas]

— nipuna (via @nipsyyy)

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M.L.Rio, “If We Were Villains.”

[chloevivas]

In the waiting

Often times people would ask me why I still choose to remain single despite having suitors. Most of the time I would tell them that I'm still waiting for the right guy, the one whom the Lord sent for me.

The thing is, it's relatively easy to enter a relationship if you want to. But it's hard to sustain a relationship if Jesus isn't the center of it. If I'm going to be honest I would like to enter a relationship but every time I would ask and pray about it, His answer still remains the same which is "Wait, this isn't the guy I've prepared for you. Now isn't the right time for you to enter a relationship." And I would always follow Him gladly.

It's scary to go against the will of the Lord. We never know what the consequences would be. And I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who isn't the one that the Lord has prepared for me.

I'm not looking for a relationship. And no matter how modernized and how things have changed, I'm not meant to pursue or go after someone but rather I'm the one who's meant to be pursued. As it was written in the scripture "He who FINDS a wife, finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." Proverbs 18:22. Keep in mind ladies that you are the missing rib, so let these men pursue you properly.

In this season of waiting, I hope and I pray that may the Lord continue to teach me and mold me into becoming the person that He wants me to be. I pray to grow more in knowledge and understanding. To have a deeper relationship with Him first instead of other people. Use me Lord!

I just know that He has someone in store for me, and I'm sure that He's preparing him as well. And when the right time comes, I'm sure He will let the two of us meet. I'm not in a rush to be with someone and I know that it's not the right time for me to enter a relationship. Until then, I will continue to pray for him that may the Lord keep him safe and pure. May he also mature and have a deeper relationship with Him as well. And I also hope that he will let the Lord use him continually for His Kingdom.

Wait upon the Lord. Allow Him to write your love story.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time." Ecclesiastes 3:11

[chloevivas]

Something I would tell my younger self

Is to live freely, love passionately and be happy.

To live life without regrets,

To face your challenges bravely

And remain soft despite how cruel the world is

But above all else, to pray and forgive continuously.

[chloevivas]

This song perfectly captures how it feels to long and yearn for someone’s presence in your life. Trying to remain hopeful through it all. It’s painfully poetic and heartbreaking. About you by the 1975 will forever be that song for me 😩💔

[chloevivas]

Be careful and don’t take the love that you have for granted. You may not find the same love twice.

There may come a time where you will have to search for it in every person that you’ll meet and never find it.

So cherish it, adore it and appreciate it while you still can.