chronicallyillphoenix

[chronicallyillphoenix]

drinking beverage. having to pee. drinking beverage. having to pee. what’s next? drinking beverage and then having to pee? fucking endless

[chronicallyillphoenix]

Finally home with the meds. I am going to eat and then take them and then be sad when im not immediately fixed

If i still feel like this in the morning im crying i cant work like this

Geodon my beloathed why do you hate me so

So i feel like absolute hell and im guessing it is geodon withdrawls

Im hoping my psych can send in the refills monday and can pick it up same day

Also am terrified bc i will be essentially without insurance for like 2 weeks (i have it and its paid for but they wont give me the damn id number so i cant get on the portal to access the info for anything) and while i will be able to pick up most of my meds using goodrx i do not think ill be able to get my LDN and my Savella and so i am probably gonna have to suddenly stop those too until i get insurance fixed and i just want to cry

[chronicallyillphoenix]

Was able to call walgreens and am going to get an emergency 3 day supply so hopefully thatll fix me because omg i feel like shit

So i feel like absolute hell and im guessing it is geodon withdrawls

Im hoping my psych can send in the refills monday and can pick it up same day

Also am terrified bc i will be essentially without insurance for like 2 weeks (i have it and its paid for but they wont give me the damn id number so i cant get on the portal to access the info for anything) and while i will be able to pick up most of my meds using goodrx i do not think ill be able to get my LDN and my Savella and so i am probably gonna have to suddenly stop those too until i get insurance fixed and i just want to cry

[chronicallyillphoenix]

So i feel like absolute hell and im guessing it is geodon withdrawls

Im hoping my psych can send in the refills monday and can pick it up same day

Also am terrified bc i will be essentially without insurance for like 2 weeks (i have it and its paid for but they wont give me the damn id number so i cant get on the portal to access the info for anything) and while i will be able to pick up most of my meds using goodrx i do not think ill be able to get my LDN and my Savella and so i am probably gonna have to suddenly stop those too until i get insurance fixed and i just want to cry

[chronicallyillphoenix]

being paranoid is funny bc like well what if i'm right

[chronicallyillphoenix]

they are barring wikipedia. they are barring spotify. they are barring important news - both national news and world news. they are barring mental health forums and LGBTQ related things and so much more. this is not about protecting children, it has never been about protecting children.

the online safety act is an insane privacy breach, and if that does not scare you then you need to think harder about it. it is going to end up in a massive data leak - all the information is getting collected by random third party systems. can we trust them? no. can we even hold them accountable? no. because the government couldn’t even make their own system to do these age checks.

and i hear you - it is important that kids don’t see porn. but even if all this was about protecting kids, it’s sloppy and useless. it’s easy (for now) to get around with a vpn and the only thing the act doing is censoring things that it shouldnt. if the government wanted to protect kids, they would do something concrete about it - they would be putting more funding into education, for example.

of course the policy isnt called “national surveillance”. they’re not going to call it that. everything will be hidden behind things that people want.

so email your MP, and tell other people that this is WAY more than blocking porn from children - this is the first step towards national surveillance.

[chronicallyillphoenix]

She changed the subject and im not changing it back so i wont know for sure if its a "well he was a bad person so he probably had bpd" thing or not but im gonna be nice and say it isnt that bc i want to believe shes better than that

Just sucks that this is happening at a time where the whole stigmatization of people with bpd is on my mind because i have been thinking of the therapist my ex and i saw that basically acted like i was an abusive pos and trapped my ex in the relationship the second she found out i had bpd like that shit sucks

The way i just froze when my friend said she wondered if her ex ever got diagnosed with bpd like oh why do you think your ex might have bpd hmmm

Trying to tell myself its probably not bc he sucked and was for other reasons but idk still am hrrrng abt it

[chronicallyillphoenix]

The way i just froze when my friend said she wondered if her ex ever got diagnosed with bpd like oh why do you think your ex might have bpd hmmm

Trying to tell myself its probably not bc he sucked and was for other reasons but idk still am hrrrng abt it

[chronicallyillphoenix]

Does anyone know if suddenly stopping geodon (ziprasidone) causes withdrawls/any bad side effects?

My psych never responded to the pharmacys refill request and i am officially out. Took my last dose this morning and will have to wait til at least monday for more (but thats if she responds to the request immediately and walgreens fills it immediately)

Dont know what to expect or look out for. Im sure itll be fine and not have any problems but also idk if it can be a problem to stop it cold turkey

[chronicallyillphoenix]

I look at ppl who are "anti medication" the same way i look at anti vaxxers tbh.

[chronicallyillphoenix]

God i really dont wanna work tonight but also i need to ask my boss if i can start working friday mornings and maybe ask if i can put them as references for job searching

[chronicallyillphoenix]

Welp finally got my myositis antibody panel back and ldh and it looks like everything is fine (based off what im seeing on the results at 11pm i will probably get confirmation tomorrow fron doctor it was all normal)

Still dont know what the fuck is going on with my muscles. Muscles are still fatigued really quick upon use and are shakey but there is no reason that we can find as to why

The only abnormal blood tests are ALT and AST which is kind of normal for me because i have NAFLD but also my ALT went from being in the 50s for 2 years and then went into the 80s and 90s in April when the muscle stuff started so who the fuck knows at this point. We did a lot of liver bloodwork and an ultrasound and it doesnt seem like liver has gotten worse from the NAFLD but also we have no other idea what could be causing the ALT to go up so much

Im probably just going to take my pcps advice and stop trying to figure this out and just monitor it for now and hope PT continues to help and see if it gets worse on its own to the point it shows on some testing. Probably also going to try to "eat better" and have a more low-fat diet and maybe lose a little bit of weight that way i can try to get my ALT back down because it just keeps going up and it was at 94U/L last time it was checked

[chronicallyillphoenix]

I often talk about reality checking and going along with it when helping someone deal with delusions, but I felt as if I didn’t really make it clear to what I meant when I said it.

Recently I saw a post similar to “how to sneakily give your delusional friend a reality check when they told you not to” and honestly, that’ll just make us lose trust for you. Because we can tell when you do that.

[chronicallyillphoenix]

Happy that PT has been helping with the muscle pain from the muscle fatigue but I hate how I am still so fucking shakey during it and its upsetting. Like. I can do these exercises and not even be feeling it because the pain is better but yet i am still shaking like a chihuahua during them

[chronicallyillphoenix]

Also hoping dermatologist would be able to help face both with the redness and the acne

At this point my knuckles permanently look like i punched something

Luckily it doesnt hurt or itch or anything. No swelling either to my knowledge (tho i might be wrong because sometimes i struggle to get my ring off while other times its too loose) also lucky that it is rather tame looking when im indoors (photo above) because the redness is a lot more intense when outside

Debating on seeing a dermatologist about it because ive been using lotion for awhile now and it is not helping it at all but if i did it would have to wait awhile because insurance shit

[chronicallyillphoenix]

At this point my knuckles permanently look like i punched something

Luckily it doesnt hurt or itch or anything. No swelling either to my knowledge (tho i might be wrong because sometimes i struggle to get my ring off while other times its too loose) also lucky that it is rather tame looking when im indoors (photo above) because the redness is a lot more intense when outside

Debating on seeing a dermatologist about it because ive been using lotion for awhile now and it is not helping it at all but if i did it would have to wait awhile because insurance shit

[chronicallyillphoenix]

Believe it or not, your internalized ableism probably DOES rub off onto others without you realizing it. I have always had extreme pain while walking ever since I could remember. My parents constantly told me it was because I never exercised enough, so I learned to just shut it down and be quiet.

I catch myself feeling weird and confused when someone else, “can’t just be quiet and suck it up too.” However, I never want to perpetuate that onto someone.

I remember how it felt to be holding back tears as it felt like my bones were going to snap. I remember how it felt when I stepped wrong and had to hold back a scream. That wasn’t fair to me, and it will never be fair to others.

Sometimes dismantling your self hate dismantles all hate.