chrysylas

[chrysylas]

Saw an old friend today.

Well, not that old, really. It's odd how quickly I forgot what his face looked like. I hope he's doing well, haunted by nothing more than the normal ghosts we all carry from our past. I hope that for all the people I've already forgotten.

[chrysylas]

I'm scared of the wind when it blows a little bit too hard; I'm scared of the howling that overtakes the sound of the bugs at night.

I'm scared of friends who go missing for a bit too long - who you may not have even known in the first place - who answer your unspoken questions with silence.

I'm scared of the quiet of the country and the sounds of the city. I'm scared of my looming apartment complex at night and the line of trees that surrounds it. I'm scared of streetlights and sudden sounds and tall things with no face. I'm scared of wide open windows into the night.

[chrysylas]

Keep a notebook, even if it terrifies you. Especially if it terrifies you. Catalog what you feel, what you think. Give it physical space. It may be scary, but your truth is worthy of that, at least. A record is our defense against a blank face in the dark silence.

[chrysylas]

Amy aka Spent Gladiator 1 - The Mountain Goats

[chrysylas]

I feel that I lost something. Maybe many things. Most of the time what I want more than anything is to scream; to send a clear message to whatever keeps following me in and out of lives. Some of the time I want to turn around and embrace whatever it is, either to understand at least what I feel I've been running from or to understand just how bad it can get. That's the main problem I have; I have no object permanence when it comes to danger. If something isn't hurting me right now I begin to wonder if it ever did.

My name for now will be Sylas. Although I am fictionkin, I don't plan to take on the names of my identity(s) for this blog as a whole. I also don't have them all pinned down anyway and as I do with most things of this manner I am leaving it alone for now. Throughout this search, though, I have confidently confirmed that my identity is very much tied to 'slenderverse' series(es). I will surely talk more about my suspected identities and experiences on this blog.

I am not, however, suffering from any form of psychosis. That's not what this is. I don't believe that the threats that followed me before are here in this life or at least I can't see them. I consider this a blessing, but memories are a powerful thing and misery has a tendency to change forms. As do I

I invite you to join me, at least partially, through this blog. Go on, browse through my sorrow, possibly even my joy. Take what resonates. Either way I'll get what I want out of it: a catalog of an uncertain self. I might even grow to be less afraid if I have an audience viewing what I write about myself (although thinking about it, I'm pretty petrified of that too.)

Signed,

Sylas

[chrysylas]

Got a lot of snow here. I tried to go out and take pictures but there wasn't much to capture to be completely honest. All white, everywhere I pointed the camera. I tried to get some pictures of birds, but they kept moving. It's hard to capture a still picture of something that's alive. I settled with a picture of something dead.