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co-worker: wow, you look great. What's your secret?

me: it's called depression, Sharon

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It's Weskin time

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cats being capable of understanding accidents and even giving you a little head bonk to let you know you're still cool makes it infinitely funnier that they don't understand when you're trying to help them

cats when you step on their tail: i'll admit that was rather ouchie, but given the lifetime of goodwill and trust between us, one must conclude this booboo is but a fluke.

cats when you try to get their claws unstuck from the couch covering: this nefarious bitch has never had a single honorable intention in their dishonest and shameful life, this must be one of their sinister plots or perhaps even an attempt on my life,

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this is canon now btw

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ms paint study from 2021

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Saw a post somewhere with a photo of a pre peeled orange in a container with the caption "people so lazy they can't peel oranges now" and I just about had a meltdown until I read one of the comments.

( I’m paraphrasing because I can't remember the entirety of her comment but this is the general idea. )

A woman said she loves oranges but her eczema was so bad on her hands that it was excruciatingly painful to peel them. So she gave them up. One day she came home from work and her husband had bought an entire bag of oranges and peeled them for her. Broke them apart into segments and then put them in containers. She never had to come into contact with the oils or the juice.

“ew thick water gross and weird” ITS NOT FUCKING FOR YOU!!!!! “ew why buy pre-cut vegetables when you can cut your own” ITS NOT FUCKING FOR YOU!!!!!! “I don’t need a device to help me put my socks on I’m not lazy” ITS NOT FUCKING FOR YOU !!!!!!!!! “Why drink liquid meals when you can cook them” ITS!!!!! NOT!!!!!! FOR!!!!!! YOU!!!!!!!!

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I do have digigrade legs but they look like this

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How long until Dr Oz becomes Surgeon General

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Honestly, with all the tradwife cooking trash circulating, it only makes me love B Dylan Hollis more for baking vintage recipes while being openly gay, making sexual jokes, and screaming at the ingredients. He's the antithesis of every soft-spoken cishet woman cooking for her husband and children. You don't have to be an idyllic cottagecore housewife to cook.

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Life hacks

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JAMES SUNDERLAND in Silent Hill 2: Remake (2024) ↳ 4/?

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okay so in a previous post I mentioned how my dad didn't have great childhood Christmases growing up. His parents were neglectful at best and abusive at worst. Every so often he'll drop some bombshell on us but I think he's suppressed a good deal of it. Mostly because he's a product of an era where men just did not express their emotions. If he's anything besides a stoic slab of granite, he's 'soft', 'a nancy' etc.

Well, on Christmas he had made some comments that has led me to believe he has no idea how Christmas actually works. He asked Mom if the kids got anything worthwhile and " [ my name ] just got a bunch of shirts with sayings on them. " Which is primarily what I asked for. What he does is he'll start dropping hints around August but coupled with the "don't get me anything".

The man is in his 70s so you would think he'd pick something up from his wife/my mother who loves Christmas but alas.

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"too sweet" being at least partly inspired by hozier waking up late, still drunk from the night before, realizing he was running late to the airport and running into a wall and falling over, then getting on the plane and realizing he was bleeding profusely from a head wound sustained from his fall earlier that morning, only to look up and see famous irish actor cillian murphy knelt down beside his seat talking to him is the funniest thing i've learned all day.