civvyx

[civvyx]

MEN

“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power” — Abraham Lincoln

I.

i conquer

Throughout the ages, men have pillaged and maimed because of deep primal instinct. What our forefathers may have done for despair and survival may have been tragic and even horrendous. We cannot forgive those they have hurt but we can redeem their dignity through the vessels compassion and respect in today's world, by showing women and our very children how much the world has changed for the better since then. Though there are still vicious men who seek power and control, who seek lust and anger and the like, we must realize that they are deeply broken characters who deserve our empathy. More of what they throw at us will only blacken them more.

The strength of men is unrivaled to that of children and women, respectively. Some use this advantage to destroy and manipulate families and entire countries. But what I want you to understand, or at least know, is that there are good men out there who are truly brave and strong and good of heart--who share the same similarities of the noblemen who fought the pseudos of knowledge, who built entire empires on honorable turfs. When one thinks of leaders, men immediately come to mind. We've conquered the history books. Arguably, we've conquered those pages on horrid grounds. But if these past decades mean anything, it must at least mean that there are good men. 

And I hope that if we see the men of today covering the pages of the history books of tomorrow, they will be captioned with integrity and valor. We must never forget, however, those that made us this way: family, children, friends. 

A world united.

Dedicated to Justin Hallman, a great man.

[civvyx]

WOMEN

“Women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men, they are far superior and always have been.“  —  William Golding 

I.

i am ugly

It's a phrase you hear a lot from women. Particularly those that are insecure about themselves. We've all faced it, that feeling of not living up to today's standards of beauty. You take a picture of yourself in the mirror and you stare at it long and hard only to delete it or rip it apart because it’s all such a mess. You look at other women and think, "How in the world could I ever match their kind of beauty?" You feel ashamed to exist and, well, you would rather stay at home and sometimes you’d try to make yourself beautiful even though you already are--but you're too afraid to embrace it. Afraid because you're not ready if the world is ready to accept your beauty, much less a man and much less yourself.

I'm beautiful. And it's not me saying it, it's you saying it. Literally, the words echoed in your head, right? Of course! Because it's true. I think so, your friends think so, and so does your family, too. You're a reflection of all our hopes and dreams, you women. Because we men don't say pretty stuff to you guys for no good reason. All of you are deep reflections of our planet's beauty, the earth. To accept that you're beautiful is accepting the natural beauty around you, the trees and the grass, the butterflies and the flowers. To women who've accepted their beauty: Encourage your fellow sisters to accept their beauty, too. Not because she has to, but because she is. And to the women who fail to see their elegance: 

Do not tear, instead look out to nature and watch as your reflection stares bac at you with magic and wonder. Indeed, it's a long process coming to accept your being. But it will be worth it. 

For your sake, your children's sake, and for humanity's sake.

Trust me.

II.

my man?

Oh, you've heard it all from "we hope he's a good-looking man" to "we hope he's smart." Every woman has their ideal man and it isn't up to anyone to choose that ideal except for you--though it is sculpted by the opinions of others. But nevertheless, you're going to be the one to choose because whoever you decide to spend time with is going to be worth that time, at least to you but that’s all that matters. All I can hope for is for this man to understand, to place effort to understand how close women are to nature's warmth. Through those lenses, I think, he can see the beauty and the strength of your character.

Women are walking letters of poetry, and so it is up to man to read to her all the pretty things he sees. Sadly, however, there are men who take advantage of a woman's prowess, or who give their 100% but then start to give their 10% after he caught her attention. Such men are oafs. If you ever come to face such a man, know that you are without a doubt stronger and better than his effete self. Nevertheless, it will take time to meet that man. But once you meet him--which you will know purely and innocently--you’ll realize that after all the heartbreak and angst you've gone through...you deserve it.

And I hope he realizes it.

III.

remembering

I'm aware that some women are deeply lost and seek guidance, or some type of inspiration. Motherless women, fatherless women. Women who are just plain lost and confused about who they are. And though they have friends, those friends are still trying to find their own place too, which corners these troubled gals into a maze of despair and reckless fury. It's going to take more than a good song to become the best person you're able to become. There's a vast array of wonder-women out there who've changed the world after accepting their beauty thus finding out their place. Anne Frank for instance once said, "Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart."

Aung San Suu Kyi reminds us that, "In societies where men are truly confident of their own worth, women are not merely tolerated but valued." Then there's Billie Jean King, a Tennis legend who defeated Bobby Riggs after telling her that men are superior athletes. Benazir Bhutto, Oprah Winfrey, Florence Nightingale, Marie Stopes, Mary Quant, Amelia Earhart, Emmeline Pankhurst, Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, Bernice King, Indira Gandhi, Audrey Hepburn, Marie Curie, Cleopatra, Mary Wollstonecraft, Malala, Valentina Tereshkova, Hypatia, Frida Kahlo, Margaret Hamilton, Irene Sendler, Sophie Scholl, Lydia Litvyak... 

The list goes on and on. Now, I'm not telling you to become the next Sappho or the next Gillian Flynn. But I am telling you to become the next big thing. Either for yourself, or for your children, or for the world. 

Because when you reach for those things, you find yourself all over again. And you’ll remember why you're beautiful. Why you’re strong and brave and good. But it all starts with accepting your image.

The heroic names of the women I've listed are just there as proof that women are the true gladiators of our world. They fight.

And they look damn beautiful doing it.

Dedicated to women everywhere.

[civvyx]

The Greatest Nightmare

“Some say the world will end in fire, / Some say in ice. / From what I’ve tasted of desire / I hold with those who favor fire. / But if it had to perish twice, / I think I know enough of hate / To say that for destruction ice / Is also great / And would suffice.”  —  Robert Frost

INTRODUCTION 

Social media has always been a strange way for people to express their inner desires and fears. It exploits a person, for better or worse. For so long I've used the internet for good, to reach out to places and people when once it was impossible to do so. It's a valuable tool to keep in touch with friends and family and teachers who I consider all heroes regardless of their actions.                       

Because I know their basic good will never be broken. 

Lately, I've been inspired by both personal and global events. Friends helping one another, nations instilling some kind of hope. I look at the works friends have done for themselves and/or for the world and it's beautiful to see. Point is I typed up my magnum opus of being poignantly thankful for everyone. And I mean EVERYONE. My friends and family in particular though. To be even more specific, I mean those who are in my generation. Because my generation are the heroes of today. And the generations of tomorrow? They’re going to be looking out for a generation worth aspiring to. And we're that generation, I think. But to become a great generation we need to face our greatest nightmare. And that's what this post is about. 

A love letter to the heroes of today.

To the generations that are older than mine: I trust that messages like these give all of you--if not some of you--hope that we are more than the description some entail. I trust I give you hope that a better tomorrow is coming. And I hope that my presence in this world--in inspiring others to chase their dreams so long as it is righteous and just and good--gives you trust in all of us. To all those other generations that are much younger: We will never forget you. Trust our decisions, trust our risky leaps if we're ever wrong and believe in us when we try our best to right those wrongs.

THE GREATEST NIGHTMARE

I sometimes imagine a world...

A world just like this one but one much more evil. A world where people see the worst in themselves and others. It's the kind of world I'm personally afraid of, a world that might just exist throughout some strange dimension in time and space. What's more, is I'm afraid of the ones closest to me turning into that. Of course, they're strong enough to realize their worth. But everyone has these thoughts sometimes. Thoughts about evil and darkness and all of it. A brief impulse and glimpse of seeing the greatest nightmare of all before your very eyes.

I imagine a world where my friends and family, instead of being peacemakers, are autocratic individuals who control others much like a totalitarian government would do to its people. I imagine them, instead of being heroes of hope, are villains of chaos and fear. Instead of being a team of strength and perseverance, they rid the stars and leave many blind with darkness. I have horrible thoughts sometimes, about them being an oppressive force against innovation instead of being a beautiful force of innovation. Instead of empowering the next generation of heroes they succumb to whispering bad thoughts.

Instead of nourishing the world they take it upon themselves to destroy it until it is nonexistent. It is what I fear most, from them--my friends and family, even my teachers. But the nightmare doesn't end there. I imagine their own families and friends submitting down to the darkness, too. This, to me, is the greatest nightmare--the great evil. Lands where our darkest thoughts come alive--opening a door of horrors that know no bound. Think about it, everything you fear about yourself becomes a thing in some strange reality. Does it not send the tiniest bit of shiver to know that vision prods along your imagination? A world where our own greatest nightmare comes alive--and at the edges of that oblivion it can sneak into this universe, this reality, this world.

A world without heroes.

Even worse, a world inhabited by broken heroes. 

What do we do in situations where we face--not our greatest nightmares--but the greatest nightmare? The one that's beyond our limit and control, what then? Enough heroics. Enough inspiring. Enough of any of it. It's just you against your greatest nightmare and only you know how to face it. It might seem impossible because it's just you. There's no one there, no one to reach out to, no one to help you. It's just you against whatever keeps you awake some days. But It's the very thing we know about tackling the biggest challenge you've ever faced: That no matter the odds, no matter how alone, our voices will be in you.

It's something we can't escape, those voices--that guide us, that makes us better. You see, these past months? I've been facing my own worst personal fears: Cataclysms of nature, plagues--like warfare or diseases, solipsism, too, and the very fragile nature of man. During my time working on this piece, many terrible events have transpired: Neo-Nazis rising, super storms--Irma, Harvey--decimating everything in its path. Then there's North Korea and--in my opinion--the most tragic: Some people's pure ignorance to all these situations. DACA for instance, whether you're for or against it, it would make sense to choose a side, to be involved.

Thing is, they're lost. They don't know what's going on and--worst of all--they don't know who they are. So you can only imagine the fear embroiling inside them once they become aware of all these issues. Once they are aware, however, just like you and me, what kind of thing is it going to take to face all these living, breathing, nightmares? There's no denying that we live in a time of great confusion and division. But I say we remain hopeful. I mean it. Hell, let's crank it up while we're at it. Let's be the greatest generation of valiance. Let's stand toe to toe with all those other generations who were brave and strong and good of heart during their own worst time.

Because it'll be people like me reminded you that we will make it out, that it's going to be okay. Because as you read this, you're hearing a strange voice inside. Aren’t you?

I'm there with you. Because this next thing I'm going to say? It's going to be insane. Because imagining our own worst nightmare come to life is not enough, and realizing the horrors of today is still not enough to unleash the hero in you. It's going to take a special kind of darkness to unfurl the light. Because what I fear most, what pokes my bones and makes me think at night, what I think will shiver some...is an evil version of themselves. The abilities and knowledge that I have, the wisdom and everything...I can't help but have these brief flashes of a darkness where I imagine a twisted version of myself using what I've learned to hurt instead of heal.

That, paired with all our other nightmares--like conceit, envy, greed, hatred, laziness, injustice...you're in for the battle of your life. Every day you face those things, really. Realizing the horror of what you could've or what you could become if things go astray makes the fight harder than it is already. Bad dreams created from your deepest insecurities about your own morality. Each representing a time in your life where you could have gone wrong or too far and became villainous. But the voice--or rather, voices--will always be there with you. The voices of teachers and friends and family.

The only way we'll get through whatever we're in is with each other's passionate wisdom. If you find yourself deeply alone, remember that you are not. Because we have an entire generation who will be looking up to us so we must make ourselves the heroes we know we can be. Together. All of us. Everyone. The time for rivalries is over. It’s time to show everyone something they’ve never seen before. Something awesome and inspiring. 

And if our nightmares reach out to face us, to grab us, to drag us into some corner and rip apart our very character...remember that it is not the moments of tragedy that define our lives so much as the choices we make to deal with them. It's a statement I've learned from teachers, family, and friends. I believe in you. We all do. Just listen to the voices inside and prepare for war.

I'm not here to deliver, or to even inspire. I'm here to remind what you often forget. All the good and brave and strong that you are.

Yes, you. All of you.

Shoulders squared, smiles upright, chin down, chest up, fists to the hip.

Let’s do this. 

Dedicated to my mother.

[civvyx]

The Heroes of Tomorrow

“A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself” — Joseph Campbell 

Nobody likes to be called the hero.

Because when someone calls you a hero the challenges become greater, they become more daunting. They become these nightmarish things. Because heroes, see, they challenge themselves--always, and when they succeed they are looked at as ideals. And why not, right? I mean, they're brave, strong and always trying hard to do the right thing in whatever situation they're placed in. They're full of heart. But yeah, I know, they don't like to be called heroes because people like that, I mean, they have humility. Some of you might either nod in approval or disapproval, but everyone I've met, for better or worse, have been heroes, and still are. At least to me. Because, see, some of you have met characters in life that are just downright...evil.

But what I've learned these past months, about others and--more importantly--about myself--is that we need to see people as they can be, not as they are. But it's difficult to see what they can be when they act so weak. But when it comes to me, I see the hero in them, whoever they are. Like there was this one kid, scared for his life about a class he was taking. He told me how intense it is, how miserable it is. Told me how he failed all previous tests, hard. And the chances of him passing the class were extremely slim. In the end, he dropped the course. But he didn't accept failure. He did anything but that. He accepted a victory, it's what I told him--and I stand firmly by those words.

If he failed, if he truly failed...then a bullet would've been lodged deep into his head. But he didn't do that. He was there, talking to me. I told him to see it as a victory, a fiery obstacle of life he walked through and came out changed for the better. Yeah, he came out of that fire with blood pouring and scarred skin against the flesh of his memories--but it's the kind of story that inspires us. Everyone loves seeing the hero reach out in the midst of any type of herculean conflict. Because it's what heroes do. They fail and fail-- fail a hundred, million times but they find a way to overcome whatever failure destiny lunges at them. And if they can't find a way then they create one. They build a way to make themselves greater. They use their anger and sadness and fear as fuel to finish whatever job they have. Heroes, they say, can fail hundreds--maybe thousands of times but they won't falter. Not in the long run. Because if they ever do, when they do...then it's no different than burying a grave for yourself.

This kid, he tells me how I saved his life. I counter by saying that I saved a part of him, not the whole. I did my part, he did the rest. But to know that I did my part--that I made someone better, stronger, braver--if just for a moment... It’s pretty. But it's also inspiring, and it keeps me going. But why challenge yourself again and again if you're in fear of failing anytime soon? Because when we challenge ourselves we discover something in us that we never thought was real. We discover a greater part of ourselves--of who we are. And failing...it gives us a chance--a choice, to either become greater or to become weaker--while being victorious gives us the choice to be as we are or to be greater than what we are currently. Because there's always more to you, you can be better, you can push farther, you can be stronger. I know it in my heart. 

It saves a part of me when I hear people tell me that--that I saved a part of them, and it reminds me of my form, my being in this little place called Earth. And it's what I'm good at, I think: lifting people from their own ashes and expecting nothing in return. Not because it's awesome to see them rise and not because of folly recognition. No. But because it's the right thing. A simple lesson your parents taught you as a kid. And a lesson you taught me in some way. And it's so amazing to see the person you've helped inspire others because of your touch. Because of you, heroes exist. Yes, you. Listen, life is pointless, that's the truth. But what matters is that we're here and that we are alive. That we’re making our mark, and hope others will follow by it on good, more greater, more inspiring terms when we return to the earth. 

I love making people realize how heroic they are inside, how beautiful it is to tell them to not be afraid to show it, that heroism. I especially love it when people, friends, and family, tell me how I make them believe in heroes again.

It's wondrous to see the skies filled with so many of them, all with their different capes and suits, bright colors, each of them with their own mission to make the world a better place for the next generation of heroes. 

Remember, it always starts with someone that's in despair. But it's about lifting each other up, and making them (and yourself) realize the dangers ahead before it's too late. We’re in this together.

I'm a hero, and I'm sure you're one, too. Not in the cocky kind of sense, but in a team-building kind of sense. I accept whatever nightmare life hurls at me, and you're ready to accept it, too. Because you're brave, willing, good of heart, strong of mind. Seriously, with the purest sincerity, whoever read this in its entirety, know that you inspire me--and it’s because of you that I’ve helped the people that I have so far. 

Yes, you: Julio C. Tapia, Sara Perez, Sunkin Duarte, Arely Santamaria, Ann Wettengel Wood, Jacqui Hernandez, James and Stephanie Williams, Justin Hallman, Juan Nuñez, Erica Barrientos, Maritza Irene, Lupita Reyna, Steven Reyes, Korina Reyna, Andrew Vũ, Deborah Boston--the entire Trimble Tech class of 2015, Valerie Lopez, Antonio Giovanni, Camron Sanders, Jillian Hilton Blakeman, Raven Parker, Emanuel Grande, Michael Chau, Norberto Martinez, Erica Rios, Wendy Larmour, Kate Anderson, Alexandria Hill, Beatriz Salas, Macara Trusty, Brandon Lewis, Adriana Salas, Roberto Abraham, Jhonathan Rodriguez, Mike Kessler, Omar Ramos, Marylee Garcia, Shanell Diaz, Jorge Salas, Erin Backus, Ayesha Baba, Johana Lopez Gonzalez, Jovany Mendoza, Larry Boston, Daniela Salas, Marlene Vega, Javier Gomez, Jason Juarez, Ulises, Adonis, Rubi Sykes, Chelsea Hernandez, Zayda Trejo, Alex Henson, Mark Ramos, Duc Tran, Vy Nguyen, Lizbeth Ramirez, Miguel Angeles, Gerardo Hernandez, Christopher Sloan, Brayan Sanchez, Joshua Hernandez, Leonardo Mendez, Geronimo Perez, Dave Ruffin, Magaly Ceceñas, Miguel Martinez, Kasha Barber, Zayda Torres, Eric Rubio, Erica, Carlos, Jenny Contreras, Richard, Melanie Alvarez, Isaiah, Crystal Delgado, Edgar Ramirez, Odayls, Vanessa, Shanti, Miguel Angeles and Samantha Pacheco.

We all live simple, ordinary lives. But it's what makes us relate to one another's suffering. To understand that if one gets through it then we can all get through it. Together. Now let's get off our knees and brim the world with so much hope and optimism that we'll put those superheroes we find in comic books to shame (and hey, I'm a lover of superhero comics--it’s the little kid in me). 

So, come on, be the hero.

Up, up, and away! 

Dedicated to the heroes of today.