clewdnine

[clewdnine]

HAHA SO UM I recently started a twitter account for my three cats.

I’ve been having a lot of fun lately in my descent into a crazy cat lady, so if you happen to be into Cat Picture Spam, head on over to @caglecats and gaze upon my precious daughters.

Meanwhile, here are the incredibly Extra profiles I made for them, since they’re hard for the layman to tell apart. But each is a precious and unique baboo.

[clewdnine]

27/8/17 - The Cutest Aliens

I had a dream again! I dreamed I was going home with my parents after them visiting me but along the way we got separated. I went into the town on the bus and I was watching the sky and saw there were moons or planets really close to ours, then little asteroids or comets or something fall from them onto our planet. I decide to hide in this empty office/market-like space with cubicles and gather food while everyone else piled in there. People were talking about how there were aliens in the comets and I was still trying to find my family but couldn't. Some guy found a train and I was able to board it along with a bunch of other people. He had a bunch of mercs with guns to guard the train and make sure there were no aliens onboard so he became the leader of the group I guess. He took the train out of town and into the countryside, travelling along an abandoned track until we reached a dead end in a small patch of woods. We decided to set up camp here and I went out to look for more food. I came across a bunch of tiny rabbits and for some reason i knew right away they were aliens, so I scooped them into a box and took them back to the camp. I asked a bunch of people if we should kill them because they can clearly change into anything and may be dangerous, but everyone thought they were too cute to hurt. I took them to the leader and he agreed that we should shoot them, but when I opened the box they turned into even tinier frogs and started jumping around the carriage so the henchmen couldn't hit them with their guns or shoot them. Eventually the rest of the aliens found us and I guess they decided to enslave the human race because everyone was mostly non-violent towards them. Maybe they found that surprising, but I mean if you're gonna be fluffy animals most people aren't gonna kill that lmao.

[clewdnine]

20/8/17 - I blame the media for this one

I had a bad dream again. I dreamed that I was waiting for a bus in a big outdoor bus station surrounded by fairly tall buildings. Suddenly people were being shot down around me, so I ran towards one of the buildings and hid for cover. Eventually it died down, but I didn't dare go out in the open, so I started climbing the outdoor stairs of one of the buildings and walking across this bridge type thing. Turns out the gunner was there and it was some chavvy teenager with their mates. I decide to try a different route and I see ANOTHER group of shooters coming across the bridge so I cower behind a bin. A man and then a poor old lady with a dog cross the bridge and I have to watch them get gunned down, then the shooters spot me and one dude is like, "Hey, do you have a pen?" I start fumbling around in my pockets and I can see they're getting more and more impatient, so I pull out a sharpie and say "Sorry mate this is all I have. Will that do?" And he's like, "Yeah thanks!" Then I tell him he can keep it and he's pleased with that offer, so I slip by them, climb down some other stairs and start running through a chain of alleyways. Eventually I find my way out into a mall, but when I start exploring it some of my teeth fall out. Obviously none of the shops are open, so I try to call the dentist but there's no response, then I try to call my boyfriend's dad but as I do that I hear more gunfire. I run into this big area that's like an empty lot where a shop would go in the mall, except it is FULL of people with guns and weapons. I try to hide, but they find me and I tell them the positions of the other shooters in exchange for letting me live. Then their leader, who for some reason is a gorilla, shows me a huge wall-sized set of windows where there is another group of people in a similar room facing them with a stretch of land between the windows. I ask if there is any way to leave town and they say, "But didn't you hear that all the roads were blown up? We're trapped here unless a helicopter comes in." Eventually a wave of new people come into our building and they're assessed based on whether they are any use to the group. If not, they die. There was an alien with a kid, but she made really nice shortbread cookies so they let them stay. Then we had a rest for a bit, but someone woke everyone up to point out that a window had been smashed. We look at the other building, the other group notices it and starts charging at us. The gorilla dude goes full berserker mode and starts killing people like in Doom, smashing their skulls open and shit. He loses all his hair and starts getting creepily veiny like Monstro from the Binding of Isaac but gorilla-shaped. Then he starts indiscriminately attacking everyone regardless of whose side they are on so I fucking hide again and then I woke up.

[clewdnine]

18/8/17 - Master Longlegs

I dreamed I was with my boyfriend the cast of firefly in what looked like a Halo level. There were a bunch of those uh...Lizardmen alien things from Halo outside and we were behind an energy field about to charge. All of a sudden a fucking FOUR FOOT TALL DADDY LONGLEGS comes out of nowhere and throws a little dude onto the ground, then throws him at a turret which misfires and starts shooting everyone. This creepy stick-legged bastard proceeds to throw out some Jackie Chan shit and kills all the aliens. Everyone except me decides that it's a good idea to bring this thing home. You can fucking hear it walk along the hardfloor surfaces and I was like, "If that bastard gets into my room I'll slice its fucking legs off." (I'm super afraid of daddy longlegs and crane flies for some reason). Then we went back to the halo place and there was a weird hostage situation with River but I woke up before that properly unfolded.

[clewdnine]

Food Studies by kay kim

[clewdnine]

true innovation

[clewdnine]

holy shit

[clewdnine]

3/8/17 - Alien FTL stream with the Lost Pets

Okay, I had a dream that I was on an alien planet just walking around near a park. The planet was orange with purple leaves on the trees. Anyway I get a tweet that Limes had lost a cockatiel, (I think she actually tweeted about a friend's cockatiel going missing irl a few weeks ago. No clue why it was in my dream) and I immediately found it along with some bunnies. Then I took them home and all the lost animals on the planet came to my house so I could give them back to their owners. I went back to the park and sat on the bench, and I see an engineer robot from Wildstar strolling down the street. Then I get a notification from Jen saying that she's hosting my stream on my phone. I guess her hosting me forced the stream to go live, so I freaked out, told the two hundred or so people about the robot, then quickly played FTL to keep them happy. Except like, it was sorta real FTL and I got in a ship and flew around. I wanna thank dream Jen for making me famous on an alien planet.

[clewdnine]

4/8/17 - Crypt of the Mehcrodancer

I had a dream I was playing Crypt of the Necrodancer and I was like "This shit isn't even hard wtf???" Then realised I had the sound muted and wasn't following the beat at all. This is the most normal dream I've had.

[clewdnine]

30/7/17 - Trump and the Bunny Assassin

I had a dream that I sent someone an angry email about Donald Trump, and then he found out by getting the CIA to hack into my emails and came all the way to the UK to try and make me feel bad. Instead he just got MAXIMUM SASS! THEN I had a dream that someone was chasing me and trying to kill me. I tried to scream for help but my words came out in a normal speaking tone, so I turned her into a small cartoon rabbit. Unfortunately she was still trying to kill me and now nobody believed me because she was a cute rabbit, so I had to beg her to let me have some fresh air before she killed me. We were at my nan's house so I ran down the street as fast as I could, did some crazy weaving shit through alleys and ended up hiding beside a school library. I called the police and found a bus that could turn invisible. So I start driving it as I give them details, then realise the crazy bunny is in the bus, so I tell the police to find me on the main street and keep fighting the bunny. For some reason there was an interlude where some alien robots came down to build a bridge which looked like ancient ruins and then my bus passed under it. Eventually the police came but they didn't have bunny-sized handcuffs so we had to kill the bunny and then Sideshow Bob came and stabbed her through the skull and stole her brain. He was upset that the opticians was closed because he wanted to study the brain. I went and threw the corpse in a small hole I dug at the foot of a mountain.

[clewdnine]

29/7/17 - Arcade Plinkyplonk

I dreamed we were in this tall apartment near a half-destroyed bridge that was apparently Jen's home. There was me, Vinny, Jen, LuciferAgenda and someone else...Maybe Mythi I dunno. Anyway, we're looking at the bridge and we see two dudes cosplaying as Wario and Waluigi and they're arguing. Me and Vinny go down to chat with them and I guess they did some illegal shit because next thing we know the police are coming so we get out of there. We go to this Arcade place and I'm asking Vinny if he likes marshmallow twizzlers or turkey twizzlers...(I think he said the latter because I was eating a marshmallow one). We see this weird game that is a massive glass dome with a sorta maze with spinning things, pits, and terminals all around the dome. You are supposed to put a coin in and bounce it around into someone else's tray to get points. We didn't understand it so we played once and left, but then suddenly a ton of kids came and started playing. I noticed one managed to get their coin back by doing a hidden maze on the wall, so I tried to do that but I fucked up, the coin fell into another tray and a ton of £2 coins spilled out followed by about 6 n3dses.

By this point everyone else turns up and we all run out the arcade laughing and sharing the 3DSes, then a bunch of people recognise Vinny but we had to go back to the apartment because Jen didn't feel well :(

[clewdnine]

19/7/17 - My bladder isn’t bigger on the inside...

I had a dream that I went to a caravan park with a friend and we had a caravan that was on a pole and it was just a bit bigger than a letter box. When you went inside though it was massive like the TARDIS.

I tried to squeeze in but my hips couldn't fit through the tiny-ass door and I needed to pee but there were no bathrooms. I woke up and had to jump over my boyfriend to get to the bathroom.

[clewdnine]

18/7/17 - Gay Knees Truck Driver

I had a dream that it was taboo to say "Knees are gay" unless you're referring to women

The reason was that women were oppressed into wearing long skirts to cover their knees or some shit

Also there was a truck driver who would leave Christmas pudding around and then a Japanese lady would call you to ask if you ate it. If you hadn't the truck driver would drive his truck out of the ground and then give you a prize, which was one fucking children's book. My stepsisters argued over who got the book and I was just pissed because the pudding could have been eaten by everyone. The truck driver said “But it’s a small pudding tho”. BETTER THAN A BLOODY BABY BOOK M8!

[clewdnine]

17/7/17 - The Ritual is Incomplete

I had a dream. There's a girl at my work who is super quiet and seems nice, but she keeps turning up to work late and then spending half her shift sitting on the bathroom cubicle floor, presumably on her phone.  In my dream we were out in some school/ruins with a bunch of other people and we find this pedestal. She whips out a knife and starts indiscriminately stabbing people so chaos ensues. For some reason I'm in control of two people that I switch between from my perspective. One is a monk of some forgotten Order and I'm just me. The monk escapes somehow even after getting stabbed through the hand, but I get captured by my crazy colleague.  The monk goes the this massive ring-shaped temple-looking thing in the middle of a massive lake, and finds this weird construct that repeats some verse in a strange language over and over. The monk decides to try and learn the incantation, then runs back to the ruins to gather survivors to help him summon whatever to stop the crazy stabby lady. Meanwhile I've been captured with a few other people and my colleague is with these weird cultists trying to set up the altar. They're arguing about which corpse to use between a knight, some nurses and some other random people who are strung up in webs above me, then she turns to me and decides she wants me to make fucking ramen for everyone and leads me to this weird open-air kitchen in the ruins. I'm trying to be friendly and/or flirty in the hopes she doesn't stab me to death, but I think she was more in love with the ramen I was making. AND THEN back at the temple place, the monk finds the construct who is now inactive and starts chanting the incantation thinking it will save the world from the cult. Turns out the construct is a trap and it actually starts turning everyone in the room into cat-people, who are like minions of the cult. Some forgotten priest ninjas of the temple stop the monk and explain this, then a giant monster starts tearing through the halls and they have to stop it. At this point I woke up...

[clewdnine]

15/7/17 - These fucking sexy Vinesauce dreams

Moofinseeker-07/15/2017

Omg no It's happening again I HAVEN'T WATCHED VINESAUCE IN AGES WHY DO I KEEP HAVING THESE DREAMS??? IT KEEPS HAPPENING

Red Mist-07/15/2017

Oh god another Moof Vinny Dream

Moofinseeker-07/15/2017

It wasn't just vinny this time *cries*

Red Mist-07/15/2017

oh no well now you gotta tell us

Moofinseeker-07/15/2017

I have a stable and loving relationship why does this happen? Waaaah

soft and precious-07/15/2017

is it a [Daddy Emote]

kinda dream?

Moofinseeker-07/15/2017

Lemme tell you I get the bus to work and home a lot...So in my dream I was on the bus, and one day I saw Vinny, and the next day I saw Rev...

Moofinseeker-07/15/2017

And I got off the bus to home and for some reason I was at my nan's house. And my nan was like, "Were you kissing that boy???" "No nan! I was just hugging him because he's my firend!!!" BUT I LIIIED

SleepwalkinSean-07/15/2017

How could you lie to your Nan?

Moofinseeker-07/15/2017

Stop omg Because in my dream I was still dating my boyfriend And I was just kissin guys on the bus all day reeeeee

soft and precious-07/15/2017

happens ya know those kinda dreams are really common

hookermode-07/15/2017

Dreams are just weird man, they don't usually mean anything

[clewdnine]

10/7/17 - KAAARRRLLL!

I had a dream that I was running from the cops GTA style and I found a park with a long path of trampolines. When I got to the end there was a massive wall of toys and reddit posts and one was about this chucky-style clown doll called KARL. I realised I was trapped, so I start bouncing back, and at the park entrance there is now ANOTHER pile of toys and I hear "Someone's been naughty this year." So I freak out and start climbing this wall of toys to escape Santa and the creepy KARL doll. I woke up to the Bob Ross song so that was okay...

[clewdnine]

9/7/17 - Radamantium

Last night I had a dream that I could commune and see ghosts, but in order to do this you had to take coca pills and wear or ingest adamantium (which was a gem that looked like emerald in my head) I met this really beautiful ghost with adamantium jewelry and we found dodgy people selling different variants of the drugs. Basically if you wanted to be able to consort with ghosts forever without dying, you had to become a dragon with gems for scales.