clintonmakesmagic

[clintonmakesmagic]

Who actually gives a fuck, If they are not getting something in return

I have recently had a knee operation and gurl, the recovery has been intense. I mean, 2 months ago in 5,6,7 and BAM there I would be in the splits. Yip, yet now I can barely touch my toes. patience, I know. I'm waiting for the delivery from Amazon or takealot. It's being held at customs. FUCK!

Well I may not have yet received my delivery however i have regained my status as a virgin. 2 months, no sex, gay world- virgin. I can't get to 3 months. Cause then it's--- shame, poor virgin.

NO. I REFUSE

This is not because of my choice of abstinence. No this is a whole lot fucked up

Of course when the needs arises and you scroll through your phone book to see which person or people you feel like contacting to accommodate your needs, you soon realize how fucking selfish and inconsiderate people can be.

I mean if you had hooked up with someone when you were able to do the "spread eagle" and you contact them, after your op, knowing that the only spreading you will be doing is on a peanut butter sandwich, but that with some creativity you could at least try to figure something. Who knows, it could actually be entertaining. Wouldn't you think?

Well, this was my thought however after numerous attempts with several prospective suiters, I received the same response

"Once you are fully healed then you should let me know and we can consider another get together ".

Really, bitch, really. Now I lived in the middle east for 10 years and let's say I got used to just being wipped upside down and just blatantly used, and I just became accustomed to it, and mostly put my experiences down to the environment which I was in, but this, honey, this is just rude and selfish. But it is what it is... thank fuck I have a dog. Not that I am humping her but for companionship

SO Honeys, I have learnt such amazing lessons from this experience, which I wish to share with you

1. When hooking up with someone fabulous and you have the most amazing time ever and you connect so well... leave knowing there is more than a 90 percent chance, that you will never see themagain, as there are many more fish in the sea which some greedy bitches wish to bite on. I mean, he was most probably on grindr while u were in the toilet so he could search his pray for the next day

2. Don't expect much from a queen, unless your willing to give something in return.....

3. If you do have surgery, before so, Invest in some toys and don't waste time trying to attempt to persuade someone new to want to be with you. You deserve better than that. Spread eagle or not, you are still fucking fierce

Passion and compassion lie within each of us....

The big question is though.... are you MAN enough to give it to someone, no strings attached....

That is what you makes a real man.

[clintonmakesmagic]

Dance class

Ga-ga-ga…. Ra-dada—- ba-ba-ba dah

Now this is not a baby trying to speak but rather the language which I have become accustomed to while teaching my dance classes . It works, it fits, don’t judge me 👍🙃👊

I have taught many many classes during my time as a dance coach and teacher and yet it still baffles me that mature men and women have such miscommunication between their body and the brain . The brain says right but yo ass goes left . Like i said “baffles me”

I do believe I am a teacher that breaks things down many many times , and let me make it clear that I love my job and what I do but GURL

- where the fuck are you going .

Child, my favorite of all is squat moves . Now dropping it down sexy towards the floor can either be stunning and hot or sexy or……. It can look like you are about to take a shit, and for many the voices which adjoin these moves is just nasty, plain old nasty gurl

So I love teaching a lot of sexy moves in my classes which of course require a lot of sexy facial expressions . Well, if I may add. If those are the sexy faces you are displaying with your significant other…. I WOULD RUN! Fucking looks of constipation and utter and total discomfort .

Now let me get onto wardrobe . One comes to a dance class to feel the swag, yo yo right ! UM ….. NO! We need to go shopping ! I always say… whether it be in a dance class,in real life experiences …. Show off your best assets….. and if you don’t think you have any …… well then BUY THEM

Pelvic thrusting - now this is the highlight of my class and I spend a lot of time breaking it down. I’m sure that my manhood is whipping it back and forth to explain the implementation but yet still this gets no reaction from many people in my class as I just can’t seem to get the pelvis relaxed to move forward and back but instead I get this stick figure moving his/her entire body forward and back portraying the look on his/her face that damn they got this Fuck, I feel for that partner in that relationship - they have alot of fucking work to do. But for those who have their pelvic thrusting down- you have it gurl and I’m sure what happens behind close doors must be hot and steamy. Keep up the good work and keep coming back to my class and you know I’ll always teach you more moves

[clintonmakesmagic]

Selfies at the gym

When did we become so fucking full of ourselves. Pose, pose, flash flash. I mean , really? Gym sessions used to be 45 minutes on average for the majority of gym goers however now they go on to at least 1 hour and 30 minutes and yes darlings the additional timing is not devoted to actual training but rather for vanity and for likes👍😘🤜🙌👌🤩 and any other fucking emoticon to show acknowledgment.

it’s best to have a training partner these days, not to spot you, but to photograph you while you are doing that perfect cable crossover so that your tits are practically falling out of your non existent , nipple showing cut out tank top- if you can call it a tank top —— #just saying

For those poor souls who do genuinely prefer to train alone, they have found the perfect spots around the gym for them to prop their phones against the wall or a machine or of course their louis Vutton handbag- I mean that is a whole other topic in itself on who the fuck brings an LV handbag to the gym . I mean , bitch please !

Now that the photos have been taken. At least 100 pics or so, so you can choose the best pose . The rest of the evening is spent filtering, cropping, adding hashtags and all other bullshit like music and stupid callouts such as —— chest day! DUH. If you showing your cleavage you most definitely are not having a glutes session - right! Really 🙃

Now that it’s perfect, you post to your Instagram stories and to your feed…… in order to achieve what you have been working so hard for ….

WOw, you looking so great . Omg I love that outfit, and 👌🤜❤️😍😘

How big can your fucking ego be . I have an emoji for you over all of this 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

This is just a vicious fucking cycle . So with these comments, our MR Hulks ego, whom we are describing , grows ever so slightly, and now he is already thinking of the next post which needs to outdo this one… and of course which outfit he will be wearing , or purchasing …. Of course he can’t be wearing the same outfit in his next performance

These performances are entertaining to say the least. I do enjoy scrolling through my Instagram and watching the growth of each of these muscle Marie’s , in terms of their photography skills 😍😍😍😍of course

[clintonmakesmagic]

A fresh start is like a fresh pair of undies

One seems to harp on the past too much and those holes in our undies or our panties just seem to get holier and bigger the longer time goes by as we are holding onto memories and crap and shit betches. The shit in the past happened. It happened, and it will never come back and we need to move on from it and learn from it… and if we can’t do that. .. well then… pack your louis vutton and chanel handbag with all your fabulous shit and move far far away and get a brain and heart transplant to forget everything and start all over again as that could help perfectly A change of scenery, a new job, a new circle of friends, a new apartment may be the answer to your troubles and bring you the fresh start you so anxiously desire. Whatever it is , just get the fuck out of where you are , cause every minute counts and every moment is special…. and the longer it takes you to realise that, well the more money your psychiatrist or your medical insurance will be earning… so just Balance out and figure out where the fuck you are in your life, what YOU really want and how YOU are gonna get it !

You destination - imagine the scene, you are climbing a mountain, wearing those goddamn awful outfits, and you are slowly starting to feel like you are struggling to breath due to the altitude—– this is where you are in your life— you are struggling to breath, everything is too much, you are in pain, you are miserable , depressed, Bitchy , , irritable, annoyed, your willingness and desire to exist is questionable!!!!! and then you are handed some oxygen!!!!! YAY BITCHES someone remembered the fresh undies, with every breath you take your misery, your depression , your irritability and a list of other Fucking annoyances to the world out there subsides and becomes controllable . You took that step. You reached out. That bedazzled gas mask was a blessing from the divas above

Once a bitch, always a bitch as they say however, a cocky, witty, sarcastic bitch is much better than a miserable , depressed, blah blah bitch don’t you think !!!

[clintonmakesmagic]

A fresh start is like a fresh pair of undies

One seems to harp on the past too much and those holes in our undies or our panties just seem to get holier and bigger the longer time goes by as we are holding onto memories and crap and shit betches. The shit in the past happened. It happened, and it will never come back and we need to move on from it and learn from it... and if we can't do that. .. well then... pack your louis vutton and chanel handbag with all your fabulous shit and move far far away and get a brain and heart transplant to forget everything and start all over again as that could help perfectly A change of scenery, a new job, a new circle of friends, a new apartment may be the answer to your troubles and bring you the fresh start you so anxiously desire. Whatever it is , just get the fuck out of where you are , cause every minute counts and every moment is special.... and the longer it takes you to realise that, well the more money your psychiatrist or your medical insurance will be earning... so just Balance out and figure out where the fuck you are in your life, what YOU really want and how YOU are gonna get it ! You destination - imagine the scene, you are climbing a mountain, wearing those goddamn awful outfits, and you are slowly starting to feel like you are struggling to breath due to the altitude----- this is where you are in your life--- you are struggling to breath, everything is too much, you are in pain, you are miserable , depressed, Bitchy , , irritable, annoyed, your willingness and desire to exist is questionable!!!!! and then you are handed some oxygen!!!!! YAY BITCHES someone remembered the fresh undies, with every breath you take your misery, your depression , your irritability and a list of other Fucking annoyances to the world out there subsides and becomes controllable . You took that step. You reached out. That bedazzled gas mask was a blessing from the divas above Once a bitch, always a bitch as they say however, a cocky, witty, sarcastic bitch is much better than a miserable , depressed, blah blah bitch don't you think !!!

[clintonmakesmagic]

Gay men are swimming in shit!

Nowadays it is so much easier to walk into your closest fabulously branded and overpriced store for a bag which you know you shouldn't be buying as this bag will give you honesty, reliability and most of all it will do it in a sense of style! What gets said for the "men" outside there is actually an embarrassment . 1. Honesty - the dating game in this fabulous world of our is horrendous and is full of lies, deceit and wishful thinking by some romantic hopefuls out there waiting for mr right! The applications which are used for example : grindr is a place where men " chat" to other men for sex, friendships, hook ups and blah blah blah. There is often this facade in profiles on wanting to find love or relationship but at the of the day this is a ploy yet again for cock and ass. Scrolling through profiles can be entertaining and pitiful as it appears that some men do not own a camera to showcase some form of identity on who they are or secondly to showcase that our community could actually formulate complete sentences which are not those provided by the application themselves which allows the searcher to have some idea on what you like, age, whereabouts, etc but yet again this is a secret to all. There are only 2 acceptable candidates who are allowed to keep this secret dear. The 1 being - the closet gay, 2- the straight gay, who wants to try out the gay world but is scared the girl friend will find out and more importantly that he'll enjoy it. Still not sure if this is acceptable to be kept secret or not. There is this amazing space called your Profile you moffies---- use it. say what you want, what you need so that others know your expectations. Stop being a sissy and a girl- MAN-UP! Tell us what you want and for f&$#sake provide some stats I ain't no palm reader. what's this bull shit or asking me and ill tell you. Am I in primary school. Give a brief overview. Try sell yourself Grinders Don't take the time to properly set up their profile and then they have the audacity to those who do to ask questions and for pictures. ... are you dumb, blind and stupid? are you incapable on reading the profile page? My all time favorite is the receipt of pictures in Grindr.... No hello, no introduction. barely any information on the persons profile not even their age. However you have received several pictures of this persons naked body. In some occasions it's a winner and in others it's a fail however in my profile as an example it clearly states my theory on sending pictures. Yet again- I think grindr works as follows- man sees picture of hot man, man feels a stirring in his pants, man replies with hot sexy pictures of himself to other hot man and waits in anticipation for the same. Reading or writing is not part of this communication at all.... Are we returning to the apes? Now I know you all think that you have the hottest sexiest and biggest cock in town- bit of advice, it would look better connected to the body it is attached to! Hate,Hate,Hate it when cock pictures are sent with no bod attached to it. . Is that how they walk the Streets? From my experience the body and even better the face allows for the full package if you are wanting to send that naughty picture. .. Darlings you have decided to be daring and to be that exhibitionist. Well do it right or go the fuck home! 2. How shallow can you go - the well defined body is one key element in being a hot gay man, next comes the equipment, well darling if you have a good package then you are the talk of the town (literally), and then of course comes the clothing, the cars, the houses, the holidays. .. blah blah blah. The main element of the well defined body- guys really, are you going to base your entire relationship on the size of his manboobs and his abs. being fit and healthy is one thing but there are way too many moffies out there who are way too insecure to even get undressed or be in public cause they believe their body is not perfect enough! well let this bitch tell you a secret! IT'S not and It never freaking will be enough! you going to kill yourself over it" find something else to focus on that will actually give you something in return in your mind and soul and not only your body. and you'll feel less like a piece of meat around all the Queens out there at a freaking butcher shop. These are only 2 of many and more great experiences on these dating websites.... How else can we meet people but all we want to do is be ourselves. ...right!!!!!!

[clintonmakesmagic]

Ageing gracefully

Darlings - its quite exhausting and draining living in a society where as soon as something starts sagging or a line starts arriving it is quickly nipped, sucked, injected or removed.

As a self aware society many would rather be in debt in order to pay for that visit to a doctor or surgeon to avoid a G-D forsaken crease to say the least.

Yes, it sucks getting older. I remember being in my 20s where I could live on mc Donald ' s burgers and french fries and still maintain a good physique.

In my 40s, i look at those teeny buns, smell those fries and walk towards the restaurant and before i knew it those burgers and fries had somehow landed on my body.

Really?

Really!

In my 20s when inhaled a slab of chocolate it would surface like air with no repercussions , however as the clock ticks you might as well tape that mouth closed as air you inhale also seems to inflate you. It's a lose- lose cycle. Us boys spend hours at the gym, many inducing a multitude of "vitamins" so that we can look and feel better for a short amount of time and then it subsides and then the cycle starts all over again and we go through the same shit however we have just aged a bit more so it's a little bit harder, a bit wrinklier and often a teeny bit more expensive to get the same results as we want as we are continuously looking back at that photograph from 19- voetsak! thinking we will ever get that body, hairline, boobsize or whatever it was from back in the day now again----- MOOOVE on girlfriends! Are bigger tits gonna make people love us more? How about bigger arms? maybe the 8 pack instead of the 1 pack will make him love me more!!!! What are we looking for at the end of the day?

[clintonmakesmagic]

Life is a runway, Even at the gym!

Oversized tees, body builder pants from the 80’s, tank tops with holes in them, branded t-shirts from marathons and freebies, ensembles taken straight out of a vh1 music video from a different decade, mix and matched pieces of junk pulled together, and tights and tank tops which your body is not yet ready for - are many of the people filtering through training facilities on a daily basis

As a trainer, i have heard the same excuse regarding these.... concoctions!

“ I’m not getting dressed up for gym if I’m just going to sweat!"

Gurl, I get you. I agree!

However, even though you will be sweating, I don't feel it gives you the green card to pull out the most hideous, skanky, “why the hell have you not thrown that away” ensemble.

Whether you like it or not the “outfit” which you blindly put together is still a reprsenation of yourself.

Even though you’re a sweaty, make up dripping, hair tangled mess, which is actually a positive as thats why you are at that sweat box, your outfit should be an outfit and not just a bunch of crap thrown together. Ladies, now let me be frank! Let your man wear his own t shirt! It’s not yours! and that bull shit of it being “so comfortable ” - well I ain’t buying it. Nowadays you can purchase a comfy tee for Ladies which gives a bit of a feminine touch! Wearing his tees to the gym makes you look boxy, shapeless and like a genuine hefulump! If it has a hole in it, chuck it! or use it as a dishcloth. It grills my tits when I see guys and girls wearing a tee with holes in them, and they do progressively grow larger. And the worst part of it all is that they wear the same tee over and over again ! If you can afford a gym contract you can afford to buy a new tee- Full stop, exclamation mark, credit card - swipe! Gents- I know all guys wanna be body builders and show of all their fabulous muscles and strong toned legs……. but unfortunately there are but a few of these guys in each of our gyms whom we stare at, drool over, admire and dream of having their children, I mean bodies. If you are not one of these gorgeous specimens , please oh pretty please, put it away, not everyone can pull off either a figure hugging tank top or a heavily body revealing one. If you don't have a flat stomach, then oops sorry for you- there goes the figure hugging tank and if you don't have muscle definition through your obliques and a flat stomach then oops- sorry again , best you stay away from all that take away food, you'll get there honey! There was a time, long long ago in the 80’s that the gym short was a hit and very popular for men to wear. Nowadays however it is sadly still showing it's face in some locations! Move on from these shorts guys please! There are so many others to choose from which are as comfortable and which don’t show the entire gym your nads! Another important reminder -COLOR- It is terribly unfortunate to see how color blind people are when they go to gym. It is as if they have walked into a gay man’s closet and swiveled and chassed around and POOF they have willingly conjured up a disastrous array of colours, prints and fabrics together with the final touch of satisfaction - - a nod and smile! HELLO? Glasses? contacts perhaps? a new brain? Keep your colours simple, mixing too many prints is like mixing the family who don't see eye to eye- it just doesn't work Dress for your age pettles and your body type and most importantly for the freaking decade that you live in. The moment you leave your home you are on a catwalk whether you like it or not and you should be proud of who are and what you look like as you are always being judged by some Bitchy Fashionista

[clintonmakesmagic]

Did you see yourself in the mirror this morning?

Mirrors - these are fabulous ornaments I believe which were invented to showcase ones reflection so we could hopefully improve or “bring down a notch” what we see  

Friends - Now these are people in our lives who are meant to be honest, kind and there for us in a time of need.

Why is it then that when we leave our homes, to meet our friends in an awful outfit, our “friends” put on this fabulous fake smile and tell us - “Darling, you look goooorgeous in those pants, where did you get them from?? 

The mirror in your bedroom is holding itself together from cracking, barely from the sight of that awful outfit, and your friends cheek bones are beginning to hurt from the LIES they are telling you, 

WTF!!!! Do yourself a good dead on this fine day peeps, and I’m not talking about giving to the needy or helping an old lady cross the road!!- those are given good deeds. I am talking about the good deeds, of being honest to your close friend with that fat ass and thunder thighs, and tell her that she can’t squeeze into those skinny’s anymore and that the fashion is no longer (and never was) for carpet burn between ones thighs, and unless you have a firm ass - wobble wobble, wobble wobble!!!!! aint no pretty sight to see just after having a meal.

Peeps, we all just wanna fit in at the end of the day, and follow fashion, and sometimes it doesn't work with our body type. It doesn’t mean you can’t be fabulous.. We all have assets to show in some other way...