cloudgazingmaniac

[cloudgazingmaniac]

I really do love these kinds of characters: characters who are confident yet insecure, harsh yet kind, genius yet could also be clueless at times, so sure of oneself and one's abilities, yet could also not know how they could contribute to something bigger in this group project called life.

Perhaps it's the mystery that surrounds them. No, not the "tall, dark, and handsome" kind of mystery, but the kind of mystery that billows like smoke whenever you open the packaging to a puzzle, or the heavy fog that guards the gates to a new world, or even a new universe that you're about to step into. The contradiction, the beautifully enigmatic beings that are these characters, the warring sides that long and strive for domination of their bodies presents something thought-provoking that it could invite the most prestigious of scholars to study them.

You see, these characters are not just characters; they're journeys that one must experience to understand, but even then, you can't confidently say that you know them 100% because it seems as though each day adds yet another layer of complexity to their character, a new level that one must go through to proceed through the next. And the best part of all this, you are rewarded with something so profound that it coaxes you to look at your own self.

Because, you see, these characters can be so complex that only a few people would willingly try and understand them; these characters can be so complex that only fewer people would willingly try to accept them. These characters can be so complex that they feel more human than the majority of the people in this world of ours.

They don't conform to trends, they don't conform to standards, even if they long to be accepted into something there is always a part of them that recolis whenever they are being placed into a bucket in an effort to "fit in" because some unconscious, maybe subconscious, part of them understand that an adjective or two is simply unable to even begin to describe who they are, what they represent, and what they contribute to this plane of existence.

They have brains, they have hearts, they have souls, they have humanity, even.

That is why I refuse to believe that these characters have no other purpose than fleeting entertainment.

While, yes, there are no such thing as mages or fire-breathing dragons or fairies or mermaids or whatever fantastical creature you can think of. But there are people who are vain, who are selfish, who are ruthless, who are liars, who are murderous, who are evil. And there are people who are humble, who are selfless, who are kind, who are truthful, who are good. However, human as we are, it's impossible for us to be purely good; there are times when we make mistakes, whether intentionally or not for example. And these characters represent that. They embody the nuances of what it's like to be human, to war between desire and longing and desire and longing. They are the soldiers sent to war to kill to protect and bring peace and not even know if they've managed to include the ones so dear to them in that bubble of protection and peace. They are the fathers who fully understand their sons are in the wrong, but even amid a stern lecture, they can't help but worry about whether or not they're harmed. They are the child who had to lie and adjust for a friend, only to ask them if they can drop the act in private later because they know it's wrong.

They are the lessons we understand that we should learn and implement, but we just can't seem to find it in ourselves to empty our cup to leave room for those said lessons because we are too afraid of the unpredictable and different.

That is what makes these characters important. That's what makes these characters human.

That's what makes these characters so difficult to understand. And that's why I love them.

[cloudgazingmaniac]

Its the trauma 🙂//jk

the fourth betrayal

july 2025

[cloudgazingmaniac]

My recent obssesion is somehow a fic about a teen!reader in squid game.. yeah i genuinely dont know how i had fallen to that rabbit hole.

In AO3, there's a fic called Exit Music (For a Film) by Alexandrathefirst69, where the reader is a teen who's.. not okay mentally and joined squid game where the cast cares about them. It is a well written fic that somehow balance angst and the very little found family (is it found family.. er somewhat? It kinda mostly applies to one specific character but i wont say too much) moments pretty well.

Although i will have to warn you that there are mentions of rape, suicidal thoughts, and the reader is seriously really not doing well mentally (they have schizophrenia). So if what i just said make you uncomfortable, skip away then.

With that said, i like this fic so much that i commisioned fanart!

(Stuff below will be spoilers and my general thoughts going in the fanart and more on my thoughts the fic itself)

Tada!!! Since the fic is reader based, i decided to name the reader, Rumi! And yeah.. it was based of KPOP Demon Hunters 😅😅

I was trying to think of a korean name while reading and my first thought was Rumi. My dumb ass didnt really processed that Rumi is more of a japanese name than a korean name, yet the name stuck around though since i just got used to it and didnt really mind it.

Whenever i read this fic, i usually have some music playing around in the background which kinda inspired me to make the fanart a playlist style (is that what its called?). I went through a lot of songs to pick the perfect one that captures [name] and Squid Game as a whole and Ussewa was the winner.

Ussewa is a song made by Ado that (in my opinion) talks and criticize the expectation and the shit Japan put their populace through. The song also talks about the work enviroment in some way. The point is, Ussewa is a very aggresive song that i feel is perfect for Rumi/[name] and squid game as a whole.

There are some other songs that were a close pick such as Corpse Dance by Kikuo (the author made the fic while listening to Kikuo, thought it’d be fitting and squid game is, in a way, a corpse dance anyway) and Hayloft 2 by Mother Mother (it’s a song that’s about someone wanting to kill her dad after he killed her lover… which fits HIM and HER) but i chose Ussewa bc it fits and focuses Rumi as whole while having a small connection to what squid game is, the main point is them after all.

The fanart is also how i envisioned Rumi as well. I tried to give Rumi some characteristics that would fit the fic’s description of them sometimes mistaken for being a foreigner which genuinely troubled me bc i.. didnt know what classify as “foreign” for Koreans beside the very explicit characteristics ( like any other hair or eye color beside black). So i gave up and just gave them a scar across their nose as nod to their life in the streets.

Exit Music (For a Film) is a fantastic roller coaster of a fanfic. Its dark, funny, and has a somewhat found family which i really love. The fanfic is well written and each character reaction to Rumi or the stuff they do make sense. I also love how we get other POVs beside the reader’s. Most of them are In-ho’s but there are some of Gi-hun’s and one of Hyun-ju’s and AHHHHHH, ITS SO GOOD AND WELL WRITTEN!!!!!!! The relationship between In-ho and Rumi is amazing and works so well bc In-ho is someone who lost a child and Rumi is someone who doesnt have a dad (HIM is simply a sperm donor) and UHGGG. Jun-hee and Rumi’s relationship is also cute and im very interested how exactly will Rumi interact with the baby.

When i was scrolling through the squid game tag, i wasnt expecting much since i was just curious what people wrote after Squid Game season 3 came out but boy was i glad to found this gem of a fic. I will admit i was put off by the rape tag but i was too curious by the concept that i decided to take a plunge. Does that mean im comfortable reading fanfics with the rape tag? No. But im willing to make an exception for this one (dont do what i do. If you are genuinely uncomfortable with that tag, then just skip away. While the fic doesnt explicitly show the rape (i think.. i may or may not just scrolled away to when it no longer mention it?) and mention it sparingly, its best to always prioritize yourself when it comes to these things)

Overall, I hope that Rumi gets a happy ending and things doesnt end too messy.

If you read all this and is interested to read it, here’s the link!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/67113118/chapters/173294491

[cloudgazingmaniac]

I can change

I can evolve

I can get up when I fall