clxirvoyantism

[clxirvoyantism]

Proud of being able to create such raw writing at such a young age - this still resonates with me and reminds exactly how a vulnerable and afraid girl felt when she wasn’t in control of her own life anymore.

Shower Thoughts

I think there comes a time when you realise that you weren’t worth an explanation or a phone call or an apology. Suddenly you remember every single lie and broken promise and faded hope. There’s nothing that you can do to change the situation or the person; you’re just put in this situation with no idea what to do. You’ll be strong but you’ll break down and you’ll notice everything that little bit more. Then you question everything, like what you said and most importantly how you could have been different because if you were different, they would have stayed. You sort of have all these things you’ve left unsaid and these things that can’t be said, which you can understand. You wish for just a message but you know you’ll get hurt. It becomes apparent who is and isn’t worth your time and somehow you love yourself more whilst hating every decision you made under their influence. It hurts but it’s normal and your skin meets others and somehow everything falls back into place and feels okay until it’s not anymore. You realise this domino effect of every single person you’ve loved and every single person who has loved you and you realise that ‘love’ is this huge umbrella term. These are the kinds of thoughts you have in the shower but you’re also kind of selfish and ponder upon how you’ll kiss her next time and how you’re totally craving potato wedges. Speaking of which, you put on weight but love every part of you so much more. You spend longer making sure your eyeliner is perfect and you chose what songs you listen to and what movies you watch more carefully. You don’t want to be alone so you keep yourself busy, essentially driving your friends insane whilst convincing them that yes you are okay and no you don’t want to talk about it. So you don’t talk about it. You don’t think about it because you’re building this new life with this new perspective but then it’s a Thursday evening and your girlfriend is sad and you’re having shower thoughts, reminding you that before love manifested your mind, your youthfulness recognised talent and you had no problem stringing together words of topics you don’t completely understand. You know yourself and you love yourself, but you miss him.   

[clxirvoyantism]

Cafe Asks ☕️

Vanilla Chai Latte : Are you in love? Flat White : Coffee or Tea? Cappuccino : What’s your middle name? Mocha : Dream Job? Pumpkin Spice : Dream car? Jasmine Tea : If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? Old English : You’re stranded on an island, who do you bring with you? Iced Chocolate : Do you have a crush on someone? Caramel Frappe : Favorite video game? Iced Lemon Tea : Favorite song/band? Iced Cafe Mocha : Favorite thing to do on rainy days? Hot Chocolate : Are you an affectionate person? Caramel Macchiato : You’re travelling the entire world but you can only take one person with you. Who do you take? Green Tea : How tall are you? Early Grey Tea : The inevitable Zombie Apocalypse is upon us! What’s your plan of action? Mint Tea : How do you relax? Vanilla Latte : Board games or drinking games? Iced Coffee : Do you like reading? If so, what’s your favorite book? Italian Soda : Describe your dream date Sparkling Water : Describe what qualities you look for in a person Orange Juice : Have you ever had a valentine? Rose Hip Tea : Describe your first kiss Herbal Tea : You’re at a candle shop, what scented candle do you buy?

[clxirvoyantism]

lost

and truth be told, if it was up to me, our hearts would have never disconnected, and truth be told, if it was up to me, our story wouldn't have met an end. So with candour, i scream, shout, declare, my heart was wholly yours, my mind was a realm of infatuated complications, my wish was for you. The deceit grew in the ivy thorns, and the imperfections became a threat, you let go off my hand yet kept hold of my soul, you cut off my words but stayed intertwined with my thoughts. So truth be told, if it was up to me, we'd be holding each other tonight. Truth be told, if it was up to me, I would never have let you go.

[clxirvoyantism]

summer

about a year and a day was all it took for me to know that i could stay,

watercolour hearts and sickened livers...

[clxirvoyantism]

to bleed

the complication of being alive,

the pain of being in love,

the shock of being alone,

the threat of being yours

[clxirvoyantism]

rejected monologue

they all think i'm a seeker of thrills,

i'm just a girl,

my vulnerability is amplified when my lipstick is dishevelled and my hair becomes limp,

my fear is ignored yet is still known when my heart knocks at my ribs

my lie howls at the full moon and i attract with my malice,

the burn of a stranger's touch,

im cherished by every drunken bastard that walks through the doors of this club,

i make them feel special for a night or two but who will make me feel special when every second i am falling apart?

when will i be the apple of someone's eye? Could someone crave more than my touch for the night? Could someone see past my mask?

They think they can touch me but my armour protects.

Count my blessings on one hand and my curses on the other,

It's all cheap thrills but i'm more than a cheap shag,

This chemistry could be contagious; I could be your ride or die.

I'm just a girl.

[clxirvoyantism]

neutral endings

no pain, no hunger, nothing...

another chance at life and another lesson in care,

new ways to live with old thoughts of a young girl,

how can youth be proclaimed when you’ve been dying?

you’ve scraped your teeth against the rim of death and it nearly stole your smile,

your wit was aghast, left to waste away.

[clxirvoyantism]

feelings

[clxirvoyantism]

burnt

you're an old flame, im the broken pieces, orbiting my wit spinning in sentiment elements of closure satisfied whispers of the end

[clxirvoyantism]

hourglass

"what if there's someone else", there always was, i craved him this whole time, she finally set him free, too bitter, too twisted, too ashamed

[clxirvoyantism]

massive mirror for a massive babe (me)

[clxirvoyantism]

gratitude

My bones ache and my heart throbs, Eyes heavier than the burden we carried, Bones ripping through our broken skin. My heart is a rock, I should hurl it at you, I should lock it away. I grew up and you decayed, tell me everything that you couldn't say.

[clxirvoyantism]

feelin' gooood 💪🏻

[clxirvoyantism]

vegan christmas bakes ✨

[clxirvoyantism]

festive baking 🎄💫

[clxirvoyantism]

body

[clxirvoyantism]

longest legs award goes to me