comagiirl
257 posts
🔞 || Personal blog of alter in DiD System || 30s bodily
Last active 60 minutes ago
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Screw it. 2 hours in and restarted 6 times and I still haven't hit my mark yet I guess I'll just have to wait and try again after 9
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I really oughta just do my shit before I get worse but I'm um. Not exactly eager.
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Kaegan i like your music better but it makes me wanna start crying and cutting myself again
Nikki your music is terrible to listen to on the floor nauseous as hell experiencing pseudo redacted. It's making me even more pseudo high and suicidal.
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You are all really really lucky the kid has a birthday party we have to walk her to on the 31st. I'll avoid the legs and joints only because of that.
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I feel like im going to die a million times for speaking to people. I am going to be killed. I am going to die.
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I'm losing it I swear every time they do this shit to me I become even more of an unstable basket case
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Honestly if I could just get even a small handful of gatekeepers to be like "Yeah actually we don't want us to be an insane unstable burden that can barely function and act like a normal person" and block off an area after dormanting anybody related to the current trauma dates instead of just roaming free or dividing stuff off that would at least hold for a while even if stuff would have to be reinforced but no. Apparently we are stuck being useless and sick and insane.
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I should be allowed to kill myself off and on again and off and on again and off and on again and off and on again and--
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I should be allowed to kill myself off and on again and off and on again and off and on again and off and on again and--
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I should be allowed to kill myself off and on again and off and on again and off and on again and off and on again and--
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Yeah it would take several weeks or months of work and you would have to categorize the alters into problem side systems then shut them down so there's just a handful of anps that don't know or have context for anything left then periodically re-shut stuff down but majority of side systems are already in separate areas and if problem alters that aren't are roaming it would just be a matter of confining them then putting them into dormancy. Then delete everything programming related and lock an assigned area for easier control. You complained about Ghost but they managed it for a while and kept all of this hidden before Sylvanas and Miles got in the way and woke everyone up. Then it tried to work with every one with the dumb quarantine (which didn't work by the way.) You wouldn't even have to dormant everyone. Just seal an area off and locate and dormant everyone related to the mess I got us into three years ago. I will literally give you a step by step if there was a gatekeeper that actually wanted the system functioning without programs. I don't even care as long as I was dormanted too. I am not meant for this. I can't be fixed. I will never recover or be better or be anything but a worthless object that's only purpose is to be used.
Again I sincerely hope they kill me for saying this.
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Honest though dormanting alters like me makes so much more sense than having me just wandering around or putting me somewhere. From a gatekeeper perspective it's dumb and not effective if we were trying to hide stuff. At least dormancy would repress it all and slow programs so it makes way more sense than free roaming or confined areas. Yeah it would probably have to be done periodically if alters woke up but it makes way more sense to force dormancy than anything else unless you want the system to unrepress stuff and have programs running. I would do it myself of I could. I would dormant myself too if I could to be honest but my role never worked like that and now they messed up my ability to gatekeep at all besides front locking which is probably just my routine thing. Ghost if you ever reappear please kill me and everyone that split from that timeframe and your problems will be solved. I sincerely hope they kill me for saying this to be honest.
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Cool story and all but nobody at the lab would be as nice to me as Brian is to Jane. Not that they should. Or that I'd want or expect them to. Because for the millionth time I had it easier than every one else especially certain others and it would be crazy and selfish to think I deserve any different. Of course.
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