connectthepimples

[connectthepimples]

my personal mweor retrospective

hello everyone !! it’s kau !!

i haven’t been active on mweor in a long time, much less on the tumblr mweor tag, and i apologise for the random post within this tag, and i apologise to the people who have never seen me around the community before... i recently had an interaction with someone on mweor and it made me think of my experience on this site, and how i feel now versus a few years ago.

i don’t wish to clog up the tag, so i’ll put the rest of this post under a ‘read more’ cut !!

for the first time in a long time, i looked through the drafts i’ve made on this blog and i’ve nearly forgotten how i used to feel: how much i utterly despised myself and a huge reason why i used to comment so much on the art nook in the first place.

https://64.media.tumblr.com/f62a4e0d56016ce7ad7d08c6be1b8894/b5f9f721b875f4a8-72/s1280x1920/78c1b3851219883ceebfa4aab010adcbce23ad34.pnj

https://64.media.tumblr.com/23a75751663a4c30afaae1e9ba942436/b5f9f721b875f4a8-f1/s1280x1920/95335f84a505288c6c20102b2dc7575e453c5326.pnj

i’ve never publicly expressed these feelings (besides once or twice on another tumblr blog), but i was sad and lonely and i wanted people to pay attention to me-- but not give too much attention, as that would take time away from my school studies. i resent how much of my self-worth came from how well i did in school even though i wasn’t a straight-A student. i nudged away potential friends because of it as i thought that time spent talking to others would be time spent away from studying. i’ve stopped replying to conversations after a while because of just that.

but to this day, i’m still surprised when people recognise me and have had a good impression of me within this community. to me, it seemed that all i did was float around, noncommittally type out a couple comments on the art that others had made in my free time, and that was it-- besides posting my own art as well.

over the years, many people have told me that they’ve thought good things about me and what i’ve made, but deep down, i’ve always struggled to believe them because i’ve thought of myself so badly for so long.

i believed that the community only liked me because i left a lot of comments and sometimes drew for other people. i really liked to be acknowledged, even if it was just a brief “thank you!” from another artist. however, whenever someone would go out of their way to give me a shout-out, or message me because they wanted to be friends with me, i was overjoyed at the positive attention, but my self-loathing questioned if i ever truly deserved it.

i’ve since completed my studies and i’ve been trying to start liking myself, trying to learn that i’m not actually dull or stupid or worthless, and that my impact on this community is just one piece of evidence to prove it:

--people posting on the forums that still use the “lil’ custom icons” that i’ve made for them (i didn’t realise that naya was using one of those icons until a long while later and i was shocked ..!!!)

--everyone who has ever posted on my art-- many times, i’ve posted art when i felt miserable about myself and just wanted to just briefly be paid attention to. but i didn’t think that what i made would stick out in other people’s minds! i thought i was just a recurring name and not much else to remember.

--every once in a while, someone will message me out of the blue, just because!

--i’ve been invited to a few discords over the years that were extended from kind people that have also grown up playing mweor because they thought i was worth having over (even though i’m far too shy to contribute to any conversations, i’m still very grateful to be around!!)

in my mind, all the times that i’ve communicated publicly with the community on-site have all been attempts to garner attention for myself. as i kept commenting, i kept thinking that i was doing it for myself in the end-- that those comments didn’t actually mean that much, that they weren’t worth remembering... but as long as someone noticed me, then that’s all that mattered.

when i changed my cattery description to “unhappy”, three people messaged me, and... truthfully, they weren’t people that i talk to very much, either. i never expected people to care. i’m not that important, right? all i did was make comments and draw for other people. why? i didn’t do anything special.

i downplayed my presence so much that i convinced myself that i had no real lasting impact on others-- i told myself that all that i’ve done was for myself only and that any attempt that others made to reach out was misguided because i thought that i was unlikeable and selfish.

but i was wrong when i thought that.

thank you to everyone that made my experience on mweor a very fulfilling one: the reality is, accepting the idea that you DO have a positive lasting impact on others isn’t a very farfetched one !

even as i’m no longer very active on the site, i’m still extremely grateful for all the memories!! i’ll still be around though !! as this site and its members are something that is very dear to my heart. ♡

[connectthepimples]

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freshly mown grass / hay

peppermint / cinnamon

falling rain / ocean breezes

gasoline / new car smell

play-doh / crayons

chlorine / sunscreen

coffee / chai

wine / cheese

bleach / permanent markers

incense / candles

citrus / fresh flowers hmmmm both? i’m kinda equally neutral to these ;w;

old books / leather

clean laundry / perfume

campfire / matches

wet cement / fresh paint

freshly baked bread / sizzling meat

lavender / roses

pine trees / fallen leaves

new clothes / new books

thanks a bunch for tagging me dude!!!!!!!! :D

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<img src=https://78.media.tumblr.com/4596f5736409fe7c641ab96894fd1d69/tumblr_p1r48doKIh1sm0wvdo2_1280.png width=> Hello!! I'm Kau and I would like to open for commissioning!! Unfortunately, I won't be accepting any mweor-related payments now, but if you have spare cash on hand and stop by, I would be more than grateful to be worth your time and I will do my very best to draw for you!!

As of right now, I am offering <b><u>flat-coloured drawings</b></u> !!

<img src=https://78.media.tumblr.com/5e2108fd71b640049fe01f20482a1bcc/tumblr_p1r48doKIh1sm0wvdo3_1280.png> [♥] Humans/humanoids [♥] Ferals (I can attempt any animal!) [♥] Anthros/furries [♥] Fandom art [♥] NSFW (please ask for exceptions just in case!)

<img src=https://78.media.tumblr.com/408a629346851db895b6d791779a499b/tumblr_p1r48doKIh1sm0wvdo1_1280.png> [-♥-] Mecha/machinery [-♥-] Backgrounds [-♥-] Very extreme gore

<center>Here are various examples of my work: <img src=https://orig00.deviantart.net/c0dd/f/2017/358/3/1/design__selling__by_phoenixfiree-dbxqqmg.png width=200><img src=https://pre00.deviantart.net/c6da/th/pre/i/2017/363/8/a/love_volleyball_and_also_love____by_phoenixfiree-dby7y0k.png width=200><img src=https://orig00.deviantart.net/e3c3/f/2017/072/d/3/a_sly_one_by_phoenixfiree-db24n0e.png width=200><img src=https://img00.deviantart.net/5248/i/2017/134/3/7/dogg_by_phoenixfiree-db99q39.png width=200><img src=https://img00.deviantart.net/57de/i/2017/280/1/9/sleep_by_phoenixfiree-dbpv49q.png width=200><img src=https://orig00.deviantart.net/a4d3/f/2017/145/0/4/caramel_fox_by_phoenixfiree-dbacac7.png width=200><img src=https://img00.deviantart.net/c3b7/i/2017/142/8/9/lion_by_phoenixfiree-dba4mbr.png width=200><img src=https://img00.deviantart.net/1f65/i/2017/119/a/2/zop_by_phoenixfiree-db7ku10.png width=200><img src=https://img00.deviantart.net/640f/i/2017/119/5/7/lop_by_phoenixfiree-db7ku84.png width=200> Please click + drag the images to the web address bar to view them in full size; here is my DeviantArt account if you would like to see more examples!! <b><a href=https://phoenixfiree.deviantart.com/gallery/?catpath=/>[ deviantart ]</a></b></center>

<img src=https://78.media.tumblr.com/e973221751782bcb086ad58734199310/tumblr_p1r48doKIh1sm0wvdo4_r1_1280.png> <u><b>Note: all prices in USD</b></u> → Headshots: $8 → Fullbodies: $20 →→ Additional character: +$10 I will draw no more than 2 characters in a single drawing-- my apologies.

<img src=https://78.media.tumblr.com/1e0b7c4fccb415d575f1ec321a6a7dc6/tumblr_p1r48doKIh1sm0wvdo5_r1_1280.png>

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i really fuckin love this boi

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hell

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Fashion Tips

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