conscienceklo

[conscienceklo]

I’m very sad.

[conscienceklo]

dates are interviews for sex

[conscienceklo]

#BUTTERFLYSEASON

I am doing so much better. My God, thank you.

[conscienceklo]

it all happened so fast

[conscienceklo]

laying in this bed I've made, without comfort..

[conscienceklo]

you "think" you're sure

Well I'm more sure than I've ever been. Spend a day. A week. A month. A year. You're life, with me. I'll never treat you less than the queen you have always been. I owe you nothing less. You deserve nothing less. You deserve security, purity, honesty, selflessness. We deserve these things.

We have finally broken through our inner brokenness, our baggage, our emotional and mental illnesses, why not give each other the best versions of ourselves? Why not share our evolution?

[conscienceklo]

Ups and Downs

You aren't in love, I dont blame you

I wouldn't be either

But I'd still fight, for what it's worth.

I feel its wrong for you to leave me in my darkest hour, but I walked out in your loudest cry.

"We could be friends if you weren't sad last time I saw you" Or something like that... I'm sorry I lost the love of my life and didnt smile throughout our last encounter.

It will be a rough weekend. I have done things I cant undo in preparation for our unity. I will follow through with those things regardless. I guess a part of me still has hope.

For the record, I was more serious than I'd ever been. I took that distance to reflect, you deflected. Understandable. Upon my return, I got everyone's blessing, I was going to settle down with you and repair the damage. Therapy. Dates. Trips. Chores. Whatever it took to prove my devotion, and this time it was going to stick. Because you stuck by me through my evil. I owed you my life, because you saved mine.

Little do you know.

Engagement, I could smell it.

Marriage, I could almost taste.

Babies? All that we could financially bear.

Everything would've come together because I finally got through things falling apart.

I just want my family back.

[conscienceklo]

yeah I'm out there but still wishing it were you

you're more than worth the wait honestly

I'd love to make art of our darkness

Masterpieces of the pieces in this mess we made

Love worth having is never effortless, never perfect

You just learn how to hold tight for the ride, that's what makes it beautiful

I know better, I'd love the chance to do better

Lock in and toss the key, for good

Only if you still got it for me that is lol

[conscienceklo]

🖤

[conscienceklo]

God I miss everyone. Just wondering how everyone is doing weighs so much on my heart. My mind often drifts to you all.

[conscienceklo]

You'd be proud

I bring my family together every week and I cook for them. All by myself. Family is so important to me now. It hurts the one we shared is out of my reach. I'd be honored to cook for you all.

I'm maturing. I feel it. Letting go of my childish ways, thoughts, opinions. I'm diving into my fears and emotions head first. Attacking responsibilities. Yeah, I have slips, but I pick myself up.

I've been alone. Trying not to lose my mind but use my mind to its advantage. Trying to strengthen my self love so that I can extend a hand to others wholeheartedly. I'm so much more patient than I used to be. I'm so much more honest. More pure. Everything I needed.

I've been trying to focus on my business with all this time and attention I have. With this will to give and this expansion in emotional capacity comes the responsibility and need to express in as many positive and selfless ways as possible. Life is way more fulfilling.

I feel similar to what a butterfly would after being free of its cacoon. I have lived in that dark place for so long I rid myself of it completely. Ive outgrown that shell of negativity. I cant stand the thought of it but I accept it to be what made me who I am.

I regret all of my wrongs, and take full advantage of every chance to make the right decision now, and boy does it feel good.

Yours truly

#ButterflySeason

[conscienceklo]

the change is real...

[conscienceklo]

All that backbone cost me my rib..

[conscienceklo]

I just want to show you

How much I know you

How much I owe you a loving life.

All that I go through,

I wish I could hold you

And tell you you make everything alright.

[conscienceklo]

I wish I was strong enough to leave you before it got ugly, because then there wouldn't be so much damage.

[conscienceklo]

You were the one

that gave me hope in this world. Motivation. They gave me purpose. I finally felt inside of me that my dreams could become reality. I always wanted to secure my love before tackling my fears, and I let it slip away to selfishness.

[conscienceklo]

So Many Emotions

Sorrow, anger, guilt, regret.

I'm angry. Im angry I cant try after I've overcome depression. I'm angry you all aren't at the other side of my journey. I'm angry ive taken so many hits from you emotionally and pushed through them and you aren't pushing. I'm angry I ignored your last push. I'm angry I smoked and drank so much that I didnt feel it. I'm angry I can forgive you and you cant forgive me. I'm angry you dont believe love can get that ugly and become beautiful. I'm angry I was so selfish. I'm angry I was so deaf. I'm angry I was so blind. I'm angry I ever thought anything less of you because I became less within. I'm angry I cant apply all of my knowledge to make the rest of our lives the best of our lives. I'm angry you are seeing someone. I'm angry they make you smile. I'm angry they may not have the purest intentions with your best interest on the front burner. I'm angry I hurt you and them.

Most of all, I'm angry I have to live alone with no one to lean on. I've lost 4 people that mean so much to me, and I didnt realize before it was too late.