coofoo6

[coofoo6]

I have a player that constantly flirts with every enemy we fight, from bandits to eldritch abominations to dark gods.

I know this post seems like it’s on the wrong blog, but it isn’t, bear with me here.

So, I was re-watching the Avengers, and y’all know the bit with Loki’s speech in Germany? Well, I was thinking: personally, I probably would have knelt when he yelled “KNEEL!” but then I think I would have slipped into DnD mode (my brain goes to strange places when adrenaline takes over) and I would have started mouthing off from my knees and probably gotten myself killed.

In other words, I would have died from inappropriately-timed comments about kink-shaming. And Nazis. I most likely would have pointed out the total lack of subtlety about his “freedom in subjugation” speech taking place in Germany. It was a bit on the nose, you have to admit.

So this is what DnD has done to me: theoretically gotten me murdered by disgruntled Norse gods by training me to respond to powerful and vaguely deific figures with inappropriate snark that may or may not have been in character, people usually just pretend I’m not talking at that point.

Thanks.

PS: Also, it’s like… holy fuck it’s after 4 in the morning, why am I still awake. So anyways, just telling you that to give you context for this very bizarre post. I’m probably going to delete it before it makes it out of the queue. (who am I kidding I’ll totally forget about it and then wake up later today and be like “what the fuck have I done??”)

PPS: It is now precisely one hour later, this post goes up in a little over 45 minutes, and I refuse to acknowledge any regrets.

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Sebastian: Nykona, don’t ruin it, or I swear to me—

Mitch(GM): ‘I swear to me’. Booked.

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Seb: Whisper, do you have enough energy to drag them out of here?

Mitch(GM): Whisper…kill them all.

Harley: HAHAHA! I thought that was me, for a moment, and that I’d just typed it out of habit.

Mitch(GM): We just switched places.

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[Referring to Sebastian disabling Nykona’s grenades when he attempted to suicide bomb Alex:]

Mark: That goddamn cancelling of the original explosion…my face dropped. Not just my jaw, my FACE.

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Chris: Harley has killed FIVE PCS. WITH EXPLOSIVES!

Mitch(GM): Let’s reflect on that.

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Chris: WE’LL FIGHT! WE’LL WIN!

Harley: AND WE’LL ALL MARRY TERRY!

Mark: Endgame is just the RickxTerry wedding.

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[Harley was disappointed that he didn’t crit fail the heal and kill Cain on accident:]

Harley: At least I probably gave him HIV or something.

Mark: ’At least I probably gave him HIV’…I have no words.

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[The Strange Robot that Seb was posing as used a variety of accents, in order to disguise his voice.]

Chris: Please let him be Jamaican before he dies.

Harley: How does a Jamaican bot sound?

Trey: Like an automated Bob Marley.

Harley: HAVE HIM SING SMOOTH JAZZ!

Trey: JA MAN!

Mark: Deploying Smooth Jazz in 3…2…1…

Mitch(GM): THIS IS WHY WE NEVER FINISH GAMES!

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Mitch(GM): Three guesses as to what’s in the control room.

Harley: Sebastian! Ben!

Chris: Noor!

Harley: Zombie Noor!

Chris: NO!

Harley: ZOMBIE ROBOT NOOR!

Heather: I’m going to guess it’s that cake Alice keeps going on about.

Mark: Liberty Prime with shoulder-mounted deathclaw launchers.

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Chelsea stabs the trooper through the door while his back is turned.

Chelsea: “SURPRISE SH*TLORD!”

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When the Rules Lawyer Wins Against the GM:

Harley rests his case.

Mitch(GM) kills the case. He kills it while it’s resting. 

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[For the fifth time in a row:]

Harley: ALSO, HOLD ON!

Mitch(GM): STOP INTERRUPTING ME, WOMAN!

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Mitch(GM): I hope your [future campaign] character crit fails and immolates himself.

Chris: I read that as ‘molests himself.’

Mitch(GM): That’s a different spell.

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RE: ALICE

A bunch of troopers literally run away from Alice.

Chris: THEY’RE RUNNING FROM A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL[y boy]!

Trey: Man, if a sixteen year old girl stabbed my buddy with her bare hand, I would probably poop my pants.

Chris: Oh, hell yeah. Alice is terrifying.

 ---

[Alice does an acrobatic jump and backflip off a robot to escape an immediate rocket explosion, and succeeds.]

Chris: OH MY GOD. ALICE! BASED ALICE!

 ---

Chris: Prepare for the Alicing.

Mark: Alice 2: The Re-Alicing.

 ---

Mitch(GM): So Alice just killed seven troopers in one turn.

Chris: Halp.

Mark: Alice pls.

Heather: I’m not even surprised at this point.

 ---

Chris: That’s it, then. Alice is Satan.

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Mark: It isn’t PotW if we don’t mess up IC and OOC.

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[Harley accidentally types a really cool Alice-intended action as the Dropbox, which was the misc. party inventory.]

Chris: DROPBOX! YOU’VE COME!

Mitch(GM): Dropbox, transform and roll out!

Mark: Our cache is sentient.

Mitch(GM): It has formed a mech of cast-off weapons and armor.

Chris: PRIMARY OBJECTIVE: TO DESTROY COMMUNISM. DEATH IS A SUITABLE ALTERNATIVE TO COMMUNISM.

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[Suggestions for what Alice should do while cloaked.]

Mark: Break a combat inhibitor, let the calamity ensue.

Chris: Hell to the yes.

Mark: Pull a pin on a grenade attached to someone’s belt.

Chris: EAT ONE OF THEM.

Mark: Devour their souls!

Chris: THEY ARE THE CAKE!