coolranchdressing

[coolranchdressing]

[still not convinced]

How tall're you? You look tall. Or are you wearing heels? Any broken bones? Dislocations? Fractures? You a hemophiliac?

[grins and flashes a thumbs up]

“I’m super healthy (not to mention a bit drunk, but that’s another story)!”

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Hello. I just came to say I hope you are having a good day today. As well as give you this. *goes through a somewhat large carry-on basket to pull out and places a flower crown on their head* That’s it, thank-you for your time. *bows before leaving to continue her strange quest*

…

Thaaaanks? I guess.

[smiles] [it’s a genuine smile this time, not a shitty half-assed one]

Hanging this up on the mantle.

[coolranchdressing]

[spits out a petal that landed in his mouth] [thanks]

[stands up and takes off his shades for a brief moment to appraise the man]

You sure you're in good health? Kinda...frilly. Like you'd crumple in on yourself if I touched you.

[bursts into the vicinity with rose petals fluttering in the wind behind him]

“Speak of the devil, and he shall appear! What is it that you need of me, my dear?”

[kneels down on one knee and flashes his totally sparkly and 100% tooth fairy approved teeth]

[coolranchdressing]

drawrrrrrrrrr

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[pulls out a crumpled piece of paper from the inside of his jacket] [begins reading off it in a dull voice]

"Hello, kind sirs and non-sirs. I require assistance, preferably from a male around five foot seven" --that's 170 centimeters for you Europeans-- "and is in good health. Please contact me if you are interested." 

[wads up the paper and tosses it over his shoulder] [sits on the ground and crosses his legs as he waits]

[coolranchdressing]

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.

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(iiiiiiii need more people to follow)

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Actually, there hasn't been anybody I've been itching to mess with as of yet. Tsk. Shame. Let's take a rain check and say you owe me one, 'kay?

When where and who my friend

[coolranchdressing]

[Wide smile] You had me at prank.

How about we compromise and you play a prank with me on the person of your choice?

[coolranchdressing]

...

Ten bucks. Final offer.

I have no use for American money.

[coolranchdressing]

[Fist pumps because fuck yes]

I actually liked the sound of Madam Johnny better but you know what, Miss Jones is fucking great. In return, I'll call you Little Miss Peter, how 'bout that?

coolranchdressing started following you

…

Mister Jones, then.

[coolranchdressing]

Can't I just give you five bucks and call it a day?

My good sir, I have merely done something for you that may be called a solid. 

All that a solid requires is that in a time that I need assistance, you repay my by assisting me should I call.

[coolranchdressing]

[Looks the kid dead in the eyes]

...

Madam Johnny.

coolranchdressing started following you

…

Mister Jones, then.

[coolranchdressing]

Then call me "ma'am" or--no. Call me Miss Jones. Really, anything'll be better than "Mister Johnny."

coolranchdressing started following you

I don’t have a lot of problems—it just makes me happier if I can call you the way that makes me happy, is all. I—I call everyone sir or ma’am when I first meet them, or I call them Mister or Miss.