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A Promise to Myself

I'm grieving my old self—the happy, energetic girl full of life and possibilities. Now, I feel like I’m just existing, not really living. Every day slips away so fast. I just turned 22, and 23 already feels too close. But I don’t want to carry this sadness, this heaviness, into another year of my life.

I don’t want to be the girl who feels stuck, tired, or unhappy. I want change. And this time, I want it for me, not for anyone else. Not for validation. Not to go back in time. But to move forward and take care of the woman I’m becoming.

I will show up for my future self. She deserves to feel free, healthy, and proud. And I’m going to make that happen. One day, one choice at a time.

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Lately I have been feeling not alive

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I miss the girl i used to be… happy.. i used to be so happy and cheerful and full of energy and these days I don’t even recognise myself. I’m always tired and never in the mood to do anything… my boyfriend tries so hard to make me happy and ig i do feel happy when I’m with him I feel like I’m at peace when he is around but when he isn’t i just feel so sad and depressed. I remember i used to love dancing i used to dance till 4 am in the morning but now i feel like I just don’t have the energy to move. Am I depressed? Am i sad? What’s happening to me? It’s getting really annoying and hard to keep up with life

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I miss my tumblr era

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I have my farewell on Saturday. I can’t believe that my college is about to over. It’s been three years and idk what I’m going to do after this. What if I didn’t end up getting a nice job or what if I ended up having a mediocre career. It’s so frightening.

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It's been so long since I last posted. I missed putting my thoughts here as it used to be so therapeutic but I got so busy w my work that I almost forgot about it but this year I'm trying to change that and I'll start posting more often ok bye

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I remember how he had this way of tilting his head and asking, "forever?" And I'd tell him that it's a complicated question or time will tell. But every night before going to sleep, he'd whisper in a quiet voice, "forever?". I never understood what he meant by that, whether he was asking for a promise or reassurance. He knew I loved him and I wondered why that was not enough for him.

But some mornings I'd catch him looking in the mirror, the way I watched myself while I calculated what was wrong with my body, while I thought about the parts I had to cut and carve and sculpt and I thought maybe he was insecure.

Until one day, when we were curled next to each other in a mist of grief, he told me that when his mother was dying of a cancer, she held his hand every night and he'd say to her 'I'll be here when you wake up mom." And she'd ask him, "forever?". He said he felt good when he said yes, he felt like he was helping her in some way, taking power back from the nasty illness. Until one day he couldn't. That's when I realized that every night he was promising me a new morning with him, he didn't expect an answer. It was his way of saying "I'll be here for you". It wasn't reassurance he was seeking, it was his way of saying he didn't want to lose me too.

It's been 3 years since I last saw him. We grew apart like people do. But darling boy, I'll love you forever, but that forever is frozen in the summer of 2016.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire

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The moon reminds me of him and I hate it.

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when someone likes my personal post without commenting or adding something in a reblog i'm always imagining them passing me on the street, silently nodding to me before vanishing in the dark.

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Andrew Garfield as Peter Parker The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)

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I can't live w my mom anymore she drives me nuts.

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Hi! I'm a big fan and I'm struggling to find my aesthetic. I love music, art, books things like that. I have a "dark mind" as some say. I have like a gothic soft nature clothes.

Hii !! ❤️🌸 Well if you have dark mind and you like gothic clothes , then I think you're Gothic dark academia.

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I no longer care about his looks It's his words that matters. The way he listen to everything I say and the way he makes me laugh in my sad moments, it's the little things he does to make me smile. I no longer care if he is the one for me because in my head, we belong.

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the kitchen is for high drama and the couch is for soft but fraught conversations and emotional closure and the doorway is for comedy

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He is my religion <3