courageforbeginners

[courageforbeginners]

Questions 111-115

111. What food best describes your personality?

Shortbread cookies! Sweet, dry, and interesting, leaving behind little pieces of me everywhere I go. Not everyone's favorite cookie, but enjoyable when reintroduced.

112. Would you ever do a ride along with a cop, if so what do you want to see?

Not interested.

113. Do you think ignorance is bliss?

It can be. To be so brainwashed and in denial of everything going on in the world, stress free would be nice but completely irresponsible. A lot of people are like this considering the state of the world we are in, too carefree and quiet about to much.

114. Are you a pacifist?

Yes

115. What do you need to do to grow?

Stop procrastinating and to delete all social media. I waste too much time hiding behind my screen, scrolling through hundreds of videos that are forgotten not more than three minutes past viewing.

November 11, 2024

[courageforbeginners]

Questions 106-110

106. How easy is it for you to get along with people?

Depends. Usually I find that wherever I end up, job-wise, I tend to have a pretty easy time making fast acquaintances. Socially, I find it hard to get along with everyone as it all depends on common interests or core beliefs.

107. Has someone ever given you a "last chance" and for what?

No. I don't let relationships get to this point.

108. What is something on your "to-do list" that never gets done?

Getting a passport. It's not urgent, but something I'm interested in getting for possible future plans. I've been saying I'd get mine since spring of 2023.

109. What's your favorite thing to eat with you fingers?

Strange? Probably a rotisserie chicken, makes me feel free.

110. What is your favorite or most used cookbook?

LOVE LOVE LOVE MYTHICAL

November 9th, 2024

[courageforbeginners]

Questions 101-105

101. Have you ever swerved off the road to avoid hitting something?

Not completely off the road, but I almost did to avoid a raccoon. This happened after a night shift at Amazon, at around 7:30 am. I had swerved and missed it, but at the time I wasn't certain if I did miss it. As I was crying and debating to turn around to check, I passed a cop who was chilling in a parking lot. I turn around, thus passing this cop again. Go to the sight, see no raccoon, and turn around again, passing the cop once more. The cop pulled out and followed me al the way home while I cried and tried to mentally figure out how to tell this cop I was looking for a dead raccoon.

102. Compare your driving skills to something.

Just kidding. Though I do quote this as I drive all the time.

103. What food is romantic to you?

Anything that is made from scratch for me specifically. Could be a pb&j as long as its made with love.

(Chocolate butter cake from Flemings Steakhouse)

104. Do you forgive and forget, just forgive but not forget or neither?

Forgive, grow, learn, but never forget.

105. Have you ever had an out of body experience? If so, describe it in one word.

Surreal

October 22nd, 2024

[courageforbeginners]

Questions 96-100

96. Do you have any prejudices you've admitted to yourself?

I try not to hold any prejudices, but if I had to say that I hold any it would be against white middle aged women. As someone who has worked exclusively in service based jobs, I've come to expect a certain attitude and persona with this demographic. Though I put on my customer service mask for them, I always assume the worst going into an interaction with them. Luckily, in my current job, I do not feel the same way as I have had very few bad interactions with anyone at all. I cannot say the same when I worked in fast food or the amusement park industry.

97. Who is the first friend you ever remember making and how old were you?

Dana at my preschool. Though I would not like to count this totally as I can only remember a name, no features at all. Secondly, my current best friend Rachel. We met in Kindergarten, and we have remained friends since!

98. What makes you lose sleep?

Luckily, I am one of those people where the second my head makes contact with the pillow, I am OUT. But, if something was to keep me up at night, it would be the feeling of being ill. If my body wants to purge itself, I will lie awake and wrestle with God to prevent throwing up. I use this example as I have survived this night only a few days ago.

99. What are three phrases or sayings you say every day?

"LMAO" in the phonetic pronounciations

"Okay perf" to anything I agree with or as a general response

"That's so FUCKING funny" usually when something isn't that funny

100. Do you floss or use a toothpick when food gets stuck in your teeth?

Yes...? Do other people just suffer and let it sit? I'm not saying I floss daily, but definitely if food is caught all up in there.

[courageforbeginners]

Questions 91-95

91. Do you buy anything organic?

Usually any berries I purchase. I would buy more if I could sit down and actually budget.

92. Describe yourself in terms of food.

No thank you. Isntead, let's talk about my relationship with food. I use food as a tool to control my happiness. I don't finish my favorite foods as a means of hording them, as if I will never get to taste them again, so I must horde. They go bad before I ever finish them. I shy away from vegetables and fruits as I was raised that they weren't good foods, and then when they saw their mistake it was, "I don't like, but you need to eat it" or "It tastes like candy, eat it". Even if I enjoy a fruit or vegetable, I have to force myself to eat it, tell inner self that it is fine, I like it, why am I acting so afraid. I eat to avoid. You can't clean the house if you are eating. You can't write if you are busy eating. Just eat because you are bored. You have a certain food in the fridge, hyperfixiate on it all day until you can eat it. Laying in bed I think about what I will eat tomorrow. I hate the way food never leaves my brain. I am disgusted with myself every second of the day.

93. How could you reinvent yourself?

Getting skinny and diving head first into the world without a fear.

94. What was the name of the first album you ever bought and who was it by?

If I remember corectly, it was the Lemonade Mouth soundtrack from the Disney Channel Original Movie.

95. What is your Chinese Zodiac sign and is the description accurate?

I have no idea. Brief pause while I Google.

I am the Rabbit. Quiet, Elegant, Kind, Cautious, and Responsible.

I would agree that I am kind, cautious responsible. One of the lucky colors is purple, which is one of my favorite colors. It is also said to be the luckiest of the signs, which I don't know how I fit into that. I guess I'm not unlucky, but not stand out lucky either.

[courageforbeginners]

Questions 86-90

86. Where or how do you find serenity?

To put it simply, in the water. The moment I'm alone in a pool or body of water, floating on my back in silence, I'm at utter peace. In a specific setting, the Corral Reef at Discovery Cove floating among rays and fish eases my mind.

87. Do you influence people more than they influence you?

I don't care enough to notice, I guess. I know my friends group has always influenced watch other in humor or likes and dislikes. I wouldn't say it was me solely, however.

88. What can you do to make your life better?

Control my anger. I lose my temper too easily. I take it out on my partner the most, starting arguments and making sure I end them. I need to calm myself and live with more peace in my heart.

89. If you could ask one person, dead or alive, one question, what would you ask?

I would ask God what my purpose is.

90. What is your favorite hiding place?

I'm going to respond as if I was playing hide and seek. The best hiding spot I had was in a closet in the basement, tucked under a low shelf on a dusty concrete floor. I begged the spiders I'm sure were hiding with me to not find their safe haven in my hair. I was the second to last to be found, but only because they started playing Hot and Cold with the seeker.

[courageforbeginners]

Questions 81-85

81. Do you think a fling could be a good thing?

I think each person who stumbles into our lives has a purpose, a lesson that we need to learn from or a loving hand to grow from. So yes, a fling could be a good thing, even if it was a bad thing in the moment.

82. What part of your routine do you always try to skip if you can?

Washing my hair or shaving any part of my body. I'm not certain why it takes so much energy and premediated thought to complete these tasks.

83. What do or did you hate the most about dating or the dating process?

I am now almost 4 years into my loving relationship, but I hated the phase where you don't truly know the person. They are just a stranger you find attractive, so now you spend a majority of time with them. It's weird; but maybe I trust too quickly.

84. What do you frown upon when it come to raising kids?

Hitting my children in any capacity. In my experience, I was raised to fear my father as he was the one who would come home and paddle us with a thick wooden paddle if we misbehaved. Though getting paddled, I turned out physically alright now- as in no intention of using violence as a correction- in childhood, I learned to hide my feelings or mistakes out of fear of punishment. I did not feel as if I could take my more grown problems to my parents without severe punishment, when I needed support.

On a lighter-ish note, I also frown upon posting my children on the internet. A rule I pray my family will stand behind when I have children. Take all the cute pictures you want, but do not post them.

85. Have you ever been professionally photographed?

Besides school picture day, no.

[courageforbeginners]

Questions 76-80

76. How emotional are you?

Depends on the day really. I'm not totally open with my emotions when talking with someone else, but I am in tune with how I feel personally. The biggest thing is I cry really easily. This is a main reason I've had to delete apps like TikTok. My emotions change with each video, and its draining.

77. Have you ever had an internship, if not what would be your dream intern job?

I have not. It would be an internship with the marine biologists at the Georgia Aquarium.

78. Do you prefer chicken, beef, or seafood?

Chicken, literally any style besides raw.

79. Have you ever had a health scare?

Nope.

80. What do you love most about the holiday season?

The warm fuzzy feeling associated with it. It may be freezing outside, but inside there is so much love and excitement in the air. Christmas movies and holiday lights outside are my favorite parts.

March 21st, 2024

[courageforbeginners]

Questions 71-75

71. Do you like the person you are becoming?

Yes, at least enough to keep growing and expanding.

72. What's the highest you've ever jumped into the water from?

Literally the edge of the pool. I've never been on a diving board or cliff jumping or anything crazy.

73. What inspires your ideas?

Usually my real life. Whenever I would do any writing project or script writing, there is always too much of my real life disguised in it!

74. Have you ever assembled furniture by yourself.

That is my sole purpose. I build all the furniture in my house whenever the kits get delivered. When a friend is moving and need things torn down? Me. Put it back together, me. It's my purpose.

75. Have you ever bolstered your resume to get a job you really wanted?

Yes. Mostly dates in which I am employee. I was unemployed for two weeks before I got my new job. I said I was still currently employeed, and my previous GM vouched for me.

Just a short little response after two longer posts!

March 14th, 2024 (Happy PI Day!)

[courageforbeginners]

Questions 66-70

66. What's been the hardest loss you've ever had to take?

As mentioned in plenty of my earlier posts at the start of this blog, probably my friendship with Nick. Though this loss does not affect me in the slightest in the present, in the past it felt like my life was crumbling, fearing I'd never have a friend like him again. Tragically for him, he was easier to replace than I had assumed.

67. Do you like sunny days or rainy days more?

Sunny. A grey day always gives me a migraine, without fail. I do not know why. But a dark and cool day with the promise of a storm, those are magical.

68. What does your typical Friday night look like?

I'm elderly at this point. I do not like to leave the house past 9pm, if I can help it. This previous Friday, however, consisted of playing a board game with my significant other, and then feeling "bad" and leaving at 11pm to get a snack. Unfortunately, as we were approaching Swenson's, they lost power, so we ended up at Wendy's.

69. Who is your favorite movie director, and what is your favorite movie from them?

Jordan Peele: Get Out, Nope, Us in that order.

Greta Gerwig: Barbie and Lady Bird

Tim Burton: Corpse Bride, Sweeney Todd, Beetlejuice

70. What is the furthest you've gotten a paper airplane to fly?

Not very far. I never learned how to fold them well, nor did I care to.

March 12, 2024

[courageforbeginners]

Questions 61-65

61. How have you changed over the last 5 years?

Five years ago would have been March 11th, 2019. At this point in my life, I was in college getting an English degree in my home town, while living at home. I was still working at my first job at a mom and pop pizza shop, waiting for my second job to come around. I was most likely hanging out with one of my best friends at the time, Nick. I was so scared for my first season as a ride operator at Cedar Point. But Nick would be coming along, as well as two other friends, including my best friend since kindergarten, Rachel. Around this time, Nick and I were selecting colors and painting his bedroom at his sisters house. My mom had ovarian cancer. What a crazy time. I was very solitary in my socializing and very anxious all the time.

Five years later, my friendship with Nick had ended in 2020. I was working at a movie theater after the best summer of my life. I had broken out of my shell and was transformed from introvert to extrovert. I did not feel the same fears I once did. At this movie theater, I met my now boyfriend of 3.5 years. A pandemic happened that changed so much in such little time. Life shut down, and my second season at Cedar Point was put on hold. I was to be the Team Leader of Planet Snoopy, which was disappointing as I had wanted Camp Snoopy. Due to low staffing because of the pandemic, Planet Snoopy did not open that season, and I was moved to Team Leader of Kiddy Kingdom. A tragedy that turned to a blessing. This became my best summer yet, despite the pandemic. I met some of my best friends in the world. I was growing more confident each day. I was becoming more loved each day. My significant other asked me out this year too. 2021 was strange as I was living with Rachel, but not how we planned when we were little. I was spending a significant amount of time at my boyfriend's instead of cherishing our time together. I worked at the movie theater again, and then eventually Amazon, before returning to Cedar Point for my most successful and challenging season as Supervisor of Iron Dragon. I grew my leadership style and fell in love with training. My work ethic strengthened all while getting to manage the most amazing group of people. We were awarded the first, Crew of the Year award. I was so proud. It felt like a high I should end on, but feared the next chapter in my life. I told myself it was time to depart form the Point. But that same fear consumed me. I went unemployed from Halloween until March 8th, 2022, consumed by fear. I started as a crew member at my local Culver's. But, I accepted another position with Cedar Point, Supervisor of Rougarou. A decision that I both regret, but realize was necessary. This season was the hardest by far, as my partner and I did not see eye to eye, and no amount of asking for help or conversations had with her or management solved anything. The same management team who supported me through three amazing seasons, left me to dry. No one came out of that season saying it was their favorite. But, I needed that experience to remind myself that I would not and could not return. If I did return, I could only go back as a guest. That's what I did. I had to move on. The fear was back. My friends would forget about me, and only pretend to miss me. This was true in most cases, but those who genuinely meant the most to me stuck around. I couldn't be more grateful to those who became family. Luckily, despite the grief of saying goodbye to Cedar Point, I was rehired as a Crew Chief at Culver's in November of 2022. By January of 2023, I was a store manager. I took pride in my work even though people look down on food service workers, especially fast food. But hey, someone has to do it? I loved my crew and my job, striving to know as much as I could. I designed my own training program and hand selected my designated trainers. I developed the Training Coordinator position. I was fully comfortable in all my roles and responsibilities, but it had to come to an end. After months of not seeing eye to eye with the owner and her behavior, I took the chance to put me forward. This year, 2024, I accepted a manager position with a candy/pop culture store, heading their freeze dry department and creating a program from basically the ground up. Putting myself out there seemed less scary now. I knew how to interview as I have now been on both sides of the interview. Anxious was not even on the table. Until the job sucked ass. After only seven days, I quit. The owner lacked professionalism, there was no training program in place, and I had been on the receiving end of copious amounts of unwarranted disrespect. I did not have to take that from an employer.

As of now, I've been unemployed after two weeks, but that's okay. I've been interviewing and accepted a position with another Frozen Custard shop, where I will be the Store Manager. I get to train and run my crew alongside a partner I haven't met yet. It's all very Cedar Point and Culver's adjacent feeling. I'm excited to see how this goes!

62. Have you ever painted a house?

Yes! Not to full completion, but I have helped out. My family had volunteered with some organization through our church to help paint houses. I believe we only did it once, though. Another time through our Middle School Beta club at my Christian school, we help another organization with a home build? My dad was a mason, and volunteered to help out. We hung dry wall together.

63. Have you ever had a surprise party (that was actually a surprise)?

Yes! Rachel planned a surprise birthday party with my parents for my 20th. She didn't want it to be my 21st, as that would have been a little too obvious, in her own words. It was a great time.

64. What makes you feel miserable?

I'm not feeling like getting too deep or emotional, so I'll go with something tangible. When my socks and shoes are wet, and I just have to suck it up and deal with it. This was all too common working outdoors at an amusement park.

65. What's the best costume you've ever worn?

My significant other and I went as Steve and Blue from Blues Clue's!

March 11, 2024

[courageforbeginners]

Questions 56-60

56. Something you fear might change you.

Um, okay? Is this book not called 3000 Questions About Me? How am I expected to respond to this statement? My fear of failure will change me. I usually won't try.

57. What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?

Obviously there are about a hundred different answers I could say in general, but right now I believe its "Someone who always says I want to do this or I'll do this, but then there is no commitment to follow through.

58. Have you ever resented someone, if so what for?

I did once. I resented my sister for pushing me out and making me feel unwanted as a sibling. With time and conversations, I realized that sometimes someone six years younger than you is very annoying. I was not entitled to any of her time. We were ages apart, and she resented me for being the youngest. My parents treated us differently by miles. I got away with a lot; she was the first born who was raised with hella rules and eagle eyes on her actions at all times.

59. Do you have a favorite T-shirt, if so what's on it?

Probably my frog and mushroom black T-shirt. I got it from Five Below.

60. How old do you think is too old to have a baby?

Whenever it's gonna cause medical emergency, I guess. Your decisions are yours, not mine. Just be safe and love your child no matter what.

March 8, 2024

[courageforbeginners]

Questions 51-55

51. What do you think should be a wonder of the world that currently isn't?

Though I've never been there, I think Turkey is absolutely one of the most gorgeous countries. Pamukkale would be my choice as it looks so unique and gorgeous!

52. What comforts you on bad days?

Three things: My Boyfriend, The Simpsons, and a little treat. If it's particularly a sad day or I was hurt, I'll usually watch Meet the Robinsons to comfort me.

53. Do you treat yourself and your body with respect?

Yes and no. I've grown so much since I was a teenager, that I've been able to genuinely love myself and respect who I am. My body though, well, I have a bad relationship with food, and tend to let food dictate how I feel. I could show my body more love by moving it more and controlling my portion sizes.

54. Something you eat that others find gross?

Pineapple on pizza, I guess. Though I believe those that dislike it are conforming to a standard, haven't tried it, or genuinely do not like pineapple. Something a little more "unique" would have to be peanut butter on hard salami!

55. Have you ever broken the law and didn't get caught, if so how?

Yes. I was having an emotional night, and I was driving home from Cedar Point my first season. I was crying as my attraction had closed for the season, and I had to say goodbye to so many of my friends, including some internationals whom I had grown close to. I was speeding down a road that went from 55 to 45 to 35 all in the span of a could hundred feet. Well, around this curve that was 35, I was still pushing 60mph. I was immediately pulled over by a cop who was waiting. I got out of there with only a warning about my license plate lights being out!

March 7, 2024

[courageforbeginners]

[courageforbeginners]

New Year's Resolutions

As many people, I do not like New Year's Resolutions. Why wait until January 1st to implement some change in your life? Most times, trying to immediately change, ultimately results in failure, because you were not ready to change, even though the year was.

Throughout my life, I have tried to get behind the whole Resolutions craze or was forced to for some quick school side work project to turn in; but I simply cannot get behind it. I've vowed things such as "Drink more water" or "Lose weight" or even "learn how to do a split", but all of them fell through.

This year though, I've had an idea cross my mind that, I guess, you could say is a Resolution, but it's a mindset I'm trying to align myself with.

"Manage Your Expectations"

I find myself and others get worked up over very minor or trivial things as our expectations are set too high. Our world and daily lives seem to be changing every minute these last couple of years. To combat some of this, I'm trying to manage my personal expectations. I'm not lowering my standards by any means, but simply allowing myself to put things into a new perspective when necessary.

An example of this came to light this Christmas. My nieces are preschool age and absolutely adorable. I was looking around to get them gifts for the holidays, but wasn't certain. Their grandmother had tried to convince me to get them nothing or at least nothing quite nice as they "broke everything they touched" and "don't know how to play nicely with things" so "why bother trying hard". Obviously I wasn't going to take this advice and show up empty handed because I had managed my expectations about the situations. They are preschool age but not in preschool. This most recent time of seeing them, they finally said my name for the first time. They are homeschooled COVID, IPAD babies with a full time working father and a mother who tries too hard treat them like mini adults instead of learning, playing children. The part that makes me angriest, is when they do get to visit and see these grandparents, they are usually sat in front of the tv or made to play on their own in the basement. How can we complain about toys being broken if you aren't helping to teach them how to play or the value of toys and gifts. But also, they are still young children, sometimes things get lost or broken and that is okay.

Anyways, I could speak on that forever; but the point is, I managed my expectations in that situation, and it made me realize that there are a dozen other situations I could apply that logic to.

So, my "New Year's Resolution" is to manage my expectations and see things in a new perspective before I get upset!

[courageforbeginners]

Questions 46-50

46. Do you think that Great Britain should be part of a united Europe?

We are only 46 questions into 3000, and this is the best they could come up with? How boring for a book called 3000 Questions about ME.

47. Have you ever eaten a whole tube of Pringles by yourself?

Yes...is this even a tough question? Controversial opinion, but Lays stacks are better than Pringles.

48. Do you like champagne, if so what is your favorite brand?

I don't usually drink champagne and when I have it was mostly at weddings or in a mimosa. The best champagne I've had though was a peach flavored one.

49. What nervous habits do you have?

I have a bad habit of doing T-rex arms when I'm nervous. This stems from the fact that I fiddle with my rings when I'm nervous, but I don't always wear them, so I'm left walking around with my T-Rex arms, maybe playing with my fingers. I, also, have the bad habit of chewing on the insides of my cheeks and ripping the skin in my mouth.

50. What do you do when you and your best friend get into a fight?

My best friend and I don't tend to have fights very much anymore. However, I try to avoid until we are over whatever it was we were arguing about blows over and gets forgotten.

January 11th, 2024

[courageforbeginners]

Questions 41-45

41. What movie did you love the original but hate the sequel?

Immediately the first film to come to mind is Disney's Tarzan and Tarzan 2. What an incredibly awful and forgettable movie with shitty animation.

42. Are you more talk and less action or vise versa?

Definitely more talk and less action. There are a billion things I said I would do/ would have done in my life by now, but I have yet to even begin. I say, "I'd like to..." too much, and never follow through with what I claim I want to do. I would like to improve upon this flaw, but I fear that I am just saying it and will not actually change.

43. Have you ever given someone a handmade present?

My boyfriend, Kyle, actually prefers I give him something handmade and from the heart on holidays and birthdays. I have since made him a "real" Minecraft Rose out of small craft blocks, a keepsake box painted with some of our favorite memories together, and a Wood sprite from Avatar painted on glass!

44. What type of person angers you the most?

Personally: Someone who makes me repeat myself or makes me feel like I have to nag them about something. If I need something done, some help would be nice instead of waiting around for me to tell you a billion times or wait for me to "make a list" for them.

Workwise: A person of higher power acting like a boss instead of a leader. I do not like working for someone who plays "Mr. Hotshot" and just sits above everyone telling them what to do. I get so angry when I see a lazy leader. Lead by example and show that you are part of this team that we all have to play on.

45. Could you live without electricity for a week?

I wouldn't love it but yes. I would spend a lot of my free time reading or playing board games in the candlelight. My job my not love it, as I wouldn't have an alarm to wake me. I wonder how anyone made it on time in the olden days? Wake with the sun, sleep when the suns gone? What about daylight savings time? Oh, also, would all my food be spoiled or in this situation, could I transport it so I wouldn't have to spend a fortune refilling my fridge and freezer?