crafteeauthor

[crafteeauthor]

Okay so im rewatching dbd and the part in episode 3 where Crystal says "if i wasnt being stalked by my demon ex and if charles was actually, y'know, alive, then yes he would make a fun addition to my body count" and then it pans to edwin going like "body count??" Is absolutely taking me out rn. Like my guy absolutely thought for a second that Crystal was talking about murdering charles and looked so concerned. And then when charles clarifies what Crystal actually meant, you just see edwin's face go from worried to looking so fucking done with these bitches, like I could literally hear his brain going "oh for goodness sake" as he rolled his eyes so far back in his skull they were doing backflips. I legit can't with this show, im currently laughing my fucking ass off, its so funny

[crafteeauthor]

anyway I was having this very vivid and unaccountably funny dream about what I suppose you would call a heist crew, except their MO was less about stealing and more about breaking into rich shitheads' houses to throw absolute ragers and trash the place and then disappear into the night. it was all very sleek and admittedly even sexy but the main thing I remember about this dream is that the leader of the group, who's exactly the kind of smooth young hotshot you think he is, was always in the process of getting spectacularly dumped at these parties. always a different woman. months of planning and stress and then when he should be in his element kicking back, accepting congratulations on all sides, man of the hour, he's getting dumped. again. and his whole crew is watching with a very low amount of sympathy because they love the guy but ooooh they know better than anyone that he deserves this. what the fuck was my subconscious cooking with this.

[crafteeauthor]

Wikipedia is lost to our friends across the waters.

[crafteeauthor]

[crafteeauthor]

(I know this has been gifed a thousand times but I couldn't help it)

[crafteeauthor]

day #2137 of the unlucky cat posting

[crafteeauthor]

Happy 80th

[crafteeauthor]

if you wiped every ICE agent off the face of the earth, a hundred million people would become safer overnight. if you wiped every furry off the face of the earth, the entire internet would collapse for good in a matter of hours. i know where my allegiances lie.

[crafteeauthor]

You see Perry the Platypus; the other night I was doom-scrolling and came across all these videos on how to be a so-called "alpha male", and I thought, if I was the alpha male I could easily take over the Tri-State Area. ...but the longer I watched the more I realized how difficult all this would be. Wearing these suits ,and going to the gym, and a 20 step skincare routine-my skin care routine is fully comprised of healing all the black eyes you give me. So I came up with THIS: The Alpha-Beta-Omega-Inator! You see it pushes everyone else down the line of masculine hierarchy and-why are you looking at me like that

[crafteeauthor]

occasionally I am struck dumb by the sublime beauty of the world in the small moments, you know?

egg

[crafteeauthor]

you have to let "dennys parking lot at 3 am" go. you have to think independently. you have to come up with your own strange places, and indeed your own strange times to be there. there's authenticity in that

[crafteeauthor]

[crafteeauthor]

"MR. TRUMP SAID WHAT DID YOU THINK THIS WAS GONNA BE?' HE WAS VERY ABRASIVE AND I STARTED CRYING AND I SCREAMED AND SAID 'PLEASE DON'T!' HE SLAPPED ME & TOLD ME TO SHUT UP AND THEN HE RIPPED MY PANTIES OFF."

Interview with Epstein victim Katie Johnson. The Daily Mail, Nov. 4, 2016. Katie's lawyer Lisa Bloom sat in on the interview. This incident was CONFIRMED by Katie's Handler 'Tiffany Doe' in a followup interview. Katie was a 13 year old virgin when she met Trump. It's the people that

aren't bothered by any of this that bother me.

[crafteeauthor]

why do people think gender neutral bathrooms would have less privacy. i’d like to have ungendered restrooms with ceiling-to-floor walls and stall doors you can’t see over, under or between the cracks. i don’t want to and don’t need to know the gender of the person in the stall next to mine

[crafteeauthor]

person whose company i enjoy: sorry i made you feel uncomfortable/upset last time we hung out

me (autistic) (not uncomfortable or upset) trying to figure out which body language and facial expressions i might’ve used incorrectly:

[crafteeauthor]

why do people think gender neutral bathrooms would have less privacy. i’d like to have ungendered restrooms with ceiling-to-floor walls and stall doors you can’t see over, under or between the cracks. i don’t want to and don’t need to know the gender of the person in the stall next to mine