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some Monk shitposts for y'all to enjoy, tag urself i'm leland

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Why when I'm trying to work on an "A Clearly Discernible Line" chapter do I suddenly get a Research series fic idea. Why. Why does this happen. I don't like it.

The Research fic idea is basically a Wilson version of "Data" where he has a difficult talk with his therapist and then has an important therapy assignment that ends in fluff. The fic would likely center on parentification, emotional neglect, and why Wilson compulsively shoves down his own needs and doesn't let anyone past his "everybody's favorite nice person" mask.

I'd want to dig into parallels between House and Wilson (House creates an aggressively unpleasant facade to distract from vulnerability and empathy, Wilson creates an aggressively pleasant facade to distract from the things about himself that he things are bad but which are often understandable and morally neutral [depression, queerness, basic human needs]).

Also I want to explore Wilson's childhood, including how he was parentified and made his brother's caretaker (because the situation of Wilson being solely responsible for his brother's needs even after Wilson left home did not spawn when his brother was diagnosed [which would have probably been when Wilson was already in college in another country], Wilson's parents must have expected it of him because of a pattern that existed for a long time), and then often emotionally neglected and ignored ("James isn't any trouble he just does fine on his own, he doesn't need anything") when he wasn't caring for his brother (the only way he could get real praise). Basically all this resulted in Wilson having little concept of his own needs and wants and being wired to think the only way to get people to care about you/want you around is to take care of them. Add the trauma from "Hypothesis" and now he thinks pleasing people is also the only way to be physically safe...and wow, yikes.

Anyway, it would probably be the standard Research hurt/comfort with a fluffy ending deal. I want to write House actually realizing that Wilson's "eating neediness" is actually indicative of something that could cause Wilson real pain.

No promises at all that this will be written (in the near future all energy is still on the fic that I am currently publishing), but I needed to write the idea down and really think about it so tomorrow I can get some "A Clearly Discernible Line" writing done.

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considering writing a one-shot where after Wilson dies, House tracks down Thirteen, finds her alone in the middle of nowhere, and basically tells her she’s stuck with him until it’s time to make good on his promise to kill her. House drags her back to, of all places, a farmhouse, that looks like he’s been living in it. There are remnants of Wilson there, too; pictures from the escapades of their last months together, a jacket of James’ hung permanently over a kitchen chair. A ring on House’s left hand that most certainly was not there during his marriage to Dominika. She fights him on it at first, but eventually gives in that it wouldn’t be so bad, going off the grid and moving into the spare bedroom that’s been sitting empty since before Wilson passed. House sets up a range for the spud gun on the land. He gets a few chickens in memory of that stupid bet Wilson won ages ago. She tells him about the adventures she’d had with Amy, and he tells her about everything he and Wilson got to enjoy. It’s peaceful and quiet and Thirteen never thought she’d be comfortable with that, but they take care of each other when the days are hard (and he takes care of her as things start to get worse). Despite it all, she’s not afraid like she thought she would be. She’s not alone. She has House, who will be there to send her off and tell her, “Goodnight, Thirteen. Sleep well.” when the time comes.

edit: hiii this is a fic now! you can check it out here :)

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Do you ever stop and think about all the ridiculous and kinda hilarious things that sound like headcanons but are actually are canon in House MD? Like,

• Wilson is canonically fantastic in bed

• House was canonically a cheerleader in college

• Wilson canonically gets whiskey dick

• House canonically attends a festival every year where he makes a spud gun

Just to name a few. Feel free to reblog and add because House MD truly has one of the most entertaining canons.

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been thinking about Hilson again *chinhands*

see below the cut for some D/s thoughts/headcanons

Wilson:

sadist, but not the usual pain-oriented sadist. Wilson is more of an emotional sadist- he figures out what someone needs and makes them do it, and enjoys it all the more if they hate doing it

He can and will do pain-play if someone wants it, and he enjoys some of it, but it's not his favorite. he does like the aftercare part of it, though

he is big into tying people up and making them let him take care of them; he's the one in control, he decides what happens, and what happens is you Take Better Fucking Care of Yourself, House

he gets really turned on when someone who's as emotionally hidden as House trusts him enough to share their emotions with him; they are precious gifts that should be cherished, and only he is the one allowed to handle them; relatedly: a bit possessive, likes marking up his sub

House:

this man is a bratty sub and no one can tell me otherwise

he wants/needs permission to not think, to tell his brain to shut the fuck up, for someone else to be the one calling the shots

House will not sub for just anyone tho. He needs to absolutely trust the other person and, as we know, that list is basically just Wilson. He will also fight his dom- they need to earn his submission!! (see: bratty sub)

I also think he needs someone to get him into subspace to freely talk abt his emotions, to articulate what he wants, without shame. So much of his childhood was about controlling his emotions and behaviors to fit what John wanted, but what John wanted was for his emotions and behaviors to basically not exist. someone breaking him down enough to get at those buried emotions and then rewarding him for expressing himself- that would be So Good for him

Relatedly: i can't really see him being into pain punishments or anything that's super painful; Like, he might want to have some pain he can control, but probably not anything really intense. He already has so much pain anyway, he doesn't need more. However, rewards and praise are A Great Thing

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House MD in 2024

so I’ve been seeing everyone doing this and I needed to share some headcanons of my own. This is mainly going to be about the original ducklings because I haven’t gotten to where the others come in yet.

House definitely had an Emo phase and in some ways he’s still in it. He still flinches slightly when he hears a g note played on the piano by itself.

Similar to the episode when a actor from one of his soap shows was admitted a member of an Emo band(one of your choice) ends up at PPTH and he fanboys practically that entire episode and tries to hide it form the ducklings. he doesn’t.

house is bisexual, demiromantic

Cameron is pansexual

Hilson is canon but it’s not that big of a deal. They’re together and they love each other but it’s not always the center of the show.

house, Cuddy and Wilson have 100% had a drunken threesome, it was never really spoken about again except by house for teasing and blackmail purposes against Cuddy and sometimes Wilson.

Chase and house have fucked

house has a tumblr and regularly uses it an posts, I’m not sure what content though, it would probably be just shitposts and chaos

house was also a bit of a theatre kid

house speaks in only gen z slang for an episode and constantly quotes vines, the ducklings have to figure out wtf he’s talking about and chaos ensues.

house randomly goes to a bdsm club one day and sees chase there, they both never talk about it

the team has definitely had a foursome

Cuddy makes the team go on bonding trips (the real purpose is to get house out of her hair).

House and Cuddy used to be in a relationship but decided they’re better as friends. sometimes Wilson will just barge into cuddy’s office just to complain about house, it doesn’t have to be about some outrageously dangerous medical procedure, it could be about him leaving the dam toilet seat up.

I think that’s all but I’ll update this post as I get more.

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concept: choreman announcing they’re official to the hospital and then house demands that chase bring foreman to dinner for a ‘meet the parents’ type of deal. chase tries to point out that house knows foreman, he’s a member of the team, and house is like “of course I know foreman, but I don’t know foreman as your BOYFRIEND”

which leads to an embarrassed chase explaining to foreman that he has been invited to dinner w house/wilson and why

(house does the whole protective dad ‘if you hurt my son’ rant)

im exhausted so words r hard but I haven’t sent an ask to u so hehe

THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER ??????? I AM OBSESSED ????????? Like I can imagine House and Wilson plotting this (and for once I feel like Wilson would actually be ok board) and then Foreman just being so done with them both. This scene is actually everything to me now I NEED to write it it’s so ??? Aaah !!! Protective dad house ?? Having dinner with Chase and foreman ??? As a meet the parents type thing ?? YOU ARE SO REAL FOR THIS !!

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Headcanon that when House and Wilson start dating House makes sarcastic comments about them never getting married because House “doesn’t want to be the fourth Mrs. Wilson.”

And then when Wilson inevitably proposes he says “I’m not asking you to be the fourth Mrs. Wilson, I’m asking you to be the first Mr. Wilson.”

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This is controversial, but I don't think Wilson is bisexual. I'm convinced he's completely gay.

"Well wilsonsmcgillsweatshirt, he sleeps with A LOT of women."

You are correct, and ironically, that is one of the reasons I think he's gay. The closet he's hiding in is deeper than the Mariana trench. The denial runs so deep that he doesn't even think he's gay. He sleeps with women constantly because he's trying to convince himself that he's straight because in his mind, he thinks that he couldn't possibly be gay if he sleeps with women. He's constantly stuck in the cycle of married to divorced, and he could not keep a stable relationship with a woman if his life depended on it (I'm not counting Amber because she wasn't around long enough). Obviously, not all, but a lot of queer people share the experience of overcompensating as a form of denial.

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headcanon time:

Wilson always mocks house about his soaps and pretends to go to sleep when house sits in the living room to catch up on episodes he might have missed, only to sneak up for a supposed midnight snack a few minutes later, take a peak at whatever the fuck is happening in the episode, and shout something like “BUT RODRIGO WAS SUPPOSED TO MARRY ISABELLA WHY IS SOFIA CARRYING HIS TRIPLETS?” and house stares at him in awe but also with a smirk that says “i knew you were one of us after all” and then they just rot in comfy silence while munching on chips with their feet propped up on the coffee table and wilson’s embarrassed-lovely pink-tinged cheeks making house want to make fun of him but also bite him- he does in fact bite him a lot during those moments… and then wilson falls asleep on house’s lap and house doesn’t move because he doesn’t want to wake him up so he just touches his soft hair and stares at him and mutters some prayers to the telenovela gods

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some more ideas in the continuing saga of “perhaps i will write crack of chase and/or thirteen calling house dad”:

chase calls house “dad” completely accidentally. total freudian slip

after the whole ordeal, chase thinks house is actually going to let it go and not bring it up again because it was awkward for him, too. until house calls chase “son” a few days later and then smiles the most shit-eating grin at him

thirteen calls house “dad” sarcastically and on purpose to annoy house

thirteen makes jokes with chase about house being his/their dad to tease him after chase has his slip up

thirteen once calls house “mom” without realizing it and gets incredibly flustered when it’s pointed out

wilson laughs hysterically when he finds out about all of this but also thinks chase’s fruedian slip was endearing/sweet

house bitches about having them act like his kids, and wilson tells him he walked right into it with all of the running comments about them being his ducklings

jokes about wilson being their stepdad

jokes about cuddy being their stepmom

just way too many jokes that thirteen and house find hilarious and make chase want to hide in a closet

“i wish i had never called you dad in the first place” -chase, to house after being teased on and off for weeks straight (he doesn’t mean it)

“hey! show your father figure some respect!” -foreman, probably, in response

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do you guys think house would read hilson fanfiction and then critique the authors on it. because I do

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House MD 2024 headcanons!

(Cause I have some ideas)

○ House would install every single dating app in this world and make an account as a woman just to catfish Wilson and make him unable to go out with anyone other than him.

○ Chase would be the type of a person to take "Am I gay?" quizes at night and have a gender crisis everytime his hair grows past the shoulder lenght.

○ Thirteen would be Thirteen.

○ House would memorize every single set of pronouns just to call the ducklings everything but their preferred pronouns.

○ House would call his team "the alphabet mafia".

○ Trans House canon.

○ Wilson is so deep in the closet he is exploring Narnia (but he made an Grindr account "just to check" lol).

○ Cameron would be probably bisexual with a preference for girls which made Chase hit another gender crisis when she told him that.

○ Foreman would be so sure he's the only one straight here (my boy is exploring Narnia with Wilson fr fr)

○ The hospital would hang out pride flags during the pride month and House would always write someone's name on them (ex. a gay flag with a huge "JAMES WILSON <3" on it).

○ House would steal Cameron's Heartstopper books and read all of them.

○ Cuddy once accidently wore a skirt/shirt with the lesbian flag color palette and House kept saying stuff like "THAT'S why you don't want me".

○ The ducklings are so done with House's bullshit they respond with "is it because I'm gay?" everytime he teases/insults them.

○ Cameron probably decorates her flat/house with some DiY decorations and thousands of plants.

○ Foreman wears a rainbow tie to work so he can hit House with the "you're disrespecting the minorities".

○ Chase would also do that ^

○ Cameron would be super into the ecological movement.

That's all for now, thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

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Thinking about what would have happened after the crane collapse if it was Wilson who went after House and confessed his feelings instead of Cuddy.

What if the rest of the general storyline stayed the same? And Wilson had a health scare (could be the same as Cuddy’s, or maybe in a happier world they discover his thymoma earlier so it’s easily treatable) which causes House to use Vicodin to be there to support Wilson.

Because Wilson would have done so much better by House in that situation. Instead of breaking up with him over it Wilson would have done his best to get House the support he needed to stop his slip from becoming a full relapse.

He would have said that a slip after two years sober isn’t the end of the world, that recovery isn’t linear and that with the right treatments and supports and work he can go back to being sober.

He would not think House’s slip was a reflection of how much he did or did not care about him or their relationship.

He would have made peace with the fact that slips or even full relapses could happen, and gone into the relationship knowing that might be something he’d need to support House through.

He also would have recognized that his health scare was the first majorly upsetting event House was going through since getting sober. Would he wish House used his support system instead of slipping? Yes. But he wouldn’t be angry House slipped.

Because Wilson would have been honest with himself about what he was getting into, dating an addict.

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i headcanon that house didn’t have anyone as his medical proxy for a long time after stacy because he’d lost all trust in them and eventually just forgot to appoint one but either sometime before the start of the show or during it he gets injured pretty badly and while he comes out of it okay and without needing any decisions to be made by another party it’s recommended that he needs to appoint a medical proxy for the future and without a moment of hesitation house chooses wilson

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house calls wilson a fag and when wilson tries to tell him he can’t just call people that, house says “oh grow up. you are one.” then he limps away and wilson stares after him like jim looking into the camera on the office

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ive been seeing people do this (it's amazing) and I want to join in. Here is house md reimagined in 2024

the team makes constant h2o (the TV show) jokes to chase. (Ohrrrr naurrrr)

house is canonically bi. And hilson. (It's not a want it's a need)

House and Wilson go see the barbie movie at some point in time. They have a great time. I am also pretty sure Wilson would like mean girls, so he would probably go see the new one and drag house along too

ive seen this somewhere but house totally makes a blue hair and pronouns joke at least once

chase makes vine references at the most inappropriate times

House changed Wilson's ringtone to Gimme More ft. CupcakKe to mess with the team but it becomes permanent because he thinks it's the funniest thing in the world. They are mid heated discussion about what the patient may have and then Wilson calls. Wonderful comedic timing.

House knows meme songs on the piano

Cameron is the only one without a tiktok because tiktok has too much drama or something or other

House plays animal crossing for the sole purpose of hitting the villagers with a net

They get to say fuck