crscns-blog

[crscns-blog]

carson stared at the retreating figure of some coffee-stealing wretch as they walked out the door, her lips parting slightly as her expression became incredulous. all she had wanted was some caffeine. a chai with three shots of espresso had more than enough ( and though she worried she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep later, the looming due date of her thesis was going to keep her up anyways ). she sighed, her shoulders falling, before she trudged back over to the queue at the register. a muscle in her jaw twitched serving only as further evidence of her annoyance, and her arms were folded across her chest and her foot was tapping impatiently as she stood at the end of the line. ❝ can you believe someone would have the gall to take my drink ?? like, who even does that ?? ❞ she wasn’t speaking to anyone in particular but she wasn’t quiet in voicing her frustrations either.

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hey what’s up hello i’m bex i’m nineteen & the ‘u’ key on my keyboard doesn’t work and it’s frustrating because i’m gonna be copying & pasting ‘till the end of time #oops. i’m in est, my pronouns are she/her, and i am a culinary major & it’s wild. now enough about me. here’s a bit about my baBE carson.

( dua lipa / 22 / she/her ) is that ( carson teale ) ordering a ( pumpkin spice chai latte ) at mocha? i heard they’re a ( student ) who’s known as the ( crestfallen ) around here. however, they say ( carson ) is very ( cheeky ), but ( cynical ). well, better get their drink before it gets cold! ( bex / 19 / she/her / est )

okay hi hello this is carson. they’re literally too soft for their own good and what a damn shame that is. from when she was young, she let herself be pushed around. it was never something she realized, but never something she tried to fix when she realized. people behaved how they did. she wouldn’t try to change hem.

anyways why was she pushed around so much ?? girl was an uber nerd. girl still is an uber nerd, and not in a cute quirky way. she was a teacher’s pet. she was a smart aleck. she had a dungeons & dragons group that played on saturday mornings. curfew was ten o’clock on weekend nights & never once was she late. she just couldn’t fathom the idea of breaking the rules, she was shy. all of these together just created a messy human being who didn’t know how to exist when it came to like... creative freedom & self-expression. she was bratty & maybe she didn’t quite deserve the disdain of her peers but she never quite endeared herself to them either.

however, right before her junior year of high school, her family moved from a small new york town to a suburb just outside of the d.c. metro area. moving there, she was enrolled in a new school & immediately it was a shock. finding new people after living in the same place all her life was... not ideal. for a month or two, she sat alone. she ate lunch in the library nearly every day. she was better friends with teachers than people her own age.

finally, finally, someone was like “what the fuck” and this time carson listened. the girl ( a senior named maisie who saw herself in carson ) took her under her wing and got her to realize there was more to life than just home and school. it was rough. carson was set in her ways. why should she seek more? she was happy, wasn’t she? but carson learned that there was more. she grew. she had a group of friends that weren’t there just out of not having anyone else to be around. she found out what it was like to do something just to enjoy it and not because it was expected. it was different, but it was nice.

she moved to chicago for college. she was out of her comfort zone, away from her normal, but that wasn’t something that bothered her. finally she was seeking out new things on her own. she was really coming into her own person. she never quite lost the penchant for intense topics like mathematics & physics, but she found herself joining the slam poetry club. she joined a service fraternity. little things, but she became more well-rounded. she had become something better. she actually liked who she was now.

anywho, she finished her dual bachelors degrees (anthropology + chemistry) a year early & afterwards moved to australia with her girlfriend. it was all roses & fine & dandy and carson was absolutely floating on air at this point in her life. but then the illusion broke. her girlfriend cheated & carson was devastated. she came back to chicago & immediately found herself working to enroll in grad school. she’s working in a laboratory at the school in her spare time, just keeping busy.

now she’s... kinda morose. she’s thrown herself into her work, and her personality is kind of reverting back to how she behaved when she was younger. withdrawn, singularly-focused. a homebody, nervous. she doesn’t like this at all, and she is trying to force herself to go out & distract herself, but it’s a hard thing to do when it’s easier to curl up on her couch with netflix & a pint of ice cream.

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Dua Lipa photographed by Jonathan Baron for Clash Magazine