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We looked inside some of the posts by crustuu and here's what we found interesting.
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all humans are pets by nature, most of them dont know it but all it takes its a little bit of sweet talking and doting care and instinct will kick in and theyll just melt into your arms and never want to let go~
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I hate that genuinely the dumbest, most non-issue things can take the wind out of my sails and I feel my brain pull away on me. Like brother it's not a big deal that that's going on and we don't have to be part of it if we don't want. That's the whole point in just ignoring it.
#im like. chilling im just like. LMAO#ITS ANNOYING now i have to build back my stupid talking momentum over nothing. i'll live but man if-#-i could start learning faster to just Not Care#i understand . kind of why my brain gets like this its just annoying when we know attention on others doesnt erase care for ourself#Logically. that is. unfortunately; the brain is not a purely logical thing
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im so fun to be around i will genuinely get annoyed if another artist gets brought up around me frequently for drawing the characters i like drawing. no them, only me.
#this is so nothing i wanted it on main but i also feel like people are going to be upset with me if i do post it to main so whatever#LIKE I KNOW THIS ISNT A GOOD THING TO FEEL!! DO YOU THINK I WANT TO BE THIS JEALOUS!!!!!!!!!#but i digressnJKGFNJKFG not running the risk if i put it on the personal sideblog#it sucks !! it sucks because im just like man i dont want to hear about this!! but i dont know if theres a way to communicate-#-that without just coming off like a dick who doesnt wanna have fun with the interest#im just so easily jealous because the nefarious.#low self esteem -> insecurity -> jealousy issues -> feeling like i have to compete with these people to `depict the character better`-#-when i know its not at all like that. my brain just doesnt workjIJGFNJKGFNNKJGFMKL#i dont care that youre hyped for this person to draw the characters you should . be hyped for me to draw them
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thinking on how something ramped up super fast because i'm realizing now its . catching up with me and making me really stressed. did a really minor thing but it felt like i got a bit of control back and it feels nice i think.
#to anyone who i know might read this. what im being vague about has no relevance to you i can assure you that#when i say its minor i mean its Minuscule and yet it still makes me feel eased knowing its like. done.#theres no undoing the past year and. hhhh this is supposed to be my space can i be real. i feel like i wish i could#but i cant so im just going to try and focus on what i can do now and as much as i fear part of it might come off as me pulling away#i just need. time. i need to take the time i didnt allow myself previously#and part of that was me getting caught up and not thinking i needed time. but even then i knew i needed time and its biting me so bad#i am someone to go slow with. i didnt let myself go slow and now im paying for it. i just need to listen to myself now#and another . outward message to those i know might read this. do not assume boundaries on my part trust i am mature enough#to communicate that on my own as needed. a lot of what i need to change is with myself more than anything
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yayyyyyy im awake early ^_^ I need to burn down everything around me because I'm never allowed to have a thing ever and it's starting to make me seethe with rage.
#i just need to learn to cope! i just need to learn to cope. <- guy who is so fucking tired of shoving down its emotions bc-#-everyone is more important than it#it sucks. the thing pissing me off has been explained to me and i still cant just get over myself#i try so hard to avoid taking peoples 'things' and then the unique stuff i try to come up with gets taken from me anyway#im angry and im also just like. tired. i wouldnt care as much if i genuinely struggled to be cute and clever sometimes#it like. hurts. 'its still a you thing' but everyone does it. and ive faltered here for a little now so i doubt that even holds true#sorry. i dont want to be perceived as awake yet but i need this out of me#theres not rly anything i can do its not My Thing to have control over. i just wish i could fucking. Move On. stop being bothered by it#and now im wasting the time thats the reason im awake rn at all. fun
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something im feeling more and more lately is im like. a really good friend, or i at least like to think i am, for a very few amount of people, and outside of that im just. Not. and not out of malice because i do care very much about all my friends, but like. its weird. my brain maybe works weird. and i just dont have a lot of social energy outside of my "core people" and it makes me feel so bad. im general, but also as a friend. i cant be the kind of friend i think some people want of me, and thats not to say anyone's crossing a boundary im not being made uncomfortable, im just . blegh. brain that hates me believes i cant live up to whatever expectations people have of me more at 7.
#i dont know how to say this without implying i feel like people want too much out of me. i dont think thats the case at all#im just like . i feel bad. that i have arbitarily chosen 'people who i feel at home with to the point they bypass my social battery'-#-and that said group is like. mega exclusive and i cant do anything about it and i have no idea how people get to be this for me#maybe the true thing here is i just wish i was built to be more sociable and not restrictive with who i want closest to me. feels bad
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s/h tw
really . disappointed ig at the fact the only thing holding me back from acting on thr thought of doing it is knowing its still summer and i might want to swim again before the pool gets covered for the rest of the year. like ig something stopping me is better than nothing just sucks when i reach the point of "wish i had a physical thing to focus on instead" or whatever. whateverrrrr
#for those who havent opened the post i havent acted on the urge#just complaining abt the urge being there at all
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gets scared, goes back to normal, gwts scared, goes back to normal, gets scared, goes back to normal, gets s
#repetition#IM MANAGING MYSELF FINE DW just anniying ass anxiety disorder kicking me for. having had to eat. and being tired
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remembers im thirsty. im going to be pissed off if i eat and have something to drink and it turns out thats all i needed
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how it feels to have disorders and you're treated 0.0000000000001 less affectionately than you want to be by someone
#how many times can i vague vent like this before i get annoyingfjnk#admittedly this is less vague than the last one but whatever#nobodys treating me wrong its just easier for my brain to be jealous of what others have rather than actually focus on what i have myself
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Ended up being wrong it's Really hard to ignore these feelings.
#to be fair i havent had the chance to . fully pull myself from them yet. but it still sucks#bc i know what Will help and yet my brains holding me back like a cage and its so hard to feel connected to anyone right now
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had an actually good day yesterday. flash to today, it feels like we're still on my usual tide of "whatever the previous day was, the next will be opposite" but i know im being stupid iver nothing so i just gotta auck it upjanannvdjn
#upset over the lack of something rather than anyone's actions. as has kinda been the theme this week. wheee ^_^#luckily im done w work for now so i cam just go and settle at home and try to ignore all that
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