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had another heart to heart with my neighbour where he was trying to psychoanalyse me somewhat and he asked me what I meant when I said I’m different than other people so then I had to explain the deep isolation I feel being around others and usually when I’m talking he’ll hone in on something and try giving insight but a major missed opportunity for both of us was when I was describing relationships bc I know for a fact that how I handle relationships makes me different from everyone in my life and I’m surprised I didn’t use that as an example or that he didn’t see how that would be an isolation factor for me. instead he kind of solidified why I feel different from other people bc he operates how most people that I’ve encountered do in relationships.

I told him romantic relationships are not important to me and people allow things in friendships they’d never allow in romantic relationships like distances and breaks. and he was explaining why you can’t have distances and breaks in romantic relationships but that itself explains my distance from other people bc everyone I know thinks that and even the most dedicated people to their friendships still believes in that idea and I simply do not lol. and that is very othering for me. to the point that I understand I’m going to die alone and there are parts of me that I don’t allow people to see if we fundamentally handle relationships differently. he told me he has nothing to hide from me but that I’m quite reserved and it’s fine but it’s something he’s noticed. few different reasons for that but even with people I’ve known for years I’m becoming increasingly closed off from them. bc we just do relationships differently and I’m not interested in being as invested. that’s hard to notice though bc my effort is so high that lowering it just puts me in the average range of friendship anyway but people who know how I operate in relationships know something is different. but I’m not falling back into old habits this time.

in the way people give more of themselves in romantic relationships, I seek to do that with people who prioritise friendships or found family dynamics and if I haven’t found that yet then I just won’t give myself really.

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Joan Didion, Slouching Towards Bethlehem; "On Keeping A Notebook"

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You need to come back to me now, okay?

INDUSTRY (2020—Present), Season 3.

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quiz: why do lobsters have one claw bigger

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and sometimes you win because you don't play

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“I’m taking a break from school until I figure things out. I guess I have rebel traits. There were just so many things that felt out of my control, and it bothered me. You have to wake up at this time. You have to go do this. You have to go do that. It’s like I didn’t have any originality. There was a certain point when I realized that everything, this whole routine that I had, had been given to me by other people. And the weird thing is, whenever you try to remove yourself from that equation, and stop doing what other people want, you kind of get ostracized and outcast. That’s kinda what happened to me. I have a great family, but it’s full of strong personalities. I had so many people telling me: do this, do that. They said it was a ‘respect’ thing. You know: ‘I’m the adult, so you should respect me.’ But I never understood that. Because at what age do I get this thing called respect? Nobody in my family could ever answer that question. Is it when I have a kid? Is that it? Or is it when I’m paying a certain amount of bills? At what point do I step up on the pedestal?”

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2025.08.14 - Mt. Hood national Forest

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Baldwin is a cool name. It is the opposite of Hairloss

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Choose one

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Juniper Springs, Ocala National Forest, Florida, USA by Matt Taylor

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this is one of the more favourable photo's i've ever taken

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IS THERE AN EMPATH ON THE PLANE