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crypticscarecrow · 12 hours ago

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*trips and falls* guess who wrote a one shot?

I’d say the following could just be read as two guys posturing with one another, but I’m very much intending this to be a pre-relationship kind of a deal with Mr. Puzzles & Mr. Wpnz. Because yes, I do in fact ship ‘em. I like the potential disaster it could become with their personalities clashing.

Note:

Here’s a one shot of these two hate flirting/threatening just ‘cause. I stopped short of them making out sloppy style, but not because of Puzzles’ tv head. It’s because while writing these two that they decided to just up the UST instead. Maybe another snippet, if or when it comes to me.

Some violence and threats and posturing, b/c I’d like to think that Wpnz will have very little patience for Puzzles’ theater kid dramatics (but maybe it will grow on him grudgingly over time) while Puzzles finds Wpnz seriousness delightful to poke at.

“You think I’m a damn idiot?!” Mr. Wpnz’s voice raised as he tossed down the smoking remains of a gun he’d picked up that was now useless. “What was that?”

“I think you’re a fool if you think we can’t use this as a perfect opportunity to exact our revenge!” Mr. Puzzles shot back, snippy as he crossed his arms and turned his face away from the assassin.

“Revenge? Revenge?” Wpnz could be heard stomping toward Puzzles. “I ain’t gonna be taking out my own kids! Are you insane?! That’s not what I’m after with your ridiculous plan!”

“Ridiculous?! My idea of how to exact revenge is nothing of the sort! How dare you!” Mr. Puzzles made an offended noise as he swung around to face his…‘friend’, hand going to his chest to press to it in offense. “My plan is flawless, I’ll have you know! All you’ve got to do is be a good little weapon for me and help pull it off and-l” Mr. Puzzles saw Wpnz close in with a baring of those sharp teeth, but Puzzles had no time to evade the other man.

“I ain’t your damn tool!”

Mr. Puzzles sputtered when he was hit in a full-body tackle from his weapon-heavy companion, long limbs flailing as he went down. A yelp followed as Puzzles hit the hard ground, a static stutter as his hands reflexively shot up to cover his beautiful face.

It wouldn’t take much force for Wpnz to crack the screen, after all.

Thankfully, Wpnz seemed more interested in manhandling him than punching him in the face.

With the extra threat of a saw pressed to his neck.

How amusing.

Nostalgic.

“Oh? Are we having a dramatic moment? Is this where you threaten my life?” Mr. Puzzles’ screen flickered to a manic multi-colored grin and closed eyes he leaned his head back. “Well, don’t let me stop you from doing so. It’s surely going to be a fantastic!”

“Do you have a death wish?” Wpnz demanded as he used the sudden idiocy to better rest his weaponized arm across Puzzles’ throat, his visage set in a snarl with bared jagged fangs. “Or is this something that gets you off, you freak?”

“Why don’t you find out?” Mr. Puzzles responded, unconcerned over being pinned by being straggled over the waist, one of Wpnz hands pressing down on a shoulder, the other arm sharp while pressed across his neck.

Mr. Wpnz eyes narrowed; there may have been a hint of disgust that crossed his face.

“What?” Mr. Puzzles asked, completely unconcerned as he tapped gloved fingertips to the ground, as if impatient. “Do I need to give you some pointers to act on? I’d be quite happy to give you some pointers.” Another shift in expression became one of derision as the digital eyes looked directly at Mr. Wpnz. “Did you actually kill people or was that a lie?” Puzzles prodded, voice heavy with taunting dismissivenes. “Or was seeing you in pieces all alone after that little tete-et-tete happen to you more often during your little…jobs?” Mr. Puzzles twitched as Wpnz pressed the sharp chainsaw down harder, but didn’t turn it on yet.

“You want me to cut your revenge short?” Mr. Wpnz eventually ground out. “I won’t get paid for it, but it sure is lookin’ like a temping option right now.”

“Oh dearie me.” Mr. Puzzles used the arm not pinioned by the shoulder to dramatically place the back of his hand to the left front of his face, the screen going all teary eyed as he laid it on thick. “I haven’t even got my five stars back, or the popularity I so desperately crave that was so cruelly taken away from me.” Puzzles sprawled as best he could with the irritable, scowling weight of assassin on top of him, hand still to his face as he flicked his fingers. “Nor have I reunited with my dear friend Leggy. Oh, please Mr. Wpnz, let me live to see the fruits of my labor become reality.”

“There’s somethin very wrong with you.” The underside of one of Wpnz’ eyes twitched visibly, teeth grinding in a grimace as he began to move his arm away, his expression back to one of disgust mixed with annoyance.

“Oh, my dear ‘friend’, I doubt I’m the only one who has something wrong with them.” There was somehow a glint of malice in Mr. Puzzles’ expression as he casually leaned his head up to look up at Wpnz. “Like allowing yourself to be broken into pieces in a fight by trying to be a family man and failing oh so miserably to the extent that-”

There was the sudden rev of a chainsaw.

“It’s such a shame that so much of your potential was being wasted trying to get back together with that woman (who by the way was quite a wonderful performer in PuzzlePark, you know) and children? They’ve already rejected you for their mother from the look of it, so-grk!” Mr. Puzzles’ words cut off as the tv head went to color test cards as the chainsaw smoothly cut through his neck.

“Pretty underwhelming, for what you claimed to be capable of.” Mr. Wpnz shook his arm out and changed it back to its usual shape. One foot stretched out to casually prod the headless body, the tv having dropped onto its backside. “You talked too much, anyway.” Turning, Mr. Wpnz prepared to walk away, until something suddenly seized one bulky leg and yanked hard. Wpnz ate the ground with a hiss of pain, blinking grit out of his face and spitting out gravel as he kicked out and rolled over.

The headless body of Mr. Puzzles was up on its knees, hands twisting to clap of all things. Then, a static laugh. “Bravo! What a brutal takedown! I see that you are willing to live up to your reputation!”

“Why aren’t you dead?!” Wpnz was already moving, up off the ground and wiping the back of a hand over the roughly scuffed middle of his face.

“I didn’t expect you to know anything about me, so this was quite a delightful experience to witness. What a bloodthirsty reaction.” Mr. Puzzles turned to pick up the tv on the ground and held the screen toward Wpnz. The expression that appeared on screen was one of narrowed digital eyes, and a technicolor frown. “I would ask that you don’t do that again, however.” Shifting the hold on the tv, one hand gingerly felt around Puzzles’ neck. “My neck’s going to be aching for days.”

“I’m not gonna repeat myself.” Mr. Wpnz grit out, tensing as Puzzles’ face flickered to looking at him with a rather gleeful, if unhinged, expression.

“Why, my dear assassin friend, it’s quite simple.” Mr. Puzzles kept hold of the tv in one hand as he made some adjustments to the fabric around his neck. Satisfied, Mr. Puzzles used both hands to then casually place the tv back on his neck, waited, then let go.

The tv didn’t fall off.

Mr. Wpnz half-lifted his arm, the assassin ready for a fight when the man he thought he’d just beheaded put his actual head back on (Puzzles’ head was an actual tv??) like it was nothing. Wpnz hadn’t realized that Mr. Puzzles was faster than he appeared, because suddenly, the man was right in front of him, pinioning the assassin by his bulky wrists to a nearby wall. Wpnz snapped fangs in warning; he wasn’t below tearing limbs off with them, even if Wpnz had an inkling that this may be ineffective on Puzzles.

“Do you really want to know?” Mr. Puzzles made a truly manic sounding laugh, as if he found Wpnz violent reactions somehow endearing as well as entertaining.

Wpnz glared up at the looming television set as its screen came much too close to his own face.

“I’ll tell you~” Mr. Puzzles said in a rather teasing tone, grip pressing down on Wpnz’ wrists when the assassin tried to move them. Puzzles swiftly leaned back when Wpnz attempted to headbutt him in the screen. “So fiesty, my little assassin, such fire~. I think we should use that energy and put it toward furthering our shared goal? What do you say?” Mr. Puzzles’ head tilted to the side as he side-eyed Wpnz with a little frown, Puzzles’ tone dropping as it became low, taut and more than a little unhinged and menacing. “Unless you’d like to continue to press me further and see what happens if you try loppint anything else off my body?”

“Answer the question and I’ll overlook you calling me that.” Wpnz flexed his hands, testing the hold Mr. Puzzles held over his large metal wrists. “Or I’ll take my chances and see just much it takes for me to hack you to pieces.”

“Oooo~so angry.” Puzzles dared to tease, before he surprised Mr. Wpnz by hoisted the assassin up higher along the wall. Puzzles’ hands pressed harder against Mr. Wpnz big wrists, up into his upper arms, pinioning him further. Wpnz bristled as he was forced to look down at Puzzles’ screen as the tv headed man made a sly smile appear.

“But I’ll indulge your consistent curiosity.” Mr. Puzzles smiled wide as he cheerfully delivered his next words. “You see, I wanted to get into the television business, so I cut of my own head and put the beautiful one you see now in its place instead.” Mr. Puzzles leaned up, bringing his screen closer until it was nearly touching Mr. Wpnz’s face. “So, my dear ‘friend’, do consider your next move carefully, lest you want to lose all your memories.”

A long, long silence followed.

Mr. Wpnz considered the tv headed man in a new light, yellow eyes glaring beneath heavily drawn thick brows that were pinched in consternation at his current predicament.

Mr. Puzzles held firm, though a smile of his own showed in response at a slow smirk that began to tug at the corner of Wpnz’ thin mouth, as if coming to some internal session as he flashed those sharp jagged teeth in clear warning.

“Heh. Keep your promise or you’re gonna find out the hard way how I got my reputation, you if that failed beheadin’ didn’t clue you in.”

“Splendid!” Mr. Puzzles said, as if completely unaware that another attempt to murder him had been passed by, for the time being. “Then I trust we understand one another?” The man’s grip on Wpnz loosened.

The moment it did, Wpnz kicked out and into Mr. Puzzles’ chest, causing the tv headed man to instantly let go as he dropped to the ground with a grimace and hand to his chest.

A weak point?

“I think we do.” Mr. Wpnz agreed, as he aimed his fall to be broken by Puzzles, who was again knocked onto his back.

The tv headed man grunted in something akin to pain, but stilled when the assassin tugged the blade off his shirt.

In an unsubtle manner, Mr. Wpnz allowed the blade tip to push down heavily over the place Puzzles’ hand had just been.

“Please don’t ruin my clothing with your toys.” Mr. Puzzles dared to act affronted over the small tear the sharp blade had made in his shirt. “These are designer, I’ll have you know.” He let out an incensed gasp of offende when Mr. Wpnz twisted the blade to the side and up as he causally cut the entire shirt open from the start of the vest all the way up to the bowtie, flicking that off and aside. Mr. Puzzles looked off to the side, expression grumpy. Why you-that-Rude.”

“My weapons aren’t ‘toys’.” Mr. Wpnz stated, his seriousness switching to ire when Puzzles deliberately seized the hand holding the hilt of the knife.

“I see that.” Mr. Puzzles mused, humming thoughtfully as he examined the weapons before he let go to pat the metal wrist. “You’ve made your point.”

Letting out a disparaging growl at that, Mr. Wpnz withdrew the knife and placed it back on his shirt.

“Are you going to let me up now, or do you want to let this play out a little more, hmm?”

Mr. Wpnz wasn’t touching that comment, especially not with the pointed flicker of Puzzles’ screen displaying a up-down sweep of diagonal eyes and a colorful leer over the way Wpnz seated over his waist. With a grumble, the assassin got up, but didn’t move too far away.

“Oh, are we going to head out now? Splendid!” Mr. Puzzles was instantly up on his feet, lanky frame again much swifter than it appeared. He didn’t seem to notice or care about the danger the angry grunt promised as Puzzles’ draped an arm over Wpnz shoulder and spread the fingers of his other hand up high into the air. “Let’s go carry out my…our, beautifully designed plan of revenge!”

Mr. Wpnz shrugged Puzzles’ arm off of his frame and ducked under it to go lean against the wall to glare as the ridiculous tv headed man spun on his heel and clapped his hands in delight. As if Puzzles hadn’t just been threatened or had half his dress shirt destroyed and was showing vulnerable skin and metal to attack.

Mr. Puzzles practically skipped over to where Wpnz was, stopping a little past him. Opposite to the sudden cheer, Puzzles creepily turned his head at a distressing angle, peering over his shoulder at the assassin. “Shall we, my friend?”

Mr. Wpnz decided it was best to walk alongside the other man, until he could pin down exactly what else Puzzles had in mind within that actual television head of his, lest Wpnz get tricked by this fruity, over dramatic yet very manipulative, bastard.

Mr. Puzzles, for his part, looked away, humming a little tune as a pleased grin lit his face over having such a dangerous man working with him.

Surely this time, things would go much differently.

#mr wpnz #gunshow #mr puzzles #smg4 gunshow #reblog #writing #hi hello im eating this up like a turkey on thanksgiving YUMMERRRSS #MOREEEMOREEERAGHRGH THIS SHI SO GOOOOD #mature

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