crystelparadox

[crystelparadox]

Imagine being someone’s « Iris »

[crystelparadox]

:)

[crystelparadox]

Weight goal : 43kg

Current weight : 49kg

Try losing 6 kg in a week.

[crystelparadox]

[crystelparadox]

[crystelparadox]

she brings silence

[crystelparadox]

I’m too much. I talk too much when I’m excited, go completely silent when I’m overwhelmed. I send memes in rapid-fire bursts, like I’m trying to say something. I don’t know if it’s charming or annoying. I can’t tell anymore.

Sometimes I laugh too loudly. Sometimes I fall quiet mid-sentence and stare off, lost in my own weather. I cancel plans at the last minute because my chest is heavy with something I can’t explain. Other times I show up buzzing, electric, spilling stories I can barely organize. I’m inconsistent, I know that. I shift without warning. I contradict myself. I overexplain. I second-guess. I write long messages and delete them. I send a string of texts and then wonder if I’ve annoyed someone into silence.

But the truth is—I just care. Loudly, awkwardly, constantly. I try. I remember small things people tell me. I check in. I carry people in my thoughts like charms in my pocket. And still, I worry that I’m only ever tolerated. That I’m the extra noise in a quiet room. That I’m a placeholder in group chats. That I am too much, or not enough in the right ways.

I don’t always know how to exist. My affection is clumsy, intense, overgrown. I want to be wanted. I want to be safe to be messy, to be a little too emotional, a little too present.

But some days, I feel like if I disappeared, the world would just… adjust. Quietly. Neatly. Like I was never meant to take up space in the first place.

[crystelparadox]

We’ve never existed in each other's world - only this pull I can't explain. Life has kept us apart, cruel and constant, but still, I wait with a heart wide open, because something in me already knows you.

[crystelparadox]

[crystelparadox]

:)

[crystelparadox]

I'm not letting no man treat me like shit anymore...

[crystelparadox]

Attending a concert with this kind of vibe.

[crystelparadox]

[crystelparadox]

[crystelparadox]

[crystelparadox]

:)

I highly recommend a clingy, lovey-dovey partner. Life’s too short to be with someone who acts like showing love is a chore

[crystelparadox]

I won’t chase or force what isn’t mine. What’s meant for me will find its way, and what isn’t.. may it never reach me.