cupidsvendingmachine

[cupidsvendingmachine]

joke i'll never get tired of: "they died doing what they loved, [something no one would ever do on purpose]"

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Woman who wears gowns to the grocery store to show other women they don't need to go somewhere special to doll up for fun. Her girlfriend just wears pajamas at her side to show women they're also allowed to be lazy and not care about their appearance if they want. They're trying to be feminist but every unsatisfied housewife at the grocery store wants to be their third

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why do the words caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing. Shouldn't they be rival jobs that undo each others progress

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Relationship statuses and how much I doubt it if you add "happily" in front of it:

Happily single: I have no reason to question that, nobody else gets to decide how you feel, and I'm happy for you.

Happily dating: Kind of weird that you'd feel the need to clarify. You know you don't have to date someone who doesn't make you happy, right?

Happily engaged: Same as previous, but more so. You know you should not be getting married to someone who doesn't make you happy, right? I'm not leaving before I know that you know.

Happily married: Could go either way tbh, but most likely you are. If someone's not actually happy with their marriage, it shows, no matter what they say.

Happily divorced: Yeah this one I have no reason to doubt. Nobody says they're happy about being divorced unless they really are happy about it.

Happily widowed: I wouldn't doubt that you are but girl did you kill him.

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real yearners miss people BEFORE they're gone

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You ever be enjoying an OC and then you pinpoint the subconscious thing that influenced them 😐

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Autistic trauma is so devastating and yet so corny. You'll be doing everything perfectly normal in public but someone will sneer at you and you'll spend an hour agonizing over yourself like "fuck what if no one told me it was Don't Wear Yellow Thursday"

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Me when I remember something I said ages ago that was wrong or my values no longer align with

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"shipping and blorbofication are not inherently at odds with understanding a story's deep themes" and "some people can't grasp the themes of a story because they never learned how to engage with stories outside of the lens of shipping and blorbofication" are two statements that can coexist

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people on here love to call themselves a perverted freak and then post the most conventionally attractive steam engine you've ever seen

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hate when people think the only archetype possible for a male sidekick to a female protagonist is a soft boi and/or himbo. like the implication there is that the only reason a man would ever defer to a woman’s authority is if he was a bumbling idiot. love male supporting characters who are smart and strong and confident and can step up when necessary but still kind and humble enough to let someone else take the lead most of the time

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me having a weird time: man this weird time sucks! i don't feel like myself! i wish i was having a normal time!

me having a normal time: well the weird time did have a certain je ne sais quoi...

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i hear a good lyric and start mentally holding up blorbos like im in the home depot paint aisle comparing swatches

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