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a concept

what about meee

what about me and you together

something that could really...

last foreverrr

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more shit against bi people ;-;

No, I Don’t Want to be Your Unicorn

If you’re a bisexual or pansexual woman on a dating site, and you’re open about your sexuality, you’re almost inevitably going to be flooded with messages from heterosexual couples asking if you’ll be their third partner for a threesome or an ongoing, non-committal sexual arrangement. Couples that do this are called “unicorn hunters” - because what they are looking for is about as rare as a unicorn - and they are the bane of bisexual and pansexual women everywhere. This is especially, especially true for women who mention that they are open to non-monogamy. 

But when bisexual women complain about being unicorn-hunted, or attempt to discourage people from doing this, we are often met with bewilderment. Most of us have even encountered people who are downright offended that we don’t enjoy this practice. After all, there is absolutely nothing wrong with polyamory, sexual experimentation or casual sex between consenting adults. So why do bisexual women have a problem with unicorn hunting? Because:

It ruins dating apps for us. Unicorn hunters generally conduct their search by creating a dating profile for the woman in the couple, and putting her settings to “woman looking for woman”. Every bisexual or pansexual woman knows how frustrating it is to match with a cute girl on a dating app and get excited about the possibility of dating her, only to get the dreaded “Hi, we’re actually a couple looking for a third…” message. It happens over and over again. The dating pool for bisexual women who are seriously interested in dating other women is already shallow - having to weed through a sea of straight couples just makes it more frustrating than it needs to be.

It’s incredibly objectifying. Unicorn hunters usually talk about looking for a “third” the way they would talk about shopping for a pet - they’re looking for a “female” who is cute and will play with both of them. There’s generally little regard for who the bisexual woman is as a person, what she’s looking for, or whether she will get any kind of benefit out of this arrangement. The straight couple only care that she meets their extremely basic specifications, which often have the bisexual woman fulfilling the role of a living sex toy. Assuming that a bisexual woman might want to have sex with you and your partner because she likes women and men and you happen to be a woman and man is like insisting that the only two gay men you know should date each other - you are reducing a human being to their sexuality alone. 

It plays into stereotypes. Bisexual women - especially polyamorous bisexual women - already have to contend with the stereotype that they are promiscuous, “easy”, sexually available and have high libidos. Being constantly chased after by people wanting casual threesomes does a lot to reinforce these damaging stereotypes. Bi/pan/poly women are just as likely as anyone else to be looking for a long-term love connection with someone they feel genuinely compatible with, and many of these women may want romantic relationships that are minimally or entirely non-sexual, or relationships that only become sexual after a very long period of getting to know one another. Getting constantly hit up for casual threesomes with straight couples can make bi women feel like no one will ever see them as a serious romantic option. 

If we wanted this kind of arrangement, we would look for it. Every bisexual woman knows that this kind of arrangement is available. Every single one of us. If we were interested in pursuing this kind of arrangement, we would make it very clear. There are websites entirely dedicated to people who specifically want “unicorn” arrangements. Unicorn hunters, however, tend to disregard whatever bisexual women write on their profiles, and constantly approach bisexual women even if they’ve made it perfectly clear that they are looking for a long-term and serious romantic connection. 

We’re not here to fix your relationship. Unicorn hunting is usually a straight couple’s very first attempt to experiment with non-monogamy, and they all tend to pursue it for similar reasons. There is usually some kind of issue in the relationship - boredom, restlessness, one partner’s libido not matching the other’s, unexplored bicuriosity, a desire to feel more ‘adventurous’ - and they think that having threesomes or “dating” a third partner as a couple will fix this. When a couple chooses unicorn hunting instead of swinging or opening the relationship, it’s generally a signal that there is some insecurity in the relationship; the couple might be too jealous to allow hookups if the other isn’t present, or the man might be too insecure to agree to any arrangement that involves his partner being with another man. Being the bisexual “unicorn” in these situations involves getting thrown headfirst into months or years of simmering issues that you won’t be aware of until everyone’s pants are already off, and then having a high-stakes sexual encounter with two people who care about the health of their own relationship much more than they care about you. Not great. 

Long-term “unicorn” arrangements usually suck for us. “We’re looking to have a long-term girlfriend as a couple” is still unicorn hunting, and it still has all the same problems associated with casual threesome hunting, plus some extra ones. Being the “girlfriend” of a straight couple means being on the bottom rung of a relationship hierarchy - the “primary” couple’s relationship with each other will always take precedent over the bisexual woman’s relationship with either one of them. The couple may set very strict rules for themselves about when they are allowed to have sex with the "unicorn” and under what circumstances, but they will typically be free to have sex with each other whenever and however they want. Moreover, the first time that one of the couple have an issue with the "unicorn” - the first time someone feels jealous, or left out, or threatened, or they don’t think that the arrangement is appropriate after marriage/kids - the relationship with the "unicorn” will be terminated in order to save the original couple’s relationship. The unicorn’s feelings and desires will always come second. Polyamorous women are typically looking for situations where they are free to pursue as many love connections as they want, in a non-hierarchical arrangement; being locked into a relationship with just two people who consider their own bond to be the “primary” one is not an appealing option for the majority of bi/pan poly women. 

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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghghah

compliments

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;-;

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!!important!!

Therapist Red Flags

Therapy is important and can be really helpful, but not all therapists are good at their job. Here’s a few things to look out for when you’re seeing a therapist:

Not listening to what you tell them

Ignoring confidentiality (except in emergencies)

Making you feel judged or ashamed

Ignoring or trivialising your needs

Consistently being late

Making fun of your needs / accomplishments

Being judgemental or critical of you

Not taking your feedback on sessions into account

Condescending facial expressions or body language

Ignoring what you want to do / accomplish in therapy

Talking too much about themselves

Making you feel like problems are all your fault

Being insensitive to your culture or religion

They’re making you feel bad about yourself

Using the phone or getting distracted during your sessions

Attempting to make romantic / sexual advances on you

Making you feel stupid or invalid for what you say or how you feel

Forgetting important details about you / your life

Pushing you too hard before you’re ready

You wondering if their behaviour is a red flag. If you’re looking it up then chances are you already feel uncomfortable in therapy. You should never be forced into seeing a therapist who makes you feel uneasy. There’s no shame in leaving and finding a different therapist.

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dreammmmsss

waking up next to the person who was willing to explore your special interest and stay up all night with you

holding hands with the one who gently wipes your tears away and nestles you gently in their chest and talks you through things

matching hairstyles and aesthetic mixing and matching

running away together, a vigilante and their partner. constantly on the road and on the cusp of danger, but quick thinking by the partner saving the vigilante’s ass

on the topic.. COMBAT COUPLE!! oh jeez, running around with swords, sparring each other, giving live combat tips while you’re fighting, deep kisses celebrating a battle victory, tight clinging and hard sobbing after a loss

laying on each other’s faces to intentionally get each other’s hair in the way

softly singing and doing chores together

speaking of singing, having your partner remind you that you forgot to eat.. in a song

going to do more special interest stuff and your partner has already helped you move stuff around and is SO willing to paint your nails or help you enjoy what you like

your partner trying to keep you safe and calm in an alarming / stressful situation by talking about your special interest or touching your face / hair / etc., in a way you love

your partner protecting you and helping you if you have a breakdown, reminding you that you’re valid and that your love for each other is valid

gay vigilantes. guns. death. roses. skulls. idk why im obsessed with that slfdkgjdjk

long flowing dresses (or whatever article of clothing you prefer) dancing and spinning in the wind together as you frolic around the dancefloor, not caring about the gaze of others

generally just openly expressing yourselves and your pride together!!

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hey you didn’t have to call me out!!

You know how you are when you’re doing something androgynous queer folk? Like when you first start using language that’s associated with queerness, or gender expression that’s separate from your assigned role? Have you noticed you start doing it as a joke? Like starting to express yourself as “stereotypically queer” always starts off as doing so ironically. “Oh hay betch!” or something like that. Like I feel like on some level that’s a shared experience. We’ve been told that our queerness is something to be laughed at for so long that then we start using comedy to express it, without even knowing we reclaim offensive stereotypes and images about what it means to be queer and then we wear them with pride. We use clown like greasepaint to truly see who we’ve been the whole time

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mhm cocoa yes

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y’all ever just

asfksjhflkarfpl

wait i dont like.. i dont like how that looks. try ag ain.

ksjdfnsk

yeah, that’s better

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(REBLOGGING UNTIL ALL MY FINGERS BLEED AND I DIE)

gay_irl