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Sorry for the absence🫸🫷 I've been completely absorbed in my studies for the last two months, but I hope to be free by the end of July and continue posting interesting entries˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶

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Hatori Yoshiyuki short story

Note: This has been put through two different translators and a lot of personal interpretation/reading comprehension. Please take this with a grain of salt (this is the first time I’ve ever translated something to this caliber) and please do not steal this! I hope you enjoy this!

This means I’m not too sure what it means.

**********************

羽鸟点击着某一企业网站主页的连接、粗略地浏览着上面显示的公司简介。那是一家有意作为自己今后就职所在候补的贸易公司。

Hatori clicks on the connection to the name page of a corporate website and browses through the company shown above. It’s a trading company that intends to take the place of his future employment.

明年起就是大学三年级。为了那不久以后不得不动真格专心寻找的工作，果然还是从现在开始就搜集一些就职信息比较好。

The third year of college will begin next year. It would be better to gather some job information from now on, in order to be able to concentrate on the job that I have to focus on soon.

羽鸟清楚认识到自己的半吊子。虽然样样都略懂一二，但是却没有一样东西能让自己醉心其中。然而，相对来讲自己比较擅长的是状况的分析、所以羽鸟考虑着难道自己不该更适合贸易性的公司吗。

Hatori is well aware of his own half-heartedness. Although I know a little about everything, there is nothing that can make me fascinated. However, relatively speaking, what he is better at is situation analysis, so Hatori considers whether he should be more suitable for trading companies.

可是���即使阅读了招募页面的工作内容和职员的留言，也没提起什么兴趣。不过这种事或许不实际做做看的话是没法了解其中趣味的吧。还是学生的自己对此没有什么真实感，这也是没办法的事。

However, even after reading the job content on the recruitment page and after the staff’s message, there was little interest. But not doing it, he won’t understand why it’s fun. Or the students themselves have no sense of reality, there is no way.

“就职啊……”

“Inauguration…”

羽鸟嘟囔着、靠着椅背、抬头望着天花板。说实话，自己也想不出什么想做的工作。虽然教授说工作的话还是做自己想做的事情比较好，但是也有学长说做自己喜欢的工作的话就没有逃避的借口了。这两种说法应该都讲的没错吧。

Hatori mumbled, leaned against the back of the chair and looked up at the ceiling. To tell you the truth, I can’t think of anything I want to do. Although the professor says it’s better to do what he wants to do for work, there are also seniors who say that there is no excuse to escape if you do what you like. Both of these phrases should be true.

不过，对于羽鸟来说，自己并没有喜欢到想要把它当做工作来做的事情。虽然对什么事情都有某一程度上的喜欢，但没有一样东西可以让他沉迷其中。虽然对于自己这样的冷淡感到懊恼，但现在已经放弃了。

But for Hatori, however, he didn’t know what he wanted to do as work. Although he liked everything to a certain extent, nothing can make him indulge in it. Although he was annoyed by his indifference, he had now given up.

（不，还有一样东西）

(No, there’s one more thing)

到现在的人生为止，优先级一直都排在第一位的那个青梅竹马的家伙。

Up to now in his life, his childhood sweetheart has always been his first priority.

意识到自己对他抱有特殊感情是在中学，但是记不清楚到底是因为什么而喜欢上他。想必一定是在懂事前相遇的那一瞬间就被俘虏了吧。

I realized that I had special feelings for him in middle school, but I didn’t remember exactly what I liked him for. I must have been captured the moment I met him.

单纯，表里如一，喜怒哀乐���完全地表现出来，这跟羽鸟的各方面都正好相反。

Simple, the same as the outside, the joy and the sorrow are fully expressed, which is the opposite of all aspects of Hatori.

或许正因为这样，所以没法把视线移开。既是隔壁邻居，而且从幼儿园到大学都是读同一间学校。甚至连到了几岁还尿床的事都知道。

Maybe that’s why I can’t take my eyes off him. I am a neighbor next door, and I went to the same school from kindergarten to college.

竟然会喜欢上那样的家伙，连自己都觉得不可思议啊。虽然对他每年都更甚的吊儿郎当的生活态度感到焦躁，但却没法放着他不管。

It’s incredible that I would fall in love with such a guy. Although he was anxious about his attitude to life, but he couldn’t leave him alone.

羽鸟叹了口气、恰巧放在桌子上的手机响了起来。

Hatori sighed and the cell phone that happened to be on the table rang.

看着手机画面上显示的名字，羽鸟不由的咯噔了一下。刚刚还在脑海里想着那个人，竟然这么巧就打来了电话，羽鸟怀着复杂的心情接起了电话。

Looking at the name shown on the mobile phone screen, Hatori gave a sigh. Just now I was still thinking of that person in my mind, but he called by such a coincidence and Hatori answered with a complex mood (t/n: feeling a variety of emotions at once)

“……是吉野？”

“……Yoshino?”

“啊、是小鸟？现在方便吗?”

Ah it’s Tori. Is it convenient now?” (t/n: is now a good time?)

“啊啊、没关系，什么事？”

Ah, it’s okay, what’s the matter?”

或许是心理作用吧，觉得今天的吉野的声音听起来比平日的还要兴奋。（很久没听到那家伙的声音了……）

Perhaps it’s psychological, I think Yoshino’s voice sounds more exciting today than it does on weekdays (I haven’t heard that guy’s voice in a long time…)

这实际上是隔了一个月的事了。或许这并不是普通的久别重逢，但回想起每天都能见面的昔日，果然那样的表现是最合适的了.

It’s actually a month later. It may not be an ordinary reunion, but looking back on the days when we met everyday, it was fitting.

虽说这是因为吉野把大学的���义扔到一边而去集中精神画原稿所导致的，但羽鸟自身也觉得或许拉开一点距离会比较好。

Although this is because Yoshino threw aside his university handout (t/n: university notes) to concentrate on the original manuscript but Hatori himself felt that perhaps a little distance will be better.

早在20年前就开始暗恋吉野。或许是因为走得太近会产生依恋。想到这样的可能性后、便硬着头皮不去找他了。

He had a crush on Yoshino for 20 years. Maybe it’s because getting too close creates attachment. When I thought of such a possibility, I would turn my head and not look at him.

避开吉野的上学时间出门，放学后也为了不见面多打了几份工。

I avoided Yoshino’s school time to go out, and after school, I took a few more jobs to avoid seeing each other.

不过，在这分开的一个月的时间里，更是让自己清楚的认识到恋爱的伤痛。不要说冷静了，觉得自己根本就是越发想着吉野的事了。

However, in this month of separation, I made myself more aware of the pain of love. Don’t say calm down, I feel that I am thinking more about Yoshino.

“听我说，给我惊讶起来！”

“Listen to me, surprise me!”

“一般人家应该会说不要惊讶吧？”

“The average person (t/n: ordinary person) should say don’t be surprised, right?”

“不要纠结这些小事情嘛。其实啊，我在这前几天征集的新人漫画大赏里得大奖了喔！”

“Don’t worry about those little things. Actually, I won the grand prize in the new manga awards a few days ago!”

“获得大奖，也就是说能以漫画家的身份出道咯？”

“Winning the grand prize, that means you can make your debut as a mangaka?

吉野为了成为漫画家一直不断地投稿。刚开始的时候画过少年漫画，在重新认识自己真正想画的东西后，换成了少女漫画了。

Yoshino has been working to become a mangaka (manga author). Yoshino kept submitting articles. At the beginning, he drew boys manga (shonen). After understanding what he really wanted to draw, he changed to girls manga (shoujo).

现在画少女漫画的男性作家非常少。即使如此，除此以外没有其它适合自己的类别了，吉野为此一直努力着。

There are a few male writers who draw girls manga. Even so, there is no other category that suits him, and Yoshino has been working on it.

“对！”

“Correct!”

“这样啊、恭喜你了。那真是太好了。”

“Well, congratulations. That’s great”

“恩，谢谢。但是，我还是觉得没什么真实感的说。”

“Well, thank you. But, I don’t think it’s true to say”

“要是在杂志上刊登出来的话，自然就会明白这是真的了吧。”

“If it is published in a magazine, it will naturally understand that this ture”

“恩，应该是吧。”

“Well, it should be.”

嘿嘿，从电话的对面传来了不好意思的笑声。吉野终于实现了梦想。现在的他一定感到很飘飘然吧。

Hey, there was an embarrassed laugh from the opposite side of the phone. Yoshino finally realized his dream. Now he must feel very airy (t/n: over the moon)

“……你跟柳濑讲了没？”

 “…..Did you talk to Yanase?”

“不，还没有。因为我想让小鸟第一个知道嘛。小鸟从以前开始就一直支持着我，所以我才能努力到现在。真的非常感谢。”

“No, not yet because I wanted Tori to be the first to know. Tori has been supporting me since before, so I can try to get where I am. Thank you very much.”

对吉野直白的话语，羽鸟惊讶的稍稍瞪大了眼睛。被他出乎意料的告白顿时激动得似乎心口要堵住一般，为了不让他察觉羽鸟拼命地按耐着。

To Yoshino’s straightforward words, Hatori opened his eyes slightly in surprise. Excited by his unexpected confession that his heart seemed to be blocked, in order not to let him notice Hatori desperately pressing.

自己既喜欢那个沉迷于自己的爱好的吉野，也很羡慕他这种忘我的姿态。所以自己只能在一旁守护着他。按耐着想好好夸奖他的心情，说起严厉的话来。

He liked Yoshino who is addicted to his hobbies, and admired his selfless attitude. So I can only guard him by his side. Praise him patience, and speak harshly.

“你也安心得太早了吧？为了能一直当漫画家，从现在开始你得要好好努力吧。”

“You’re at ease too early, aren’t you? In order to become a mangaka, you have to work hard from now on.”

“你不要这样说嘛。最刚开始的时候让我小小得意一下也没关系吧。算了。我就知道小鸟你会那样说的。”

“Don’t say that. It doesn’t matter if I am a little smug. Forget it. I knew Tori would say that.”

“投稿作品会被刊登吗？”

“Will the submitted work be published?”

“他们说下下个月就会刊登了。虽然还没谈过详细的内容，但要是受好评的话，说不定能连载。”

“They said it would be published next month. Although they haven’t discussed the detailed content yet, but if it is well received, it might be serialized.”

“这样啊。要不我也投份问卷调查？”

“That’s it. Or do I have to submit a questionnaire?”

“不用啦。要是投稿人是跟我同年的男性的话，那不是会让人觉得是作者的朋友么。比起那个，明天我们一起出去吃饭好吗？去庆祝一下吧！”

“No I don’t. If the contributor is a man of the same age as me, wouldn’t it make people think of it as a friend of the author. Compared to that, will we go out to dinner tomorrow? Let’s celebrate!”

“知道了。为了庆祝，明天我请客。”

“Got it, To celebrate, I will treat you tomorrow.”

“真的吗？太幸运了！我要烤肉！”

Really? I’m so lucky! I want barbecue!”

想拉开点距离什么的，吉野他应该一点也没注意到吧。

If you want to get a little distance or something, Yoshino probably didn’t notice at all.

（虽然，原本就没有打算要让他注意到这份感情。）

(Although, originally there was no intention to let him notice this feeling.)

若是可以的话，能一生一世隐藏起来就好了。

If it is possible, it would be nice to hide this feeling for life (t/n: forever)

反正也根本没想过吉野会对自己的感情给予响应。与其会导致关系不融洽、连青梅竹马的地位都失去的话，倒不如一直忍受着这份痛苦就好了。

Anyway, I never thought Yoshino would respond to his feelings, rather than lead to a bad relationship, and loss of childhood friend status.

“话说，不知道与编辑合不合，有点不安呢。要是小鸟来做编辑的话，那我就安心多了~”

“By the way, I don’t know if I’m compatible with the editor and I’m a little uneasy. If Tori comes as an editor, then I’d be alot more at ease-”

“要我做编辑那是不可能的事吧。因为我对漫画这东西不了解啊。”

“It’s impossible for me to become an editor because I don’t understand manga.”

“这样啊？ 但我觉得小鸟无论对自己还是对别人都很严厉的说，你很适合做编辑的啊。”

“Is that so? But I think Tori is very harsh on himself and others, you are very suitable for editing…”

“……是这样吗？”

“……Is that so?”

“恩。你在跟我商量的时候，就好像在思考着自己的事情一般为之烦恼着，我的漫画按照小鸟的指点修改后也都变得超级有趣了起来。而且，小鸟你对我的事也很了解对吧？”

“Well, I don’t know when you’re talking to me, it’s like you’re thinking about your own things. My manga became super interesting after being modified to follow Tori’s instructions. Besides, Tori, you know everything about me, don’t you?”

“——”

“__ __”

不能对吉野放手的原因或许正是因为那无意识表现出的信赖使得自己心情无比愉悦。明明跟平常一样，对他说 ‘那是当然的’就可以了，然而由于一个月的疏离使得自己的掩饰不够完美。

Perhaps the reason for not letting Yoshino go may be that the unconscious trust made him feel so happy. Obviously, as usual, just say ‘that is of course’ (t/n: ‘that’s for sure’) to him, but because of the one-month estrangement, his cover is not perfect.

并没注意到羽鸟语气的吉野，在电话的另一边大声地与妈妈说起了话。脱掉的衣服放到洗衣机里去、快点去洗澡之类的，都是些一想就知道的话。

Yoshino, who didn’t notice Hatori’s tone, spoke loudly to his mother on the other side of the phone. Take off your clothes and put them in the washing machine, take a bath or something like that.

“老妈太烦了，我洗澡去了。那不说了，明天见吧。”

“Mom is so annoying, I went to take a bath. That’s not to say, see you tomorrow.”

“哦。”

“…Oh”

吉野匆匆忙忙地挂断了电话，房间又恢复了安静。

Yoshino hung up in a hurry, and the room was quiet again.

“……编辑、吗？”

“……Editor. right?”

羽鸟小声说着，羽鸟重新对着计算机，在新打开的搜索网站里输入了“出版社”。

Hatori whispered, and Hatori re-entered the “publisher” into the newly opened search site.

『END!』

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KSB 16-3

Read

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Thinking about how next chapter’s a kisa chapter or something and i’m gonna have to wait until january for tkrt.. Whatever

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i def agree and just wanted to add my own points :)

i love your line saying that you’re not defending the characters sexually assaulting each other- you’re defending the inclusion of sexual assault in the story.

irl the act is unforgivable and deplorable. but in the setting of this fictitious world, it asks stuff like “what if two hurt, confused people hurt each other, but still come back to each other?” but i think the most important part is that these characters feel GENUINE remorse and guilt for what they’ve done. the characters and the reader can feel how the emotional consequences now shape them, while also being able to hold them accountable.

it is a malicious act. but in sihjr it is made clear through thoughts that the perpetrators do feel remorse and there aren’t any malicious undertones at all (in contrast to irl). that is what makes me tolerate it and find it interesting. especially with torichia where they both full-blown recognize it as rape, hatori feels so guilty he’s ready to leave yoshino’s life. but yoshino is the one who reclaims agency over what happened, and chooses to give hatori a second chance. not because he’s naive or airheaded, but because he will not let that dictate his or hatori’s life. does yoshino have every reason to hate and not forgive hatori? absolutely. that would be him not letting it dictate his life either. but this is something he specifically chooses and i think that in itself is really interesting. and that agency is the core of their relationship. (again, not justifying and irl is so much different from fiction).

does feeling genuine remorse redeem a character? no, but that’s what i also think is so interesting about sihjr when these perpetrators do get into their head about what they’ve done and how they need to change. does that redeem them either? no. but i just love how these stories explore their guilt.

do i think some scenes are unnecessary? yes! like what takano does to ritsu in ch 28. like i love what it was going for but i genuinely believe it should’ve been done a different way to be more nuanced. especially how ritsu in vol16 is like “nooo it was partially my fault” like huh?? like i absolutely do think there are some cop-outs…

and probably unpopular opinion but i think the torichia sa inclusion is interesting. could it have been different? probably yeah. but the whole point what for it to be uncomfortable and painful for both yoshino and the reader. it doesn’t beat around the bush- it calls it for what it is. yoshino isn’t a stupid child and hatori is painted as selfish for doing that but still feeling so much guilt for knowing what he just severed. but i already kinda talked about this earlier soooo

anywayssss i digress now… main point is that i believe this series is meant to strongly be gray. nothing is ever truly black-and-white.

ofc i understand if ppl don’t enjoy these types of stories too

(i binge watched sasaki and miyano one night and it genuinely made me mald… anyways im off to watch its movie 😋)

I could make a whole video essay, 8-part TikTok series defending the inclusion of SA in Junjou Romantica

Not defending the characters sexually assaulting each other, but defending it being in the story at all, because it’s soooo essentially to Misaki’s character I can’t imagine the story without it. Like he simply has to say “I’m getting assaulted” so much so he doesn’t have to say “I want to be with a man, so maybe I’m gay”

And there are instances where Misaki starts to think like “maybe I am gay” and it’s in tandem with Usagi pulling back, because he’s worried he’s pressuring Misaki. Like it’s just so important to their story that I would defend it being in there.

And, I would definitely want to outline how we get from Junjou/Sekaiichi to Sasaki and Miyano where still SA is a relevant topic and major part of the story. It’s just that Sasaki is always ALMOST assaulting Miyano and then doesn’t. So everyone is like yay that’s acceptable! 🎉 Whereas Sihjr (and other 00s BL manga, and earlier) go more at the angle of SA happening and then the aftermath.

It’s simply different takes on the same subject imo.

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hi I just remembered that torichia secret scenario I got the other day that I didn't have any time to talk about. So im gonna talk about it now before I lose what little free time I have left and go back to hell (summer school) :)

But first! here is a little summary of what happens:

This secret scenario takes place during what would be chapter 4 of ycnb1 aka that one part where yoshino is sick and he reflects on what hatori did aka yoshino being so ridiculously in love with hatori and not even realizing it ("if only I was the guy tori liked... 🥺" INSANE).

So hatori is in his office reflecting on what he did in chapter 3. More specifically, he mentions how he felt angry about his feelings being made public, and how in his desperation, instead of just drawing himself away from yoshino, he ended up doing something that would destroy his relationship with him and in the end couldn't control himself (hmmmmm). He also mentions how, since he realized his feelings for yoshino back in highschool, he kept them a secret to keep his comfortable position as a childhood friend.

His thoughts get interrupted by Takano asking how yoshino is after he collapsed, according to hatori both because of the exhaustation and the shock from what happened (although takano doesn't know this second part obvi....) From this little segment we learn that Yoshino doesnt not like hospitals, that hatori wanted to go see him but didn't bc he didn't want to be a nuance, and that he had been working a lot, to the point he starts looking pale and takano has to ask him to go home.

Going back to Hatori, he mentions that he has been working so much because it helps him not "think unnecessary things", and realizes that even if he knows he's not gonna be forgiven he still has to apologize because it's gonna get more and more depressing if time keeps passing. So he sends an email and the scenario is over :)

*****

Sooooo yeah, I feel like most of this stuff is not really new? Judging by the picture we get of this secret scenario (just like takano and hatori talking,,) I really hoped this would be the part where hatori decides to tell takano about not wanting to be yoshinos editor anymore. idk, it would've been interesting to see takano wonder what could've happened that was so bad that hatori would no longer want to work with his best friend, let alone the job he had tried so hard to pursue, and then maybe see hatori struggle to find an explanation lmao. ig I was a little disappointed to see that was not the case.

Regardless, there are still a couple of things I wanna highlight from this. First, I wanna bring out a bit of hatoris initial reflection, which I feel is key to understand why tf hatori did what he did. and I'm actually gonna include screenshots of this bc this is important:

...... We already knew from hynb1 that hatori acted out of desperation, but we don't really get further explanation about it. Based on this, I think it's safe to assume that hatoris train of thought when he kissed yoshino was that if he was going to lose him ("destroy" his relationship with him if you will), he might as well be egoistic for once and get as close to yoshino as he has always wanted... But then, once he had yoshino where he wanted him, his already cloudy judgement got even more clouded by both the desire he had been harboring inside him for so long and the desperation of not being able to be this near yoshino ever again once this was over.... and so the lust got the better of him and he "loses control" and whatever happened happens (crap excuse but ok whatever).

Not only was that the most sensate option, but he had actively tried to do that in the past. And he knows that it's a slow tortuous process that at least on his end doesn't actually work, as he never really stopped thinking about yoshino; but he would've been willing to give it another try for yoshinos sake..... until he didn't because, again, the desperation was so strong that he didn't even care anymore.

And if you've paid any sort of attention to his character, you realize just how out of character this decision is for him (fuck, this is something even hatori antis seem to agree with kfhsjdhsj). There is just no way a person so careful, perfectionist and obsessed with saving face would risk the work he has so painstakingly done over the years, all over the very impulses he has so desperately been trying to fight, specially not when there is a safe bet out of his situation, AND EVEN MORE SO when he can't even be a 100% sure yoshino does know anything unless he explicitly states it. Is this an indication of bad writing? not perse (I mean, the means by which fujisaki tries to convey this fucking sucks for a myriad of reasons, but this message in itself is not one of them).

The way I see it, this break of hatoris character, this one show of egoism after years of being so selfless (in his own selfish way lmao), is no other that the raw manifestation of hatoris life just not making any sense anymore. Again, hatori has based so much of his life around being close to yoshino as a childhood friend no matter the cost; but if he loses that so out of nowhere,, what does he have anymore? WHO tf is hatori after this? leaving the very questionable writing aside,, can he really be blamed for losing his mind when the one thing that has kept him going this whole time is gone for good?

I was a little horrified the first time I read this line bc what the fuck do you mean "deliberately"???????? Was he actively trying to hurt yoshino??????? As, what, an incelese revenge of sorts?????? Doesn't that contradict everything I just said????

And then I remembered google translate is not the most trustworthy source out there, so I decided to put the original line through a different translator. The line in question is "なのに, 敢えて吉野を傷つけるような真似をしてしまった"; and the part that we're interested in is "敢えて" (aete). According to this other translator, followed by the google search I just did, it means "to dare"; and while some sites do define it as "purposely doing something", the key element here is that the something in question is a thing the subject knows is bad or pointless.

So what this line actually implies is that, amidst this mental breakdown of sorts he is suffering after having all his way of life turn out meaningless (something chill you know....), hatori is no longer in a mental state to follow his reason (as somewhat explicitly stated in ycnb3, actually) and so he dares to do the one thing he has always wanted to (you know, the whole feeling close to yoshino via physical contact), and it's now that he is thinking about it that he realizes how badly he has hurt yoshino and that the only thing he has left now regret that he gave in to his impulses.

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Ok, so believe it or not that entire bible you just read is only one of the two things I wanted to highlight. The other thing that called my attention is the use hatori gives to his job as a way to "not think unnecessary things". Which is not really new either? Its kind of implied in the new years party episode,,

Remember when I said that yoshino was the one thing hatoris life revolved around? well, it is true mostly, but there is actually a second thing: his job. Its a common conflict throughout the yoshino novels, really: how hatori is so focused on being productive that he accidentally lets it affect his relationship with yoshino, and even to the point it goes against his very own dignity as a person (right ichinoseeee???) And it is rather ironic that even this part of hatori is so dependant on yoshino xd (who did hatori choose his job for again???)

So hatori working even more than he usually does, even to the point it physically affects him, might as well be a way for him to cling to the only thing he still has left... until he has to give up that too. We know that hatoris way of apologizing was pretty much trying to cut himself out of yoshinos life for good. but letting go of his work (yeah, the scene poses it as yoshino and hatori just not working together anymore. but given yoshinos resistance to let go of hatori, it would not be surprising if hatori decided to separate himself from marukawa altogether) would officially mean letting go of EVERYTHING he has lived for up to this point.

Let me say that again: hatori was willing to let go of HIS WHOLE SENSE OF SELF to make it up to yoshino after hurting him... and so knowing this, is it really that insane that hatori views yoshino forgiving him, hence letting him keep everything that gave his life any meaning, as a show of ~divine mercy~?

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my demi king at work

started hynb2 and not even like 5 pages in and Yoshino is trying go cure writers block through sex. good for them

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i love how everyone in jr lives tg and then everyone in sih is almost there!! either neighbors or basically living over. because sentiment is officially jr im waiting for the next chapter where ijuuin glazes yuu’s house so much that the next day yuu wakes up to ijuuin and all his stuff already moved in.

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this and @cheriemariii ‘s reblog made me think of how while hatori and yuu have both known their sexuality for a long time and have grown with such internalized homophobia, chiaki immediately accepts it and doesn’t feel disgust.

he feels embarrassed, sure, but he loves hatori and doesn’t find that shameful at all. and yes, the signs of being attracted to hatori have always been there, but it took him longer than those two to realize. i also like how he subverts further more from “straight-turned-gay” as he doesn’t blame hatori’s sa for “turning him gay” or repeatedly denies being gay (ily misaki). he is confused, but that doesn’t matter for him because he loves hatori so much and now he’s fitting the puzzle pieces as to exactly why. it’s more of a clueless revelation for him.

hatori and yuu both have so much disgust for themselves that they are so fearful of chiaki finding out because he’s “straight” and would never accept them. hatori turns to acting as a caregiver for “forgiveness” and to stay close as an editor. yuu turns to being kinda bitter and jealous at himself, chiaki, and hatori. both of their loathing for each other is a mirror for their homophobia as well.

on the other side, yoshino doesn’t spiral into disgust like they do. he accepts his love for hatori, and with his innocence and genuineness he starts to heal hatori too. the years of hatori and yuu knowing their homosexuality hasn’t turned into acceptance, it’s festered into self-loathing and fear.

and then this turns yuu into someone more bitter imo. he is envious of their relationship and how yoshino can love so freely. additionally, yuu was always expecting to be the top due to his toxic masculinity thinking the bottom is the smaller one. when he meets ijuuin, who also appears comfortable with his sexuality, he is terrified and also of being the bottom. something yoshino never really went through. yoshino doesn’t find it as being emasculating or fight the role (even tho hatori does want him to top for that reason)

all in all, i just find it interesting that yuu and hatori have known for years they’re gay but have carried it like a burden. when yoshino realizes he’s gay too, he doesn’t hold any resentment of it but instead accepts it as is

(i haven’t finished/read all their media so sorry if im wrong about anything!)

i am adding more than i thought but i honestly wanted to discuss hatori’s consequential sa. believing yuu had told yoshino about his feelings, which he found disgusting and deplorable, had caused his collected exterior to pop. he had genuinely believed that once the cat had been out of the bag there was no going back.

i fully believe hatori was going to leave yoshino’s life THE MOMENT yoshino found out. if he wasn’t professionally entangled as yoshino’s editor i do think he would’ve walked away without a word as a form of self punishment for himself.

but yuu being the one to spill it (to his knowledge) and yoshino acting weird already sent him over the edge. he was planning to leave already atp too, but at this moment all the guilt and repression and betrayal and grief of losing his best friend was too much for him. for one night if he was about to lose everything already, he was going to be as close to yoshino as possible like he’s always longed for before everything truly shatters and breaks. him crossing the line is supposed to be tragic and uncomfortable, not romantic (not that it’s justification).

Yoshino as a "straight-gay" trope analysis (somewhat)

What I really like about Yoshino's somewhat subversion of a "straight-gay" trope that I have unfortunately witnessed happens a lot in BL is that, it really leans so hard to Yoshino being demiromantic and demisexual.

The huge factor that plays into it is because he's the uke, lots of the "straight-gays" trope I see tends to cut corners because the one doing that is the seme, so it's like "Oh I'm still doing the penetration etc so technically I can still be straight" .... (is also what a friend told me that some internalized homophobe gay men do too). Yoshino is fully aware, and doesn't dismiss that his relationship with Hatori is homosexual, that Hatori is a man that he somehow feels sexual attraction to. He isn't homophobic about Hatori and Yanase's feeling either contrary to what they feared.

The whole Yoshino novels tackle on how Yoshino comes into terms with his feelings for Hatori and their relationship being homosexual. Important factor that is reiterated as well is Yoshino's relationship with his ex-girlfriends. While to Hatori's side, all his relationships and flings are meaningless to him because it wasn't Yoshino, seems like Yoshino really did care for his ex-girlfriends. Yoshino always referred to his attraction to women as "instinct" (which lies to his heteronormative way of thinking), but he was pretty fond of his exes. Another point about his heteronormativity, is that when he tends to think, at least, that the one being a "bottom" should be a woman, who is soft to touch, and couldn't really understand how Hatori is attracted to him who doesn't have those traits. (I am ignoring Hatori's POV on this one because we all know he has the downbad rose-colored glasses when it comes to Yoshino.)

In my aroace view at least, it's like that type of fondness enough to enter a relationship with them for a short time, but couldn't imagine a future with them. Contrary to his feelings towards Hatori, prior to being in a relationship with him, never even thought of the possibility of a future without Hatori.

It's not really sudden for Yoshino to have feelings for Hatori either, bits of hints from their past always implied him already loving Hatori. Even in the early chapters he liked it the most when their relationship seemed to go back to when they were the closest and was really upset at the fact that their relationship had gotten so distant despite being near each other. After he peels back his own heteronormativity after rejecting Yanase, he really comes into terms how badly he loves Hatori.

So yeah, going back to Yoshino being a "straight-gay" trope, it really is subverted more because he's the uke. The receiving end, usually the women's role in sex. He "instinctively" is attracted to women, but sexually desired Hatori more than anyone else. Something he never felt with his exes. He loved his exes, but he loved Hatori so much that it hurted, and dreams of a future with him It leads more because Yoshino's relationship with Hatori is a long one, a lot of time to build on and develop. Even when they drifted apart and he became closer to Yanase, he still yearns for Hatori regardless, something constantly established. Even when he also has a long relationship with Yanase, and isn't disgusted being kissed by him, he doesn't enjoy it The person he loves to the point that he desired intimacy and dreamt of a future with him is none other than Hatori.

So yes, I like how Yoshino being a "straight-gay" was handled by Fujisaki lol.

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i keep mixing up sentiment and mistake couples cause i honestly think each other’s pairing names fit better? but maybe im just missing smth lol

like ijuuin and yuu slept together as a “mistake.” even their crushes were kinda mistakes.

asahina and isaka have loved each other since they were fairly young. their deep feelings were brought about by an unfortunate situation and a consequential act of kindness. so that’s why i think sentiment works better for them?

ofc it’s not a big deal i just end up internally mixing them up in my head :P i can see why the names fit their actual couples too and every couple seems to have some mistake and sentiment

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takaritsu be saying that ritsu has always been the one chasing takano but i disagree??

in terms of hs like yes, ritsu fell in love first and stalked him for 3 years but that’s it.

he never planned to make a move. initially, he thought he was just going crazy and that it was a phase that would pass. he had always been flighty.

that’s why i think if saga had responded ANY other way than he did during ritsu’s blurting confession that ritsu would’ve bolted and never shown his face around saga again. saga was the one who ultimately chased and grounded him.

he knew that ritsu had been stalking him. he knew that ritsu had accidentally blurted out his confession and wanted to melt through the floor. i believe that he already picked up how skittish he was. saga says he doesn’t really know why he said it, but he still reaches out to ruffle his hair. even when ritsu doubts his seriousness, saga doubles down. then, while still not being serious, he sees ritsu alone outside of a restaurant and decides to go out of his way to hang out with him.

the only time i believe ritsu chased saga was when saga lashed out at him. ritsu had every reason to run away and never look back. but instead, he went home then immediately went back with an umbrella without even knowing if saga meant it, was still there, or even needed an umbrella. ritsu knew saga had been troubled for some reason, and no matter what wanted to be there with him. even then at that saga’s lowest moment, he ended with “i just really want to be alone right now.” like that is such a meaningful addition that basically tells ritsu that he is not in the best state of mind.

even after, i believe saga chases him by holding his hand. then after that, he’s the one who looks up how two men make love and goes out of his way to kiss and invite ritsu over.

saga the whole time had to chase to push their relationship forward. sure, ritsu had sparked it accidentally, but saga was the one who made it real and anchored them.

and now in the present, takano is more emotionally open and vulnerable to chase onodera who has now become more walled off.

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going from the anime to the manga was absolute whiplash

ch 1 vs 40

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ch 1 vs 40

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i ended up liking nao a tiny more in my like 20+ reread lol but yeah i still don’t really enjoy him or his actions. i fully believe he should’ve just stayed platonic and that would’ve worked better. instead he’s basically acting not out of ritsu’s best interest but has ulterior motives.

i like how while nao and yokozawa both act as best friends who are trying to prevent another breakdown, yokozawa acts behind takano’s back. we only once see a convo between the two before the rejection iirc, but i assume yokozawa tried talking to takano but failed. he also is very keen about keeping his feelings to himself. so he acts behind takano’s back, insulting and trying to drive away ritsu all the while acting like the perfect friend to takano. he’s just kinda lying in wait and respecting takano’s romantic/work/friend boundaries even if he hopes one day takano will change his mind.

meanwhile, nao is constantly reminding ritsu of his feelings and crossing boundaries over and over again. i like how he’s all smiley when he antagonizes takano but that’s about it. ritsu tries to explain to nao, and instead of listening he kinda dismisses and treats ritsu as a little kid. he will insult takano in front of onodera then be like “hi ritsu i love you and im also going to stay at your place indefinitely because you’re so incapable of taking care of yourself! also drop that dude for me.” he just never listens and then tries to force something that was never there. then he’s like “yeah i always expected you would reject me” like uhhhhhh.

anyways… i love haitani he’s so messy but i won’t get into that :P

and i also don’t consider an a rival i love her sm 🫶

yokozawa was the best “antagonist” in nostalgia, his motivations were understandable but he ended up becoming too invested and crossed a line with his friend and was rightfully forced to distance himself from takano for it and grew as a person as a result. 10/10 no notes

haitani was … fine, he was smarmy and annoying and caused problems on purpose and it loops around to being weirdly funny how petty he is. the fact hes just an ex coworker who became romantically obsessed with takano and when faced with rejection began to cause problems in their shared workspace is scarily realistic honestly. he sucks and hes good at sucking. 8/10 not yokozawa

i think nao is where we reach rock bottom of the antagonists bc hes that one incredibly entitled and overemotional friend you made in high school and now acts like he has full control over whats “best for you” and i kinda genuinely, unironically cant stand him. the road to hell is paved with good intentions and nao is sprinting to the finish line. 3/10 hes lame.

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onodera ritsu no baai 40 / photos + scan

following through on my promise so here’s the photos (and translation) from ornb40 👽 / enjoy every1 in my phone ☎️

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i need me wife swap between asahina and hatori

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“Kinda like destiny, right? I listened to you bitch and complain, and all it made me think was this guy should just fall in love with me then.”