d-twentyfourandthreequarters

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bro's struggling

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bro last night was totally redacted! last night was fully expunged from the record. bro, do you... can you remember last night? what did we do...? what did... did we hurt someone? bro? why won't you look at me? what did I do...? whose blood is this...? bro...?

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Arrived just to get shown up by lesbians 🤭

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i made a list while i was hiking apparently

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Theyre called draculas because they drank u. La

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convincing this wandering swordmaster (loser, woman) to keep demonstrating her flawless technique to cleave a man from his life for me because her tits bounce really lewdly whenever she does it and she hasn't noticed yet

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i'm trying to flirt with this noblewoman but she keeps asking me to demonstrate my flawless sword technique and i don't think she realizes how much effort i'm putting in to make my tits bounce while doing so

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HOLLYBERRY SHE’S POISONING YOUR BERRY JUICE TO MAKE YOU HAVE GAY THOUGHTS RUN NOW

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when you’re reading fanfiction and you get so involved in the story you start imagining different scenarios in that same universe and then it’s fanfiction fanfiction

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Can't wait for their interactions

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"tumblr's the only social media without algorithms!" "you can still be anonymous on tumblr!" "tumblr's so nice because you don't have to show your face!" WRONG tumblr is special because you can have 3000 followers and still get an average of seven likes a post. i'm doing stand up comedy at a packed venue and one person is laughing

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"we don't have girl talk, we have creature talk," my roommate Julia just said while rolling on the floor, "put that on your fucking tumblr, they'll love that shit"

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Happy pride month to the tiny cowboy and tiny Trojan man from Night at the Museum

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Freshly molted cicadas are unreal

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it’s 2028. trump is dead. elon is dead. zuckerberg is dead bezos is dead they’re all dead

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"gooner" is straight up just a weird conservative dogwhistle at this point