d0wnsince

[d0wnsince]

HEY, WHERE'D DIRK GO?

p4rklifes - oc mutlimuse

boykn1ghts - canon multimuse

pinfalles - kayfabe multimuse

ma1nevents - jey <3

[d0wnsince]

"man, they done snatched up another one." jey's still lit up from the mic, on the red brand dressed in blue and lounging like he's been here for years. "what is it with all you fine girls and the judgement day, huh? what they promise you?" feels a little hollow without jimmy to press him on, without the both of them reflecting each other endlessly and building to crescendo. maybe this approach is better suited to a jey long dead, but he's in too deep to wade back out now. "i promise whatever they got, i got too, 'cept i can keep the lights on." @countouts, jey and evi, ♡.

[d0wnsince]

i am in the swing of a BAD manic episode at the current moment and i start work again tomorrow so we'll see what i'm getting up to. i have so much energy and want to promise the world but we'll see

[d0wnsince]

@countouts 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮… 𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴. "let me treat you to a drink."

"that's my dawg!" the others treat jey's joviality like it marks him naive. maybe he is, but he's always looked head on at andreas' teeth and decided that dancing with them is more fun than keeping himself safe. "we gon' get you in the articles, you feel me? yo, yo, tell me which side you wanna get snapped on, huh?" he plays messy, swinging an arm around the shoulders that are closest, clapping andreas with one delighted hand. "we takin' you out uso style, yeet."

[d0wnsince]

@countouts 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮… 𝘦𝘷𝘪. "i fall too fast, and i go down blazing."

there's something about the yellow bulbs and floral curtains in this place that have him unmoored. maybe in some distant memory jey shapes this place familiar, a grandmother or a friend of the family and the sleepy safety of every adult he knows gathered at once in a kitchen spilling life. the only difference is that there are no tangle of brother-and-cousin limbs for him to sink into, just the bed at his back and the carpet he's drawing patterns in with the heel of his sneaker. evi talks quietly when they're like this, wrapped up after a long day but neither of them quite managing sleep just yet. if he's still wired, he'll go for a smoke and a run, but first he wants to soothe her out. "damn. nah, i hear that." before she got here, when he'd first been given the key, he'd shoved his bed as far from hers as it could go. left a stupid note on her pillow with a wink etched into the paper with the same permanent marker he writes on his shades with, the dry and cracking outline of the thing the only sign it was there at all (white on white, uce, but it was all he had to tell her it was respect, not fear). "makes you feel like... i dunno. like wantin' somethin' like that makes you weak, huh." jey doesn't ask. doesn't need to. "like it ain't... like it's just you. like you by yourself in it."

[d0wnsince]

smoke curls between his gold teeth, slipping out through the spaces between and reminding the night air, at the least, that he is a fanged creature. monday night has pulled out his claws once again, left him edging the watering hole as the greying big dog takes laps from his well. "ain't no janitors out here," he calls as the door opens, dom's hair making it out before his head does. jey knows a cornered animal when he sees one. "jus' me." if only. "come sit, jailbird. i know damn well you ain't smoke, so i'll keep it clean." - @latin0cheat unprompted.

[d0wnsince]

"'feel life' is crazy." settling into his lack of invitation, jey squares his shoulders and drops his chin solidly onto his folded arms. "life ain't somethin' that just happens to you, man." a mistake he'd made when he was younger, waiting with painted face and childlike hope that the things he'd dreamed for would mistake their way into his lap someday. he's much more familiar with seeking them out, now, and always with running commentary. "i be appreciatin' more than you do, if you be hanging around in spots like this all 'lemme hang out and feel life'. go get it, uce."

❛   uce.   ❜   tries   the   word   for   size   against   the   roof   of   his   mouth   but   finds   it   has   a   bitter   aftertaste.   a   reminder   of   unfamiliarity.   a   foreign   object   lodged   in   the   body   (   eternal   question   still   remains,   if   he   is   the   body,   or   the   splinter   of   wood   cutting   through   an   artery   in   the   body   of   life   )   jey   talks,   as   wild   as   a   raging   storm   'cross   the   seas,   and   while   willem   knows   those   well,   he   knows   words   like   uce,   'sides,   and   huffin'   less.   ❝   has   no   one   ever   told   you   that   not   all   things   need   to   be   fun   ?   ❞   very   few   things   are.   life   isn't   fun,   but   neither   is   it   quiet   these   days   !   ❝   i   do   not   want   a   .   .   .   soundtrack   ?   what   i   want   is   to   sit   here   and   feel   life,   something   you   do   so   clearly   not   understand   nor   appreciate.   ❞

[d0wnsince]

"man, you ain't the only one had it hard!" he ignores every other accusation to defend only this. it's true that he'd coasted in some ways, followed a path that solo hadn't been shown until he was already halfway up the mountain alone, but should that then mean he takes what's spat up? jey's done bearing the injustice of someone else's rage. tuning his own is hard enough, a burden and a chore all its own - solo's grown, now. he can't keep knocking on jey's door because the night is too dark for sleep to come easy. "you wanna talk like we ain't fight like you did, like we just shown up and got it all laid out. ten years i spent fuckin' around tryna 'be somebody'."

the hardest thing of all to stomach is that without roman, they'd still be there. all three of them and jacob too, collarless pups without a bowl to drink from, snapping at rainwater to get their fill. "you get called up, what, a year in? you did some dark shit, solo, i ain't sayin' it was nothin', but you gotta get your head all the way out your ass and look." the sick need to win tightens in jey's throat, holding fast to everything he knows he's got no right to say. he swallows the words down, shakes his head hard. "you got no right to talk 'bout turnin' backs, man. not one of us do."

they   all   talk   from   their   anger.   spit   insults   and   threats   down   to   the   ground   as   if   saliva   ever   has   made   anything   bloom.   pretend   it's   good   enough   to   water   the   crop   of   family,   and   ignore   that   their   family   is   a   never-ending   bloodbath.   ❝   yeah,   uce.   imma   put   my   hands   on   you   if   you   ain't   gonna   stop   acting   like   a   fuckin'   moron,   ❞   lowers   his   voice   into   the   pitch   of   authority   that   he   doesn't   share   with   his   cousin.   can   feel   his   claim   on   the   table   slipping,   but   has   built   his   own   all   the   same   with   his   own   two   hands   (   ignores   the   empty   chairs   bearing   the   names   of   the   brothers   that   refuse   to   sit   at   it   )   ❝   your   ass   can   get   big   jim   all   you   want,   but   he   ain't   want   to   follow   you   anyway.   we   all   know   he's   just   as   tired   of   your   ass.   ❞

hands   shake   in   anger   but   he   doesn't   dare   to   go   for   another   blow.   can   feel   the   tugging   on   the   leash   that's   always   resting   in   jey's   hand.   would   have   followed   him,   if   only   he'd   bothered   to   ask   him.   ❝   you're   such   a   fucking   liar,   jey.   always   have   been,   ❞   is   still   mad   about   unfinished   childhood   games   of   monopoly.   still   mad   about   promises   said   to   get   little   brother   off   his   back.   ❝   and   don't   you   fuckin'   dare   to   call   'em   nobodies.   jacob   was   there   while   you   weren't,   while   you   were   too   busy   becomin'   somebody   with   jimmy        ⎯⎯⎯        while   my   ass   was   waitin'   for   you   to   call   me   back   home   every   fuckin'   day   for   five   fuckin'   years   !   you   talk   a   lot   'bout   family   for   a   man   who's   turned   his   back   on   'em   every   chance   he's   ever   gotten.   ❞

[d0wnsince]

i watch raw and i crash out and that's the natural order of things. let me be soooo clear i cannot live my life with another jey and roman reconciliation storyline to me that is just not happening. i struggled enough to stomach the one in november and i simply am not doing it again the way i write jey in the current timeline, he's not in a place where he ever sees himself forgiving roman. recovery isn't linear, sure, and jey's been under so much pressure to prove that he deserves love and loyalty and protection for so long that he can and will stumble, but not to the extent of picking roman up from the mat. not to the extent of running out and saving his stupid ass from a fight he started. the way i write jey pulls so much from his temper, his desperation to actually be free, the lengths he's willing to go to in order to scrub himself clean of everything he was in the bloodline. right now, my jey's headspace is like. idk he's just so angry at roman, ashamed of the things he did just because roman told him to, ashamed of the way it made him feel when he was that powerful, and he's taking all of that out on roman as well as everything else. it's not all righteous fury; some of it is selfish, a desire to lash out at the guilt he's carrying still. if he fights hard enough against it, it'll go away. he's used to brute forcing his way through his feelings and this is no different.

[d0wnsince]

𝚒 𝚊𝚖 (𝚗𝚘𝚝) 𝚖𝚢 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚙𝚎𝚛.

[d0wnsince]

@hatigave 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮… 𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘴. Need a cigarette to make me feel better.

"word?" jey fumbles for his pocket even though he wasn't asked, slapping both with jovial hands and finding a dogeared pack in one, a lighter in the next. "i got the real cheap shit, my bad." it's rare he indulges these days - he kicked the habit under roman, too ashamed of his vices to let them mean more to him than family did, and still feels the guilt even now. the deep and steady breaths help him relax after he flies, though, and picking shit up at airports almost never counts. "got a light too, if you need one. go 'head."

[d0wnsince]

bright for her, he laughs, shakes his head with a sense of humility that's still brand new. "they funny, what they be barkin' for." jey hasn't quite figured it out yet, what makes the collective locker room mouth yelp, but he's heard enough of the braying to recognise it from two rooms over. the women's space can't be that much different from his own. "you the man, that's all. i'm gonna put some respect on the og's name no matter what." he's only this at ease around people he knows understand - some are too clean-cut, too righteous in their wanting, but becky's got teeth like him. "won't say no to a shout-out, though. 'holla at my uce, he got them big arms, he got me through some hard times-'"

MAYBE   IT'S   ON   HER   FOR   SEEING   HERSELF   IN   PEOPLE,        paints   portraits   in   her   head   of   the   past   and   overlays   them   on   people's   faces.        tiffany   fits   nicely   over   charlotte,        roxanne   fits   nicely   over   bayley,        and   she   had   always   thought   lyra   could   be   a   better   version   of   herself.        the   thought   stings   now.        ❝    you   think   she   would   remember   that,    ❞        lets   out   a   laugh   that   lacks   humor.           realizes   no   one   fits   nicely   over   jey,        he   is   a   consistent   enough   presence   that   she   feels   no   need   to   do   so.        a   thought   she's   not   willing   to   share   with   him   just   yet.        ❝    exactly    !        jesus,        jey,        keep   up   all   this   talk   and   i'm   gonna   owe   you   a   line   in   my   victory   speech    ❞

[d0wnsince]

@countouts 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮… 𝘦𝘷𝘪. an unexpected kiss during a fake dating scheme.

what surprises him more than the sudden press of lips is the bravery against them. evi takes him by the back of the head, both hands twisted through his loose curls, and the only reason she doesn't need to pull is that he's already going easy. maybe one of the other girls said something (god, he hopes so), slipped a snide barb between evi's teeth with the intention of leaving her to chew on it. instead, jey finds it fed to him, slipped into his mouth like the worst-kept secret he's ever known. jey kisses hard, lingering, a language he only half-knows and can only half-speak, here, now, you. even the lipgloss on his bottom lip makes him dizzy, what would otherwise be a sticky and unpleasant distraction instead a reminder that she's on him, leaving something behind that he can keep when the cameras switch off. when they part to breathe, he's holding evi's hips sweet, thumbs brushing the delicate lace atop her thighs. "...a'ight," he manages after a second, trying hard not to fumble, barely successful. "what i do?"

[d0wnsince]

this is probably the longest conversation he's ever had with ellis, and jey's already feeling the strain. often he can breeze through even the deadest of air, bark bright and look playful even when he's walking lame, but this is whiplash like he's hardly ever known. "i ain't a snitch," he says, careless and easy all at once. "light up, uce. might get all'a that existential shit outta you, feel me?" he can't say the abyss has ever bitten him on the ass. echoed his silence back at him, maybe, cast him into a light he can barely squint through, sure, but whenever he visits, it lacks teeth. "could jus' go outside, though. or to your car. you don't got a rental?"

❝   and   run   the   risk   of   running   into   knight   ?   nah   man,   i'd   rather   have   the   void   bite   my   ass.   ❞   it's   not   just   knight.   it's   the   risk   of   running   into   everyone   and   anyone   that   sees   him   in   all   the   other   bars   that   are,   in   fact,   trash.   ignores   the   possibility   of   being   welcomed   in   favour   of   sticking   to   the   things   he   knows   to   be   true.   doesn't   seem   like   jey   is   running   into   that   problem   anymore,   if   you   take   weird   americans   and   austrians   out   of   the   equation   that   is   !   ❝   i   actually   think   i   prefer   getting   bit   by   the   abyss.   it's   much   less   likely   to   give   me   rabies.   do   you   think   i'd   get   busted   if   i   smoked   in   this   locker   room   by   the   way   ?   ❞

[d0wnsince]

@countouts 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮… 𝘣𝘦𝘹. "i know your name, but not who you are."

something ugly in him rears, though he makes no show of it. "all good. i ain't even know your name, so you still winnin'." the shiny new things are always like this, unless they're too busy hiding behind corners to look at him head on. jey appraises this one with a bored sort of formality. he'll never have to stand opposite her, so why should he bother? "you'll find out 'f you stick around long enough. yeet."

[d0wnsince]

the absurdity of it dawns slow. jey isn't afraid, not like he once was, dripping tears with every camera in the room determined to catch it clean. not like he once was when roman stood tall over him, jimmy's trembling body bowed between them both, a boy's shame and a man's efforts only ever pushing him halfway. jey rolls his neck, reminds himself that he, painted jester that he used to be, held roman down for the three count first. before he was himself, that accolade made its way to him, bloomed between hands that were too unsure to keep it ripe. "man..." he breathes, knowing neither of them will let this go. too determined, too comfortable with the grooves of their teeth, too settled playing tug of war with the dead thing that was their family.

"you good at talkin', uce. seth got us all thinkin' it was always him, but that ain't what it is. the wise man, too, he wanna say he laid it all out for you. some of them trust that. not me." jey was all but the prototype, the first listening ear, the first desperate and praying mouth. he knows better than anyone how sweet the song sounds when you've been humming the tune all your life, never really knowing the words. "you believe all'a that, huh." for a time jey had suspected (or maybe hoped) that everything roman said was a bid to convince at least himself of something grander. the further on the outside he is, the clearer jey hears the horrible conviction. "your god shit. i see it, uce."

he's not sure what he wants. the bloody business will never end, not as long as all the pack dogs still have strength to snap. "you think you lookin' out for me, even now? like this all gotta hurt to be real. that it?" jey won't ever break through. it's all too hard and heavy, and he's not smart enough to find the words he needs for it, but maybe he doesn't need to. maybe he can speak on his own behalf for his own needs and not hope with bated breath that roman will hear him. "i don't live like that, uce. not no more. if it hurt, it ain't what's best for me. i don't wanna hear no 'that's just how it is'. it ain't. never been."

the   younger   ones   never   know   the   weight   of   the   burden   he   has   carried   for   so   long.   neither   do   the   tongans,   hell,   they   were   rarely   ever   there   !   the   twins   can   never   know        ;        even   two   shoulders   pressed   together   aren't   strong   enough   to   carry   the   weight   of   it.   they   look   at   the   legacy   that   has   paved   the   winding   road   before   them   and   they   only   see   the   labour   it   took   to   build   it.   they   do   not   see   the   community,   the   guidance   and   the   collaboration.   jey   is   a   fool.   a   selfish   little   creature   who   does   not   understand   that   they   need   to   be   connected   at   all   times.   roman   does.   roman   knows   how   heavy   and   bitter   it   can   be   to   be   alone.   jey's   loneliness   hasn't   had   time   to   fester   yet.

❝   they   will.   ❞   and   that   is   a   promise.   eventually   they   too   will   want   the   community   that   he   can   offer.   humans   are   pack   creatures,   eager   to   belong   to   something.   jey   forgets,   and   jey   does   not   honour   that.   blind   on   ego,   drunk   on   the   high   of   a   gimmick   that   will   run   stale   sooner   rather   than   later.   jey   doesn't   know   the   first   thing   about   real   power   !   ❝   they   will   always   be   chanting   my   name,   uce.   but   yours   ?   yours   has   already   been   replaced.   what   is   it   now   ?   oh,   yes,   they   just   say   yeet,   don't   they.   pathetic.   even   for   you.   ❞

roman   does   not   mean   to   smile.   does   not   mean   to   find   enjoyment   in   the   gruesome   slaughter   (   is   not   blind   to   the   act   of   kicking   out   his   younger   cousin   and   locking   the   door.   knows   jey   will   starve   out   there.   knows   he   couldn't   care   less   if   it   will   teach   the   boy   a   lesson.   )   but   corners   of   his   mouth   are   being   tugged   upwards   all   the   same.   ❝   i   don't   have   to   do   this   alone,   jey.   eventually   you   will   come   right   back,   beggin'   to   sit   at   my   table   again.   until   then,   you're   the   one   who   has   to   do   it   all   alone.   ❞

[d0wnsince]

"ain't no fun in that, uce." he's had his fair share of stoic silences over the years, all of them a cold and punishing affair that he was dragged through by the throat. he and jimmy are creatures of sound, bouncing off of each other and the walls as a way to stay rooted in where they are, a reminder that they're just as big and bad as anyone that ever talked over them on a sunday morning with savoury smoke in the air. "'sides, you ain't going anywhere. you want the soundtrack, right? sittin' here huffin' all slow and deep." jey blows out heavy, a poor imitation of the man at his side, blissfully unaware that the need to draw breath abandoned willem long ago. "what'chu so quiet for, anyway?"

@d0wnsince   &   willem   :   ❛   i   have   nothing   to   say,   but   will   i   shut   up   ?   nah   ❜

does   not   recall   the   finer   details   of   life.   has   forgotten   most   things   through   the   dreg   of   a   long   and   unnatural   life.   has   never   gotten   a   chance   at   forgetting   annoyance,   though.   feels   it   like   igniting   gunpowder   underneath   his   skin.   is   sure   it   shows   in   red   eyes   and   irritated   expression.   wears   it   well   after   all   this   practice.   sits   at   the   other's   side   in   silence.   has   no   stories   to   tell   that   do   not   shape   themselves   into   omens   of   death   (   and   has   not   decided   yet   if   that   is   the   fate   he   wishes   upon   jey   )

❝   and   what   unfortunate   luck   for   us   all   that   is.   ❞   should   take   his   leave,   but   remains   here,   tracing   figures   in   the   condensation   of   his   glass.   ❝   perhaps   you   should   try   it,   at   least   once.   preferably   right   now.   ❞